"Breastfeeding Overrated?"

[Noodlebear]

I think it's very sad that you see things like that as failures. Fortunately not everyone does so I don't think it's fair that you place your own personal negativity on them for their situation. Also staying at home with mum definitely isn't always the best thing, that is your opinion and there will be arguments for and against that. It's not for you to decide what's always best for children other than your own. I think you'll also find that I said breastmilk is definitely better but that doesn't mean that breastfeeding is. I must say, you make quite sweeping generalisations, I agree with some points you made but trying to pass them off as fact is silly. Also the 'dangers' of FF. Oh please! It's attitudes like that towards one style of feeding that are a big part of the problem in the parenting world.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

As an example, I had to put my son in daycare at 6 weeks. That was a massive failure, but was unavoidable because the alternative was to not have food/shelter and I didn't realize before having a baby how devastating that would be for both him and me. I see it as a reason to accept and embrace my failure, rather than a reason to call it a success just because we kept food on the table. But again, I would never deny the damaging effect that my circumstances had on him, which is what I see a lot of mothers trying to do. Unless the mother is somehow abusive or negligent or suffering from health problems of her own, staying home with mom will always be better for a child, even if it's not practically achievable.
.

So now your trying to piss off the working moms?

 

[MommyJogger]

I think it's very sad that you see things like that as failures. Fortunately not everyone does so I don't think it's fair that you place your own personal negativity on them for their situation. Also staying at home with mum definitely isn't always the best thing, that is your opinion and there will be arguments for and against that. It's not for you to decide what's always best for children other than your own. I think you'll also find that I said breastmilk is definitely better but that doesn't mean that breastfeeding is. I must say, you make quite sweeping generalisations, I agree with some points you made but trying to pass them off as fact is silly. Also the 'dangers' of FF. Oh please! It's attitudes like that towards one style of feeding that are a big part of the problem in the parenting world.

I don't see what's wrong with saying that there are dangers associated with ff. In the US alone, over 900 infant's lives could be saved if the rate of ebf for 4-6mo could be increased to just around 70% I think is what the "ideal" rate was set at. There's a higher danger of gut infections, ear infections, the microbiome is changed irreversibly for life, they have higher risks for several types of cancer, etc. Those are dangers. It's not an insult.
And no, I can think of no situation besides the three I described where it's not best for a parent to be the main day-to-day caregiver. Their situation may not make it practical (needing the money) but that doesn't mean that the separations themselves are somehow less harmful to the child's socio-emotional well-being than if a parent could afford to stay home and works anyway. The harm is there regardless of situation. Again, it's not an insult, it's being realistic.

 

[MommyJogger]

As an example, I had to put my son in daycare at 6 weeks. That was a massive failure, but was unavoidable because the alternative was to not have food/shelter and I didn't realize before having a baby how devastating that would be for both him and me. I see it as a reason to accept and embrace my failure, rather than a reason to call it a success just because we kept food on the table. But again, I would never deny the damaging effect that my circumstances had on him, which is what I see a lot of mothers trying to do. Unless the mother is somehow abusive or negligent or suffering from health problems of her own, staying home with mom will always be better for a child, even if it's not practically achievable.
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So now your trying to piss off the working moms?

I'm not trying to piss anyone off. I don't see how people are so easily pissed off. I was recently a full-time working mom. If people get pissed off about the reality of their situation, then they need to reassess the situation, not get their panties in a bunch when someone dares challenge that their kids would be better off if they were in a situation to stay home. I assumed most working parents already understood that. Not a single mother I used to work with was under any kind of disillusion that their kids wouldn't be objectively benefited by them staying at home, even the women who worked out of choice rather than need.

 

[Noodlebear]

I think you piss people off because you keep coming across as shockingly narrow minded.

 

[Noodlebear]

I'd like to add that many people who don't work choose to send their child to daycare as there are countless benefits to being around other children/adults.

 

[lhancock90]

I think in a thread where women have admitted the guilt they sometimes feel over NOT being ABLE to breastfeed or stay at home, you repeating saying it would of been better for their babies or that there are dangers to FF is like rubbing salt in an open infected wound. We get it, but some of us are in positions where we can't BF or stay at home.

 

[lau86]

Wowsers. I'm a working mum and how can you say you know what's best for my child?!! Not even gonna get into how wrong you are (talking about my situation). You appear very misguided and judgemental

 

[sue_88]

MommyJogger....I'd give up. I know exactly what you're trying to say.

I'm considering quiting my job....but if I go back and my daughter goes to nursery there is no doubt that she will be a changed person than if she were raised solely by her mother. And I'm not sure I want her to be that person. She should be cared for by her mum. Of course, if my situation doesn't allow then she won't be but she'll not be better off by being raised by a key worker!

ETA: the only narrow minded people I see are the ones reading between lines and not accepting factual research. No one is saying it about YOUR situation (no one cares) but about proven fact to a general population / people group.

 

[Noodlebear]

I also get what she's trying to say but it's an opinion one to which you are entitled but you have to see past the end of your nose and understand that people think differently

 

[sue_88]

No point to articles like this.

Science is science, IMO. I do what's best for my baby, not what's best for me.

I actually think it's rude for the article to call BFing overrated, as the reverse would cause an uproar....but of course, that wouldn't be allowed.

See imo this is saying if you ff you are being selfish and not doing what is best for your baby, you are doing what is best for yourself. Its a little dig.

Forgetting there are many reasons why a mother may end up ff, it doesnt mean she is putting herself first over her baby, and you know what its just as important for baby?? to have a happy, relaxed mum too.

I dont think bf is overrated, we all know its the best for your baby but formula is a perfectly acceptable substitute.

Just because u breastfed doesnt make u a better mother. You have no idea why a mother switches to formula or cant breastfeed. Its not a fricken competition for goodness sake!

You can take my few words and make them sound however you want, but no not every mum does what's best for their baby before what's best for them, I'm referring to my owns mums choice to FF me because she thought it was 'weird'

I also don't buy this happy mum, happy baby PERSONALLY. Happy baby, should mean happy mummy, my baby is happy having breastmilk, sure it would be nice if she took a bottle and I didn't expect to BF past 6m initially but I have no choice. So even if I wasn't happy about having to continue to BF, I just got on with it to keep my baby happy.

Again, just to reitterate, I reference, MY situation, MY baby....I couldn't care less how others feed/treat their babies, not my problem, but I stand by my comment....."I do what's best for my baby"

Please go tell all the women with PND that just because their babies are happy they should be

Women go through SO many struggles becoming a mother than unfortunately happy baby does not mean happy mum. Not at all.

I can have a different opinion to you, you can have a different opinion to me.

My mind works differently to others and yes if my baby is happy then I am happy.

Again, (honestly it's getting hilarious how many times this is mentioned and ignored) this is in reference to my baby, my situation, MY LIFE. Is that clear?

 

[Noodlebear]

ETA: the only narrow minded people I see are the ones reading between lines and not accepting factual research. No one is saying it about YOUR situation (no one cares) but about proven fact to a general population / people group.

I enjoyed this comment isn't someone who is able to look between the lines, by very definition, not narrow minded? It also depends on which 'facts' you are looking at. In terms of childcare vs staying at home there are some for and against so, again, it's narrow minded to make generalisations that ignore one side completely.

 

[Noo]

Going back to work at 6 weeks is failure - Though it is a failure to mothers in the US who get little to no maternity leave and not a failure on their part!

 

[Noodlebear]

Totally agree with that!!

 

[sue_88]

Yes perhaps poor choice of words.

Point being..posters are jumping in saying "don't you say that about my family" which is bull, no one is, people are making statements based on research, (perhaps one sided, others can put the other side to it).

People need to get their hormones in check before gearing up their fingers to type a defensive response.

Anyway I'm out, my original comment& opinion in my first post stands.....it's rude to call BF overrated, just as it's not nice to say formula feeding will always be second rate which would be the opposite and shit would hit the fan on BnB!

 

[Noodlebear]

I agree with you, Sue_88. If the pp had said the same she wouldn't have found herself having problems.

 

[Heramys]

Sorry I just have to reply regarding the comment that leaving your kid to daycare isn't good for your child and another one commented that she wasn't sure if she'd like the person her daughter would become that way. That made me laugh as it basically means the whole population of Sweden, Norway and Finland would be brought up horrribly and ended up like people you're not sure you like. Well I must say I think we're quite an ok bunch of people we Nordics

 

[lau86]

I would like to see some 'factual research' that says children of working mothers are a failure conpared to those raised by sahm. I genuinely am interested although it won't change my life as I want to work and enjoy the life WE have with my pay.

 

[sue_88]

Sorry I just have to reply regarding the comment that leaving your kid to daycare isn't good for your child and another one commented that she wasn't sure if she'd like the person her daughter would become that way. That made me laugh as it basically means the whole population of Sweden, Norway and Finland would be brought up horrribly and ended up like people you're not sure you like. Well I must say I think we're quite an ok bunch of people we Nordics

Do you fancy quoting where I said horribly? Of course, you can't.

If you're going to attempt to pick apart a comment, quote correctly dear.

 

[Heramys]

Sorry I just have to reply regarding the comment that leaving your kid to daycare isn't good for your child and another one commented that she wasn't sure if she'd like the person her daughter would become that way. That made me laugh as it basically means the whole population of Sweden, Norway and Finland would be brought up horrribly and ended up like people you're not sure you like. Well I must say I think we're quite an ok bunch of people we Nordics

Do you fancy quoting where I said horribly? Of course, you can't.

If you're going to attempt to pick apart a comment, quote correctly dear.

Read my actual quote correctly and separate from my own comment dear