bring on baby!! Welcome!!!

[hopestruck]

That would be very difficult I can see how changing your outlook would help. I imagine though, that it's the kind of work where you don't even realize how much of a difference you really are making with these kids/families. It may not feel like much, but there's no doubt in my mind that you are changing lives!

Ugh, I just feel trapped. I feel like I'm just trudging along in this path because it's always what I've done, because people expect me to (the *worst* reason to do something), and because I do see a few rewards at the end (namely, teaching is enjoyable, and I like being my own boss. But I can teach at the college level and be my own boss with the degrees I already have!). But on the other hand, I feel like I am always going to wrestle with many areas of dissatisfaction if I stay in this kind of work. I feel like the payoff is not going to be worth the mental and emotional strain. Academia is SO much about reputation, and the incentive structure pushes you to continually "prove yourself". I'm just not sure that kind of work is right for me.

 

[annie00]

Bex I thougt u was in labour!!!!
Are u??

Sorry u didn't sleep well.. try heating pad and tynole ..

Yea hope I mean like a nurse.. U could be a nurse at a fertility clince.. That would be right up ur ally since u been there before..

 

[annie00]

Hope what are u majorin in? Phd.. Isn't that a dr??

 

[bexxc]

it's so funny- i slept in for one morning and EVERYONE i know thought i was in labor. i guess i am that predictable!!!!

i can imagine that academia would be really stressful. and a good reputation can be shattered so easily. that would definitely be a lot of pressure. it's never pleasant to feel trapped in your own life.

annie- how's your little lady doing today? how is your recovery going?

 

[hopestruck]

That's an idea, Annie... nursing is a relatively short program, and they do offer it in our community. I think it would be pretty hard to get a job in a fertility clinic though, I'd probably end up just putting on band aids all day!

 

[bexxc]

nursing is a pretty quick program. it usually takes about 18 months, but it is a really hard profession to break into right now. in our area, there have been a lot of layoffs in nursing and there's been a horrible trickle-down effect. a lot of the rns are taking jobs a step below their scope of practice. they're taking up the vocational nursing jobs, so vocational nurses are taking jobs as nurse assistants, and so on...that's why morgan has only been able to find on call work and is working at a burger place on the side to fill in the money gap. also, you have to put in YEARS of experience to work anywhere desirable. you typically have to put in 2-5 years of experience in a nursing home or free clinic before a hospital will even look at your resume.

 

[hopestruck]

That's poop I've heard similar things about nursing in Canada. That's why I am particularly attracted to acupuncture/TCM - it is a somewhat "emerging field" but is now recognized by most medical institutions - many hospitals, IVF/fertility, sports medicine clinics hire full time acupuncturists, and health care in Canada covers acupuncture treatment! Plus, there is always the option of opening up your own practice. I have no doubt in my mind I could be successful doing that. My BA was in Communications/Marketing, so I know all about what it takes to build up a public image for a business. I think I would really enjoy working for myself in that capacity.

Also, I really believe in it. The cycle I used it was the only pregnancy I had a growing, healthy baby (until I stopped). And it totally regulated my cycles and brought me tremendous peace. I wanted to pursue it here but there is only one person who does it (!!! - indicating a need !!!) and she was a complete BITCH to me when I contacted her.

 

[bexxc]

i think acupuncture would be awesome for you. my health insurance covers two sessions a month, but i've never tried it! i'm not a big fan of needles, so the concept freaks me out a little. but anyway, it seems like it would provide a wider range of employment opportunities for you. and that would definitely provide the opportunity for you to interact with and make a difference in people's lives.

 

[hopestruck]

Thanks, Bex It is really helpful to be able to talk about this with people who don't have all the baggage of knowing me/my path forever!

The only problem(s) with acupuncture are that the program takes 2-3 years (2 intensive - 3 normal) and that the closest school that offers a registered program is 6 hours away, in Edmonton . My grandma lives there, so I was thinking I could always go stay with her for a few days a week to do my classes, and then come back here on the "off" days. But that would be contingent upon the school schedule.

not to mention that if I left my current program, I would be disappointing a lot of people, and giving up on a scholarship that pays me $60,000/year. It seems crazy to go from free school + a great salary to student debt and no job.

 

[hopestruck]

ETA: Tuition for the program is about $10,000/year, so it's not nearly as expensive as schooling in the states.

 

[bexxc]

ugh! there are always catches like that lurking around to make life difficult! and you always have to factor in the possibility of getting pregnant within those 2-3 years where spending several days away from home every week would be all but impossible.

 

[hopestruck]

Yuppers! That being said, ideally we'll be moving to one of these cities (Vancouver, Victoria, Calgary, Edmonton, or Toronto) in the not-so-distant future (ie. when Jamie can get a job/transfer there). Which would make things infinitely easier.

 

[bexxc]

definitely. moving to a bigger city will give you a lot more options!

 

[hopestruck]

Fingers crossed some good jobs for Jamie come up there very soon!

On another note, I had a tiny mucously glob of spotting. This is excruciatingly slow! I wish I could just start a new cycle already!

 

[bexxc]

i'm sorry, hun. did they already do your first beta?

 

[annie00]

Wow Bex I didn't realize how shitty that major is right now! Everyone wants to do that I guess that's why there is so many of them!!

I think accupunture would be perfect for u hope!!!
Does it hurt??
Hope.. Plz don't worry about what people think of u n ur happiness!!!!! It's ur life and ur choices u do what makes u happy

 

[hopestruck]

Annie how are you hanging in there? Did you trip to the store go OK?

 

[bexxc]

annie's right. i know how hard it is to feel like you're disappointing people, but ultimately you have to live with your decision, so you have to do what's right for you. i'm sure you know that already.

 

[hopestruck]

Yep, I did the beta yesterday. Usually takes a couple of days to get the results, but I expect that I'll get them at my Doc's appt on Friday. If I start bleeding I don't think I will bother going in for the 2nd one.

Thanks Annie! No, it doesn't hurt. I was really tense and nervous the first few times I did it though. It is a different sensation. Occasionally I had a stinging or weird feeling but it usually went away really quickly. Overall it's very relaxing - my acupuncturist would always start with me on my stomach, and give me a back massage to warm up my skin and help me relax. Then she would do the needles, leave them in for 20-3o mins, play some relaxing music, come back, take them out, give me another massage, and then flip me over and do the front (basically a repeat as the back except no massage, LOL). Near the end of my sessions she also started doing cupping, which is a CRAZY experience where they light a match inside of a glass cup (changes the pressure), apply oil to the skin, and move the cups around on the back (creating suction). It feels crazy! but so good. I always left feeling relaxed, refreshed, and at peace.

I am so happy to be able to talk with you guys about this stuff in addition to all the other crazy parts of life!!!

 

[bexxc]

i feel the same way, hope (and annie). you guys have become such good friends to have over the last 9 months together!