Broken

[mummyconfused]

Just wondering how people pick themselves up after a MC?? I feel so low, I don’t want to get out of bed, I’m constantly in tears.. Don’t want to go to work... I feel so sad, its scaring me... How long do I have to wait to try again? And are the chances of it happening again higher now? TTC for 4 years....

 

[WantaBelly]

Mummy, it will get better one day at a time. I felt the same way you do now. I wish I could give you a Big Hug!! We are all here to talk to and vent with if that's what you need. My mc was december 7th 2009 and I was completely gutted. When the Dr told me there was a chance of being more fertile after a mc we talked it over and decided since it had taken us so long to get pregnant in the first place we would try to take advantage of the situation and put it in Gods hands. Everyone is different and deals with it in their own time. For me the pain will never go away just fade......

 

[mummyconfused]

Thank you so much for reply... Hubby couldn’t handle it and walked out, hoping its just his way of coping and just needing time on his own... This is My first MC and my gosh didn’t think it would hurt this much... Just hope everything works out in the long run... Should I still Be taking the vitamins?

 

[groovygrl]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's so...yuck (have stronger words but don't think it's wise or healthy to go there)

I just had a d&c exactly one week ago. I miscarried at 11 weeks. We have been TTC for two years and boy were we thrilled! At 11 weeks you think you're almost there, you know, past the danger zone. yup, bought few bits and peices of maternity clothes and got some baby stuff for Christmas pressies. Anyhoo... how do you get out of bed?

I am fortunate to have a really cool boss and a supportive place of work. Even though they said, "whenever, take your time" I set a date of one week. I will start tomorrow by doing three days only. then the following week, back to regular full time schedule. Do I feel like going tomorrow? no. But I have to get moving.

My DH has been super supportive and has done...everything for the last week. He is trying hard but he's about to tell me off anyday now. Out of respect and appreciation for what he's done for me during the last week, I've got to get up and make him dinner for a change! sort the pile of clothes growing in the bedroom, toss out flower arrangements I got last week from well wishing family (not cus i'm that crabby, just because they are dying and getting smelly), wash the kitchen and bathroom floors. At least.

These things get me up. Also this forum gives me an outlet and support and easily sucks a lot of time from my day where I might have been soaking my pillow with tears in my stinky bed!

eat chocolate, drink wine, coffee and then... set date to start back on regime of all TTC rules. excercise, vitamins, caffeine limit, wine limit, marking calendar, BD'ing every other day.

I spent some days alone and some days talking to everyone I know who has been through this. I don't know exactly. Obviously still in the deep water of this process. Gotta ride the wave... not a choice for me to sink to the bottom. Feel like it sometimes though.

set some dates and duties and make some wee goals to achieve in a week. Then go from there. I'll let you know what happens and how I feel next week.

xoxo Groovy

 

[maratobe]

awww hunny im so sorry
the pain will ease, it does get better day by day. our first MMC i cried myself to sleep for around 2 months straight, it was a very trying time for my partner and i. i look back and i dont know how we got through it. but we did and i still cry and i cry more now because of our most recent MC but its ok to cry and its ok to feel hurt and feel like this shouldnt be happening. and its ok to have bad days, there is no time limit on when your heart will start healing.
i pray you have so much comfort around you at this time.
my doctor told me i should wait until i get another period after MC...i had my MMC in july 2008 and i didnt get another AF until september 2008 and thats when we started trying again. i also lost another in december 2009 adn i got my first AF after that on the 22nd of january and now we are trying....
best of luck hunny!!

 

[Ten]

So sorry for your loss....

It seems impossible at first; when I lost my little girl I just sat on the couch and sobbed for days. Or I'd get tired of sitting on the couch, so I'd get up and DO something... anything... and cry my way through that.

You have to give yourself permission to feel however you're feeling. Don't try to bottle it up because that only makes it worse.

Eat whatever you can get/keep down - don't worry about the nutritional value if all you want is corn dogs. The main point is to give your body something to keep it going because everything is ten times worse to deal with if your blood sugar's off.

Day by day you get... not really less sad, but more used to the idea, and things start to figure out their new normal.

 

[mummyconfused]

Thanks girls, cried my way through all of your replies... So much for eating whatever I want, I cant eat at all... But glad I can talk to other women who are/have been through this...

 

[maratobe]

anytime hunny! we are here!

 

[Dannib247]

aww hunni i too want to give you a huge hug xxx my partner and i have been trying for around the same amount of time as you and we too had a m/c albeit a year ago if im honest i didnt deal with it at the time brushed it under the carpet didnt let it phase me then a month later my 16year old sister found out she was expecting by accident and didnt want it well that hit me like a bus, i think you need to grieve hun dont hide how your feeling i think you do need support through this from everyone, as for your partner mine did exactly the same he just brushed it away and still doesnt acknoledge it but then thats his way of dealing with it xxxxxxx here if you ever need a chat hun xx

 

[mandy121]

big hug to u hun.. i know how u feel i had 2 mc. and it was very hard , my partner didnt walk out but think he blamed me deep down but he didnt know how to deal with the loss or how to act with me.. u have to let it all out and u must eat and and everyone on here is lovely and will comfort u as much as u need .. wish i was there to hug u hun x

 

[blondee]

Aw MummyConfused, i think the ladies here have all written so well and so honestly about how it feels.

There are truly up and down days but somehow you get through it. The pain is hideous but you do get kinda used to it. The feelings you go through - despair, anger, fear, jealousy and pain (to name my main ones!) come and go but you will learn how to deal with it.

At first, as the ladies have said - you need to look after you and your OH. BTW - My OH kept walking out to the garden to water the veggies (around the side of the house) and eventually i worked out he was going for a cry. I loved him for trying not to make my suffering any worse but was so upset that it had taken a few days for me to notice. I aked him if my hunch was right and we just fell in to each others arms sobbing. I think your man is probably feeling the same way too, he desperately wants to look after you and be strong for you and he is probably scared of leaning on you too.

Keep popping the vitamins, hunni. You need them in your system for when you do feel ready to try again, plus if you are on a mulitvit one i think it will probably do you some good at the mo if you are not eating much. My doc said to give the body 6 weeks to bounce back before trying again.

Take your time. Cry as much as you want. Do what you need to do to get through this.

M X

 

[magnolia09]

so sorry for your loss. i felt the same way for what felt like eternity. i couldn't stop crying. nothing anyone said helped. but in the end they were all right...you just have to take it one day at a time and know that you have every right to feel devastated and it's healthy to cry. everyone grieves differently and in their own time. it really does get easier after awhile though. i don't think i'll ever stop thinking about my babies that i lost, but with time there is less heartbreak and more peace.

a good friend of mine comforted me by saying, "the deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

 

[Ten]

BTW - My OH kept walking out to the garden to water the veggies (around the side of the house) and eventually i worked out he was going for a cry. I loved him for trying not to make my suffering any worse but was so upset that it had taken a few days for me to notice. I aked him if my hunch was right and we just fell in to each others arms sobbing. I think your man is probably feeling the same way too, he desperately wants to look after you and be strong for you and he is probably scared of leaning on you too.

^^^^^ Mine was the same way. He'd wait until I was asleep or out of the house to have his breakdowns. Guys just process differently and usually want to be alone to do it. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

 

[WantaBelly]

Thank you so much for reply... Hubby couldn’t handle it and walked out, hoping its just his way of coping and just needing time on his own... This is My first MC and my gosh didn’t think it would hurt this much... Just hope everything works out in the long run... Should I still Be taking the vitamins?

To answer your questuon yes I would continue to take the vitamins....

This is a Great group of women and we all welcome you Shugar

 

[mummyconfused]

Thanks lovely ladies... Feel a bit better today... And its this fantastic group of women that make me stronger....

 

[MissyMojo]

Hey sweetheart,. my mc was last spring, and it still hurts, but i can live with it now

i had 2 n half weeks off work the 1st week i cried non stop, 2nd week i was numb, but slowly i came around and got myself together,

i didnt eat much the first few weeks either just nibbles here n there, i would def stick with taking the multi vits as they will keep ur body ticking over til your eating pattern is better,

sending you soo much love xxx


to all the girls & Sticky for when you fall again xxxxxxx