**Calling all Northern Ireland Pregnant and due 2012 ladies **8 girls born 15 boys**

[Wyntir]

Added you both, I'm Emma Todd.

No eshka news yet?

I'm having a rough time at the min, I'm not dealing well with being a mummy, I thought it was what I wanted but now it's happened I'm not so sure. I don't do well with this little person always needing me and not having a break to myself. That sounds very selfish of me, and it's been hard to even admit some of what I'm feeling. It feels like a big mistake, I don't think I was supposed to be mum.

And where is this magical bond I'm supposed to have? Someone forgot to te my body this, I just feel like a milk machine

 

[holywoodmum]

Oh Emma, I could have written the exact same thing after Bridget was born. Huge hugs for you. It could be the "baby blues" but if the feeling doesn't shift then definitley talk to your Health Visitor as it could be an early indication of PND. It totally doesn't mean you've done something wrong and please try not to beat yourself up about it as I know you'll already be feeling rough and down at yourself.
When B was born it felt like she was someone else's child that I was just having to look after, and there was no connection what so ever. I questioned what I had done and what I was meant to do for this small needy person - It was like I wouldn't have wanted anything to happen to her, but only in the same was as if it was a friends child you were looking after - complete absence of any 'maternal feeling'. I used to look at Charlotte doing something sweet and cute and my heart would melt and there was nothing in my heart for Bridget at that time... but now she's such a wee pet and gives me heart melting moments all the time...
Do tell you health visitor - it's hard to say it out loud, and I know it was probably really hard for you to write it here, but there are lots of people who can help you.
You will gradually get to know Jax more and as the days go by you'll grow slowly closer and one day you'll look back at this 3 week old stage and it'll feel like you're describing something that happened to someone else.
Sorry I've probably waffled a lot, but your post just made me feel so strongly for you and to want to give you a big hug and reassurance too xx

 

[NuKe]

I completely agree with what HWM said wyntir. I could also have written that. I felt like I'd made the biggest mistake ever, kept thinking about giving her up for adoption, even had thoughts of chucking her out the window or down the stairs. For a LOT of women that bond takes quite a while to build up. I distinctly remember holding Poppy and looking down at her and actually being freaked out by those 2 little eyes staring at me. I also agree that you NEED to speak to your HV. I put it off and pretended everything was okay because I felt so guilty about how I was feeling. I didn't tell anyone how I felt, even here on bnb, so kudos to you for being strong enough to open up to us. It built up and built up until it all came to a head when Poppy was about 4 months and I pretty much had a small breakdown. Are you going to any mums and tots groups? I found that REALLY REALLY helped me. Also baby massage was a big help, that skin to skin contact really helped. It's really hard going to a group the first time when you don't know anyone, but looking back it was the best thing I did. And here's the good news- it gets better. Whether it's the baby blues or you do in fact have PND, it WILL get better. But only if you talk to your HV or GP. Otherwise it's going to stay this way. How's your OH doing with it all? Is he helping at night?

 

[MajellaG]

Huge to you wyntir. Being a mum is scary business, please listen to Holywood & Nukes advise they speak the truth!!

 

[YoungNImum]

It can be a really emotional first few months wyntir especially if your not getting much rest. Like the other girls have said mention To your feeling to your HV or doc, they will be able to help you huge hugs to you x

 

[dizzydoll]

Wyntir the other girls have given great advice already for you so I just wanna give some hugs

 

[EmyDra]

You're a brave woman Wyntir, I couldn't have put it better than Linds or Lucy.

I felt overwelmed at the start but didn't have the same experience. It did take me a while to feel the bond everyone talks about.

It's totally normal to feel how you are feeling

 

[Wyntir]

Thank you girls, I knew I could say how I was feeling here and not get judged. Thank you for understanding. It actually really helped putting it here. Sunday morning I picked Jax up and started crying and cuddling him, telling him how sorry I was about how I was feeling. And as some of you may have seen, I'm looking to buy a sling, so hopefully that will help us too

 

[tiggertea]

Everyone else has just about covered it so just huge from me! x

 

[Wyntir]

Can't believe Jax is 4 weeks old today! He has outgrown quite a few babygros already. Last weigh in last week he is now up to 9lb 7, a little over a whole pound he has gained.

 

[NuKe]

have u considered talking to your GP or HV emma?

 

[YoungNImum]

I washed all my Baby boys clothes yesterday today is all my baby girls stuff. I need to get our bags packed!

Wyntir we all go through rough patches. Have a chat with your HV I'm sure it would help actually talking about how your feeling face to face to somone x

 

[NuKe]

I washed all my Baby boys clothes yesterday today is all my baby girls stuff. I need to get our bags packed!

Wyntir we all go through rough patches. Have a chat with your HV I'm sure it would help actually talking about how your feeling face to face to somone x

exactly. the HV is there just as much for you as she is for Jax!

 

[dizzydoll]

Wyntir a sling sounds like a great idea

YoungNImum aw washing baby clothes!! You're so close!!!

 

[NuKe]

my mum got us a hooded towel and a few sleepsuits yesterday so I've got those in the wash atm god u forget how tiny they start out!!

 

[EmyDra]

It doesn't seem a month since Jax was born, that's nuts! It's amazing how they gain weight so quickly, wee munchkins.

 

[MajellaG]

Thats the sadness thing ive had to do so far is box up Ellens first baby grows. She in to 0-3 months now.

 

[NuKe]

omg... I'm the next regular due to give birth!!! i know reno is technically next but she's never on here

 

[holywoodmum]

Has anyone heard from t-bell, cheekyalana or emmaandbaby1
And what has happened to Eshka! Surely the baby is here now

 

[NuKe]

I'd be shocked if he wasn't here!! I cannot wait to see pics and hear her story, I so hope everything went well! Feeling a bit nervous as it has been quite a few days since she's been on!