Can anyone relate to this? (Worried about havin a boy)

[Angel2Fire]

First of all, I know some people aren't happy that some people want girls and feel we're being ungrateful, but please don't judge me I'm really struggling with this.

I found out a few days ago that I'm having a boy. I'd really hoped for a girl. Now of course I'm over the moon that my baby is healthy and growing well but I'm really struggling to accept it.
Since I was little I'd always imagined having a baby girl, dressing it in pretty dresses, taking it to ballet classes and generally being able to relate to her well, helping her throuh puberty and relationship issues.
I don't feel I know much about boys. I'm worried I won't be able to be a good mum because I don't understand enough about how boys minds work, or the issues they face (such as the feeling of needing to be macho and needing to be a breadwinner.)
I have mental health problems which cause a difficulty in understanding things and realising the way things really are, and I have no doubt this is contributing to how I'm feeling. I guess I should get some help before the way I feel gets out of hand but I feel so silly. There's so many people who can't have children and who take years and years to conceive, and I feel so guilty for feeling this way when these people would be so grateful of a child regardless of the sex, but that really doesn't stop me feeling this way.

It all boils down to the fact I had a bad childhood and want to do the absoloute best for my child. But how can I do this if I don't understand him emotionally?

And then there's the really stupid things, like how do you change a boys nappy without him weeing everywhere? If I do activites like painting drawing/ teach him to do housework, will he grow up to be too girly and get bullied at school? If he does get bullied, do I tell him to stand up for himself or go and tell the teacher?

I know some of it is silly and way in the future, but I'm just really scared I won't be a good mum.

 

[hypnorm]

you will grow up to understand him as a person, you don't need to understand him as a 'boy' understand him as an individual. If they pee they pee you'll learn to have a nappy handy or a cloth! girls will pee on you too!!
Try not to worry you'll be fine.

 

[Arcanegirl]

I can sort of sympathise as i felt quite similar. Me and OH had babysat only our neice so only knew what to do with girls and only saw us with a litle girl. When we found out it was a boy it was a bit of a shock to start with and did take some getting used to.
I did feel a bit lost, how to raise a lil boy etc.
Its been a couple of weeks since we found out teh sex, and i am quite excited now and got my head around the idea

 

[Laura--x]

You will understand your baby, it may seem hard and weird now, how on earth are we ever meant to understand boys? rofl, but on a serious note, you and your son wi grow up to understand one an other. Everything will just fall into place when he comes, changing his nappy for exampe will be simple for you once you do the first few.

Try not to worry to much x

 

[Sovereign]

I'm sure you'll be fine hun, you've only just found out, give yourself time to get used to the idea.x

 

[Blob]

I totally get that, i have always wanted a girl and i was so so scared i was going to have a boy cos like you i'd always imagined having a girl, i hadnt even considered having a boy. I know now that what ever i had wouldnt have made any difference because once they get to the age where you can notice the difference you will be so in tune with them anyway. I had a suprise and was totally gobsmaked i had a girl, just go out and buy some nice boys things and imagine your baby.
Good luck dont worry you'll be a brilliant mum just look how much you're caring already.

 

[Poppeteer]

Ok, I've never admitted this, but something about your post rings true with me.

Although I will be happy with either, and i see the advantages of both sexes, I have only been around little boys (2 younger brothers I practically raised). Even growing up I was a tomboy and I just understand guys better.

I don't know the sex of my baby and don't want to know, BUT there is no doubt that I feel I would know how to relate to a boy more. I just don't 'do' dresses or pink, and I know that it would perhaps come less naturally.

However, you will adjust and learn, and love him, as he is your little boy, just as if I have a little girl, she will be my little princess and you will overcome these feelings.
You just need time to get your head round it and it will come naturally.

 

[Shifter]

I can understand too. I would marginally prefer a girl, we are keeping it a surprise. Obviously I will love a boy just as much, but right now it feels like relating to a boy would be harder.

The thing I feel strongly about is that it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl in terms of the way they will be raised. I don't agree with dressing a child in one colour only, or teaching a boy sports and a girl needlework or any of that outdated rubbish. I agree that you will learn to relate to him as an individual and by the time he has a gender (about 4 years old) you will know him very well already.

Your little boy will grow up in the house with you, participating in whatever activities you feel you can do with him - remember, most professional chefs are male, there is nothing "girly" about cooking ;-)

Given your mental health situation it might really help to talk to someone about your concerns, don't feel silly. Many of us have similar feelings and if your condition is a factor then a good therapist will not hold it against you.

 

[Shifter]

I just don't 'do' dresses or pink

Me either poppeteer. If we have a little girl she will most likely be dressed in little dungarees and chunky knitted jumpers and be taken to get her first pair of Doc Martins when she's five

 

[Poppeteer]

I just don't 'do' dresses or pink

Me either poppeteer. If we have a little girl she will most likely be dressed in little dungarees and chunky knitted jumpers and be taken to get her first pair of Doc Martins when she's five

if we have a girl she'll be brought up with car geeks and a bunch of football maniacs

 

[elm]

xxx

Totally understand your concerns about having a boy but as people have said it's about relating to your son as a person - we'll learn as we go along what to do. I think your concerns over bullying etc go for both boys and girls.

x

 

[Jkelmum]

My I was 14 when i had my son who is now 13 yrs old and we are so close and he does the pots and puts clean washing away he dont get picked on at all and if his mates say owt he says at least i am earning my money !
I never new the sex of him until he was born and to be honest it spoilt the 1st minute of our life together as i was oh shit its a boy what do i do now ! yes this responce was probably my age but in realalty it came naturally i was a single mum until 3 yrs ago and we have managed just fine also with the crap childhood i hate men it takes a lot for me to get close to any man and yet that is what makes me a good mum i strive not to let my children have the shit i had and to be children and enjoy it !
Ok i have rammbled enough but in short u will bond love adore and be a great mum boy or girl it may just take awhile to get used to the idea but by the time he is here u will be so delighted most worrys will go out the window the rest u will work thru as and when
good luck and congrats on your lovely baby boy xxx

 

[Beltane]

I grew up with nothing but sisters and my first born was male. I thoughht I'd know nothing about little boys but it just came naturally. You'll see.

 

[mummymadness]

I compleatley understand you hun .

I wanted a boy soooo badly when i went for the 20 week scan with Finnley , Then when they said boy i thought ohhhh gosh , What do i do with a boy i have only ever had layla my little girl .
My Oh nearly weeed him self watching me change his nappy , I didnt dare touch his winky to clean it lol lol lol .
And ohhh by the way Finnley owns a PINK yes "PINK" hoover dont anyone laugh lol .
I have tried my hardest to steer him towards Blue footballs etc , But noep he would rather play Kitchen with my daughter and He cried for her pink hoover untill i gave it to him .
I guess he will be a very good husband one day lol lol . xxxx .

But in all honesty hun , Allthow its a shock to you now it will all change when they pass him to you i promise . xx .

 

[massacubano]

My hormones are horrible. I can relate to your post and got weepy. I know growing up my Mom and I were not close as I would of liked. Being a Mom is a hard job but just as rewarding with a male or female child. I am sure you will be a wonderful Mommy!

 

[kimberley_80]

Arhhhh it's strange cause i've got two girls and this time i'd love a little boy.. as this will be my last having three girls i'm dreadddddding it lol, i just want to know what it's like to have a son and my brothers all have both son & daughters, but this time around i really hope it's a boy i couldnt find out cause the cord was in the way but i have a few friends thats having pregnancy number 4, she has 4 boys and badly wants a girl she cried her eyes out cause they told her it was a boy when she didnt want to know, my other friend has 3boys and really wanted a girl, it's strange cause another girl has 3girls and cried cause it wasnt a boy lol~ you will grow to understand him and love him, my girls have fights all the time it's a nightmare i just want a boy now to break up so much pink in the house, and give my partner a bit of man power, but i bet i'll have another girl lol all the best hun

 

[coccyx]

Having a baby is a learning curve whether its a son or a daughter. i have 3 daughters and 1 son. My children are all very different personalities regardless of their sex. You will love your little man, good luck and enjoy

 

[nataliecn]

I thought all of this as well when I found out I was having a little boy...
But I think, you'll find things.
He'll become a mama's boy, and you two will have a great bond that can't compare to anything else, and maybe you'll learn to love some of the things that are generally done by boys/men more often!
I know it's hard to get used to, but now that I've had lots of time, I'm very happy about my little boy, and know that no matter what, I'll find something for him and I to do together... and that in the future, maybe we'll be blessed with a little girl!

 

[claire roach]

aww im the other way round i had my heart set on a boy, i have one of each now and wanted another boy but its a girl lol
the reason i dont want a girl is because of the worry when theyre older i have a 13 yr old daughter now and im very tough on her i hate her going out 2 play as i dont trust other people!!! so many weirdos around these days it panics me but im sure i wont be the same with my son. its really not fair on her but i cant help myself i trust her just not the rest of the world

plus shes reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally chopsy

 

[flutterbylge]

hey hun, i can empathise with you.. and i have always thought having a girl would be a lot easier as we are girls.. but even just seing the little clothes that they make for the boys warms your heart.. imagine, he will be your little man, when he is a little grown up, he will be jealous of you, he will try to protect you. you can just sit in the garden watch him run after a silly footbal or just running for running's sake picture him with a car in his hand wearing a tiny little shirt going "brom brom".. i dont know, these make me excited about boys.. but i can understand the first shock if you have always wanted a girl.. oh hey and dont forget boys always like their mums more