I've been so depressed lately - I just cry all the time and lay in bed thinking I have no reason to live. then baby starts kicking and I feel so guilty and like such a bad mom adn it starts my crying all over again. my spiral of hate goes something like this - OH does somethign to make me sad, I start crying, I want to run away from my life, I want a smoke, but oh no, it's been 6 months so I should be over smoking, want to call a friend but friends don't call me anymore since I"m pregnant and want to call my sister but she's ignoring me or dismissing me all the time. My mom said no body wants to come to my baby shower and has been putting off doing anything for it so why is she not excited to be getting another grandbaby, she dont' even want to talk about it at all. Still hate myself, can't run away because I would still be whereever I ran away to . .. feel like bad mom, feel guiltly being sad since OH is so confused on how to help me, just lay in bed and cry. baby kicks me makes me feel even worse that I might be hurting him by crying all the time . . . I only have 14 weeks to go. I don't want to spend the next 14 weeks hating life I need a friend.