Can't decide whether to have second child.

[foxtrott]

Yes i agree, i would hate to regret bringing a life into this world.

 

[justmeinlove]

want to join a mutual support club? am happy you've managed to think it through big hugs!

 

[foxtrott]

Thanks so much, yes i would, unsure where to find a group though? the feeling of relief is amazing

 

[JessyG]

Your reasons for not wanting another are also my reasons for sticking with one. Money being the main one. I want to be able to give my daughter everything she wants (within reason) holidays school trips swimming lessons music lessons dance lessons....the list goes on. I know we would massively struggle financially with two and i jusy dont want to live like that. I have a sister and we hardly talk so having close siblings is no guanantee therefore in my head KNOWING how difficult it would be trumps THINKING that she needs a sibling.

My lo has cousins v close by who she sees a lot so i dont feel she is missing out atm.

 

[justmeinlove]

Hmmm maybe we should set one up on the forum, hmmmn.
And yeah, feels awesome doesn't it

 

[happysaurus]

.

 

[noon_child]

I feel very similar to you OP. Espescially feeling like I couldn't cope if the baby was disabled or twins!

Thing I've been thinking about recently is "Do I want two teenagers close in age?". Coping with a 13yr old and 16yr old in the same house at the same time could be a nightmare!

 

[sue_88]

I am one and done, and very blissfully happy with my decision. My LO is my world, and in return will get everything she ever needs, and desires.

Right now it's just me and her in our little bubble, and I don't want anyone else coming in.

 

[foxtrott]

That's how i feel, when we have our days together i'd hate to have to share my time, loved reading everyone's comments

 

[Louise88]

Not the same but I am 2 and done, if I hadn't had my ds when I did I think I'd have been 1 and done, he was very unexpected but I'm grateful to have him.

I spoke to an old woman in a bank the other week she was asking me about my children (general friendly chat) and she went on to tell me that she had 1 daughter and regrets not having a second however her reason for not having a second was because she didn't want a boy so she chose not to risk it but as she's gotten older she wishes she had.

Her reasons are different to yours though and she's a complete different person to you, I think if it feels right for you not to have any more then that's right for you

 

[sue_88]

^^ I must admit! I am a little like that as above. I desperately desperately wanted a girl, but my desire to have a child was more. I would have had severe gender disappointment if I was having a boy but I'd have overcome that in time and I'm sure had a wonderful life with a son. I would most definitely have wanted more children as well to get a little girl.

Now I've got my girl first, I know that I am done as I only ever wanted a girl and honestly wouldn't want a son so I would rather not ever have any more as I don't think it's fair (albeit 100% natural if it happens) to suffer disappointment over a gender which is purely chance.

 

[petite ping]

I personally would like 4. I grew up in a trio but my little sister was so left out because my big sister and I were always together. But on the other and I am in no rush to have a third. I am nearing 40 and if it happens it happens, if not....that's the way things are.

I don't believe financially that having a second put us in huge financial difficulties. Things are tight but it will only be temporary. DD2 is wearing DD1's clothes and uses DD1's highchair, stroller, bouncer, toys etc... We have reusuable nappies. The only thing that impacts us is daycare and that will only be for a year or less as DD1 will be going to school soon.

For holidays, we tend to rent an appartment or a gite so in terms of costs it doesn't change anything for us to have two kids instead of one.

 

[JessyG]

How are my one and done crew doing. I keep meaning to start a parenting thread for us.

I am now just so fed up with the comments 'better to list get the 2nd one out now while you are already in the baby stage' poor girl will be do lonely blah blah blah.

 

[sue_88]

I had an annoying comment the other day from a friend who I used to be very close with, not so much anymore, but still knows it took 6years to have M, "oh you'll change your mind when you meet someone knew, you'll have more!"

I'm like no, how many times to people need telling. No more, nada, none, zero! But I'm apparently incapable of making that decision because I'm single why do outsiders have to have an input!! Grrr

 

[JessyG]

Urg. I am slightly concerned as although I am happy with it being just the three of us my oh has always always wanted two. I worry he will regret not having a 2nd and that our relationship may not last because of it. I try to explain my reasons B will have anything she needs/wants holidays, clubs lessons etc plus he works a lot and we don't have family time as it is so adding another will simply mean I have to do all the work again. I really hope I can change my career in a few years and that would be stopped. It may be selfish reasons but that's just how I feel. Plus I am exhausted, 14 months of very very broken sleep, I look forward to the days of a relaxing evening and full nights sleep.

 

[justmeinlove]

Still totally not wanting another, but having a bit of a twitchy phase again I think it's just the whole sibling thing isn't it? And possibly that I might have originally assumed we would have two, but I just Cannot face it don't want to be pregnant, face getting it out of me as that was a Nightmare last time, couldn't handle another reflux no sleep baby...
Plus as you say, just starting to get some vague semblance of a life back, and I'm terrified another baby would blow that permanently out of the water.
Urgh. So why, thinking and feeling all that, am I feeling twitchy again? Help!

 

[catty]

I have 2 and because i had them so close together people love to comment on how i am some sort of baby machine. The few nights out that OH and I have had people love to comment 'make sure not to make another tonight' 'remember and use protection' Gadse, please refrain. I feel i am totally done at 2 for some of the reasons that others have stated such as being able to pay for clubs, activities, xmas etc and id struggle with anymore but people LOVE giving there opinion.

 

[JessyG]

I have been told I am ridiculous for not wanting another because my first hasn't been a great sleeper. Really isn't doesn't feel ridiculous to me after I have been up for 3 hrs every night the last two weeks.

The last who sold me our house only has one son and her reason was because all he did was scream from birth to age 3. I reckon I could get over the sleepless nights if my oh was around but there is no escaping the money issue. I only feel twitchy because I am worried it may end my relationship. I just don't really know what to do. I try talking to him but he very rarely listens to me

 

[justmeinlove]

Well, would you talk about it if you were going to plan to have another?

 

[JessyG]

He doesn't like to talk much lol. I reckon I will just leave it. If he wants another he has to bring it up as I am happy as we are. Plus I know he thinks mu reasons are valid i just don't think we can accept not having any more children ever!