Can't get excited about this pregnancy...

[charlie_lael]

This was an unplanned pregnancy and I just can't get excited about it. I just feel scared and anxious and frustrated. I'm not ready for another baby right now and I'm not happy about this. I know I should feel grateful and I understand a baby is a huge blessing, but right now I'm just freaking out.

It doesn't help that my husband blames me for this either.

I just want to crawl in a hole and hide. I feel so alone in this.. He can blame me for this and be upset with me and he can get away from it if he wants to, but I still have to carry a baby I'm not emotionally prepared for for nine months.

It's really depressing me and I don't want to be here...

 

[Suzi81]

Hi, although i'm not in quite the same position because I am happy about my pregnancy, I do understand where your coming from, i wasnt at all prepared for this and its all a bit sudden, all leaves you feeling a bit overwhelmed and I know what you mean by feeling alone when your partner can forget about it for a while and go for a few drinks if he wants too!! something we cant do

Your partner blaming you is not on, takes 2 to tango. I hope you start to feel more positive soon and your man stops blaming you and starts supporting you.

xx

 

[prettybirdy27]

If your chart is right, you are so so early on, and it's really hard to feel bonded to the baby that early on. I have just started to feel bonded lately and I'm 14 weeks. Feelings of fear and anxiety are normal, they're nothing to feel ashamed about. You will start to feel excited as you get further along, but for right now, this is just one of those things that you have to give a little time.

I went through a period where I was so afraid and unhappy that I started having feelings of not wanting this baby anymore. At the time I was terribly depressed. All I could think about was "What were we thinking? How will we ever afford this? This is going to change our lives forever!" But then I started spotting, and it scared the ever-living hell out of me for the safety of my baby. That's when I realized that I do want this baby, so so so much. But it took a big scare like that to lift me out of depression and to start getting excited.

I am a little confused about your husband blaming you, though. That's not fair. If he is having sex with you and coming inside you, he is 50/50. It takes two to tango.

 

[AmandaBanana]

As I don't understand this I just want to say

He can not blame you. Did you force him to have unprotected sex? Did he enjoy doing it?
Then it's not your fault. It's not his. It's both of yours. So he needs to suck it up and deal with it.
Don't let him push you around and make it feel like your fault.
You shouldn't have to feel badly.

You can and will get through this ♡

 

[charlie_lael]

I'm just frustrated because we both messed up, but he doesnt want to admit that he wasn't as careful as he normally is. We normally double check each other, but we both slipped up.

I don't understand why it all falls on me. We've been married for five years, you would think he'd sit down with me and try to understand my cycles. And even then it's not like I know EXACTLY when I ovulate. It's not like fireworks come shooting out of my ears or something when it happens.

 

[charlie_lael]

If your chart is right, you are so so early on, and it's really hard to feel bonded to the baby that early on. I have just started to feel bonded lately and I'm 14 weeks. Feelings of fear and anxiety are normal, they're nothing to feel ashamed about. You will start to feel excited as you get further along, but for right now, this is just one of those things that you have to give a little time.

I went through a period where I was so afraid and unhappy that I started having feelings of not wanting this baby anymore. At the time I was terribly depressed. All I could think about was "What were we thinking? How will we ever afford this? This is going to change our lives forever!" But then I started spotting, and it scared the ever-living hell out of me for the safety of my baby. That's when I realized that I do want this baby, so so so much. But it took a big scare like that to lift me out of depression and to start getting excited.

I am a little confused about your husband blaming you, though. That's not fair. If he is having sex with you and coming inside you, he is 50/50. It takes two to tango.

I know how you felt about not wanting the baby. I keep hoping my period will show up in a couple of days. Then I feel guilty for thinking that, because that's not how I'm supposed to think.

 

[charlie_lael]

I'm not trying to husband bash right now. He's awesome and an amazing dad to our toddler. He's just being a jackass right now and it's not helping how I'm feeling about everything.

 

[AmandaBanana]

I didn't mean to husband bash darling. I'm sorry. I just don't want you to feel like it's your fault.
I'm glad to hear he's an amazing father!!
And after 5 years of marriage all your feelings are totally valid.
The other ladies here had great personal advice.

 

[charlie_lael]

I didn't mean to husband bash darling. I'm sorry. I just don't want you to feel like it's your fault.
I'm glad to hear he's an amazing father!!
And after 5 years of marriage all your feelings are totally valid.
The other ladies here had great personal advice.

I didn't think you were bashing, hun. Just didn't want people to think I was.

 

[44npregnant]

My pregnancy was not planned and I still worry about how I will afford raising my son alone so I understand how you feel. Sooner or later you will feel better. I'm sorry you are married and are not supported in this.

My sperm donor was a jerk from the get go and is still not around. What helped me was to focus on one day at a time. It still do this when I get overwhelmed. I just focus on the day ahead of me and what I need to get done.

 

[Peanutt]

You'll probably figure it out and be fine. But I do understand your anxiety.
DH is surprised to. His reaction isn't the best but I'm sure he'll come around.
If you really don't want the baby, you can have them adopted. Lots of people want children but can't have them. So don't feel like you'll be ruined. But I bet you and your hubby will figure things out and be welcoming this baby eventually. It'll be okay, hon.

 

[charlie_lael]

We're not interested in adoption. We made this baby and we'll take care of it. It's just really bad timing for everything.

 

[Peanutt]

We're not interested in adoption. We made this baby and we'll take care of it. It's just really bad timing for everything.

Things have a knack for bad timing in life. Take a deep breath. You'll be fine.

 

[tiffanyleigh]

OMG I thought I was the only one that felt so unhappy and not ready for this! Mine was a surprise as well. The difference is my husband is ridiculously excited and I'm the on that's frustrated and stressed! We have a 4 year old that starts Montessori School in August, I graduate college in August and start Graduate School in September, I totaled my care in December and we haven't been able to afford to get a new one yet.. it's like one thing after another. I feel like I will eventually come around so I hope you will too. I'm sure your husband will as well. I agree with a previous poster that since it's so early you don't feel a connection yet. I am almost 14 weeks and have yet to feel anything. Good luck!

 

[mayb_baby]

My OH feels like this he thought we'd take a while to catch and we caught 1st try and only dtd 3 times this month and none on ovulation.
He's just panicking now but I'm sure it will all work out xx

 

[charlie_lael]

Thanks. It's nice to know I'm not crazy for not being excited . :/

 

[kneeswrites]

Please don't feel bad. And just because it sucks right now doesn't mean you won't be happy once you wrap your head around it all. Your situation sounds EXACTLY like mine when I found out I was pregnant with this baby. It was not planned, we are not in a place whatsoever for another baby. I was in a job I loved (a highly physical job I can't work while pregnant). My husband is finally getting his career started. And I still feel like I'm getting to know my 2year old. I'm not ready to share my affection with a new child. Or, I wasn't at the time. And my husband was livid. He blamed it on me 100% and told me point blank "You can't have this baby."

Thank god, it passed. I am super excited now, and my husband got over his jackassiness after a few weeks. He actually talks about it like he's semi-happy about it now, whereas for weeks he wouldn't even let me discuss the pregnancy with him.

And even if you don't get excited, even if you are still stressed out until you give birth, don't feel bad. Don't compare yourself to women who are TTC, like I did at first. I felt sooo guilty for being accidentally pregnant and not excited, when so many women are ttc and have losses. It's not your fault and this wasn't what you had planned, and that's okay.

Your feelings aren't wrong everything will work out eventually, I promise.

 

[BrittRashel]

I have a very dear friend who has two munchkins less than a year apart. Baby #2 was very unplanned. They tried for years for their first and then were shocked when they had a whoops right after. She was so unhappy. She cried about not wanting the baby and how they couldn't afford it. It took her quite a while to finally get excited about being pregnant again. Now her youngest is 18 months and she can't imagine her life without two kids. You will get there. You just found out. You both are still in shock. It's really crappy of him to blame you but he is speaking out of fear. Once it all settles in, he will most likely realize what a prick he's been and feel awful. Until then, lots of hugs!!

 

[charlie_lael]

Please don't feel bad. And just because it sucks right now doesn't mean you won't be happy once you wrap your head around it all. Your situation sounds EXACTLY like mine when I found out I was pregnant with this baby. It was not planned, we are not in a place whatsoever for another baby. I was in a job I loved (a highly physical job I can't work while pregnant). My husband is finally getting his career started. And I still feel like I'm getting to know my 2year old. I'm not ready to share my affection with a new child. Or, I wasn't at the time. And my husband was livid. He blamed it on me 100% and told me point blank "You can't have this baby."

Thank god, it passed. I am super excited now, and my husband got over his jackassiness after a few weeks. He actually talks about it like he's semi-happy about it now, whereas for weeks he wouldn't even let me discuss the pregnancy with him.

And even if you don't get excited, even if you are still stressed out until you give birth, don't feel bad. Don't compare yourself to women who are TTC, like I did at first. I felt sooo guilty for being accidentally pregnant and not excited, when so many women are ttc and have losses. It's not your fault and this wasn't what you had planned, and that's okay.

Your feelings aren't wrong everything will work out eventually, I promise.

Thank you so much.

 

[charlie_lael]

Thank you. It just makes me feel even more alone because he doesn't want to talk about it. I just want to get away from it for awhile, but I cant because I'm the one who has to carry a baby for nine months.