Can't Spoil a Newborn

[mommy2be412]

I've been hearing you can't spoil a newborn as far as picking them up every time they cry etc. But at what age do babies start to realize crying will get them held etc?

 

[Larkspur]

Not really sure... but what really would be the problem with them realising that if they cry they get held?

I mean, surely if the child is feeling insecure or upset or wants a cuddle or something and cries to get it... that's not a bad thing. Otherwise you are just teaching them to repress their emotions because mummy's too busy to make time for a cuddle.

 

[AJBliss]

I've never viewed crying to be held as a problem. It's totally normal for babies to need to be held, and they will communicate that however they can. I'm sure others may have different opinions on this, but I breed horses and would never intentionally keep a foal from its mother, barring some sort of emergency. It didn't sit right with me to treat a human baby differently, when they are born much less advanced than a horse. My LO loved being carried, so I used a wrap for her so I could still get things done, and switched to a sturdier carrier when she got bigger. I can totally appreciate that my approach wouldn't suit everyone, though.

Hmm just realized I didn't really answer your question. I don't have a clue, as I just picked her up every time, and now she can ask for a cuddle instead of crying for one. Had to have been somewhere between newborn and 18 months, lol.

 

[mommy2be412]

I'm not saying if a baby cries you shouldn't hold them etc, I'm just saying I've been doing research and going to classes and everything keeps saying a newborn can't be spoiled and I'm just wondering they age where a child starts to realize where spoiling is a real thing.

 

[Jingles23]

I think that if you meet a child's emotional needs, they won't feel the need to act out to get your attention. There is nothing wrong, ever, with showing love to your child. I don't think that holding your child is spoiling. Spoiling is giving them candy all the time or buying them everything they ask for. Hugging and kissing and holding them is not spoiling. My daughter has slept through the night since she was 8 months old but lately she has been waking up and calling for me (she's 23 months now). Even though I hate getting out of bed, I know she just needs a cuddle. Lots of things are changing and she needs a little extra mommy time right now. We have daycare kids and baby #2 is on the way. I think it's important to provide that comfort so that she knows she can come to me when she is uncertain or overwhelmed.
Um, didn't really answer your question. I also wear my daughter and find that when she is having a grumpy time she sometimes just needs a few minutes 'up' and then she is off playing again. One child that I babysit is almost 4 and I know his mom sometimes does the same. He can still go for "rides" on her back when he is overwhelmed. And it only takes a few minutes to calm him down.
I think the idea of "spoiling" your child by picking them up is old fashioned. If you look at any of the other cultures in the world, none of them leave their children alone to cry, ever. Most of them co-sleep and babywear.
Ok, sorry for the novel. Just something I'm learning a lot about since having my daughter. I'll be doing things much different with my next baby.

 

[NaturalMomma]

Never. Babies cry for a reason, and yes comfort aka being held, is a real reason. Some babies want to be held more than others, and I still comfort my 6 and 3 year olds, it's normal. Adults even need touch and comfort (many adults cuddle, etc). You won't make your babies spoiled as toddlers/older kids, or anything of the sort. All that hoopla is a myth (and yes, it's been studied). I always held my babies, never let them cry, and I have very independent kids. In fact, not more than 10 minutes ago they came up to me while doing dishes, said goodnight and went to bed (I didnt' even tell them to go to bed).

 

[mommy2be412]

I'm a first time mom-to-be I really appreciate the replies. I think you are right, holding a baby isn't spoiling (maybe I didn't take what I was hearing the right way) but buying them everything the ask for when they can, would be. I knew a child that had separation anxiety disorder from his parent and it was really bad (even the child near teenage years) couldn't even be alone downstairs by themselves while the parent went up to the bathroom. I know kids learn from a young age and I want my child to grow up to be a healthy, independent person but lots of love, hugs, kisses, and cuddles from mom will always be given. =)

 

[AlesiaNicole]

Not that I have any research to back it up (but I could probably find some) but I would think the seperation anxiety comes from when a child ISN'T taught they can rely on their parents for what they need. If they are regularly denied love, support, and just knowledge someone is there for them then the start to get anxieties surrounding their parents. I'm having a hard time getting this through to my DH too that yes a child can be independent and attached to a parent at the same time.

 

[mommy2be412]

That makes sense, I never thought of separation anxiety that way but your probably right.

 

[Marini_Mare]

picking up baby as soon as they cry and co-sleeping etc make baby more independent later on, because they trust that you will be there for them if they need you. I did a lot of research before choosing to co-sleep etc only did it the first three months though, now baby sleeps next to my bed & I move her to my bed if I can't get her to stay asleep later in the morning she's still not that old, so we shall see! haha!

 

[LilyValley]

As a FTM I always wondered about this - but actually, the opposite is true. Fulfilling the baby's emotional needs helps them to feel secure and confident, they are much more likely to STTN and be content if they know mum or dad is always there. I always thought I'd be tough with this one, crying does not gain any attention. Boy I was wrong ha ha! My LO is never left to cry, at 11 weeks he now only ever cries if he is hungry or overtired and needs to be cuddled to sleep. I think it's because he has never experienced being left to cry, he's always been cuddled when he needed it. Plus, when you baby cries its heartbreaking and you just want them to feel better .

 

[pinklightbulb]

My two learned how to cry purposefully (to get me to pick them up) around 7-8 months.

 

[kimberleyrobx]

We tried not to hold emily too often when she cried for nothing but it was so damn hard not to just lift her out and give her a cuddle! now i wish i'd cuddled and held her more because it doesnt last long and now she'll only come for a quick cuddle if she is tired! now she is too interested in everything to care about cuddles xx

 

[NaturalMomma]

Seperation anxiety is something almost all babies go through, it's a normal developmental phase, around 6-18 months. Both my boys went though it at 9 months, lasted a few weeks. For other kids it lasts longer or shorter. Rarely would it be called a true disorder unless the child was experiencing something else, like a lot of tension in the house or has some developmental/mental delays. Seperation anxiety is nothing to be worried about, it happens when the baby doesn't realise that mom left the room and is coming back, they think that mom has left for good because they can't comprehend it. Usually baby goes right back to being happy as soon as they see mom again.

 

[Amygdala]

As someone has said above, children need consistent affection to grow confident. "Needy" or "clingy" children aren't a result of "spoiling" or bring held too much as a baby, but of inconsistent or irresponsive parenting. Look at it this way: babies who are held frequently and is consistently attended to (held, cuddled, sung to, fed, changed,...) when they're hungry, tired, need a nappy or simply human contact, will learn that their parents are always there to meet their needs. They learn to feel safe and secure and to communicate and regulate their emotions and needs. They have no need to freak out when separated from their parents because they know that the parents will be back.
If you're interested in this topic, look up "attachment theory" (not to be confused with attachment parenting!) and an experiment called the strange situation. There's also a brilliant book on this called "What every parent needs to know".

 

[jozylynn896]

Its just natural I guess and they realize RIGHT away that what they're doing will get them held.

 

[maybebaby3]

I've been hearing you can't spoil a newborn as far as picking them up every time they cry etc. But at what age do babies start to realize crying will get them held etc?

They are so little for such a little time that I don't care what people say! I fully intend to pick up and cuddle my baby whenever he/she wants. Once they start to be mobile they don't want so many cuddles. Enjoy whilst you can!

 

[Wriggley]

Our LO has always been picked up and cuddled if he cried and even now at nearly 28 months old we still have to lay next to him til he falls asleep and he gets in bed with us for a cuddle in the night.

I could never turn my son away from a cuddle if he needs one. i didnt care if he was crying to purposely be picked up - i still picked him up because if he needed a cuddle i always gave him one

now he will come running up to me saying mommy! cuddle!

 

[jojo_b]

I cuddle my little boy whenever he needs me - always have. He is now THE most independent little monkey and it's ME asking him for cuddles now! Cuddle away and enjoy it because you might get a feisty little monkey like mine who has no time for cuddles by the time he hits 2!

 

[pinklightbulb]

My first was never affectionate, but my second is... it's a nice shock!