Career or baby?!

[BentleysMomm]

I am in a constant mental struggle with myself if I should have another baby or not! I already have a ds and graduated college last May with my bachelors degree. I have always wanted to continue my education while having a career and being a mother. I want it all lol. But I don't know if my wants are realistic. I'm only 24 and I don't want anymore kids past 30, and i would love to have at least 2 more children. But with that being said, I also want my career and education, and mixing those two things with babies is so hard! I should know I hard my son during my first year of college. Now that I am done and he will be in school next year, I'd really love to go back to school and add on to my degree. But I also really want another baby, like yesterday lol. So, I don't know what to do! My son has autism and he is non verbal , which makes him low functioning. And I'm also scared of having another special needs baby. Not that I don't love my son, but it is very difficult/ rewarding to raise him. As of right now, I have had my iud removed in January and am just letting things take there course and what happens happens and we will adapt , like we did withy first pregnancy, but now im kind of second guessing my decision. Plus I refuse to be a full- time stay at home mom for forever . Something I am forced to do right now due to my sons high level of needs. And I'm really looking forward to getting back into career next year, ( right now working on -call a couple times a week to get me out of the house), but like I said, I equally want more kids as my I do my career, and know I will regret not having more kids someday . But , I will also regret not continuing my edcaution and career. I'm at a loss right now. Any advice would be so awesome! Or anyone in a similar situation?

 

[Destiny08]

hi!

I'm in a slightly different boat. also 24, i have a 3 year old and am desperate for another - as i want 3 kids by the time I'm 30! (been trying 2 years)

i also desperately want to be a midwife. which would require me going back to college and then starting a career.

however! the way i see it, of the 2 things...1 is limited by age. ie - having children. you also don't know how easy it may be to conceive another (DD was conceived within 3 days...been trying 2 years for the second) so it could take longer than expected.

you can always go back to work. always. but having children becomes less likely (or the chances of children being healthy is less likely) as you get older.

so personally, i would (and am!) putting having kids first. and career can come when my kids are at school

 

[BentleysMomm]

Haha I want to be a midwife as well!! Too funny! Your totally right! I am not a woman who gets pregnant easy either, so who knows how long it will take to conceive more kids. Plus i would like at least a 3 year age gap between them. I will prob do the same as you and put having kids first, as being a mother is my ultimate calling in life and my education/career are not going anywhere and I can go back to school at anytime as where having kids I cannot. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! It's really discouraging to post something and have no reply.

 

[LDC]

Hey, I totally feel your struggle.

I have a dd who is two and I have a good career which is fairly flexible.

I'm well aware though that we are seriously going to struggle when dd goes to school as we will have no child care during school holidays (she is currently at nursery and with mil who doesn't drive so couldn't get her to school). Also, we are ttc number two so I'll need to reassess everything again should I get pregnant as I wouldn't cope working full time with having to collect two children from work (oh works shifts).

I feel the same in terms of having to choose and it's taken me a long time to think that, actually, this struggle is ok and normal to feel. I've strived all my life to get a good education and a good job and feel that this will be sacrificed by having a family as horrible as that even feels to type.

I have looked into getting an admin job in a school which is a significant pay drop to what I'm on now, but has the benefit of being term time only. It's completely screwed with my head to think about such a drop in pay and I love my job so much but ultimately I'm either going to look back and have missed out on my kids growing up (already feel like that a little with her being two and being in nursery/me back at work full time since she was 10 months).

I can't afford child care for two children, which I think is the awful thing about the government; I would gladly work if I could afford it, which is essentially where I'm also having to choose career or children...

It's really tough xx

 

[cupcakekate]

hi!

I'm in a slightly different boat. also 24, i have a 3 year old and am desperate for another - as i want 3 kids by the time I'm 30! (been trying 2 years)

i also desperately want to be a midwife. which would require me going back to college and then starting a career.

however! the way i see it, of the 2 things...1 is limited by age. ie - having children. you also don't know how easy it may be to conceive another (DD was conceived within 3 days...been trying 2 years for the second) so it could take longer than expected.

you can always go back to work. always. but having children becomes less likely (or the chances of children being healthy is less likely) as you get older.

so personally, i would (and am!) putting having kids first. and career can come when my kids are at school

This is exactly how I feel

 

[BentleysMomm]

Thanks ladies! It's so nice to know there is other women out there who are having a hard time finding a balance between creating their families and pursuing their dreams. I too, cannot afford 2 kids in childcare, and that is a big reason I have waited so long before TTC #2 . I think either way there is pros and cons and if I think anymore about trying to choose I'm going to pull my hair out lol. So im just going to follow my heart and hope for the best. We all have already manged to have one and continue our careers and I sure we can all adapt! Kids are for life and jobs come and go! Taking to you ladies have really helped me understand how important it is to have more kids.