child benifits UK girls....not good news

[Tasha]

I remember reading an article on what Kris wrote about, will see if I can find it. But yes there was a study that said that, but then there is a study saying wine can prevent cancer, it causes, so does chocolate, you get what I am saying right?

And yes I think that it would be children going home at 11 with no one to care for them, making their own dinner etc and so therefore it isnt talking about children going off to nursery and have stable role models in their lives (surely then every child would become little criminals when they go off to school, better check my sons book bag to make sure he hasnt got any spray paint in there ) but ones that are neglected, home alone and bored.

 

[Hayley90]

spray paint in the book bag

As i said earlier, i think because every family is different, each child will be too. There are circumstances in non-worknig families when kids will be home alone. Also, kids play out. I know when we used to go out (and i had both parents at home) we would still nick marker pens from school and write our names on lamp posts... my parents being at home didnt stop me!

Thats why i hate those studies, they are always flawed as there are SO MANY variables in the situation, it can never be a fair test. x

 

[AppleBlossom]

Criminals come from all walks of life. Yes, you might associate them with broken homes, council estates, parents who are involved in criminal activity and are on benefits etc. But you also get criminals who come from middle class families who have a decent upbringing, parents with a good work ethic, attend private school. You'll find a lot of these kids are involved in drugs. I don't think that working parents create a stable or unstable child. I think it is up to the parents to teach their children life lessons, such as that you need to work for a living or whatever. But if a child ends up commiting crime the parents can't always be to blame.

So I'm not sure on the link between working parents and rises in crime. But then, I don't listen to studies because they're usually a load of pish

 

[Tasha]

I cant find it but I did manage a whole load of contrasting stuff, like working fathers to blame for childhood obesity, working mothers to blame for childhood obesity, working parents children healthier than stay at home parents, latchkey children unhealthy due to watching tv all the time.

Dont think any one can win.

Any way, interestingly the most recent research (August 2010) says that mothers returning to work in the early weeks and months after birth has NO negative impact on the child, there are cons but they are outweighed by the pros

You will be pleased to know, there is no spray paint in his book bag, but he will be questioned on his and his friends antics later.

 

[Hayley90]

I cant find it but I did manage a whole load of contrasting stuff, like working fathers to blame for childhood obesity, working mothers to blame for childhood obesity, working parents children healthier than stay at home parents, latchkey children unhealthy due to watching tv all the time.

Dont think any one can win.

Any way, interestingly the most recent research (August 2010) says that mothers returning to work in the early weeks and months after birth has NO negative impact on the child, there are cons but they are outweighed by the pros

You will be pleased to know, there is no spray paint in his book bag, but he will be questioned on his and his friends antics later.

Really?? Wow. I was sitting here thinking Harrison will resent me and not know who i am, not recognise a mother figure, and have attachment issues when he was older. Seriously, i think about this a lot, and the consequences of me working.

Good to know there's no spray paint... watch out for pritt stick, glue is a drug Just kidding, bless him he'll be a good boy

And no, no one can win over the other... it simply isnt possible to group everyone into both categories. As i said earlier... i work from home most days, where do i fit in?!

 

[Serene123]

I don't know about you, but my child's going to be a neurologist

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

I dont really have time to comment on my opinion of SAHM's and benefits but will lossley say that I believe bringing children up to be well rounded and supported people with a strong sense of morals and values is a great service to society. I'm not saying by going to work we are neglecting to do so, but i am saying that when statistics of working mother went up, youth crime also rose in accordance. Like i said im not condemning any working mother to be neglectful but I think it's outragous that someone can condemn others for choosing to focus their energies on bringing up their child. It's all very well to say 'well i can do it' but people are different. Well done you, but do you suggest that someone without the same ability to juggle decides it is more appropriate to put their children last and work first?
Also in regards to 'ridiculous' excuses about not trusting nurseries. I for one do not trust nurserys due to knowing someone very close to me in my family who was sexually abused. For this reason, no. I do not trust strangers to spend hours on end with my son while he is uncapable of tellingme what has gone on, that may be unfair on nursery staff or whatever but i don't particularly care. I know what can happen in trusting strangers almost first hand and I choose not to take the risk with my child. I'm not judging anyone that does but my experience in watching the fallout of such an awful situation and seeing the hirt it causes everybody I cannot bear to even take a minor risk. My son will stay by my side or my mothers untill he is old enough for me to teach him to talk to me about everything, until then you can judge my reasoning for not trusting nurserys as ridiculous as you like. I don't care, but I do think maybe you should consider that the world is not always black and white.


(For the record I actually work part time in a bar when my mum can watch my LO and I use the rest of my time to do a home learning degree. However that isn't the point, i am very lucky to have the oppertunity to do both of those things and still stay with my son)

Thats exactly what ive been trying to say. As always you put it better x

 

[Tasha]

Hayley you have absolutely nothing to worry about, because you are and will continue to be a fantastic Mummy to Harrison (and any other mini H or L's that come along). You are doing everything you do in Harrisons best interests. He will a well rounded individual cos you and L will make sure of it.

I will send you some links of what I found if you like?

Will make sure he hasnt nicked my pritt stick too, then it would be theft as well as solvent abuse

 

[Hayley90]

Yes please.... Even if it's not accurate it'll help reassure me a bit. I'm a wreck every Sunday because it means the next day is monday!

Thankyou Tasha... You're too lovely you are xxx

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

Criminals come from all walks of life. Yes, you might associate them with broken homes, council estates, parents who are involved in criminal activity and are on benefits etc. But you also get criminals who come from middle class families who have a decent upbringing, parents with a good work ethic, attend private school. You'll find a lot of these kids are involved in drugs. I don't think that working parents create a stable or unstable child. I think it is up to the parents to teach their children life lessons, such as that you need to work for a living or whatever. But if a child ends up commiting crime the parents can't always be to blame.

So I'm not sure on the link between working parents and rises in crime. But then, I don't listen to studies because they're usually a load of pish

I'll offer this perspective... neither my parents work for reasons I will not go into. We have lived on the breadline for as long as I can remember. I feel that just because my parents don't work in no way means they are lacking in work ethic - you can still teach a child this without working. I will also add that my dad has spent time in prison as has the majority of my cousins - again for reasons I will not go into. Contrary to straying to crime I set out to better myself and make a better life for me and my future kids because I know first hand how hard being on benefits can be and thats a lifestyle I do not want to actively choose iykwim?. For this reason I got 8 A's at high school and am currently on a small break from uni where I am studying immunology and pharmacology - which will hopefully make me rich one day . I was the top achiever at my high school and won several awards for my achievements. I am in no way a criminal.

Unlike what some people have said on here, most of the 'criminals' i know come from 'better off families'. I dont know why and obviously I know people like this from families of those on benefits as well but im just trying to offer a different view.

My mum believes my neice acts up for attention because she doesnt see my sister as much as she'd like. This could be true, it could also be a million other things though so I agree with Hayley when she said studies into this sort of thing will always be majorly flawed.

Im not making much sense today as my heads up my a**e so excuse the jumbled up reply - will fix it later

 

[AppleBlossom]

^^ I didn't mean all people who have non working parents will be thugs and all people whose parents work will become doctors. I meant that no matter what kind of background you come from you will always get someone who ends up in with the wrong crowd and commiting crime as much as you will get people who go out and make a good life for themselves

 

[Hayley90]

Blue_Bumpkin - from the limited things you've written there, we are incredibly similar family and education-wise! x

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

^^ I didn't mean all people who have non working parents will be thugs and all people whose parents work will become doctors. I meant that no matter what kind of background you come from you will always get someone who ends up in with the wrong crowd and commiting crime as much as you will get people who go out and make a good life for themselves

Oh I know! sorry I wasnt picking your post apart I was just trying to illustrate what you were saying in fact

Sorry for the confusion...

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

Blue_Bumpkin - from the limited things you've written there, we are incredibly similar family and education-wise! x

People are always so shocked when they find out who I am related to, considering how well I have turned out. My mothers side of the family are as good as gold but my dads side are not (we'll leave it at that )

 

[AppleBlossom]

^^ I didn't mean all people who have non working parents will be thugs and all people whose parents work will become doctors. I meant that no matter what kind of background you come from you will always get someone who ends up in with the wrong crowd and commiting crime as much as you will get people who go out and make a good life for themselves

Oh I know! sorry I wasnt picking your post apart I was just trying to illustrate what you were saying in fact

Sorry for the confusion...

Oh that's ok, I thought you thought that's what I was insinuating which I wasn't at all

 

[Tasha]

None of us can ever win, there is always some one some where (be it a person we know, some research, a HCP or even other Mummy's) telling us the choices/decisions we make are the wrong ones. Every mother I have read on here, or even amongst the Mummy's I know, make those decisions because they love their child and want the best for them (some decisions are made because there is no other choice). So whilst what may be best for me and mine, might not be best for you and yours, surely we should be supporting each other? We all know that this is the hardest job in the world, we shouldnt add pressure or guilt to each other but support, even when sometimes you think well I wouldnt do that.

This article I found (very recent too) is quite sad https://www.thetherapylounge.com/hy...re-on-mothers-causes-them-to-lie-survey-says/

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

One thing that REALLY grates me is that some people seem to be under the impression that SAHM's to school age children sit at home all day LOL. I do actually have a life, I dont sit around all day looking at the clock

My dad has always worked full time, my mum was always at home. Thats how I remember it and I had a well balanced childhood, me and my sisters did well at school and none of us ever have gotten into trouble. I have the same family values, My OH works and I like staying at home, I definitely do not feel like I have no life or no role in society because I have many roles, just none I get paid for.

 

[kirmal12]

One thing that REALLY grates me is that some people seem to be under the impression that SAHM's to school age children sit at home all day LOL. I do actually have a life, I dont sit around all day looking at the clock

My dad has always worked full time, my mum was always at home. Thats how I remember it and I had a well balanced childhood, me and my sisters did well at school and none of us ever have gotten into trouble. I have the same family values, My OH works and I like staying at home, I definitely do not feel like I have no life or no role in society because I have many roles, just none I get paid for.

I agree 100%, i will be at home indefinitely or unless my circumstances change. I don't intend sitting on my arse forever more

 

[KrisKitten]

Ah, well i actually read it in a school history text book a few years ago lol. Umm, i shall try and have a look o/l later on but i've gotta start getting ready for work now
What the study was actually exploring was the move of feminism within mothers, when mothers first started going out to work and it became the norm because they had no choice. Not during the war but afterwards when it became a decision for many women to focus on careers. I don't think this study was actually there to penalise mothers, just to document the changes feminism and the working women spurred. It wasn't all bad, there were lower depression rates and poverty rates as well though, so it wasn't just an anti feminist study. It makes sense that mothers stay with there children, it is what nature dictates, so when we decided to change that inevitabley some children suffered for it. It could be argued that today we have ways of working around things and it is much more the norm to work, but i don't believe that women who don't work don't have a good work ethic. SAHM or not, mothers should teach their children a good work ethic, but thats by working hard in general not neccesarily in a particular job. Being unemployed and lazy are very different things imo xxxx

 

[indy and lara]

I think feminism is not about having it all, I think it is about having choice. The reality is that not everyone has the choice as to whether or not they work due to financial constraints. However, if you do have the choice then you do what is best for me. I have chosen to be a SAHM. I have given up for now a good career and all the benefits (both financial and satisfaction wise) which came from that. But I am happy with my choice. It is the right thing for me and for my family. It may not be the right choice for someone else but it is what I think is best for me.

Emma will have a good work ethic. I do not have to go out at 7am for her to know the value of work. She sees her Daddy go to work everyday and as she gets older, she will know why he does that and in time I will probably go back to work too. At the moment though she sees me working at home and keeping busy. I do lots. Sitting on my bum all day most certainly is not one of my activities!!!!