Chinese Accupuncture

When is your next ACU appt? You had such a great looking cycle last month so this totally doesn't make sense. I have very occasionally spotted with ovulation......I think you are on the same herbs you were last month so it is quite strange and you are not taking anything new are you?

I hope dr e has some answers.

Possibly the spotting has resulted from the procedure the other day.

I know how upsetting a wasted cycle is. This is my first 2ww in nearly 4 years where I know for certain I am not pregnant and it's good not obsessing about possible symptoms......obviously only good thing!
 
Hi Ladies- interesting discussion on religion and letting go. I bet the concept of letting go is different for everyone. Maybe some people really do find peace with not having children and then wind up getting pregnant shortly after. I think, though, that "letting go" can come in many forms and many levels if that makes any sense and that it isn't necessarily synonymous with "giving up". Maybe for a lot of other people, it's not really letting go of the idea of having children, or giving up, just that they are able find joy and happiness in the meantime. I agree with Breaking that sometimes you have to fight for what you want and it isn't always easy or painless. But maybe it's more about finding some peace that the struggle exists versus giving up?

I should be the last one to talk because I didn't handle my year and half of TTC very well and in the end was lucky to have success with IVF- but I wanted to share a little about my mind/body program as I do feel that it really helped me cope better, or at least change some of the ways I looked at things. I hope I am not out of line here, because I do know that everyone's struggle is different, and everyone needs to go about it in their own way, and what works for one person may not work for the next.

We learned a lot about the stress response and ultimately the goal of the program was to deal with stress differently. Life can be stressful, there is no way to avoid that, but what can change is our responses, patterns of thinking, and coping mechanisms. This is probably along the lines of what Briss was talking about with positive thinking. To take it in very literal terms, we learned that if you were under the ultimate stressful situation- being chased by a saber tooth tiger for example- your body would shut down all non vital pathways in order to shunt the most blood to the most important organs- your brain, heart, and lungs. If you were running to save your life against this tiger, there is no way your reproductive system would be functional, because at the moment, it is irrelevant. Although we are not running away from tigers in our day to day lives, the concept still applies, that when stressed, energy will always protect certain bodily systems over others. The program was focused on learning ways to better handle stress, not necessarily on avoiding stress- because we all know that that is impossible. Taking the time to meditate for 10-20 minutes everyday was one of the biggest parts of the program. I always used CDs, because I found it too hard to do it on my own. I bet prayer counts here as well. We worked a lot on mindfulness, enjoying the little moments, even something as stupid as eating a piece of chocolate. We actually did this in class, ate a piece of chocolate with our eyes closed to savor every smell, texture, and bite. I kept a grateful journal and forced myself to write down 3 positive things every single day. It was helpful to remind myself, in detail, of all the things that I had that were going well, because it is so easy to forget. We also worked on these cognitive logs, which are hard to explain. Basically we learned about the different common "negative " patterns of thinking. For every negative pattern of thought, there was actually an alternative positive thought pattern that we learned as well. Every time we had a stressful event, we had to write a description about it, write about the all the instant thoughts and emotions that came because of that. Then we would go over our experiences as a group and would have to name what our negative thoughts were and as a group would help each other come up with the positive thought pattern to take it's place.

I know I am not describing this program very well, but it was helpful for me to start to feel better, especially being off my meds. There were a million exercises that we did to try to change how we think so I am not going to be able to write it all down in a few short paragrahps. It's not something that happens overnight, it is a work in progress, and we met weekly for a few months so it was definitely something that happened over time. Comparing the energy of the group as a whole from the first class to the last class was a dramatic difference. We still meet monthly on our own now that the official program has ended. Of note, more than half of the group has now had success with their IVF cycles. Most of the women were TTC much longer than me and it took many IVF rounds, and some are still trying. I would bet the ones that are still TTC would say that they feel better in their lives then they used even though they are still waiting for their turn at success.

I am not trying to over step my bounds or trying to tell anyone to "just think positive" because I know it is much more complicated than that. I know the pain is real and the pain is deep. But if any of you come across a mind/body program for fertility at any of your IVF centers, I highly recommend it, and if anything, it's not going to hurt, even if it doesn't help. Sometimes it just feels good to feel good even if it's not bringing you any closer to a BFP. I wanted to give everyone here a big hug. :hugs: I know that this isn't easy, and if I could wave a magic wand and fix any of it for anyone, I would. :hugs:
 
Blythe, I also think it's possible that my spotting has resulted from the procedure but it was going on even before that so cant be sure. I discussed it with Dr E and he agreed with my first hypotheses i.e. my FSh was super high for some reason this cycle which made my ovaries work super fast and as a result I ovulated early. but he also said it's impossible to say why my brain is producing so much extra FSH. could be stress (the usual) but I think this is unlikely to be due to my psychotic episode cos my FSH was already high a few days before that. I am tempted to think that the herbs just do not work because this was the 3rd cycle on herbs but maybe it's just a one off unfortunate cycle. Dr E says his herbs are exactly for situations like mine high FSH/early O so hopefully he is right and my high FSh is not an indication of low reserve. I am trying to accept that this is just going to be a lost cycle and hope the next cycle will be back to normal. slightly scary to approach IVF when your cycles can be so random, there is no way IVF can work on a cycle like this. Dr E did not think this has anything to do with my cyst and most likely I do not have a cyst cos my estrogen levels are not as high. He might be right but only scan can tell for sure. I am just slightly relieved we went for the FSH testing with the IVF clinic last month and did not wait for it to get better because we would not have a chance this month.

The only new thing I was taking this cycle is iron but I do not think it could affect FSh in any way.

I know what you mean about not obsessing, I have a business trip in a week so normally I'd be really stressed about flying in TWW, feeling terrible guilt that I might be damaging my fragile little embryo and today I had a strange feeling of freedom when I thought I can just fly anywhere guilt-free. I guess it does help that I am focusing on the future IVF at the back of my mind I still have that comfort. When DH said to me last December we are not doing another IVf until June I was in despair I thought I would not survive until June with no hope but here I am… If we are lucky to get IVf it wont start until end of July

gingmg, thank you! I think this is exactly what we need right now. I am reading a book on how to cope with infertility and it has a similar idea about constant stress of infertility and how to deal with it so it does not affect your chances and find a way to live your life while TTC.

I am really interested in what you said about the different common "negative " patterns of thinking and that for every negative pattern of thought, there was an alternative positive thought pattern. can you remember any examples that you discussed with your group? I am trying to understand the principals of how this works.
 
Oh I forgot to mention "mini" relaxation exercises. These were also key in the program and we were encouraged to do at least 20 of these a day. "Mini's" were exactly that, mini ways to meditate throughout the day.

Examples:
1. forcing yourself to take a deep slow breath through your nose every hour, inhaling counting to 4, exhaling counting to 4.
2. Taking a moment to stretch and yawn
3. Breathe in deeply, imagine yourself filling with peace, breath out and consciously let go of stress
4. imagery: spend a minute imaging what it would be like to be a tree (strong, rooted, expansive), and mountain (timeless, strong, stable, sun (radiant, warm) ext...
5. picture yourself in a place you find relaxing
6. practicing mindfulness: looking out a window, going for a walk and noticing how each house or building is decorated, listen (what is the most distant sound you can hear?), eat a favorite food mindfully ect.

Good times to do minis: in traffic, on hold on the phone, waiting for the doctor in the waiting room, at all red lights, standing in line, ect.....
We were given bright stickers, the circle/dot kind that you find in any stationary line in the store and we were encouraged to put them around so that every time you saw this sticker it reminded you to do a mini relaxation exercise. I put them on my cell phone, on the car horn, on the fridge, ect...

One of the exercises we did was to make pie chart of how we spend our time - example 12 hours working, 6 hours sleeping, 2 hours commuting, 1 hour eating, ect.... everyone's time pie chart looked different. Then we made a "joy list" of at least 30 things that we love to do or things that bring us happiness. Only one or two people actually had any of the things on their "joy list" also on their time pie chart. It was pretty amazing to realize that most of us aren't taking the time to do the things we actually love to do. We learned to make it a goal to incorporate something from the "joy list" into life every single day. Which is why I probably did so much yoga for all those months.

Here is the list of cognitive distortions that I was referring to:
1. All or nothing: thinking in terms of black and white. If your performance falls short, you see yourself as a total failure. Even if its something little, Example: if you find yourself in the slowest line at the store, you say " I always pick the wrong line".
2. Overgeneralization: You see a negative event as a never ending pattern of defeat. Example: A friend breaks your trust and you think no one can be trusted.
3. Mental Filter: Inability to see anything positive because you are too busy dwelling on the negative. You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of reality become darkened. Example: You are at a party having a great time until someone asks if you have gained weight recently. now your evening is ruined.
4. Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they don't count. Example: Someone compliments you for doing a nice job and you think or say "anyone could have done it" or "they are just being nice"
5.Jumping to conclusions You automatically draw a negative conclusion even though there are no facts to support it. Example: you decide not to ask a friend for help with something because you assume she will say no.
6. Magnification: You exaggerate the importance of a negative event or inappropriately shrink the positive events until they appear trivial.
7. Emotional Reasoning: You assume your negative emotions are the way things are.
8. Should statements: unproductive self- statements like should, ought, must ect.. result in feeling pressured, inadequate, and /or resentful.
9. Labeling and Mislabeling: Example: you are on a diet and you eat an ice cream and say "I'm such a fat slob". This way of thinking is illogical because it is over simplistic. We are complex beings who have ever changing thoughts, emotions and actions.
10: Personalization: Even if something isn't your fault, you own it. Example: your lover cheats on you and you decide its because you weren't good enough
11. Perfectionism: You feel you must be perfect all the time.
12. Approval Seeking: All the significant people in your life must love and approve of you all the time.
13:Self Righteous: People should always do what you think is right and if they don't they are wrong.
14:Woe is me: You see yourself as a victim of circumstances when it's just common everyday stuff of life.
15. Comparison: You compare yourself to others. This results in feeling either inferior or superior.

I copied this list from my booklet. When we would do our cognitive logs we had to figure out when we were using any of the above cognitive distortions and in its place figure out what the underlying emotional beliefs were, because there was always something positive to be taken out of any circumstance. We would refer to our list of positive emotions and see if any of them could have been applied to our particular stressful event. Examples: acceptance, appreciation, awareness, balance, change, choice, clarity, compassion, contribution, cooperation, curiosity, courage, detachment, determination, desire, devotion, discipline, effort, flexibility, forgiveness, fulfillment, kindness, generosity, newness, patience, perseverance, power, process (one step at a time), sacrifice, self confidence, service, surrender, tolerance, willingness, wisdom.

We actually had to turn in our homework every week so she could see that we were doing these exercises at home and keep track of how many "minis" we did a day, ect, and there was always an extra assignment or two. I am not saying that any of this is easy, and I still find myself getting overwhelmed and thinking negatively. It's work for me to look at the glass half full so to speak. I don't know if any of this helpful or not. If it's not, no big deal- but the program was certainly an eye opener for me as to little ways that I could change how I looked at things or little things that I could do to help myself feel better, which in turn made a big difference.
 
I don't in any way want to discount anyone's feelings or recent experiences. Blythe, I know it's been incredibly trying and emotional lately. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am in by no way say that if you only think positive things would be different. I am not saying that at all. The concept of "letting go" kept coming up and while some people may quite literally give up and move on which is fine if that is what they need to do, I was trying to offer another perspective that "letting go" does not have to necessarily mean "giving up". Maybe it's just a different way of living in the meantime so that maybe some of the pain is easier to bare. That's all.
 
Thanks so much for that Ging. I am laughing about the "you are such a fat slob" negative self talk. I like to tell myself to "get your a*s out of bed loser" after about the third time I press snooze on my phone in the morning.
For a lot of the trials and tribulations of the day a good mantra for me is "Does it really matter?" it just feels good to think/say that most things don't really matter and they don't! Disclaimer: I am not talking about ttc stuff here.
 
Another good one for me is: just because you think something doesn't mean it's true.
 
gingmg, thank you for the info!! so helpful. I copied the minis so I will try and do them regularly. your list of cognitive distortions is quite recognisable, I definitely do some of these things.

I wonder if you could help me find a way to turn my negative pattern into something positive. At work i got a promotion which is a big deal (do not ask me why cos I spend most of my days doing fertility research or going off to various doctors appointments) I should really be happy and I was for about 15 minutes. It might have lasted longer if I was not so preoccupied with my spotting. every time I go to the bathroom and see this brown spotting my mind goes into its usual "it's the end of the world" pattern. Obviously this spotting is a big thing and something is not right cos I never ever spotted on 2-3 DPO. I believe it's to do with the procedure I had (dummy ET/3D SIS) and the fact that they played with my cervix. still, I cant help it but immediately imagine the worst possible reasons for spotting and how this is damaging to my health and out IVF etc. any idea how I can see the spotting is there and not react that way?
 
so that friend of mine i mentioned the other day, who was living her life in two week segments, having been trying for 1 month is now pregnant on second month of trying at age of 40. of course she is because they had sex around ovulation time and like most people they conceived.

i really need to find a way to let go as if 11 decent eggs cannot get fertilised in a dish then clearly no chance of any fertilising now...not after 4 years.

if i sound bitter its because I am. i really need to find a way of letting go now because I'm not sure what else i can try. i have now exhausted all my financial and emotional reserves.

:hug: still praying for you! Sometimes I think getting drunk is our way forward.
 
gingmg, thank you for the info!! so helpful. I copied the minis so I will try and do them regularly. your list of cognitive distortions is quite recognisable, I definitely do some of these things.

I wonder if you could help me find a way to turn my negative pattern into something positive. At work i got a promotion which is a big deal (do not ask me why cos I spend most of my days doing fertility research or going off to various doctors appointments) I should really be happy and I was for about 15 minutes. It might have lasted longer if I was not so preoccupied with my spotting. every time I go to the bathroom and see this brown spotting my mind goes into its usual "it's the end of the world" pattern. Obviously this spotting is a big thing and something is not right cos I never ever spotted on 2-3 DPO. I believe it's to do with the procedure I had (dummy ET/3D SIS) and the fact that they played with my cervix. still, I cant help it but immediately imagine the worst possible reasons for spotting and how this is damaging to my health and out IVF etc. any idea how I can see the spotting is there and not react that way?

The only thing I can think of is that your body may be trying to flush something out. Is your spotting a dull dark or bright red? That should indicate whether it's new or old blood.

Have you done anything different this cycle? How much iron are you taking?

If there's anything I have come to terms with is that my cycles have been consistently inconsistent since ttc, for the past 10 months in total. Before that they've been very punctual. Any chance you could be going through just a general change in your body?

Have you been eating a lot of beetroot or watermelon?

On a positive note, you should indulge on a nice juicy steak. You know just in case to make up for the loss of blood.

I love steak.
 
Briss- great question. I am by no means an expert on any of this. And to be honest, after I wrote that entry I got into an argument with someone and proceeded to beat myself up all day afterwards, and kinda even still. I think I displayed every negative cognitive distortion that I listed. I'm working on it.

If I was in the group this is how we would dissect your stressful event.
First, great job on the promotion! You instantly "disqualified the positive" by saying you don't know why you deserve it because you are always off to the doctors instead of relishing in the fact that you probably worked damn hard for it and 100% deserve it. This also might fall under "magnification", shrinking positive events until they seem trivial. I think more importantly it demonstrates "mental filter" by being happy about the promotion briefly, but letting the spotting overpower everything else. I think one of the negative distortions at play with the spotting is "jumping to conclusions" and assuming the worst in terms of IVF and your fertility. My guess is the spotting is from the hsg- I spotted for a while afterwards, it was quite painful and traumatic as far as I am concerned.

How to turn it around? First step recognizing all of the above. Then looking for anything positive in it. Appreciating the promotion and realizing how hard you work to be recognized. Its a big accomplishment which shows dedication, commitment, effort, talent and skill. As far as the spotting, you are curious as to what is causing it, you are inquisitive and attentive. You are aware of what is going on with your body. Maybe when the spotting happens, accepting that this cycle might be a bit different than other cycles, but that many things have been happening, the hsg being the biggest one that most likely explains everything. Tolerance for the cycles that are out of your norm and realizing that that in no way effects any future ivf attempts. Balance, in that it doesn't have to overshadow the great job you have done at work. And patience that this fertility journey is a process, and there are many steps to it.

I was never good at creating positive thoughts from negative emotions, but I think you probably get the drift of how it is supposed to work. Its a work in progress and some days will be better than others.

I had a small meltdown, like I said today, and during it I couldn't see the positive. To get through things initially, until I have space to reflect, I have to just take deep breaths and tell myself that its going to be OK, I will get through it, and that I am strong enough to handle it. The analysis of the situation always comes after the fact for me.

Oh one more exercise.
We did "news and goods". Every night my wife and I would share something with each other that was either new or good, again forcing us to not only have a positive shared conversation but to force us to think of something good at the end of the day. Another more complicated version is "good, bad, ordinary" in which you tell your spouse something good that happened during the day and something meaningful or a lesson you got from it. Something bad that happened and a lesson you learned from it, or something ordinary and something you learned from it.
 
Gingmg - thank you so much - i have brought a couple of books of being joyful and have joined an online meditation group so i am going to really try and get myself out of this hole and make some necessary changes. :flower:

so much of this is about creating that space to decompress. i have been slowing keeping everything in and indulging in increasingly depressive thoughts. i could not find a way to break the loop and so now i find myself in a dark place.....not good when i have so much to be thankful for. thank you for taking the time to share all this info :hugs:

Briss - congratulations on your promotion :flower:

Kits - i used to love a good old drink with my friends...i was a complete lush! But the hangovers are unbearable so i no longer drink! i hope you are ok..:flower:
 
Hi ladies sorry I haven't been around but I have been reading posts but haven't got replying.

Briss - I spotted a long time after my HSG. Mine was mid cycle and I just FF and in fact I spotted from the day of HSG until it turned into AF. You were talking 9 days at least. With all tha fiddling about they do you would expect spotting. Did they not warn you about it?

Blythe - so sorry about your eggs not fertilising, I really don't know what to say but I do think the NHS did let you down as they should have done ICSI. xx

Hope everyone else is doing well I need to back and read all the posts as thread is so fast pacing. :D

As for me I finally told my acu doc that I am going down to once a week appts. I had spotting at 7 & 9dpo and then from 11dpo and now AF. I have to say that I can never figure out CD1 as the spotting is enough to use a panty liner and I have been told CD1 is first day of full flow. I stress myself out all the time over this as the spotting seem heavy but not full flow. If I did take the heavy spotting as start of AF then that means I have a very short LP but if I took full flow as first day then I have a short period. This really annoys me never knowing but I have started taking b complex to see if it helps. Also I have to say I am disappointed not see a significant difference with my cycle after going to acu twice a week. But I am a very impatient person.
 
Ladies thanks so much!! Just reading your replies makes me see things in a positive way actually.

Going, you are good! Tbh it might seem obvious to you but I have not realised i was disqualifying the positive re promotion it just seemed obvious that u could not deserve it. A partner wanted to make a thank hoy speech at my appraisal and I just immediately changed the subject cos I felt ucoykd not possibly deserve that. But now when u looked back at my behaviour I think you are right that's exactly what I am doing - disqualifing it! I also think I got thus promotion cos they can't lose me now when everyone in the group is suddenly pregnant :(

I so love your list of minis. Yesterday I felt like AF started. My heart almost stopped so I went to the bathroom but before checking I did a mini. I am reading a book on mind\body programme and they recommend doing minis in situations like this or when yet another friend announces her pregnancy. It worked actually but luckily it was not AF just more of the brown stuff mixed with my usual creamy cm.

Blythe, my book says that depression usually peaks between 2-3 years TTC. What's that on line meditation group? I want to find a mind/body group to join, get a body scan CD to release tensions etc. Interestingly I do not think myself depressed cos how else one us supposed to feel? Its a natural reaction to the drama that we go through. Apparently depression of an infertile woman is same as of a terminally ill patient... There were studies on that

Irish, thanks! I am glad my spotting can be just down to hsg and should be back to normal. I am hoping that would be the case. This is the first time I am actually looking forward to AF to clean out this mess. Sometime I also wonder if u get CD 1 right but I can usually count 13/14 days from o
 
There was one exercise that was suggested for us to do that I never did so I don't know the outcome, but we were told to write about our fertility journey in a journal for 20 mins every day for at least 4-5 days. Write about anything that comes to mind, get it all out, but the point was to make sure it's for at least 20 mins for at least 4-5 days in a row. I never did it, but she did say we would be surprised at what happened at the end. I am assuming that the first few days of writing are very raw, painful, and angry and I wonder if the last couple of days some insight happens? Like I said I didn't do it so I don't know what she was referring to, but it might be interesting if anyone is interested to see what happens.

Hope you don't mind, but if random things come to mind from the program I might just put them out here in case anyone may find it helpful.
 
Irish eyes - like you i am an impatient person. I have started and then stopped acu and herbs 2 or 3 times during the last 4 years but i am sticking with it for now. They say to give it 2 or 3 months to notice changes but some are lucky and see immediate changes....

i went to chat with my Chinese doc today about the failed IVF and she was shocked as my kidney function had been so strong and she was convinced the IVF would work....

I wrote a letter today to the IVF clinic and made my feelings known but i expect nothing back from them.

spotting....the most frustrating thing. I have been spotting for a few days and today is definitely CD1 as its bright red and i need towels, tampons etc. I expect it to be a little heavier than usual due to IVF meds. sometimes i get heavy spotting but i still do not consider it CD1 until a tampon or towel is required and the flow is fairly constant. In recent months i have noticed that i bleed for a couple of days and then it stops for almost an entire day and night and then starts again for a couple more days but lighter.

Briss - its just an app called insight timer and its cool....i might not do it tonight as i have just eaten a large meal and had a glass on wine but i intend on sitting and listening to the various guided meditations available every day. Its cool as you can join communities and see how many others are meditating at the same time as you.

i brought 'inconceivable' and read it yesterday...i must say i have mixed thoughts on it. Nonetheless, as a result of reading it i brought a bright red bed sheet and intend on eliminating crap from my diet. I also brought 'eat, pray love'....i know its commercial and possibly cheesy but my friend said its a real pick me up and i just think i will feel better for reading it. i Have also reconnected with my fertility yoga teacher and we are doing a Skype session on friday [she is in Oz now] and i have brought her dvd so i intend doing that at least 3 times per week.
 
Just re read my post oh dear! Bloody autocorrect! I hope you can make sense of it. Typing on my mobile is a nightmare.

Ging, please post anything else body/mind related that comes to mind. Its so useful! I have been thinking of staring a TTC diary for a while for medicinal purposes but just can't get round to it. I also think what I write here is sort of a diary as well and maybe it's therapeutic.

BTW am really sorry for abracadabra below I am totally useless with phones and have no idea how it happened or how do delete it. Losing my petience with this phone!







iit'sts








theraputictheraputictherapeutic therapeuticanythin.please.





.
tgeheraputictheraputic

Blythe,

Going,Ging,Ging
 
Blythe, I think I will carry on with Dr e for one more cycle unfortunateunfortunately I will be away on CD 2-4 but can't be sure when AF turns up so most likely won't be able to . check my FSH next cycle but if I o early again that would probably be the end of my relationship with ACU. Maybe it's just not for me. I really can't risk my ivf and start drinking with high FSH fsh . I was so inspired when I read inconceivable and was sure my FSH can go down but obviously it does not seem to be working and can't stand wheatgrass juice! I wish I went straight to I've instead of playing with supps etc. I watched the movie eat pray love but was not impressed I am sure the book must be more insightful. Let me known if you like it.I absolutely believe you can and will get pregnant naturally! I just hope soon.

Your dh is great for doing ACU and considering herbs etc I so wish my GH believed in this but at the moment my own believe is a bit shaky. I hope will get better soon. I actually think we should not be as often as we did cis it done nothing to sperm quality. We have not be bd once this cycle! With the spotting and all I just do not feel like it at all.

Interesting that your friend got pregnant with short cycles gives me hope but I think her husband must have really good sperm count. I think you are brave meeting with her. I am cutting my pregnant friends off. Dealing with pregnant colkeagues is bad enough.
 
Briss - I am the same with typing on my phone here. My phone creates words I never type. :haha:

I am sort of two minds with acu myself. I really thought something significant would be better this month in my cycle especially when he insisted on twice a week acu. But sometimes I think you have to believe in it to reap the benefits I guess. My DH does not believe in it either and there will be no mission getting him to do an appt. Well he sort of believes but he think you should be fix with one appt. :dohh:

Briss would you just ring up and book an appt depending on your cycle? I have heard there are three times in the cycle that acu is beneficial and I am just wondering how everyone else goes about doing this. My doc books me in for my next appt at my appt.
 

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