clomid club

[DragonMummy]

I'll be dandy thanks. I just don't want to start letting my emotional state wreck my family life, hence medication...

 

[keepsmiling]

wll if u ever need to let off steam we dnt mind hun xx

 

[mrphyemma]

Can't have been an easy decision to make DM but definitely best thing to do for all concerned. Hope you start to feel better soon hun xx

 

[caz & bob]

hi girl how are you all my temps are down today but no + opk yet xx x x xx

 

[VickyLou]

Dragon i have been on them.... you might start to feel worse before you get better (i did) OH hated me for a while and we almost split up. I sat him down and explained that things are going to get worse before they get better. Maybe you might need to do that. If you need any advice hun dont hestitate to ask. I might be young but i have suffered with depression since i was 11.

Hope everyone else is well xxx

 

[DragonMummy]

Thanks girls - much appreciated.

@VL - Thanks for the support, and youre right, a lot of the time the "darkest before dawn" saying really applies! I'm not so bad as I have been right now, just tired all the time, not sleeping at night and then passing out on my bed during the day and I feel premental and irritable all the time. When I had PND it was hideous. I was just one great big bag of crazy. I was horrible to my husband but if he went out I would be convinced he'd die and I'd never see him again. I was obsessed with Harry and thought he'd die of SIDS or some other hideous childhood ailment and I used to lie awake every night imagining how I would tell my family or work that my son had died.

That's part of the reason that I am so desperate for another baby. I missed DS's birth as I had a c-sec under general and I feel like I missed his first year as I didn't get to enjoy having a baby, I wasn't well and I wasn't myself. Next time round DH and I have decided that the minute I am out of hospital I will go straight on to a low dose of anti d's to stop me from plummetting.

I also suffered from depression when I was young, from about 14. But my mum thought I was being a drama queen (she did when I had PND too - told me to pull myself together ) so nothing was ever done about it. But I don't see the point in being a hero and trying to deal with it with no help, you know?


Sorry, I'm rambling. Sometimes I think rambling about it helps. And it helps me to read that others have been just as fraught!

 

[lisaf]

DragonMummy - Incidentally, suffering from depression long-term without treatment can have serious effects on your health. Some are even permanent. My mom was depressed for years (we're talking decades). Its very sad to see how much it has affected her brain function. I am a big fan of taking antidepressants... because its usually not possible to just pull yourself up and snap out of it. I also lost one of my best friends to suicide so treating depression is a very important cause to me.

Being off my antidepressants to concieve has not been very fun for me. Of course I'm scared to go back on any since my withdrawl symptoms were horrible and I swear there are some effects still lingering. I was on Effexor though, and that is apparently notorious for bad withdrawl... something they don't tell you when they put you on it!

 

[VickyLou]

No worries huni ill do anything i can to help. Ive been there and its a very dark horrible place and i hate seeing other people in that place.
Sounds like you have had a horrible time over the years.

With me alot of things happened to me when i was young that should of done. I became very depressed and went into myself, no one cared my family blamed me for everything and never gave me any support.
I always put on a brave face and pretend there was nothing wrong but i couldnt cope so i started self harming and taking over doses every other month.
I eventually got away from my home town and family and sorted myself out. Im just getting myself back together now, not worked for 2 years couldnt leave the house on my own etc etc.

Sorry for giving you all that info i just wanted you to know i have been there and ill help what ever way i can xx

 

[VickyLou]

oh and when you think your ready to come off them dont just stop gradually ween ya self off them. I made that mistake of just stopping a few years ago and for about 6 weeks i felt great honestly like i didnt have a crae in the world. And then BANG it hit me like a ton of bricks worse than ever. I went crazy. Didnt care about nothing or no one.

xx

 

[lisaf]

I went off my meds cold-turkey without weaning.. cleared it with my doctor first. I didn't have a sudden slam of depression returning. I decided to go cold-turkey after reading about people online who kept trying to wean themselves but that it didn't lessen the withdrawl and they went through it at every stage of decrease... there were those who were opening their capsules and taking a few granules at a time but could not get off it completely... so I decided to rip the bandaid off and see if I could make it.
It was a personal decision for me and I cleared it with my doctor. I don't exactly recommend it, lol!

 

[DragonMummy]

Haha I did that when I had the pnd. I was on citalapram for 18 months and every few months I would get all bolshy and think "i'm FINE now!" and stop. Within 3 weeks DH would be begging me to go back on them as I would turn into a screeching banshee! I hurled the stairgate down the stairs at him once, not to mention numerous items of kitchenware that got launched in his direction. He must really love me to put up with that level of crap!


VL it sounds like you've had a hideous time. I was lucky, I never had the urge to self harm (although I thought about it a few times, not for suicidal purposes or causing myself pain but just so people would KNOW how much I was struggling and hurting). But you sound pretty together now and sometimes I think having a hard time and coming out the other time serves to give us greater tolerance and wisdom. Of course there are exceptions I'm sure!!!

Lisa I think my mother was an example as well of one who went untreated. According to my Dad she exhibited classic symptoms (all through my flipping life! Blimey she had a scary temper!) but she thinks any mental illness is a sign of weakness or being doolally and thinks depression is just someone who is unhappy. And I am the poster girl for happy on the surface. I don't speak to my mum anymore, partially due to the lack of support I received after I had Harry. She lives 20 minutes away and visited TWICE in his first three months. I think a total of 5 times in his first year. And she never helped - she sent me out to make her tea when I had just got home from hosptial and was limping around with a huge c-sec scar! Then drank her tea and left. Thankfully I have a wonderful stepmum!!!

 

[lisaf]

Dragonmummy - I know I'll have an overly-supportive mother-in-law, lol! She wants grandbabies and wants to watch them full-time for us. I forsee a lot of friction about keeping her from overrulling all my parenting decisions ('I gave my kids chocolate cake every day and they turned out fine' etc... I'm not so sure about how her kids turned out though, lol!!!). I'll be grateful for the help but I'm anxious at the same time.
My MIL lives in town though and my mom is several hours away and still works full-time so I'm not sure how much she'll visit... we don't get along well though so I may be fine with only 2 visits a year!

 

[VickyLou]

Dragon your mum sounds like mine. If yo ask for help your weak... theres never anything wrong. My mum used to tell me to pull myself together and get over my problems, How do you just get over getting raped off your uncle and 9 years of age..... and then it happend again 3 more times and my mum just brushed it under the carpet and i wasnt allowed to talk about or be depressed.

We have only just started speaking again after 4 years of not.

God im so sorry for that rant. Just had a moment of anger there. I dont talk about that stuff often.
sorry again.

 

[lisaf]

Dont' be sorry Vicky - I had a few incidents in my childhood that I still don't like to talk about.. I admire your bravery for just putting it out there and refusing to pretend it didn't happen out of shame for something you were the victim of.

 

[DragonMummy]

That's what the forum is here for though, Vicky. Get things off your chest. I assumed it must have been something like that. I just cannot imagine how you dealt with something like that without the support of your mother. I can't be doing with that "stiff upper lip, don't make a scene" method of getting over things that my mum used to insist on. All she cared about is what everyone else thought so we all had to look SUPER happy! Her mum was like it too and I was sooo worried I would end up the same but actually, I have gone completely the other way and couldn't give a shit what people think of me (except close friends and family but they accept who I am) as long as my family are happy and healthy then bollocks to everyone else! If they only like you because your daughter has gone to university and you drive a Jag then theyre not real friends are they? My kids will be brought up tp be whatever they want to be. As long as they make an effort to get where they want in life then that's fine by me.

 

[DragonMummy]

Lisa my MIL is something like that and she drives me bonkers! Luckily she's not too bad and we get on well, but sometimes she makes little comments and I just want to say to her "well your 41 year old son still lives at home and both your oldest boys are on drugs so really? Are we going to carry this on?"

But I smile sweetly and let it slide!

 

[Smile4me]

wow it is amazing to me that some of us ttcers have had a traumatic experience.
I am a survivor of domestic violence and no I don't go around announcing that to the world, I was married to my ex husband who was from another country and thought that my girls and I were property therefore treated us horrible, me being the worst, I was his punching bag for 12 years til one day I had enough!!!! Lost my weight and gained my self esteem back and here I am four years later with an amazing man on my side and four beautiful children :0) I truly feel blessed and it tooook alot for me to get where I am today, single mom of four broken down dreams, heart, soul, self esteeem, etc. but here we are!!!! I too suffered severe depression ladies but I tell you what... YOU are worth it! You and you alone can only make a difference for yourself not anyone else and don't let anyone else tell you, you can't do something! I am 35 years old and I have begun a new life for myself and my girls

Sorry I just thought I'd share my story while we are getting this all out there ...
I'm always here if anyone needs just a shoulder

 

[mrphyemma]

I feel humbled girls reading your stories and don't feel qualified to comment. I've had down times in my life (who hasn't) but have never suffered from clinical depression. I can only imagine how horrendous it can be xx

 

[lisaf]

Lisa my MIL is something like that and she drives me bonkers! Luckily she's not too bad and we get on well, but sometimes she makes little comments and I just want to say to her "well your 41 year old son still lives at home and both your oldest boys are on drugs so really? Are we going to carry this on?"

But I smile sweetly and let it slide!

My MIL has 2 out of her 3 children living at home with her... aged 40 and 36... the 36 year old has never fully supported himself and has some kind of mental illness that he refuses to treat and smokes pot constantly.. its the only thing he talks about... my husband seems to be the 'pick' of the litter, but even he has issues, lol! I am in charge of the money because he doesn't know how to manage his money any better than his 2 siblings. All 3 kids are disgusting slobs and don't know how to pick up after themselves.

Its like she never wanted them to be too independent because she needed to be needed... but she has lost control of the whole situation and is being sucked dry by the neediness now.
So... yeah... I don't necessarily agree with all her parenting decisions with those kinds of results LOL!!!
However my husband is so wonderful and caring that she clearly did SOMETHING right.

 

[caz & bob]

awww hope you all are ok now hate reading what people have been threw to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx