I think that we have all learned two important things here. First that words have meaning and can hurt people and that we should really pause to consider the impact our words can have on others. Second we need to remember that diplomacy is an essential skill when you are a member of a group that is as diverse as this one.
As for me, in the time I have been a member of BnB, have seen things that have made me angry or maybe even hurt my feelings a little bit, but Twag's spoiler was the first time that anything I've read on this site has reduced me to an ugly cry. While I am positive that she did not write her statement with any intent to hurt someone, it doesn't make it hurt any less. I also believe that it was in poor taste to lament that TTC a second child was more difficult than the first in a group where half of the members are still STC their first child or have given up altogether. Words can hurt. Think about what you say before you say it.
Since other's have been so quick to call out Clandie and defend Twag, I would like to take a minute to defend Clandie. First, I will acknowledge and concede that implying that someone is an asshole in a public forum is not a very diplomatic thing to do. That being said, I do agree completely with her sentiment. Clandie was obviously very hurt by Twag's words. And while I haven't spoken to Clandie about this and can't know for sure, I can only assume that her words came from a place of deep hurt and a bitterness that can only be acquired by spending a lot of time in the trenches of infertility with little chance of success. People who are STC don't need yet another glowing reminder of the failure of their reproductive systems.
So with as supportive as this group has been for me for long time, it seems we have come to a point where we are defending one member's feelings and saying that they are ok while simultaneously hanging another member out to dry by implying that her feelings are wrong or have less value. That's not ok in my book. I'm not saying that everything always has to be rainbows and glitter, I'm just saying that if a group is truly supportive of one another, all members' feelings have to be equally valued and acknowledged as valid, and that definitely wasn't the case here.
All that being said, as soon as I post this response I plan to unsubscribe from this thread and respectfully request that my name be removed from the first page of the thread. I no longer feel like this thread can support me where I am right now since I have very little in common with anyone on this thread anymore. I am in a completely different place than half of the thread and the worst nightmare of the other half. So I will fade quietly to stage left.
I wish you all success and the best of luck whether you are trying to conceive your first, second, or seventh. If you take nothing else from this post, please remember that words can hurt. Peace.
just wish it would slow down a little bit for me to catch up!
