{CLOSED} We'll be thankful forever for BFPs in November!

[brunettebimbo]

That's awful I'm sorry Hun. Losing a child is no competition!!

 

[frsttimemama]

Thanks ladies. I don't know, but I really have nothing to say to her.

I did remember to.temp this morning. Yay me. And an opk, which is negative. Gotta go get more tonight or tomorrow. Hope that's the last bottle we have to.buy

 

[SmallTownGal]

Mirolee, I'm just so excited for you! I know, I've said it several times already.. lol.

My sister just told me how she things I got more closure than she did. She lost her baby at 20 weeks several years ago. I just said maybe and quit texting her back. WTF? Seriously? More closure? I thought my kid was coming home.. but if she feels like talking to me like that, more power to her I guess. We're obviously not close.

Did she spare you no sympathy for your own loss?

To be fair, losing a child isn't a competition any more than closure from losing a child is, so her loss is no less valid just because she lost her baby earlier in the PG and long ago in time, right? And I'm sure she thought that she'd be going all the way through PG and give birth and bring the baby home, right?

My mom lost her first baby at 20 weeks. It was devastating for her. She still feels bad about it to this day, and it's a little hard for her to talk about. She had the nursery all decorated (there are even pictures of it in a photo album). 20 weeks is the half way point, and most people who reach that point figure they are safe from miscarriage since they are out of the first tri danger zone. And it's been decades ago, and she had her rainbow baby decades ago (me), but it still hurts. It's still a serious loss for her.

Probably your loss is bringing up memories and feelings of your sister's loss, for her, and maybe she didn't mean anything by what she said other than she felt she would have gotten more closure if she'd had a burial plot and headstone for her baby. If she doesn't have those things, she doesn't have a traditional socially sanctioned special place to go mourn her loss and talk to her dearly departed, right? Maybe she feels like she needs something like that for her own closure. Either way, it's obvious she feels she could have used more closure.

Now, having said that, it's terribly insensitive of her to put it the way she did, as if it were a competition. When my mom and I commiserate over having life changing sucky medical conditions that cause chronic mental and/or physical anguish and may or may not be resolved in time (IF for me, and Spondylolisthesis for her, for example) neither one of us tries to imply we are doing worse in the 'who has it worse' Olympics, and that is for the best, I think. Both IF, and conditions that cause chronic debilitating pain, suck, and are hard to live with. We focus on commiserating about the similarities and giving sympathy for the differences. But we have been been through years of counseling, still go to counseling, and have our own separate support groups, so it's not like it's easy or a given to be this way about it.

I know that you are going through a really difficult time right now (which I can't imagine going through, and hopefully I'll never be in a position to know), and I'm sure you could have really used your sisters full support for your grief and it hurts to not get it. It sucks she wasn't able to give you what you needed.

And, maybe she has a history of wanting to play the 'who has it worse' Olympics, and she's not sparing anyone else any sympathy, and I stand corrected and she's just being a ego centric butt head. But I don't know her that well, and I like to think the best of people, so I'm hoping it's just her own pain keeping her from giving you the support you need.

After all, the pain of IF is keeping me from being *totally* happy for any PG person (even with Mirolee's bfp, I'm still having thoughts of "welp, that's it, I'm definitely not getting my bfp this month "), and the pain of IF is keeping me from family functions because it's too painful to be around children, and I just don't have as much support I can give to anyone, because I'm trying to survive my own pain and that's hard enough.

And frankly, I gotta say that if I never get PG (or if I do but have a miscarriage, of any kind, and no body for a casket or burial plot), I'm going to have to get something like one of those Anne Geddes angel babies pictures or a picture like this (https://www.mediawebapps.com/socialgreetings/upload/ngel.jpg) and stick it in a nice frame and put a black ribbon on the side and make a shrine, cause I'm going to need that for proper closure for myself, whether my loss is for a baby that was miscarried or for all the potential babies I could have had but will never have, and I know that that mourning is going to be a little lonelier than the kind I got with any of my relatives who died and got a funeral, because who has a funeral for a miscarriage or for never getting PG, and let's face it, it's not fair that my pain won't be as recognized by the community, even though it hurts just as bad, as far as I can tell. Each month I'm not PG is like a loved one dying over and over again. It's like Grandma dying over and over again (and her death was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, we were very close, she was the matriarch of the family, the glue that held us all together), and I was once skeptical that it could ever feel that bad, but it does at this point. So loss sucks, whenever and however it happens, and each type of loss has it's own unique downsides and "upsides" if you want to call them that. And everyone deals with loss in different ways and has different feelings about it, so yeah, there's no sense in trying to have the Loss Olympics. It's sucks, it all sucks, and I wish no one had to go through it. But without suffering, we wouldn't know joy, so I know it's necessary, even though I sometimes wonder why it has to be so much. Although I think however much there was, whatever was the worst of it would prompt us to cry "Why, Lord, why?!" (or just "Why?!" depending on what one believes).

I'm sorry, I've gone off on a tangent. As you can see, I'm dealing with my own pain, right now. This is not to take away from your pain, at all, though! I must stress that I'm sorry your sister said a hurtful and insensitive thing in your time of grief and I'm sending you lots of hugs and prayers.

Thanks ladies. I don't know, but I really have nothing to say to her.

I did remember to.temp this morning. Yay me. And an opk, which is negative. Gotta go get more tonight or tomorrow. Hope that's the last bottle we have to.buy

FX'd you O soon!

AFM: Woke up with the doom voice, rattling away at me. I hate when I wake up with that, it's so hard to beat it back when it comes at me first thing.

And it's so hard not to worry that it will just never happen for me, at times like this. What they think is wrong is being treated, so I can't help but worry that I have something so unfixably or mysteriously wrong with me, that I'll never get PG. But I won't know for sure until I go through 6 IUIs and 6 IVFs and then do however many donor embie IVFs we can afford, and/or surrogacy, and that's a long hard road, and I won't know how much of it if any I'll be spared, until I get PG or reach the end of the road with no PG and that sucks.

ETA: And I know I'm lucky to even be able to contemplate affording all that, and lucky to still have hopes that it might work out, but that sadly doesn't stop the worry that it won't work out in the end.

Welp, time to eat something good and watch another comedy. Time to focus on the present and the good things already in life. But it's hard my friends, so hard.

Hows everyone else doing today?

 

[CantHrdlyWait]

I cannot believe your sister would say that. Without meaning it to be hurtful, she has to understand that it was. I'm so sorry!

 

[Lotalaughs16]

Mirolee, have you heard from the dr yet??

 

[HWPG]

no. i'm scared to hear the results. gulp.

 

[Lotalaughs16]

I've been praying all morning for you!

 

[morganwhite7]

Mirolee like the other girls were saying, 25 is HIGH for 10DPO! You JUST IMPLANTED and I know it's so scary worrying about this and that but try not to, get another blood test, DEMAND another blood test lol, and keep FRERing to watch progression over the weekend so you don't drive yourself batty. My thoughts are with you, oh how I know what it feels like to think you're losing another baby. Keep strong, nothing you can do to help/hurt anything.. just keep HWPing

 

[HWPG]

glad i bought more FRERs!
thanks everyone - i feel like a spaz. i mean, i KNOW i'm a spaz.

 

[frsttimemama]

STG, I get what you are saying. And I respect that. It's always difficult. It's always been competitive for her. Idk. Its not a competition. She had the option for a burial and opted not to. There is a place the hospital buried him. I don't know. she apologized, so it is what it is.

Mirolee, yay!

 

[Cowgirl07]

Mirolee-Yay!!
AFM: I feel more human today. It iced and snowed yesterday so I almost fell down my starts-winter starts I guess. 4 dpo and had a dip just like last cycle.

 

[frsttimemama]

Yay! FX Katrina! I think I'm ready for winter.

 

[Cowgirl07]

Oh and dh must have decided I wasn't contagious last night I am never ready I start complaining in November and I hope its done by the end of March. But normally it drags on, and on.

 

[SmallTownGal]

STG, I get what you are saying. And I respect that. It's always difficult. It's always been competitive for her. Idk. Its not a competition. She had the option for a burial and opted not to. There is a place the hospital buried him. I don't know. she apologized, so it is what it is.

Mirolee, yay!

Ah, I see. Knowing all that, I'm thinking maybe she's kicking herself for not having a funeral/burial, but she shouldn't take it out on you! And I'm certainly glad she apologized!

----

Mirolee, did you get your results from the doctor?

---

AFM: Felt better after eating and watching something funny.

 

[HWPG]

yes. hcg =25. average for 10dpo is 15, so i'm above avg. also my digi this morning said "pregnant 1-2". so for today, i'm pregnant!
i'll probably take a FRER every day until my period is late. becuase i'm crazy. i wont take another digi for like 10 days.

 

[NDTaber9211]

2-3 more days until ovulation. Please oh please let this be my lucky month!

 

[Cowgirl07]

FX for you Nichole!!
STG Are you testing?

 

[SmallTownGal]

Yay, great news, Mirolee!! Congrats!

And I don't blame you, I think I'd do the same thing.

Sending you sticky dust!

 

[HWPG]

nichole i am repeating the same thing for you. over and over.

 

[SmallTownGal]

FX for you Nichole!!
STG Are you testing?

Ditto, Nichole!!

And IDK IDK, I just feel like the odds are really against me this month, and the likelihood of there being yet another bfp this month is so low. I'm sure it's going to be negative, whenever I take it his month. On the other hand, it's 10dpo and I'm tempted to take one and have it over with and just face the BFN. I'm going to have to face testing after every IUI and IVF (they have you come in on 14dpi and take a blood test), so I might as well get used to it, now.

I'm feeling very ambivalent. You ladies want to be my tie breaker? Wanna see me test today?