Coats

[zorak]

Yes, having a child with actual sensory issues takes it to a whole new level. Its actual distress for them to wear certain things.

And that's what I'm seeing. This morning we had a big issue because her skirt that she has deemed wearable, was in the laundry. She was clearly distressed and fighting to hold it together while I laid out her options for her: shorts, pants, shorts and leg warmers. She ABSOLUTELY refused every option and appeared significantly distressed. After firmly establishing which things were OK and which things were not, I told her I was going to check on her after taking a shower to see what she had chosen. After my shower, she had selected a long sleeve shirt and a pair of shorts. It's so bizarre how she was so anti-shorts for SOOO long and now she can't stand pants. She has issues with shirts too, but today was OK. Also issues with socks, but we just don't make her wear those so that solves that problem... except for the smell it causes.

Oh, and the temperature dropped today. Winter is clearly on its way now. So, we'll see how she handles that. To be clear though, we live in a moderate climate and dressing in shorts is more of a comfort issue than a safety issue. It isn't literally freezing or anything.

I guess I'm wondering what you are classing as distress? Are you sure it's not just prolonged repeated tantrums? My son will come across as early distressed sometimes when he gets upset, absolute hysteria ensues but I've always just been firm on expectations and over time he's come round.

 

[loeylo]

Yes, having a child with actual sensory issues takes it to a whole new level. Its actual distress for them to wear certain things.

And that's what I'm seeing. This morning we had a big issue because her skirt that she has deemed wearable, was in the laundry. She was clearly distressed and fighting to hold it together while I laid out her options for her: shorts, pants, shorts and leg warmers. She ABSOLUTELY refused every option and appeared significantly distressed. After firmly establishing which things were OK and which things were not, I told her I was going to check on her after taking a shower to see what she had chosen. After my shower, she had selected a long sleeve shirt and a pair of shorts. It's so bizarre how she was so anti-shorts for SOOO long and now she can't stand pants. She has issues with shirts too, but today was OK. Also issues with socks, but we just don't make her wear those so that solves that problem... except for the smell it causes.

Oh, and the temperature dropped today. Winter is clearly on its way now. So, we'll see how she handles that. To be clear though, we live in a moderate climate and dressing in shorts is more of a comfort issue than a safety issue. It isn't literally freezing or anything.

I guess I'm wondering what you are classing as distress? Are you sure it's not just prolonged repeated tantrums? My son will come across as early distressed sometimes when he gets upset, absolute hysteria ensues but I've always just been firm on expectations and over time he's come round.

I agree with this. Gracie goes mental if we put a hat on her - she clawed at her head for hours screaming the first time we put it on. She also takes her jackets straight back off unless they have a fastening she can't undo. She screams if it is fastened.

I just ignore her. I don't let her call the shots. Right now she is too young to understand the reasoning for wearing a coat. I would honestly not negotiate on it at all, sensory issue or not. I think if these things don't become an option, then the issue wont arise. Have you tried taking her out wearing her choice of clothes, carrying a warm jacket with you for her that she can ask for if she is cold?

For what its worth I didn't wear certain things as a child because they felt horrible, such as jeans and knitwear. I would scream if my mum put them on me, my mum persevered and now I pretty much live in those things. I didn't have spd or anything, I just didn't like anything.

 

[SarahBear]

Listen, I'm not looking for someone to tell me "just make her wear it anyway!" If it was that simple, I wouldn't be posting. I know how to set reasonable expectations and stick to them. If you've got ideas for how to make that a smoother more pleasant process and how to ease the sensory aspect of it, then by all means share.

 

[BunnyN]

Maybe I am just too soft with DD because I hate certain things myself. I would honestly rather be sitting on a thumb tack than wearing something that was too hot and itchy. It is a feeling worse than pain. Not many parents would make their children sit on a thumb tack . I know DD and DS are totally different with how they react to clothes so I don't think it's just me .

 

[loeylo]

Listen, I'm not looking for someone to tell me "just make her wear it anyway!" If it was that simple, I wouldn't be posting. I know how to set reasonable expectations and stick to them. If you've got ideas for how to make that a smoother more pleasant process and how to ease the sensory aspect of it, then by all means share.

This is a parenting board and we all have differing parenting styles. You cant really post here then be upset when people advise on what we would do in your situation. Personally I disagree with many of the parenting decisions you make, it doesn't make yours or mines wrong or right, just different. You do go on the offensive every.single.time I reply to one of your threads though. Sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly like thanking every other poster except me.

No-one here can magically tell us how we can make your kid like coats. I don't really know what you do want us to say? We are just stating what we would do in that situation. No need to get tetchy.

 

[lau86]

I wouldn't say ds1 has sensory issues exactly but there was a long time when all he wore was soft cotton jogging style bottoms that were loose. I don't know whether it was a sensory thing or whether he just liked to make his preference clear but he refused jeans and other trousers. I just let him get on with it. With coats and hats, I take it with me and ask if they want it but I've found with mine when they get cold they will ask for it. I don't think young children feel the cold as much as adults.

Eta I am actually much more forceful about summer hats than winter. In that case if they won't wear it we don't go out.

 

[loeylo]

Sarahbear, here is an article from a website citing lots of studies on the issue.

https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5184405

It basically says that your kid ain't gonna die from not wearing a coat so don't stress. If you live in a "moderate" climate (side note - I think you mean temperate &#128521 then it definitely isn't an issue. I live in Scotland and Gracie rarely wears a coat as it is unsafe to put her into the car seat in a coat. She's very much alive and has only had two slight colds in her life (both of which I passed to her from work)

 

[.Mrs.B.]

I would just take a coat with me and layer her as best I could.
If my kids repeatedly told me (by tantrum or otherwise) that they didn't like something then I would listen to them and try to accomodate. I try not to use the 'what I say goes' within reason and it means a lot to kids to have their voices heard.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I would class distress as just that. If you ask people with sensory issues they will tell you a variety of explanations from feeling scared or feeling like it cuts skin. My son can not bear long sleeves and said he feels trapped. It affected his learning as he couldnt cope in long sleeves. So distress IS not someone being awkward. It is physical pain from touch sensation. My toddler will moan...but it is NOT the same as my son. However, I wont force the idea of a coat.

 

[babyjan]

My 4 year old really hates sleeves, no idea why. He doesn't mind wearing a coat but whenever we get indoors or anyone else house he will immediately start removing any long sleeve tops he has on and moans for a t shirt. I've now had to be firm and told he must wear long sleeve pjs to sleep as my flat gets very cold at night. He has started to listen but still does say can I wear t shirt during the day but we are working on that.

I hope you find a solution x

 

[Caroline2000]

I am the same regarding my 7yr old twin sisters, they have no choice but to wear AND zip their jackets up due to the fact it gets really cold here in Scotland especially in the morning

 

[whatwillbex]

When Holly refuses to wear a coat I just leave her to it. She soon changes her mind once she feels how cold it is.

I do this too. Works every time x

 

[whatwillbex]

The problem we have is my daughter hates things that don’t let her “stretch”, long sleeves, leggings, tights. So all her clothes have to be really baggy. She does this little dance to test her clothes. If she can’t do certain moves she’s like I can’t wear this, it doesn’t let me stretch!
Every time we buy her clothes! Haha
Summer is just so easy shorts and Tshirt.. done xx

 

[SarahBear]

Not sure why this thread popped up again, but it looks like it's from the fall before her seizures started. Turns out that her epilepsy was affecting her sensory sensitivities. Things are pretty under control now and we don't have coat issues. Woohoo! It's nice to have sensory issues under control.