Combining co-sleeping/slinging with cot/not slinging

[colsy]

Hello ladies, I'm after some advice from those of you who co-sleep and/or use a sling a lot of the time but who also sometimes put baby in his own cot or not in the sling.

I have found that baby sleeping in our bed and carrying baby in sling are both good settlers for our little one (and for me too!). (Though neither help him through the nighttime colic - that's a case of just waiting til it's over.)

I don't subscribe to the whole "rod for your own back" thing, and I generally believe in going with what feels right for both baby and us - so standard natural, gentle or attachment parenting, or whatever term seems right! However, one thing does concern me a bit re co-sleeping and sling-carrying ... is he going to get so used to these two things that in a few weeks or months he'll refuse to nap or night-sleep in his basket/cot rather than in our bed; or spend time in his chair/playmat/whatever during the day instead of in his sling?

My OH and I will be sharing work and childcare after 3 months or so, and therefore we really need baby to be able to hang out happily with either of us, not just in my sling. My OH doesn't like my sling, though he will use a Baby Bjorn if required. (I know these aren't great, but I can't change his mind - I have tried!)

Any of you got experience of how we can GENTLY help baby accept his own bed and his own little space out of the sling for a while each day or night?

 

[lozzy21]

I was/am baby led, if she happily went to sleep in her cot then she went in her cot, if she was fussy and needed to be with us she went in with us. If she was happy playing on the floor then she played on the floor, if she needed cuddles she was held or went in the sling.

Have you showed your OH the connecta or a rose and rebellion? They come in different patterns, some quite blokey ones.

 

[pocket fluff]

Kind of as Lozzy said, keep doing both depending on what feels right/the situation and he'll get used to both.

Be 'warned'(!) though that some babies just need to be held or cuddled more than others so sometimes a carrier is used out of necessity rather than being the thing that made them that way. We couldn't put our LO down until she was about 3 months and it took her until she was about 5/6 months to be happy on her own for more than a few minutes, even now she likes to come back to me every couple of minutes for a super quick cuddle before she's off again! I'm so glad she's like this as the time really does go by as quickly as everyone will warn you and believe it or not now, you will miss the newborn stage! Thanks to LO though I know I definitely made the most of the cuddles and held her lots because she made sure of it! You're never going to look back at this time and wish you'd held him less (even if it does get quite exhausting sometimes - especially when you're trying to get showered/dressed or eat)!

ETA: just noticed you've already got another child so hope I'm not just going on about what you already know!!

 

[xSin]

We co-sleep and also have her in her own bed... sometimes she settles fine in her own bed, other times if she's feeling anxious or something she won't sleep unless its in our bed. On nights where she starts out in her own bed but ends up in ours I try to at some point put her back in her own bed more often than not because she likes her space and beats me up otherwise lol

 

[libbyam2003]

Kind of as Lozzy said, keep doing both depending on what feels right/the situation and he'll get used to both.

Be 'warned'(!) though that some babies just need to be held or cuddled more than others so sometimes a carrier is used out of necessity rather than being the thing that made them that way. We couldn't put our LO down until she was about 3 months and it took her until she was about 5/6 months to be happy on her own for more than a few minutes, even now she likes to come back to me every couple of minutes for a super quick cuddle before she's off again! I'm so glad she's like this as the time really does go by as quickly as everyone will warn you and believe it or not now, you will miss the newborn stage! Thanks to LO though I know I definitely made the most of the cuddles and held her lots because she made sure of it! You're never going to look back at this time and wish you'd held him less (even if it does get quite exhausting sometimes - especially when you're trying to get showered/dressed or eat)!

ETA: just noticed you've already got another child so hope I'm not just going on about what you already know!!

What you wrote gave me some perspective... as I've been fretting and stressing about my lo being so needy for me all the time... wants me to do everything with her... need to learn to embrace that more while I can!! But can be hard when I need to cook dinner and do dishes with limited time since I work and such. Ah parenthood!

 

[pocket fluff]

You've always got to try to look at the bigger picture haven't you? Easier said than done sometimes of course!

We've had it hard with LO's sleeping, our biggest low point went on for about 6 weeks when she wouldn't sleep more than 40 minutes at a time and needed feeding/rocking back to sleep every time. Even now I'm not sure how I physically did that! Even co-sleeping I couldn't sleep unless she was, I've got a bit better at that now though! What kept me going was the thought that out of everything this world had to offer, all she wanted and needed was me. Or sometimes if I was lucky she'd 'settle' for daddy! I just kept thinking that that wouldn't last for very long and before I knew it I'd be kept awake worrying about what time she was going to come home! I decided to treasure the fact that at this moment I had her in my arms and that was the only place she wanted to be. I enjoyed being needed, even if it was for the 8th time that night!

Something lovely to read if you're getting to the end of your tether:

https://www.nurturingheartsbirthservices.com/blog/?p=1773

 

[aliss]

I agree with the warning that some babes just accept different things (or rather, don't accept different things!). With my second, he has easily accepted his own bed in the day for hours, and in bed with us at night (or vice-versa). Same for the sling, and he is only 2.5 weeks. My first however, could not be taught to like both until much later, he was just a far needier child. Persist, persist, but don't be surprised or disappointed if it doesn't work

 

[lozzy21]

Kind of as Lozzy said, keep doing both depending on what feels right/the situation and he'll get used to both.

Be 'warned'(!) though that some babies just need to be held or cuddled more than others so sometimes a carrier is used out of necessity rather than being the thing that made them that way. We couldn't put our LO down until she was about 3 months and it took her until she was about 5/6 months to be happy on her own for more than a few minutes, even now she likes to come back to me every couple of minutes for a super quick cuddle before she's off again! I'm so glad she's like this as the time really does go by as quickly as everyone will warn you and believe it or not now, you will miss the newborn stage! Thanks to LO though I know I definitely made the most of the cuddles and held her lots because she made sure of it! You're never going to look back at this time and wish you'd held him less (even if it does get quite exhausting sometimes - especially when you're trying to get showered/dressed or eat)!

ETA: just noticed you've already got another child so hope I'm not just going on about what you already know!!

What you wrote gave me some perspective... as I've been fretting and stressing about my lo being so needy for me all the time... wants me to do everything with her... need to learn to embrace that more while I can!! But can be hard when I need to cook dinner and do dishes with limited time since I work and such. Ah parenthood!

Its situations like that when having a sling comes in handy, I can put her on my back and carry on while she gets cuddles.

 

[libbyam2003]

Yeah I try that.. I have the ergo so I'll put her on my back. But she still gets fussy. Likes it when I walk around if she's on my back instead of my front. I try the hip carry, but always seems like she's falling out.

 

[OmarsMum]

Omar used to sleep in his cot for nap times, & his cot at the beginning of the night then we used to move him to our bed, at 14 months he ditched the cot & moved full time to our bed, he didn't need cuddles, rocking or feeding to sleep (FFed), but now he will not sleep if he's not cuddled all night, he wakes up as soon as I leave bed which is exhausting. He's 3 but he can't self settle or sleep alone although he used to self settle when he was a baby.