Connecting with baby?

[BrittBS]

I feel so guilty to actually admitting this... With my dd I fell in love the moment I knew I was pregnant, I was so excited, loved feeling all the movements. This pregnancy is soooo different! I still haven't felt that connection with this baby I feel so sad about it. I'm having issues through this pregnancy and when he kicks it's painful. I haven't really bought anything for him yet. My husband and I really don't agree on anything for him, which doesn't help. Lol please tell me I'm not the only one feeling like this?

 

[purplecupcake]

I didn't really feel much of a connection until I started feeling him. I mean, after my 3d ultrasound at 15 weeks, I was in awe, but there was still a big disconnect between actually grasping that that little baby was mine and he was inside me. I definitely don't believe in all that "instant love" thing, not for me at least.

 

[Selaphyna]

You aren't the only one. I'm excited about the pregnancy but compared to when I was pregnant with ds, I haven't had the connection yet that I had with ds.

 

[BrittBS]

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I also felt that I would have more of a connection once I started feeling him. I started feeling him kick at 16 weeks and I still haven't felt any different. I'm hoping it changes soon!

 

[modified]

I think I'll be one of the mums I've read that others are on here - that connection and bond won't come until she's in my arms. Sure, I love her and it's really nice to feel the kicks... but, for now, that's where it ends.

I'm the same way in every other situation in life.. if I'm going for a job interview, I don't get nervous until I'm sitting outside the door waiting. I don't really get excited for Christmas until I'm in my bed on Christmas eve night.

Does that make sense?

 

[Unexpected212]

I felt really bonded with my son when I was pregnant but when he was born it was such a SHOCK to have a baby that it took me a few weeks to really bond. I loved him from the second he was born but it took time to adjust to it for sure.

I think it's normal sometimes to either not bond from conception or during pregnancy or even after the birth.

 

[RinnaRoo]

I feel the same way. I'm so tied up in the "today" with work and my almost 4 year old, that I just don't feel that connection with this new baby. I try to talk to her and spend time just feeling her kick, but it's so unreal right now.

 

[vickyandchick]

I feel the same way, I think also I feel this way because baby was such a surprise and I'm a huge worrier so my mind is blocking me from getting too attached iykwim?
I love feeling kicks but right now I've got so much to deal with that it's hard for me to get attached. I imagine that when he/she is born then I'll feel that huge rush of love and not beforehand

 

[EmzyJA]

Yeah I feel like that. I don't get a lot of movement although I started feeling it early on, it's still only a couple of times a day maybe and some days nothing. (I have anterior placenta) I'm hoping I do bond to this baby a bit more. With my daughter I felt instantly connected. I'm hoping once I know then gender and I can start imaging it all that I may bond a bit more and also when movements get stronger.

 

[Buttercup84]

I've had the opposite, didn't really bond with my first dd in utero and it still took a little while once she was born, but I did have pnd that took root during pregnancy so that was a big barrier at the time. This pregnancy has been really different, I bonded with this baby early on and I'm generally enjoying being pregnant more than I did with my first. I feel quite guilty about it tbh even though me and dd have a great bond now.

 

[xSamantha]

This is a refreshing topic to read. I am experiencing my first pregnancy. No prior losses, no pregnancy experience whatsoever. I still feel as if it's a surreal thing. I've felt flutters.. but I too don't feel a "connection." I'm almost 17 weeks now, and I've felt flutters.. but nothing major. I was talking to my dh the other night saying how I don't think I can be one of those people who talk to my belly and such. I mean, only time will tell.. but I think I'd just feel silly. Like others have said, I don't think I'll REALLY feel a connection until my baby is in my arms.

 

[ChristiansMum]

My DS I was young and it was a major shock to have a baby an it took a good couple of weeks after he was born to really bond with him but we have an amazing bond now and he is a mummy's boy.

DD she was planned and I had suffered a mc 3 months before I fell pregnant with her so I was worried the while pregnancy that something would happen to her and it took longer for me to bond with her becauae I was scared to let me guard down incase something did happen to her. I really do regret it now looking back because I should of enjoyed my pregnancy. But we are fine now but she is a total daddy's girl she is only intrested in me when daddy's not around.

This little boy wasn't planned but I'm trying to enjoy my pregnancy as it will be our last but I just don't have the time to enjoy every kick ect because I have dd at home all day and running around after her all day and doing school runs ect. But I enjoy the time me and bump have when both the kids are in bed and I get time to enjoy the kicks x

 

[Nikko88]

Bonding is such a weird topic for me. Sometimes it feels like I am bonding. I sing to my little girl and talk to her. Then other times I forget she's there or I worry that something will still go wrong before I can hold her in my arms.

I haven't bought anything yet (though I started list making) and we haven't picked a name, probably because it still feels like so much could go wrong. I guess that pretty much will be true true for the rest of her life.

I'm also leery of being unrealistic about my reaction to her when she's born. I've never really been a child person. I never liked baby-sitting. But I am fascinated by how such a little ball of cells can grow and develop into a person.

I wonder what she'll be like. I wonder how we will adapt (we are both a little older for first time parents). So much is unknown that I feel it hard to commit my whole heart to such a fragile being who seems more idea. Although she's getting more real every day as I feel the flutters and continue to expand.

I can't wait for the anatomy scan in a week and a half.

 

[purplecupcake]

It would seem that perhaps not boding straight away is more of the norm than the exception. I think the media is to blame, showing women get a positive pregnancy test and then rub their nonexistent stomach with a huge smile. Also, as with most things in life, people are weird and selfish and make everything a competition and a show. I'd guess some women who claim to have loved their "baby" (cluster of cells) from the moment of conception are sensationalizing the whole experience.

Pregnancy is long and drawn out, you have plenty of time to experience the gamut of emotions, not all of them warm and fuzzy. It's almost as odd as saying "I loved my husband before I met him". Of course I didn't. I knew he existed somewhere but you can't really love someone before you meet them! Any connection in utero is most likely evolutionary carry over that serves to protect the fetus for survival. Us humans just have to muck it all up with attributing emotions

 

[ParisJeTadore]

Awe, don't feel bad. We connect at different times with each one of our babies. For my first pregnancy I felt no connection to my son until a couple months after he was born! The fact that I didn't know who he was...even after he was born...made him feel like a stranger to me. I feel more connected with this baby because I know how awesome it is to have a child but I'm pretty sure that I will have that same "alien baby" feeling after they are born too.

Bonding takes time. Accept how you feel and I guarantee you will feel a whole lot better about this.

 

[RcdM]

I have heard this is pretty common for your second and any subsequent pregnancies. I think maybe because it's not really a new experience anymore. You already know what to expect and how things work, so the fascination and wonder isn't as high as it was with your first. I feel the same way. I think it's because with my first, it was just me and my oh and the baby in my belly and it was all I ever thought of, talked about, dreamed about. But now, I have a toddler, and life doesn't just get put on hold like it kind of seemed to with my first. I still work full time, I still have to chase around my 2 year old, none of that stops or slows down to give me time to really think about the little one in my belly.

I have just recently started feeling flutters and I really like that because half the time I forget I'm pregnant just because I have so much else going on. The flutters remind me he/she's there and I can't wait until they get stronger and more consistent. With my first, I loved knowing she was in my belly and that she went with me everywhere I went. I always had my hand on my belly out of just natural habit without really thinking. I'm not one to really "talk" to my belly or anything but I did love knowing she was always with me. I don't feel that at all with this one, at least not yet anyway. But sometimes when I feel bad about not feeling so in love with this one yet, I'll watch like Baby Story or some kind of show about pregnancy/birth/newborns and I'll get all emotional and excited again LOL.

 

[Rcx]

I don't feel that bond yet. I have been quite anxious about it even tho the baby is moving now I still have a hard time connecting it with a baby in real life. I would be devastated if anything happened tho so maybe that's a sign.
I would love to feel that bond but I am happy enough to feel it when baby is born. I am excited buying stuff etc but I think it will hit me when I first hold my baby.
I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way throughout

 

[hello_kitty]

Dont worry you are not alone. I am having the same problem. I dont think I will actually feel that connection until I hold him in my arms. With ds1, I also felt the connection right away when I got it confirmed at 6 weeks. I kept talking to my bump and couldnt wait for him to kick and whenever he did, I would take a break from what I was doing and just lay down and enjoy the moment.

With this pregnancy, I didnt even feel much excitement when I went for the gender scan. I would I could have more feelings for him at this point, but I just dont...but I know that will change once he's here. I think it has to do with me having an 18 month old to look after so I am way to busy to pay much attention to whats going on in there. He was kicking me today when I tried giving ds a bath and I found that annoying because his kicks were very low and uncomfortable.

 

[xQuinnx]

I didn't feel connected at all until I found out the gender, even now sometimes I don't feel connected. I mainly feel connected if she moves a lot but then there will be a big one and it kind of scares me :-/

 

[bumpbear]

I think this time around we're so busy running around after our existing children we don't have time to focus on the ones we are growing.

Last time, I was obsessed with being pregnant the moment I got my two lines. This time, I only remember when LO gives me a bit of a kick and I remember she or he is in there. Stark contrast to when I had DD- I would actually sit around and wait for her to kick and could tell you exactly how many movements I'd felt all day etc. This time, no chance of that happening.

I hope that when I find out the gender and can start talking about him or her in real terms, it will create a bit more of a connection than the loose one I have at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I do love tis baby to bits and couldn't be without them already, its just that I wish I had all the time in the world to focus on this pregnancy like I did last time.