Considering Surrogacy for Sister in law

[Snowdrop123]

Hello all, just looking for a bit of advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. First thread so bear with me. Just need to put this out to some impartial strangers!
I have two children and my husband and I are not planning to have any more.
My husbands brother and his wife have been TTC for a number of years. They have been through 3 or 4 cycles of IVF. My sister in law has conceived through this twice. However for some reason the pregnancies have failed. I think they made it to 8 weeks for one pregnancy but at the 12 week scan the heartbeat had gone. They cannot find a medical reason for this.

I am considering offering to be a surrogate for them. It would have to be the host type - I could not emotionally deal with using my eggs. She is currently starting another cycle of IVF so I am wondering whether I should bring this up now while she's going through it all & offer to do it at the same time.

My youngest is only 3 months. I hate being pregnant and found it difficult last time as I got pregnant 8 wks after giving birth to my first! My pregnancies were not difficult and I had no problems, I just really don't enjoy it.

My first birth was a horrible experience and I tore very badly, don't think it will ever repair properly. Subsequently I got myself in a state about the second birth which was a walk in the park in comparison!

I did not get emotionally attached to either of my children while they were inside so I don't think that would be a problem. However I have been considering this for a long time and during my last pregnancy I remember thinking I really couldn't do it. May have been the hormones though!

I can't stop thinking about it. We visited them recently and they are so good with our children, I know they would be fantastic parents and its breaking their hearts that they can't have their own. I don't want to discuss it with my husband until I am 100% sure I would be happy to do it. He adores his brother and I'm sure he would be over the moon if I said I would try so I don't want to get his hopes up if I'm not sure.

I have obviously done some googling but a lot of advice is to do with legal issues, relationship building etc for surrogacy for 'strangers' which doesn't apply.

Anyone who has gone through it, any thoughts and anything I should specifically consider? Thanks!!

 

[kiwimama]

I've no experience, but if you don't enjoy pregnancy and find it difficult, I don't think it's the best thing to do.. I don't handle pregnancy very well either and could never be a surrogate solely because of this exact reason.

 

[billy2mm]

i think you need to discuss this with you oh first. this affects him as much as it does you and you need to decide together whether this is the right thing fot you to do as a family for your bil and sil.

 

[fls]

Hi there,

I am in a similar position. My best friend cannot fall pregnant naturally because she had an operation as a little girl and her falopian tubes were damaged. Her and her husband have tried IVF 4 times now unsuccesfully and only have a frozen few eggs left. She is frightened to use them as they are the only hope she has left and she feels that her body rejects them when they go in.

I have spoken to my husband and he has said he will support me as i would like to offer host surrogacy (I have an amazing husband). I just feel i have been blessed with reproductive organs that work and love our friends so much and have no doubt in my mind that they would make amazing parents. I loved being pregnant.

I was wondering if anybody knows where i can get information about the facts and the real nitty gritty of surrogacy. Whether or not there is counseling etc.

F

 

[herewego]

I've not got any experience of this type of situation but just wanted to say how amazing I think you both are for even considering this! I always said I'd only consider surrogacy for my brother and sister-in-law if they ever found they couldn't have kids (they beat me to it as it happens), my personal feeligns are that it is an incredibly selfless thing to do, especially as you don't enjoy pregnancy very much.

Anyway, back to the original q - I agree with talking things through with your OH - after all, he stands to lose a great deal if god-forbid there were any complications/issues. I'd also suggest finding a solicitor who delas with these kinds of issues and discuss things through before mentioning it to your brother and sister-in-law, it would be very hard to deal with if you were all in agreement but then had to change plans due to legalities.

Whichever way you decide, best of luck to you, your brother and sister-in-law - you never know, this IVF may work out (has anyone mentioned putting her on heparin in case its a blood clotting issue?) x

 

[mamalove]

You fell pregnant so quickly after your first child and your second baby is only 3 months old, your body needs some rest. I know you want to help them but i would wait as so many pregnancies one after another can cause harm to your wellbeing and your children need you.
I would definatley talk to them about it,see how they feel about the whole thing and if their IVF cycle doesn't go to plan i would wait another 9 months or so and then go for it,it's amazing that you want to do that for them!

good luck