Controversial Curiosity

[melorablack]

All my children will go to Martial Arts classes as soon as they are able to. It will be the only thing I will ever force them to do, they aren't stopping until they can put Buffy to shame lol.

My dh and I were also bullied relentlessly in high school and they will be taught to only hit in self defence but also to make sure that they hit the bully so hard they will remember it forever.

It may sound harsh and I know violence is wrong but try to convince me this isn't the best course of action to take when I was bullied verbally, mentally and physically for 7 years and not one teacher/policeman did a thing to stop it. I only ever got into fights twice and while I was never hurt, both times I wished I had the strength and skill to do serious damage to the gits who started it. If I had it may have stopped it, "talking" and "reasoning" and "detentions" did nothing to the bullies, they needed a good slap.

that's horrible. I'm so sorry no-one helped you.

On a lighter note, I was trying to work out why you referred to me in your post.... only to realise that you weren't referring to me but to Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

Lol! For all I know you may be able to handle yourself pretty well too

 

[Foogirl]

I'm not a fan of children being taught Martial Arts with a view to them being able to hold their own in a fight. I was always taught with Martial Arts, if you're in a fight, you've lost. It shouldn't be used as a form of attack and only in life threatening situations as a form of defence.

I can see it only aggravating the situation if a child who is being bullied, manages to floor the big guy and make him look like a fool. He'll only come back with a few of his friends.

And it certainly isn't only the little guys who get bullied. Mr Foo was a tall, stocky teenager and hated any type of confrontation. People would try to get him into a fight just to show they could bring him down. Thankfully it didn't happen often.

I was never bullied but my older sister was in high school. Her first 3 years were hell thanks to "the popular girls" They teased her mercilessly and had no real reason for doing so. To this day I hate them. And hate anyone like them.

It can go both ways. One girl at school accused myself and my friend of bullying. She was the one child who everyone laughed at and many did pick on. Sure I never stood up for her, and I laughed along with all the others, and that was wrong, but to single us out was wrong. My guidance teacher decided the way to handle it was to try to make us friends. I tried really hard to befriend her. I did start to stick up for her and never laughed at her after that. She just threw it back in my face, refused to accept any attempts to join our group and for 4 years continued to accuse us of bullying. Even after she left school, she came back and had a go at us for picking on her little sister. I didn't even know who her sister was! The sad thing is, if she would have let us help, the rest of the class would have backed off, but they never did.

If Abby was being bullied, I would do everything in my power to have it stopped. I will always teach her that the opinions of others in that situation mean nothing and she is to walk away and ignore them. If anyone physically hits her, I will deal with their parents and involve the police if the parents refuse to accept it. I will definitely teach her to fight her own battles, but to make sure she doesn't end up in more trouble by becoming physical herself.

If Abby was accused of bullying, she would be in a world of trouble. I would be absolutely mortified. She would have every priviledge removed and be made to understand she should be sticking up for those not able to stick up for themselves. I'd force her to apologise face to face with the child she was picking. I'd never try to enforce a friendship between them but she would certainly be made to spend some time in their company understanding how she was making them feel.

 

[Lightworker]

I did martial arts and was one belt shy of a black belt, and even with that, if someone challenged me physically, i would not fight back (unless it was my babies or life was at risk). sometimes even if you equip your child with this skill(if you can call it that) they may not want to use it depending on their temperament. As my children grow, i would rather they used their intellect to outsmart bullies, that and train them to run like the wind, lol.

 

[Foogirl]

I did martial arts and was one belt shy of a black belt, and even with that, if someone challenged me physically, i would not fight back (unless it was my babies or life was at risk). sometimes even if you equip your child with this skill(if you can call it that) they may not want to use it depending on their temperament. As my children grow, i would rather they used their intellect to outsmart bullies, that and train them to run like the wind, lol.

Totally agree. Martial Arts training (if you pick the right class) should be all about NOT fighting and having the inner strength to walk away with your head held high.

And yes, always in a good pair of runners!

 

[ILoveShoes]

I did martial arts and was one belt shy of a black belt, and even with that, if someone challenged me physically, i would not fight back (unless it was my babies or life was at risk). sometimes even if you equip your child with this skill(if you can call it that) they may not want to use it depending on their temperament. As my children grow, i would rather they used their intellect to outsmart bullies, that and train them to run like the wind, lol.

Totally agree. Martial Arts training (if you pick the right class) should be all about NOT fighting and having the inner strength to walk away with your head held high.

And yes, always in a good pair of runners!

Hmmm, I don't entirely agree with this...
My son will do martial arts, as I said previously. If he was to come home one day after being beaten up, I would be upset if he hadn't used the techniques he had learnt to defend himself.

 

[Foogirl]

Hmmm, I don't entirely agree with this...
My son will do martial arts, as I said previously. If he was to come home one day after beingbeaten up, I would be upset if he hadn't learnt what he had learnt to defend himself.

I would suggest a self defence class rather than a martial arts class.

My nephew's instructor has thrown people out of his class if they are caught fighting.

 

[ILoveShoes]

Hmmm, I don't entirely agree with this...
My son will do martial arts, as I said previously. If he was to come home one day after beingbeaten up, I would be upset if he hadn't learnt what he had learnt to defend himself.

I would suggest a self defence class rather than a martial arts class.

My nephew's instructor has thrown people out of his class if they are caught fighting.

I actually teach karate and kickboxing to adults.
Although I don't teach children, I would not throw a child out of my class for protecting themselves. Obviously, I don't mean starting fights or bullying people, but I do believe its acceptable for children to stick up for themselves IF they need to.

 

[polo_princess]

Im in the "Hit back, but dont hit first" camp

 

[melorablack]

Hmmm, I don't entirely agree with this...
My son will do martial arts, as I said previously. If he was to come home one day after beingbeaten up, I would be upset if he hadn't learnt what he had learnt to defend himself.

I would suggest a self defence class rather than a martial arts class.

My nephew's instructor has thrown people out of his class if they are caught fighting.

I actually teach karate and kickboxing to adults.
Although I don't teach children, I would not throw a child out of my class for protecting themselves. Obviously, I don't mean starting fights or bullying people, but I do believe its acceptable for children to stick up for themselves IF they need to.

I completely agree.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I was bullied at school, and I always hit people back despite my parents telling me not to do so....it didn't help me one jot, I would always be the one seen doing the hitting and would be in just as much trouble as the bullies. Basically I had brought myself down to their level. Unfortunately back then it was not in my nature just to ignore people who were saying stuff to me.

So no, I would not want Ruby to hit anyone back who physically bullied her.

If Ruby was caught bullying I would take it very seriously indeed and perhaps seek professional help for her because no happy, secure person bullies others.

 

[Foogirl]

I actually teach karate and kickboxing to adults.
Although I don't teach children, I would not throw a child out of my class for protecting themselves. Obviously, I don't mean starting fights or bullying people, but I do believe its acceptable for children to stick up for themselves IF they need to.

The view of the instructor - and of others that I know, is that it is very dangerous to use the art (and let's not forget it is supposed to be an "art") in a defensive situation, especially for children who may not understand that fully.

If Ruby was caught bullying I would take it very seriously indeed and perhaps seek professional help for her because no happy, secure person bullies others.

oooh, very good point. Yes, I think I'd do that too. There would obviously be some sort of problem if she were to be bullying other children.

 

[ILoveShoes]

I was bullied at school, and I always hit people back despite my parents telling me not to do so....it didn't help me one jot, I would always be the one seen doing the hitting and would be in just as much trouble as the bullies. Basically I had brought myself down to their level. Unfortunately back then it was not in my nature just to ignore people who were saying stuff to me.

So no, I would not want Ruby to hit anyone back who physically bullied her.

If Ruby was caught bullying I would take it very seriously indeed and perhaps seek professional help for her because no happy, secure person bullies others.

I'm being totally hypothetical now, and truly hope that this never happens, but what if some kid was repeatedly hitting/hurting Ruby? Would you still prefer her not to hit back?
Like I said, I truly hope its never the case, I'm just interested in your opinion.

 

[ILoveShoes]

Foogirl - this is why I think its important to teach age appropriate techniques to children. Obviously, there are very dangerous techniques that could seriously injur/disable/kill a person. Hopefully, a responsible instructor would not teach these to a child.
Someone mentioned krav maga earlier, and I would agree that this isn't appropriate for a child to learn.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I was bullied at school, and I always hit people back despite my parents telling me not to do so....it didn't help me one jot, I would always be the one seen doing the hitting and would be in just as much trouble as the bullies. Basically I had brought myself down to their level. Unfortunately back then it was not in my nature just to ignore people who were saying stuff to me.

So no, I would not want Ruby to hit anyone back who physically bullied her.

If Ruby was caught bullying I would take it very seriously indeed and perhaps seek professional help for her because no happy, secure person bullies others.

I'm being totally hypothetical now, and truly hope that this never happens, but what if some kid was repeatedly hitting/hurting Ruby? Would you still prefer her not to hit back?
Like I said, I truly hope its never the case, I'm just interested in your opinion.

Yes.
Ruby would be putting herself in the wrong, therefore limiting the help she would get from adults, by retaliating. I've been there myself, as I said.

I cannot describe how sick I feel at the idea of someone bullying Ruby but it would be up to me, as the adult, to control my emotive responses and help my daughter deal with situations in a healthier and more helpful way.

 

[ILoveShoes]

I was bullied at school, and I always hit people back despite my parents telling me not to do so....it didn't help me one jot, I would always be the one seen doing the hitting and would be in just as much trouble as the bullies. Basically I had brought myself down to their level. Unfortunately back then it was not in my nature just to ignore people who were saying stuff to me.

So no, I would not want Ruby to hit anyone back who physically bullied her.

If Ruby was caught bullying I would take it very seriously indeed and perhaps seek professional help for her because no happy, secure person bullies others.

I'm being totally hypothetical now, and truly hope that this never happens, but what if some kid was repeatedly hitting/hurting Ruby? Would you still prefer her not to hit back?
Like I said, I truly hope its never the case, I'm just interested in your opinion.

Yes.
Ruby would be putting herself in the wrong, therefore limiting the help she would get from adults, by retaliating. I've been there myself, as I said.

I cannot describe how sick I feel at the idea of someone bullying Ruby but it would be up to me, as the adult, to control my emotive responses and help my daughter deal with situations in a healthier and more helpful way.

Thanks for the response.
Out of curiousity, how do you think children should deal with bullies? I'm aware that this is going to sound like I'm being confrontational/provocative, but I'm not being. In my experience (my own experience and what I've heard from others), telling the teacher doesn't achieve very much.

 

[ttc_lolly]

I was brought up to stand up for myself, violence not neccesary and it worked for me. The only thing that scares me is how different kids/bullying/gangs/knife & gun crime is now, compared to when I was at school... and I'm only 24 so I'm not going back too far!!! It seems to have grown dangerously worse in such a short space of time, it makes me think 'What are the kids going to be like when my daughter is 16?'... just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine. I will bring my daughter up as I was, beleiving that is for the best... however if it will be enough then, who knows? Am I really going to want her to stand up against a gang or someone with a knife or gun?? x

 

[lucy_x]

I was bullied at school, and I always hit people back despite my parents telling me not to do so....it didn't help me one jot, I would always be the one seen doing the hitting and would be in just as much trouble as the bullies. Basically I had brought myself down to their level. Unfortunately back then it was not in my nature just to ignore people who were saying stuff to me.

So no, I would not want Ruby to hit anyone back who physically bullied her.

If Ruby was caught bullying I would take it very seriously indeed and perhaps seek professional help for her because no happy, secure person bullies others.

i agree
unfortunatly it took me until i was 17 to realise this!


im so frightened of it happening to Amari (after all my surname would be the 1st thing to start with :sad

Its not the actually physical bullying im worried about (i dont think that ever happened when i was at school) its the verbal... it really hurts , and im not sure how i'l fix tht, i guess teach her to give back as good as she gets.... because ignoring them never worked for me....

the saddest thing. all those people who called me names...now add me on facebook & ask how i am like nothing has happened!

 

[PrayinForBaby]

Havent read thread, but I will probably be teaching Haley just like me and my brother were taught...you never start a fight, but if someone hits you, you better fight back. And if my child is the bully, she'll have lots of lonely nights at home with having priveleges taken away, etc. I remember once in day care being bit by another kid and I came home and showed my mom the perfect mouth indentations on my arm from this other little girl...my momma told me that if she ever did it again I was to bite her back or I'd get whipped...so the next day, she bit me again...so I bit her back...needless to say she never tried it again. Now I know thats probably not the most mature thing to do, but it worked! lol I try to just hope that we cross that bridge when it comes to us.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I was bullied at school, and I always hit people back despite my parents telling me not to do so....it didn't help me one jot, I would always be the one seen doing the hitting and would be in just as much trouble as the bullies. Basically I had brought myself down to their level. Unfortunately back then it was not in my nature just to ignore people who were saying stuff to me.

So no, I would not want Ruby to hit anyone back who physically bullied her.

If Ruby was caught bullying I would take it very seriously indeed and perhaps seek professional help for her because no happy, secure person bullies others.

I'm being totally hypothetical now, and truly hope that this never happens, but what if some kid was repeatedly hitting/hurting Ruby? Would you still prefer her not to hit back?
Like I said, I truly hope its never the case, I'm just interested in your opinion.

Yes.
Ruby would be putting herself in the wrong, therefore limiting the help she would get from adults, by retaliating. I've been there myself, as I said.

I cannot describe how sick I feel at the idea of someone bullying Ruby but it would be up to me, as the adult, to control my emotive responses and help my daughter deal with situations in a healthier and more helpful way.

Thanks for the response.
Out of curiousity, how do you think children should deal with bullies? I'm aware that this is going to sound like I'm being confrontational/provocative, but I'm not being. In my experience (my own experience and what I've heard from others), telling the teacher doesn't achieve very much.

In my experience, it depended on the teacher. Good teachers took bullying very seriously in the schools I went to. Bad teachers did not. Others simply seemed to have no idea how idea how to handle it at all.

As much as I struggled with this, I would be advising a bullied child not to say anything back or pay any attention to the bullies, but to consult any adult for help.

One thing I remember working was a one to one discussion with a girl who was bullying me, with a senior teacher present. This was very effective in stopping that particular situation.

Schools need to be seen to take a zero tolerance approach to bullying and discourage certain events and activities that seem to be a breeding ground for bullying and belittling of others.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I was bullied at school, and I always hit people back despite my parents telling me not to do so....it didn't help me one jot, I would always be the one seen doing the hitting and would be in just as much trouble as the bullies. Basically I had brought myself down to their level. Unfortunately back then it was not in my nature just to ignore people who were saying stuff to me.

So no, I would not want Ruby to hit anyone back who physically bullied her.

If Ruby was caught bullying I would take it very seriously indeed and perhaps seek professional help for her because no happy, secure person bullies others.

i agree
unfortunatly it took me until i was 17 to realise this!


im so frightened of it happening to Amari (after all my surname would be the 1st thing to start with :sad

Its not the actually physical bullying im worried about (i dont think that ever happened when i was at school) its the verbal... it really hurts , and im not sure how i'l fix tht, i guess teach her to give back as good as she gets.... because ignoring them never worked for me....

the saddest thing. all those people who called me names...now add me on facebook & ask how i am like nothing has happened!

Oh yes, same here! One girl was so nasty to me at school but added me on FB all 'lovey' and 'hun'! Err ok!