Convinced it's boy and that I will hate him :-(

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by minties, Feb 8, 2016.

  1. minties

    minties Complete

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    I don't know why, because I love my son to the moon and back, and I think that the mother/son bond is intense and unbreakable.

    I don't have any reason to think I'm pregnant with a boy, other than the baby being very wriggly as Thomas was.

    I'm meant to be team yellow but think I might be better off finding out at 20 weeks to get used to the idea?

    My daughter has been so much easier and never has tantrums/runs away in shops/is very kind and careful/etc etc whereas Thomas is always on the go, really loud and gets on with his dad like a house on fire. I just picture two Thomas's in our little flat and almost want to cry, I think I'd be so overwhelmed even though I think he's amazing!

    I also hate all the boy stereotyping that people do, like not treat boy babies or toddlers the same as girls, because 'boys are tough' and telling them to harden up or not thinking they are cute because it isn't manly!

    I need your help or advice about trying to find out the gender at 20 weeks...would you, did you, did it ease disappointment at birth? I found out with the others.
     
  2. Misscalais

    Misscalais Well-Known Member

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    Oh dear, im sorry you're feeling this way big hugs! I do hope you will not hate your child because its not the gender you prefer. I have 3 boys they are all different. 1st son is full on, 2nd son very chill and more feminine and 3rd son is a bit of both but they all love and adore me the same and even though i was very disappointed when i found out with DS3 i could never hate him. Finding out helped me bond through the rest of the pregnancy and once i held him it was instant love.
     
  3. minties

    minties Complete

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    I don't really think I would hate HIM, more that I hate the idea of a boy, and all the stereotypes it entails (from others and my own preconceived ideas).

    No one is happy about me being pregnant, no one talks about it apart from OH saying he wants a girl. I don't know any gentle boys. I can't seem to bond with this baby at all, it's just a blank feeling. OH says I have to fund it's gear (clothes etc).
     
  4. minties

    minties Complete

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    Also my mum has emphysema and pretty ill so there's pressure to have a girl and use mum's name as a middle name.
     
  5. MelliPaige

    MelliPaige Leo's Mommy

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    My first son sounds like your daughter, and was pretty relaxed.in womb. He was also the best baby had always slept through the night, even now at almost 2 he's well behaved for his age. It just depends on temperament.
    Baby boy #2 is on his way and this kid is non stop in there..always wiggling. On Dopplers you'll hear his heartbeat one minute then a big swoosh sound, he's always moving on ultrasound too. I think this one is gonna throw me for a loop! Because of all my symptoms and him being opposite to ds1 I thought he would be a girl..but he's definitely a boy!!

    If you are leaning one way over the other I would find out and get used to the idea of him. There are so many hormones with giving birth. Ds1 was dream gender and I was super depressed when he was born, I can't even imagine what it would have been like if he had popped out a surprise girl!

    Good luck hon I hope you get your girl!!!
     
  6. Unexpected212

    Unexpected212 Well-Known Member

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    I get how you feel but I totally don't believe it's to do with gender it's to do with personality. For example my little girl is already a lot naughtier than her brother was at her age. She was an easier baby (slept loads) but since she's coming into her own personality she is the queen of tantrums and climbs on EVERYTHING.

    I'm having my third and it's my second boy and I'm happy, I would have been either way this time.

    I had MEGA gender dissapointment when I found out my first was a boy because I'd always imagined myself with girls and had heard all the negative stereotypes about boys but he's turned out to be so loving and easy going.

    I was over the moon when my second was a girl.

    I only really wanted at least one girl just to experience the mother/daughter bond AND the mother/son bond. So I was not bothered what this one was.

    Sometimes I do worry about two boys rough housing etc but then I remember my little sister used to try and rough house with me and then when we were teenagers we were awfullllll to eachother.

    I hope this is some reassurance but I think you should find out. I think it's better to come to terms with what the baby is before it's born. Then you can get some little outfits and pick a name and help him/her to feel more real.

    Also sounds to me like it's more than just the gender it sounds like you are under a lot of pressure and stress and your OH isn't being the most supportive.

    Boys can be gentle. My little boy can be wild and so can my little girl but they both have their quiet cuddly moments. Also he's a total mummy's boy so I like that :)

    I hope things improve for you and I hope you get your girl xx
     
  7. minties

    minties Complete

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    Thanks! My OH doesn't want the baby at all and does not acknowledge the pregnancy, apart from the odd 'it ruins everything'.

    I don't know why I panic about having another boy because I'm not a girly-girl and I generally enjoy more masculine activities/hobbies, it's just an unexplainable feeling that is getting me down. I feelt horrible for it! It didn't start until recently. I wanted my first to be a boy desperately and was so happy when he was.

    I know gensert doesn't define personality but it seems to define how others treat you, especially when it comes to my MIL and some others around here (she had 3 boys anst longed for a girl).
     
  8. MelliPaige

    MelliPaige Leo's Mommy

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    I can understand others pressure for a girl! They're disappointed in my boy atm :( the only reason I would wish he was a girl is too to make the comments stop. I can't believe the comments I've gotten :( I hope you get your girl to aviod it!
     
  9. Unexpected212

    Unexpected212 Well-Known Member

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    I do understand about how others treat you. Because I have a boy and a girl I've had so many comments about why would I have any more i've got the 'perfect pair' Was it an accident and how will we afford it etc...which isn't anyones business but ours!

    I think because your OH isn't enthusiastic but has said he wants a girl that might be some of the reason you want one as well. As it might get him on board and help him to get excited/bond.

    I just always had stereotypes in my head about girls and boys but since raising them I've realised when they are this little there is no real difference other than their clothes lol.

    It's ok to feel the way you do. It could be pre natal depression? It sounds like you are going through a hell of a lot and perhaps it's manifesting in this way?

    I'm not a girly girl either but I wanted at least one girl just because people always used to say 'oh boys don't bother with you when they grow up' which totally isn't true. My husband sees his mother at least once or more a week and one of my relatives works at an old folks home and their are plenty of sons that visit their mothers all the time.
     
  10. Boo44

    Boo44 Mummy of 2 boys

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    Well I'm having my third boy!!

    I'm glad I've found out as I love him fiercely already. Much more than I would if I was still wondering if there was a possibility of a girl

    This forum gives a very warped view against boys I've found. The more time I spend on here I always used to find myself dreading a boy. But when I get my real life head on I realise how fantastic my babies are and how much I adore them. Also anyone I've told irl has only had nice things to say!
     
  11. MelliPaige

    MelliPaige Leo's Mommy

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    There's a lot of people wanting girls on this forum, but I've always wanted to be a boy mom! So there's some of us who are like you! Congrats on your boy!
     
  12. minties

    minties Complete

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    It's the 'in real life' people that have given me grief over it, I felt happy either way before it all started.

    I'm sorry if my GD pisses you off boo, I can't help how I feel.

    Anyway I have taken up this mindfulness thing that my grandma sent me and that has helped me to take time out and think about how I feel and not how everyone else does.

    Boo, you probably have an OH who loves and supports your pregnancy, I don't, so I'm disappointed and depressed enough as it is, I don't feel anything towards the baby at all. I don't think you can imagine how shit that feels.
     
  13. Boo44

    Boo44 Mummy of 2 boys

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    Ooh no I've just woken up this morning and read this and now I'm really worried that I've upset you minties! It wasn't supposed to come across that your post pissed me off, quite the opposite, I was supposed to be encouraging that despite some of the stuff we read etc I've found having another boy really isn't so bad! Argh I'm really sorry I'm bad at wording stuff :(

    Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion and your GD is how you feel I would never say it isn't valid. Please don't think that's what I meant

    I'm so sorry about the crap you've been having irl and totally understand how you feel because of that. I really hope your OH comes round soon xxxx
     
  14. kaths101

    kaths101 Well-Known Member

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    I knew what you meant Boo and totally agree. I have 3 boys also and think boys get a rough deal. I can totally understand why as a forum full of ladies I think 'most' would like a little girl to dress up and do hair but some want it more than others.
    I think I has less GD with my third than I did with my 2nd son. The idea of 3 boys was just lovely and I didn't think about having a girl again. I do look at girls clothes and think they're lovely but it doesn't make me yearn for a girl as much as I used to. I think I know I'm done now and I'm happy with my lot!!
    I also think if my third was a girl, I then want another so she had a sister so I'm happy In a way that my baby bearing days are over
     
  15. Unexpected212

    Unexpected212 Well-Known Member

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    I think men want sons a lot of the time because it's what they know and what they relate too and women want daughters for the same reasons. Also maybe because of their own relationship with their dad/mum.

    Also this time I found myself wanting a boy for my husband because he really wanted another son. SO maybe Minties is hoping for a daughter because then perhaps her husband will be more excited etc

    It might seem like boys get a bad rep but we are in Gender Dissapointment here where it's about support above anything else

    There is no shame in wanting another daughter even if you already have one

    Sorry your going through this :(
     
  16. Boo44

    Boo44 Mummy of 2 boys

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    again, when I wrote it my post was meant to be helpful and encouraging about the possibility of another boy. I have obv worded it badly. Of course there is no shame in wanting a specific gender! I was trying to be supportive
     
  17. kaths101

    kaths101 Well-Known Member

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    I knew what you meant Boo and totally agree. I have 3 boys also and think boys get a rough deal. I can totally understand why as a forum full of ladies I think 'most' would like a little girl to dress up and do hair but some want it more than others.
    I think I has less GD with my third than I did with my 2nd son. The idea of 3 boys was just lovely and I didn't think about having a girl again. I do look at girls clothes and think they're lovely but it doesn't make me yearn for a girl as much as I used to. I think I know I'm done now and I'm happy with my lot!!
    I also think if my third was a girl, I then want another so she had a sister so I'm happy In a way that my baby bearing days are over
     
  18. Unexpected212

    Unexpected212 Well-Known Member

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    It wasn't aimed at you what I was saying at all. I got what you meant. I'm just saying I know boys can get a bad rep on here but i think the issue is bigger than that here.
     
  19. kittylady

    kittylady Mother of 3, due #4

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    I would love a boy as I'm not a girly girl at all :/ however that makes no difference as my daughter wears boys and girls clothes as well as gender neutral as shes a bit of a tomboy, she is going through a pink revival this month though.

    But I think I would be the opposite if I had 2 boys and would want a girl, I don't really care so much about the stereotypical differences but I would like to just try parenting both to see what it is like myself.

    I felt numb towards my daughter for the first day because I believed she was a he and we didn't find out. This time I think I'm finding out so I can deal with my feelings beforehand.
     
  20. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Take it one day at a time..Peoples feelings change and sometimes things have a way of working themselves out.. It will be ok XOXOXOXOOX:hugs::hugs:
     

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