Could I have some advice?

[OJTheCat]

Hello,

This is my first post, but I didn't really know where to turn.

Me and my partner have been together for 3 years, we live together and are independent from our families (meaning that we don't rely financially on anyone but ourselves). We are not married and were not planning on having any children for a few years. We were using condoms (yes every time, no exceptions) as hormonal birth control doesn't agree with my system (I have tried 9 different types of pill, the injection and the implant) however we have become pregnant. We aren't thrilled about it but as we were already planning to have children in a few years and are in a stable financial situation, we are planning to keep it. I am 21 and my partner is 22 so we are not teenagers, but are still quite young to have a family.

So here comes my question, How do we tell our families without them bollocking us basically!? We want them to be excited as we are, but understand that it probably won't happen like that.

Does anyone have any advice?

 

[Mrs B.]

No need to tell them much unless they ask. If they question your pregnancy you can say, no, it wasn't planned but despite taking all precautions it's happened and we've thought it through and have decided we're in a good position to deal with a baby now. If they question any further or attempt to tell you off, cut them off and say it is not up for discussion, you are adults and that is the end of the conversation. No need to argue, but make it clear any negative opinions from them are not appreciated and you expect them to either be supportive or to be quiet.

 

[OJTheCat]

Thank you for replying, I think we will just have to stand our ground.

Should we invite them round for dinner and announce then? or is that too formal? I've had my first scan so I have got pictures if they want to see them...

 

[Mrs B.]

If I were you, and if they can be trusted to keep it secret, I'd pick one set of parents to tell first and see how it goes. Then tell the other set a day later. If you think they'll react well then a dinner is always nice. But bear in mind if you think they might react badly then they're in your house and you will find it harder to get them out. If in any doubt, find a neutral ground to tell them -- maybe meet up for coffee somewhere, and take the photos to show them. They might have some initial shock, but generally families come round to the idea. I'm sure it'll be better than you expect

 

[OJTheCat]

My parents are much more likely to take it well so I might start with them XD I'm not even that worried about my parents, but my partners parents are quite... snobbish (sorry if that offends anyone) and always badmouth people who don't do what they deem to be 'proper' plus they already don't really like me, so it's not a conversation I'm looking forward to having with them!

 

[Ragnhild]

Hej OJ... one of my friends had an unexpected PG at 22 when she was a student and worried the same way you are about telling family. She turned to her older siblings as they had kids... do you have someone like that you could ask for help? Or some uncle/aunt who might understand. It can be tough but given you're independent financially and were going to try in a few years anyway count it as a blessing instead of being worried. And if both of you accept it and are happy then their reaction shouldn't bother you. Gl and have a h&h 9 months!

 

[Mrs B.]

I'd definitely tell your parents first then. Get them on side and you'll only have his parents to deal with. Just stand your ground and don't be made to feel like you've done anything wrong. You're an adult, in a secure financial place, and it's your life. Plenty of people younger than you have kids. There's nothing wrong with your age. They need to respect your decision and your choices, or stay quiet! Most likely, you'll find they react a lot better than you expect, especially once they come to terms with the news. GL!

 

[OJTheCat]

Hej OJ... one of my friends had an unexpected PG at 22 when she was a student and worried the same way you are about telling family. She turned to her older siblings as they had kids... do you have someone like that you could ask for help? Or some uncle/aunt who might understand. It can be tough but given you're independent financially and were going to try in a few years anyway count it as a blessing instead of being worried. And if both of you accept it and are happy then their reaction shouldn't bother you. Gl and have a h&h 9 months!

My sister is older but has no children, but I do have a fantastic auntie, she's incredibly practical and supportive so I might see if I can set up a lunch with her!

I actually wrote a poem to announce to my family, I'm hoping it will be taken in the right way... (i'm not much of a writer so its a bit awful) I was going to put it in a valentines day card haha

We understand that this may come as a bit of a surprise,
And believe me when I say that we didn’t believe our eyes,
But now none of that matters and what we say, it’s true,
Was a shock, a curveball and completely out of the blue.
But we are so excited, and believe you will be smitten,
With the addition to our family, but it’s not another kitten.
You may have guessed by now, and we hope you share our glee,
So congratulations to a new grandma, grandad and auntie!

 

[Mrs B.]

Beautiful poem!

 

[red_head]

If you think your parents will react quite well, could you have both sets of parents round and announce to all of them at the same time? That way both sets will feel restrained as they won't want to come across as not very nice in front of the other set? Plus if your family are happier about it, his parents may feel they have to be the same?

 

[Ragnhild]

Wow the poem is great OJ... really shows how you feel and i'm sure both sets of parents will be happy and offer you support when they understand what you're going through.

@redhead... haha love the advice... so sneaky and clever

 

[ricschick]

lovely peom!!
at the end of the day your both adults and live independently so be excited and just tell them xx

 

[saraaa]

Good luck! Our second baby, the one I'm currently pregnant with wasn't planned and I was so worried about telling my mum and I'm 27 I don't know why, she was so pleased to hear it. I gave her a little bag with a clear blues digital test and a born in 2017 onesie in it x