Counselling...

Discussion in 'Long Term Trying To Conceive' started by CurlySue, Apr 6, 2009.

  1. CurlySue

    CurlySue P.I's Mummy

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    ...how on Earth do you know what to say? Am thinking of taking it up. It's offered, six free sessions (and yes, before anyone questions me on that I am grateful for it, thank you very much!) I feel like I need it. Finding it very difficult to talk about things of late, feeling resentful, overpowered and completely negative and I feel it might assist me but, honestly, where do you start?

    Do they urge you on, ask you questions, or are you just supposed to talk? I would be frightened of getting embarrassed and not knowing what to say, wasting a full sixty minutes going round in circles, spinning aimlessly like some kind of fecked up ice skater!

    Anyone ever been for it? is it as daunting as it seems? Do the floodgates open?

    I am one of these people who say "I'm fine" if someone asks "What's wrong?" Is it a complete waste of time for me, then? I find it difficult, questioning things. I hate to be a 'burden', so to speak. If I have something on my mind I let it build up. I let it eat away until finally I just explode and it all just gushes out. My waters break. I end up covered in a red nerve rash and become very tearful. I clearly need help, during IVF, but I just don't know where to start.

    What if they think I am a mental case and send for the Doo Lally Man?
     
  2. maz

    maz TTC #1 since Oct 2004

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    CS - I thought you'd read my mind there. I'm so like you in that I paint a smile on my face and carry on, even though I'm falling apart inside. I'm always 'fine' if anyone asks, and like you, I didn't know what i would talk about during a counselling session.

    But I suprised myself. I went for a session after the MC and honestly I didn't shut up for a whole hour. I found that my counsellor asked a bit about my background and then seemed to latch on to little words that I unconsciously said and then delved in deeper. It was quite strange as I use a little basic psychology in my job, so I could see exactly what she was asking and where she was going with it, but I really didn't mind. I found it very useful to get everything off my chest, and had a huge sense of relief when I left - I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I'm going to phone my counsellor tomorrow to arrange another session as I feel as though the past week has really knocked the stuffing out of me. I'd highly recommend you go - they're highly trained to get you to do the talking - and if you don't like it after the first session there's nothing lost.

    Good luck - I hope it helps to keep you sane ... :rofl:

    :hug:
     
  3. CurlySue

    CurlySue P.I's Mummy

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    The word 'fine' is surely a euphemism for 'I am falling apart', no? Just like 'it's not you it's me' is the equivalent of saying 'it's not me, it's you!' Sometimes it helps to know that there are other people who feel the same way as we do.

    By the way I am not sure I said it but, I hope for all the best for your recent jaunt into The IVF Universe. I always mean to say stuff but the forget or plan to say something meaningful and lose the plot. The word 'flaky' was made for me!

    You see, even when people ask about my background I clam up. It's ridiculous. Our office manager keeps on asking me why my self esteem is so low. Keeps threatening to put me on some kind of 'self help' course and quite frankly I think I need one. I am very good with writing. I could say anything at all if I were to put it on paper. Speaking out loud? I cannot do it. I clam up. I die of embarrassment. I stutter. I make excuses.

    I fail, quite frankly. This is why I worry about one of these sessions.

    Do I admit that I hate all pregnant women with a passion? Do I admit that I judge just about everyone who has what i want? Do I confess I want to tear out a person's throat if they tell me to relax; tell me to be grateful? Quite honestly, I'd end up in the cell next to Fritzl if I spoke what is truly on my mind, at times. I hear that Sutcliffe is getting out. Space for me, clearly!!!

    Sorry about your week. It's the negativity that drains, isn't it? The feeling of helplessness and hopeless. The waiting. The thought of doom. The idea that this might not have worked, might never work, and the need to talk about how that makes you feel.

    See? I could do it all if I were to write it all down. Watch me say three words up front.

    I quite like being borderline insane, Maz. Helps keep things interesting, anyway...:hug:
     
  4. Jan34

    Jan34 Expecting #1

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    CS - I went to see my GP a little while ago when I felt things were starting to fall apart for me emotionally. I needed to get some balance back into my life. He referred me to counselling. I've only had 2 sessions so far but I've found it very valuable. As Maz says, she asks basic questions, but latches onto your responses to delve deeper and explore what's going on. Several of the things that have come out of it have been really enlightening. I'd really recommend it.
     
  5. CurlySue

    CurlySue P.I's Mummy

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    Am very concerned that she will reach the conclusion "You blame your husband"...
     
  6. ald

    ald TTC for a very long time!

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    CS - I had counselling for about 3 months, 3 years ago and I can honestly say it was the most emotionally draining hour of my week, but, it really was worth every second of it. The counsellor asks you basic questions and you talk about how you feel etc, then they will ask further questions etc. They will not ever judge you, or think you blame someone else but they will help you come to terms with all you have been through and help set you up for your future journey.

    I would highly recommend you attend, but what I will say is if after the first session you don't think it is helping etc, do another session anyway because I think you may be surprised how much it will help.

    xxxx
     
  7. NickyT75

    NickyT75 RIP Sophie my angel

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    Im new to this section but as soon as I read this I had to post something id recently put in my journal...

    [​IMG]

    :hug: I think the counselling is a great idea & im sure you will find it very helpful to have someone impartial to talk to & who's feelings you dont have to consider before speaking

    Good luck sweetie :hugs: xx
     
  8. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    I am taking couselling right now, and I have been for awhile. It is grief counselling (for my losses) and for secondary infertility. They will ask you questions, and get you to work through it all. You don't need to think of what to say to them, because they will ask you specific questions, or things to think about and respond later. Mine is a bit different, but I am to write a poem for each of my angels. Also, I was to think about the things that I can control in my life and write them down and let her know what I came up with...that type of thing. I would def recommend it. My only regret is that I never got it sooner.
     
  9. Millnsy

    Millnsy Well-Known Member

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    Hi CS

    I had counselling years ago for depression. As everyone else has said they listen without judging and pick up on some of the things you say to help you expand further. I had a few sessions which were very emotional but boy did they work! I came out with things in perspective and she had challenged me so much on some of my irrational thoughts that I ended up thinking she was mad! IF you are worried that they may come to the conclusion that you blame your husband maybe this is something you need to explore with someone totally neutral and confidential. Tell me F off if you want but it sounds like there are loads of things that you need to work through. I'm sure the conclusion will be a positive outcome and will help you to move forward...

    Good luck,
    Millnsy xx
     
  10. m&c77

    m&c77 Member

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    I have been going to a group session (extremely helpful) and then to individual therapy. Therapy helps a lot. It gets things out in the open. Makes you talk through your feelings and thoughts (and I know they run a mile/minute). When I leave therapy, sometimes I want to cry, sometimes I feel relived and sometimes I feel worse. It just depends on the day. It also takes a few sessions to feel comfortable with your therapist. I have started not going as much b/c my mental stability has been a bit better.
    I would suggest everyone go especially if you are taking all these meds. These are crisis times in our lives and everyone needs help.
     
  11. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    Hi CS

    I cannot recommend counselling highly enough. I've seen a couple of different counsellors and I've been amazed both times how they manage to drag out all those inner thoughts, however dreadful they would be to admit outside of that room.

    I told my counsellor all those bad things you are thinking about PG women and people with kids. It was so liberating for someone to convince me that it was perfectly normal and not send for the men in white coats. They don't judge you and they certainly won't tell you that you blame your husband. Any conclusions you reach are your own.

    It's a bit weird and clever and exhausting and freeing all in one go.

    Big :hugs: Let us know how you get on.
     
  12. CurlySue

    CurlySue P.I's Mummy

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    Thanks all. I probably do need to go.

    Today, for example, we went to my OH's family's (again) and they spent the whole evening discussing how they are going to all travel down to Wales when his auntie's baby is born in August. I switched off, could not listen, could not commit to anything because I am expecting to be undergoing my first round of IVF in May/June and if it has not worked then I don't think I will be able to handle seeing a newborn baby only a few weeks later.

    OH have discussed it. If IVF works, we will go. If it doesn't? Then he doesn't want to go either, says he could not sit there and coo over a child knowing that we just failed our attempt to 'get' one.

    I am like this all the time. I cannot handle pregnant people. I cannot handle the void and emptiness I feel every time I accept to myself "this might not happen" and there is not really anybody I can talk to about this.

    When I am doing my injections, etc, OH is going to be away. I am going to go through a lot of my initial stages of treatment alone. I feel I need to talk about this as well.

    I say this all but, really, I would fail to say it if asked. If asked, like always, I would say "I'm fine," or I would clam up and say nothing at all. I always do it, which is why I worry about counselling, but if they do ask things and draw you out then it might be okay. People always tell me how cathartic it is and the need to vent is sometimes so overwhelming.

    I have a lot of issues right now, not only involving my treatment so far, which I have been less than happy with. Would I be allowed to say that to a counsellor? Would I be allowed to sit there and say "Frankly, I will not be sending Christmas cards to a fair few of your colleagues" or is that a no go? It's one of the issues I feel most strongly about. One of the issues that is playing on my mind.

    It'd be like slagging off a daughter to her mother, wouldn't it?
     
  13. m&c77

    m&c77 Member

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    you could say all that and more. whatever you say is confidential.
    i went b/c i was super depressed. i had to stop all fertility treatments last summer b/c my then obgyn misdiagnosed me with the start of cervical cancer, then she did a LEEP procedure (i later found didn't need to be done). I went into all this with my therapist and then more. I bashed doctors, cried about failed cycles, told her about hating mothers on the street, etc. etc.
    Good Luck with the IVF cycle. Also, I just had to cancel mine b/c of low responder/over-suppression. Please ask your FS about this. I never even knew it was a possibility!
     
  14. CurlySue

    CurlySue P.I's Mummy

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    I was a non responder to Clomid. They say I am going to possibly OVER respond to IVF drugs so I am being put on a lower dose than for 'normal' women. We'll see. The two don't correlate, to me, but that's another issue that I need to go through perhaps with counsellor. I am extremely concerned that, if I was likely to overstimulate, I was not monitored whatsoever on Clomid and it worries me a bit. I wouldn't say it's made me lose faith, but it's certainly made me feel very uneasy.

    I hope that you got what you needed out of your counselling. I find it hard to bitch to people when I know that I am bitching about someone they know, someone they work with. It makes me feel uncomfortable, but I really feel like I need to get some things out in the open that have been bothering me and if it's confidential, if it does not go further than the room then it might be a good thing.

    That's terrible, though, that they did a procedure you did not need.

    Oh and I do hate mothers on the streets. Especially smack-head mothers who look like they cannot look after their kids. I work for a criminal firm. I see it all the time and want to scream at the injustice of it.
     
  15. m&c77

    m&c77 Member

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    You were a non-responder on clomid....hmmm. i responded very well to clomid so they thought i would react extremely well to the ivf drugs. i was super nervous about the ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (that is a mouth full), but I literally went every other day for u/s. It was super monitored and made me feel better b/c I too wasn't monitored at all on clomid.
    So I dont know about the correlation of clomid and the ivf drugs. I know that clomid and the ivf drugs work very differently (see below). Therefore, I dont see any correlation, but I am not a doctor. I wouldn't feel uneasy going into it b/c the odds are more in your favor now. I look at the stats and that keeps me going!
    I know about the smack mothers - ugh. also, I can't stand when someone says 'you dont want kids anyway. i want to give mine back all the time.' REALLY? i'll take them ;)

    IVF drugs:
    Follistim and Gona l- F are "pure recombinant" FSH compounds derived from genetically engineered mammalian cell cultures. They are administered subcutaneously and are the preeminent FSH products due to their high purity and activity.
    Clomid:
    Clomid works at the level of the hypothalamus where it competes for estrogen binding sites. When these "sites are occupied" by Clomid, the hypothalamus responds by producing more GnRH which then stimulates the pituitary to produce FSH.

    My cycle:
    BC for 1 month.
    Lupron shot for a little over 1 week.
    Gonal-F with Lupron for a little over 1 week.
    supposed to then take progesterone - but didn't make it that far.
     
  16. CurlySue

    CurlySue P.I's Mummy

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    I literally did not respond at all. In the whole time, I did not ovulate. Wasn’t even a poor responder, but a non responder.

    I just would have thought that, since they now say I might hyper simulate, they must base that on something. They knew my blood test results when I was on Clomid. I recall someone saying to me “Your hormones are backwards, what should be high is low, what should be low is high” probably meaning FSH and LH, but they still did not monitor me. Not at all. That actually worries me, thinking back. If I was at risk for OHSS then why was I left alone? Not even warned about it? This is something I will have to speak to counsellor about. It is on my mind.

    Yeah I hate that too. Have mine. Okay, fine, give them to me, then!

    You sound like you were on a very short protocol. Mine is 3 weeks of Buserelin followed by 12 days of Menopur, then shot of Pregnyl, followed by 2 weeks progesterone. Maybe you should ask for long protocol next time?
     
  17. m&c77

    m&c77 Member

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    wow - you didn't respond at all. insane.
    i have been looking for other women that didnt respond to the ivf drugs - so far nothing.

    you should definitely ask your dr. about the hyperstim syndrome and talk to your therapist about it too. Was your dr. not concerned about hyperstim. when you were on clomid, but now is on ivf drugs?
    where are you in the protocol?
    i was on the long lupron one - i never got to the progesterone, but i would have been on that for at least 1 month more. My next one is not very long either - i think that is the way northwestern does it. i dont really know. all i know is that they were shocked a 32 yr old didnt react well to that protocol b/c it is normally the case.
    next time i am going in day 1 for blood work and then day 6 start ganerliex...i am calling them now to check about a longer protocol and to ask other questions.
     
  18. Redfraggle

    Redfraggle TTC since Oct 2005

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    Hey CurlySue, hope you don't mind me posting here. The counsellor and therapy we had is obviously different to what you will have because it was for a different reason.

    But that said, we both (DH and I) put it off for ages because we were both of the mind that we wouldn't feel able to talk to a counsellor and really say what we were feeling.

    We had a couple of sessions one on one with a counsellor and I would swear I didn't tell him anything particularly deep or meaningful but when we went for the joint sessions it was amazing how much he told us about how we were feeling.

    Sometimes we were and rabbited on for ages about loads of issues (some nothing to do with why we were there, but he always listened). Everything is all linked and they are trained to listen to things that may not appear to be relevant and pick out things to talk further about.

    Other times we just didn't want to talk, but he would ask questions and while we did not talk much at the time we would go away, think things over and discuss them at home, just the two of us. Sometimes we would talk about it again at the next session, other times we didn't.

    Believe me, after the experiences we had with our GP we did a lot of NHS/doctors/etc bashing. A LOT. Probably said a few things we shouldn't but he listened (and agreed some of the time). Without saying all those then the whole process would have been a waste of time. They needed to be said and we needed someone to listen and tell us we weren't insane or unreasonable. And he did.

    Basically, it helped. A lot. In many ways it was a lot easier to go to a counsellor than we ever believed it would be.
     
  19. Nathyrra

    Nathyrra Levi's Mammy

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    I didn't respond to Clomid at all either, my last bloodworks were also pretty f**ked up. I get very bitter that Clomid works for almost everyone else but not for me lol, evil me =(

    I have told my husband countless times that I think I need some help. Last week in a meltdown I hacked off all my beautiful long hair. He says I don't need counselling..

    I hope that this counselling will help you chick. At least help share the burden a little more rather than having it bottled up and consuming you from within. Perhaps jot down in a notebook everytime something pops into your head that you feel needs to be addressed and laid out in the open?

    :hugs: Really hope everything works out for you. x
     
  20. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    Hi CS

    Just wanted to tag on the end that I had a good rant about our consultant at one of my sessions. She'd given me a ticking off for not knowing the names of all the medication I was taking and I was furious with her for the implication that I wasn't totally committed to what I was doing.

    Our counselling sessions were at a totally different part of the hospital, not in the ACU so that made it easier. Not like the two would ever bump into each other or anything.

    For a long while I simply called her Saddam - until it worked and ever since then she has been my absolute hero. :blush:
     

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