Damn...wondering if I should have done that. Update: wish I hadn't done that!

[EarthMama]

So my friend just had a baby...she lives in the middle of nowhere in a dilapidated house filled with drunk angry roommates and dogs pissing/crapping everywhere...it's bad. My friend has been in bad financial straights for a long time and the baby was just born 3 days ago...she was gonna give baby up for adoption but last minute decided to keep it. But they live in that shitty house and living conditions...

Anyway...in a moment of compassion for her plight I offered to let her and her boyfriend rent a room in my house for pretty cheap considering the location and hugeness/niceness of the place...I have a large 3 bedroom house in the middle of town and one of our rooms we don't even use.

Now I'm wondering if I should have done that... what will it be like living with a new family of three, when we're gearing up to become a new family of 4?

I'm nervous...I told them no dogs (cats okay) and no drinking...(her boyfriend has had a drinking problem in the past...)

Anyone been in this situation? Any advice for me? I've weirded myself out now but she really does seem to need help...

 

[Kobes Mummie]

I didn't want to read and run.
What you have done for your friend is really thoughtful and friends like you can be hard to find. ")

 

[mamapavlic]

i'm in a similar situation.
my husband and i, newly married, with just a cat, are letting his sister temporarily board with us at our place (a larger apartment).
it's just her and her son (who is a year), but it's been a hard situation so far.
not easy for me, a grump pregnant woman, to deal with all the time.

 

[purplecupcake]

I would make sure that you have them sign a written agreement about what they will be responsible for, both financially and otherwise, and one what grounds would elicit them being kicked out. I'd also make it a very clear time frame, like 6 months, so they know that this isn't something they can get too comfortable with. Personally, I would want them gone before my own baby came, but if it won't bother you then that's great.

I wouldn't trust that he won't be drinking, alcoholism is very hard to kick.

 

[kel21]

I would make sure that you have them sign a written agreement about what they will be responsible for, both financially and otherwise, and one what grounds would elicit them being kicked out. I'd also make it a very clear time frame, like 6 months, so they know that this isn't something they can get too comfortable with. Personally, I would want them gone before my own baby came, but if it won't bother you then that's great.

I wouldn't trust that he won't be drinking, alcoholism is very hard to kick.

I agree with this!

 

[bumpbear]

Yikes, how long will they be living with you? It's hard to kick friends out if things go pear shaped so I would make sure you are sure you're close enough to make it work. If not, better to back out now than end up in a bad living situation. What if you ask them to leave and they have nowhere to go? Or the agreed time scale runs out and they have nowhere to go? Wold you force the issue of making them leave even if it meant they'd be kind of homeless? Think long and hard! x

 

[greenpear]

I agree with written agreement 100%. That way they can't say that you said or didn't say something several months down the line. I wouldn't trust person with drinking problem unless he actually been to rehab and has been sober for a number of years. the most you can ask is no parties. My parents rented a floor to people we lived with (we lived downstairs and they upstairs). They had a newborn and we had a baby. For the most part we got along as our lifestyles were similar due to being tied with babies (no parties on either side) but I strongly agree on agreement as when it came time to sell the house my family had proof of what was agreed upon and that really helped when it came time to having them move out.

 

[EmzyJA]

I would make sure that you have them sign a written agreement about what they will be responsible for, both financially and otherwise, and one what grounds would elicit them being kicked out. I'd also make it a very clear time frame, like 6 months, so they know that this isn't something they can get too comfortable with. Personally, I would want them gone before my own baby came, but if it won't bother you then that's great.

I wouldn't trust that he won't be drinking, alcoholism is very hard to kick.

I also agree with this!!! I think it's very nice of you offering this to help out your friend. I know I'd want to do the same if I had a friend in this situation but my husband wouldn't have it. He doesn't particularly like having people to stay even for a week or so.

I would definitely put a time limit on though, just in case you do get in a situation where it's not working and you want your house back to yourselves. I'd stress from the start that it would be an opportunity for them to get things sorted out and to find somewhere more suited for them to live.

 

[mysteriouseye]

Yep 100% written agreement just incase they do try and take the pee, you incredibly sweet though I cant stand people being in my personal space for more than a couple of days xx

 

[Nikko88]

From my own experience, I'd say be careful who you let into your house. My boyfriend (long ago) convinced me to take in a couple of friend who were having hard times. They continued to have hard times and ended up stealing from us before they ran out after we got a bigger place to accommodate everyone.

I know the desire to want to help people out, but your house is your home. Look out for your family first and help people help themselves.

 

[Lau88]

Its a lovely thing to do but honestly i couldn't, don't get me wrong id want to help but wouldn't. Adjusting to a newborn is hard as it is especially having a toddler too, let alone adding a whole new family into the mix. You may not use the room atm but what about when your youngest starts to need their own space. You need rest at this stage and going through their newborn stage is going to hinder that, its likely crying will keep you awake. Id do as others have said and had a written agreement with time limit, also make sure you aren't taken advantage of and helping with their baby too much or lending money. Its an awful lot of hormones in one house, that mixed with no sleep isn't going to end well. Id also worry about the affect itd have on your toddler, that's a massive upheaval to him. His own sibling will be a great change without the addition of three new people in his home.

whatever you do good luck because its a lovely selfless offer x

 

[wookie130]

Eeeek.

Well, I'd say I also agree with purplecupcake on this...definitely have a written agreement, and also a VERY CLEAR timeframe for when the agreement ends.

It's a kind thing to do, but I worry that if they breech the agreement, or perhaps have trouble leaving your home, that it will cause a permanent rift in your friendship with these people. It's still not too late to back out of it, but I suppose that has the potential of doing damage now as well...

 

[newlywedtzh]

I think it's an admirable gesture.. and sometimes people just need a little help to get back on their feet. My mother was a young single mom who was kicked out by her father and she luckily had some kind people who helped her out in a time of need. From what I can get, I think that you are doing this mostly for the innocent baby that was just brought into the world and that is honorable.

I do think though, that with the bf being an alcoholic.... he's almost a liability. I would def write up some type of contract like everyone suggest (just in case something goes seriously wrong) and have them sign it at a notary (we have them here in the states, not sure where you're from).

It's nice to know there are people like you still out there!

 

[EarthMama]

Update: this new family of 3 is moved in. Baby is 3 days old. He had a breathing problem at birth, so they really didn't want to go back to their old house, because it's covered in black mold. (there are even mushrooms growing out of the walls) I really feel guided by my heart to help them at this point in their lives. So far it seems okay.

But I'm definitely going to take your suggestions, thank you all. So far we've told them it's a temporary and trial situation and we'll just have to see how it goes for a week before we actually want them as tenants.

Baby's daddy is off tomorrow to go look for a job in town. I'm helping out the baby's mama by keeping her fed and hydrated. (she's very sore from birth and new to breastfeeding).

So anyway...we'll see how this goes. Thanks again everyone, we'll make sure to protect our family as well.

 

[wookie130]

Bless you for helping these people. That black mold with mushroom thing sounds positively appalling. There is no way a newborn should live in that environment. Hopefully these folks can get up and on their own feet in no time!

 

[emicakess]

That is so sweet and honorable of you... I have been so burnt out on trying to help people lately... I really hope they see how amazing you are for letting them in and helping them so much, and treat you and your family with such respect. the world needs more people like you!

 

[EarthMama]

UPDATE:

I WISH I NEVER DID THIS!!! They have a month to get out!

Conclusion: when you are a growing family, it is NOT a good idea to open up the sacredness of your home to other people, especially those of dubious character. EVEN IF they have a baby!!

It sucks, but damn I wish I had thought more about this before doing it...I don't like my own home right now!!

 

[bumpbear]

Oh dear. Sounds terrible. I hope they leave by the deadline you have given them!

 

[lala222]

oh no, sorry to hear your in this situation. what happened? how has it been? or are you just sick of having other people living with you?

 

[EarthMama]

oh no, sorry to hear your in this situation. what happened? how has it been? or are you just sick of having other people living with you?

They've brought a lot of conflict into my household, huge screaming fights and the male just sits around playing video games all day instead of looking for a job OR caring for his infant...they are also slobs, huge piles of dirty diapers everywhere instead of in the trash.

I cannot handle it. I just cannot live with them, I want my house back to myself to prepare for the birth of my second child. My husband is also really irritable with the situation.