Damn...wondering if I should have done that. Update: wish I hadn't done that!

[MrsPear]

Oh poor you. What you did was truly out of the kindness of your heart. I hope the situation is resolved soon.
I don't think you should ever regret what has happened because I think it was your mother's instinct that brought them into your home and if nothing else you've given that baby a roof over their head and safety for the past month.

I truly hope that they find a place and move on, they have been so so disrespectful of you.

 

[londongirl]

Thank you everyone...unfortunately as you know there were some serious red flags going into this, but I ignored them because I believe in the idea that people can change for the better, especially with the birth of a child. But old habits die hard I guess...they are on a completely different planet then I am. I get tired of cleaning up after grown adults. Her man in particular drives me nuts.

They seem to be looking for a new place now.

You have such a good heart, wanting to help in the first place…

Castaway is spot on with social services getting involved…

 

[squirrel.]

You were so kind to open your home to these people to try and help them and you've done your best.

Until they leave, could you take all their things and put them in their room? Tell them you like the house to be uncluttered and all their things need to be put away? Is the guy playing games on your TV? Is it his games console? Perhaps you could put that in their room too and say that usually you don't like the TV being on, so unless he gets a TV for his own room, then he won't be able to play? I know it's more work for you while all their stuff is cleared away, but once it's in their room you'd have your house back to yourself. Then every time they leave something lying around remind them kindly at first (and then not-so-kindly if they ignore you) that they need to keep their things in their room! As for the dishes, could you tell them that unless they wash up the dishes they use, then they won't be able to use them? They'll have to buy some of their own, which if they left dirty, you could leave in their room as well? Maybe some mean suggestions, but they are abusing your kindness and your trust and unless someone calls them on it, they will always continue to be like this.

Hope it works out okay for you! Remember it's your house and you have the final say on what goes on in it.


ETA: Did you put anything in the lease about keeping the place tidy and doing their share of the chores? Because you can break a lease if they are breaking the terms of the contract. All you'd need is to take a few photos to prove it.

 

[CastawayBride]

They are not able to function at a healthy level so keeping a house tidy is not even on their radar sadly.

Dont stress just know what your next step can be and hope they find something as their next step. If me I would call Social Services and see what emergency housing they have available with a child they will be able to help faster...

 

[mrs.amillian]

Its lovely that you wanted to help them. But I personally think even the nicest and dearest guests are hard to have in your house after a time. Its so sad to say this but if people don't help themselves there is nothing you can do to help them without creating an inferno for yourself. Could you help them pay for the first month's rent on a small apartment? It would be up to them to deal with it afterwards and at least you would have your house back.

I'm afraid I don't agree with the highlighted portion, why should she have to pay to get them out of her house, when she's already gone out of her way to help them out!
I don't think she would ever see the money again, and they would happily take it!

Earthmama, you did such a kind thing, but I honestly believe you need to get very very tough with these people and MAKE them understand that the 31st isn't negotiable and if they are still in your house by the 1st then the police will be called, as they would be trespassing on your property.

 

[MrsSB]

You are a saint and i really feel for you that they are putting you through this.

My husband last week wanted to let his friend live with us for a while as his wife had kicked him out. I wasn't having any off it as his friend is lazy, doesn't have a job etc. He came with his kids to our dd 2nd birthday (at playcentre), then invited himself back to our houses for the family only party (husband family is huge, he is one of 8 and there are 9 grandchildren under 6) so had over 40 family members at my house. Was trying to get food ready for bbq and he went home for over an hour and left us with his two children!

so i knew if he did i would be looking after his kids at the weekend, running after him cleaning. He moved in with another of my husband mates and stayed there for a month. He has done no cleaning, bought no food, paid no money to him etc. You can't change people like that who just expect everything to be done for them. Keep the pressure on them to move out.

hope it all works out well

 

[EarthMama]

So now I have a bunch of their hippie friends hanging out in my house during the day and sleeping in their cars in my driveway at night!! I'm feeling so out of control about this situation I may go postal!! Nobody even asked me if it was ok if these people are on the property all the time! I gotta have yet another unpleasant talk with them all tonight. I hate how my home has all of these uncomfortable situations all the time now!! They also make me feel like a mean nasty bitch anytime I say anything! ! Ugh

 

[Brightxeyes]

Wow. I'd move their moving out date forward. They're taking the mick now.
Is there any kind of midway place they can go to round by your area? Just while they look.

Did you give them thirty days notice or more than? Feels much longer since I last checked this post.

 

[Brightxeyes]

Don't let their friends in or on your property.

You've given them notice, meaning they need to be busy finding a place to move into. Not inviting their guests over. It's your property, not theirs. Don't be nice about it.

Tell their guests to leave as this is your home, not your friends. And if your friends don't like it they can leave too.

Stop being so nice this is getting you down. Put your foot down and be a bitch! And don't feel bad about being a bitch either! Fair enough giving them enough notice to leave but they shouldn't be inviting people into your home or letting them stay on your property without Your consent.

 

[EarthMama]

I was definitely a bitch today, lol. I told all their friends to leave and they did.

My 'guests' need to be out by May 31st...they say they are looking for a place. I told them they will get kicked out by then so they need to have a place lined up.

 

[BigAl]

Ha, good for you! They sound so selfish, It's such a shame when people don't make the most of good opportunity but unfortunately you just can't make them.
Good luck, and keep kicking ass.

 

[bumpbear]

Good for you Earthmama!

Honestly, I used to work for homeless services and saw things like this all the time. Make sure they are taking steps to move out as invariably, people like this had slim chances of finding alternative accommodation privately because they were unemployed and they also used to wait until 2 days beforehand and then guilt trip their hosts in to letting them stay longer. And most hosts would give in because they couldn't see the baby without a roof over its head.

If it means you have to accompany them to go see alternative properties, fill in applications for them or make appointments for them with any government service that could assist, DO IT. It'll be a pain in your ass, but the best way of getting rid of them. They are too lazy and shameless to do it themselves. Either that or their heads are not in a good place - they're just not capable and need help.

I really do hope that you don't have to deal with them past the 31st.

 

[CastawayBride]

Good for you Earthmama!

Honestly, I used to work for homeless services and saw things like this all the time. Make sure they are taking steps to move out as invariably, people like this had slim chances of finding alternative accommodation privately because they were unemployed and they also used to wait until 2 days beforehand and then guilt trip their hosts in to letting them stay longer. And most hosts would give in because they couldn't see the baby without a roof over its head.

If it means you have to accompany them to go see alternative properties, fill in applications for them or make appointments for them with any government service that could assist, DO IT. It'll be a pain in your ass, but the best way of getting rid of them. They are too lazy and shameless to do it themselves. Either that or their heads are not in a good place - they're just not capable and need help.

I really do hope that you don't have to deal with them past the 31st.

Exactly this as it can be very, very difficult to evict people once they are allowed to "live" in their home. I have seen law enforcement make some couples have to give 90 day notice, in writing at court! So yea I would be helping them look at shelters/get a jump start on section 8.....

 

[EarthMama]

I kicked out her boyfriend tonight for coming into my house drunk. She went with him but then came back late in tears. He is in the next town already. I'm going to continue to let her and baby stay until June. At least he's gone.

 

[lilmonkey86]

good for you EarthMama! they were taking advantage of your amazing generosity. The boyfriend clearly showed no ambition to get a job, or take care of his family, I think you should get your friend in touch with an agency that can help her get on her feet. maybe talk to her about doing whats best for baby now instead of worrying about her boyfriend. hopefully she will come to her senses and start worrying about her and the baby now.

 

[butterfly80]

Oh hunni I am so sorry this has been such a nightmare for you, I hope it works out with your friend and the baby xx

 

[CastawayBride]

Grt social services involved she will want him back and you will be put in the middle. It sounds like she needs a lot of help and you have a lot on your plate with baby coming along...

 

[wookie130]

Yeah, what she said! ^^^

You really don't want to bring all this upon your own family. I know you had the best of intentions, but you have your own people to think of, including your own new baby!

I would seek some help. I'd be afraid of her wanting to take boyfriend back also...if this happens, you can boot them both, I'm thinking.

 

[bumpbear]

Does she have any plans on moving? the end of the month is next week!

 

[sandilion]

Oh goodness i really feel for you with the situation you're in!! I think you really need to get social service involved ASAP - she will take him back. He will be on your doorstep and you don't need this, you have your own baby to worry about soon. This is really tough... They sound so bloody irresponsible!!!