Dealing with friends who are NTNP

[WishnandHopn]

I am 37 TTC #1 for the past 6 months. I have 2 good friends who are not trying not preventing...both are older than me (39 and 40). Of course I would be really happy for them if either of them got a BFP...and it would give me hope that I'm not too old if they aren't. But there is a tiny, awful part of me that will be crushed if they get pregnant before me. Because it doesn't seem fair...that we are TRYING SO HARD to make a baby...and some people are so lucky and make babies by accident!

In a wonderful, perfect world I will get my BFP soon and they will get theirs a month or two later! And then we can complain about our pregnancy symptoms and go shopping for cute baby stuff and our babies can have play dates and be bffs.

I know life isn't fair and this isn't a competition...I just needed to vent...I feel a bit better now. Thanks for listening if you made it this far

 

[Bekah78]

Hope you get your BFP, and hope it comes before theirs. Sadly life isn't fair, but on plus side at least you know it's a possibility so an announcement won't be as much of a shock.

Good luck!!

 

[WishnandHopn]

Thanks Bekah, that is a really good point!

It's tough because one of them was always on the fence about having kids and said if she ever did it, it would just be a 'science experiment'.

 

[Bekah78]

Maybe she's covering for something. It took us 10 years to get our BFP. When people asked if I wanted children I would answer "I'm too selfish to have kids" yet it was what I wanted more than anything. I just couldn't discuss it with everyone. Maybe she has reason to believe she might not be able to have them...?

 

[sarah2211]

Nope life isn't fair. You can't control that unfortunately. I've got friends who are about to start trying that know we've been trying for a few months. I know my luck, Atlanta one of them will get their BFP before us.

All I can suggest is that you try not compare your journey to others. If you stress and let the pressure get to you, it's likely to have a negative effect on your chances anyway. This month I've been trying to shift my mindset from 'it's not fair. Everyone else is pregnant. They're doing all the wrong things and we are doing all the right things. This sucks' to 'I won't stress about the things I can't control. We can only do our best and it'll happen when it happens.'

If you've been trying for more than 6 months and you're over 35, it might be worth speaking to a doctor if you haven't already. Good luck to you

 

[Miss_Cellany]

When I was trying to conceive my first (fell pregnant straight away but then found no heartbeat at 12 week scan, then took 12 months to conceive again) I always tried to remember that other people might be having struggles I was not aware of, no matter how close they are to you. There are things I've never told the exact truth about to my best friend so it's likely she's got things she hasn't been 100% honest about either, like exact feelings in certain situations.

I got jealous and 'life isn't fair' moments but I found it helpful to think like that. (Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn)

Really hope you all get your bfps soon

 

[WishnandHopn]

Thanks ladies

It's really good advice not to compare yourself to others...and I'm really trying to stay positive and hopeful and count my blessings these days. Just so hard when your head takes you down these negative paths sometimes...

I have a doctor's appointment in early July. I will be asking for a referral to a fertility specialist if not pregnant by then. Fx this is our month!