***December Snowflakes 2012 Parenting***

[2016]

GenY...think if you just tell DH to be honest with you and let you know if he's feeling ignored and then leave him to it. It's then up to him to tell you and you don't have to worry anymore? I know full well how exhausting pleasing everyone can be. DHs parents are divorced and if they're ever round all together it's a constant game of comparison and one upmanship.

Flicka is recovering brilliantly from the procedure. You wouldn't even know anything had happened apart from not being in pain feeding anymore of course. The first 24 hours she was very unsettled and kept screaming out in pain. When I tried to feed her she would suck once then arch away as if it hurt her to suck. I even had to ask the overnight docs if I could give her calpol for pain. I was so worried if done something wrong getting the tie snipped. After the calpol she settled right down and slept a 5 hour block and then a 3.5 hour block!!!! I felt like a new woman.
Since then she hasn't seemed in any pain and is keenly feeding as usual. She is in a bit more of a predictable 3 hourly pattern now rather than being on and off my sore boobs all day and night cos she's not satisfied and sucking in so much air. She's also falling asleep on the boob whereas she would just fuss and cry after a feed before. And I'm sure she's in less pain from her reflux too!
I am so pleased not to dread feeding her anymore. It was really affecting our bond. So all in all it's made an incredible difference to us both!

 

[Blu_Butterfly]

Anyone else getting recurring headaches? I've had one every night for the past week

 

[stark18]

I had them for a few days. I just assume its my hormones balancing out?

 

[ImSoTired]

I have finally delivered my baby girl on Sun at 8:04 am! I love her so much but I am not sleeping at all and we are having some bf'ing issues. I am feeling inadequate to say the least. Anyone else?

 

[2016]

Imsotired...I certainly felt the same and Day 3 is notorious for the baby blues. I for one spent the whole day sobbing! DD wouldn't sleep anywhere other than on my chest at night...in fact she still only sleeps that way!
And I def had BF issues. Despite happily BF my DS (though the first 2 weeks were hell) I found every feed this time painful. Eventually she had a tongue tie diagnosed and that's been snipped so things are so much better.

If you feel comfortable you could share your issues and maybe we can help? You never have to feel alone in all this.

Blu...yes I've had lots of headaches too. Do think its hormones cos I used to get them with PMS. Im still bleeding, sometimes heavy still, so that's not helping!

 

[GenYsuperlady]

I'm So Tired - congratulations on your delivery! Summer is almost 4 weeks old and I still feel inadequate! Certainly the stress of bf-ing not working out only adds to it, especially when there is so much PRESSURE to be successful. Summer was too sleepy (preemie) to effectively BF and was losing weight...I eventually introduced bottles (which tired her out much less) and was exclusively pumping, but even with that I couldn't get enough sleep to save my sanity, so we went to formula on day 17. I'm sad bf-ing didn't work out, but I've been diagnosed with post-partum depression and it is more important for Summer that she have a mentally-healthy mommy than anything else. I'm proud of the work I did to give her colostrum and breast milk in the most important weeks, and now she is happily drinking her formula and gaining weight well. Guilt about EVERYTHING has been an overwhelming theme in my new motherhood experience. Don't put pressure on yourself to do anything but SURVIVE. If you haven't harmed yourself or your child, you're doing well. Seriously.

2016- I'm SOOOO happy to hear Flicka's feedings are better...it's so difficult to stress about something that HAS to happen 8-9 times a day! You are a great mum to have known what she needed and get her diagnosed and treated so early

Blu - I had a lot of headaches early on as well, blamed them on hormones...I also get them before my period (?) - whatever that means.

AS FOR ME...the Sun is out today, which always instantly elevates my mood by one million times. Why I live in one of the rainiest parts of the world...I don't know. Anyway, yesterday was NOT a good day for my PND, but I made myself go to a baby blues support group meeting. Turns out I was the only person there (besides the facilitator). We just talked for an hour and a half about me, and about her experiences with PND (her kids are now 10 and 8). At first I wasn't sure that talking was helping, because I kept wanting her to give me the ANSWER as to HOW to get better RIGHT NOW. Instead, she helped me realize that I'm just going to have to accept the experience and slog through it..."it's a process!" She also helped me realize that I've been trying to "fix" everyone else in my life in an attempt to "fix" my PPD...ie: focusing on making sure my DH is happy, or that my mom is happy, or that they are getting along, etc. I also realized that I might not be seeing things as they actually are (keep thinking my husband is angry with me or that my DH and mom aren't getting along, even though they try to reassure me everything is fine...I actually had to admit I felt like everyone was lying to me to protect me...a little paranoid).

Anyway, I was able to go home and tell DH a few things that I needed from him (1. I need him to tell me that he recognizes that I'm a bit broken right now but that he is not going to leave me. He was shocked that the thought had even crossed my mind. 2. I need him to be super, extra nice to my mom FOR MY SAKE, even if she can drive us both batty at times. DH treats me like gold, but can be hard on the other people in his life (brutally honest, won't walk on eggshells for anyone). He didn't agree to "pretend" but did seem to understand that he could have a big impact on me by just holding his tongue a bit more or being a little more polite...we'll see).

My mom left yesterday evening to go up to Seattle and see friends/take care of some things, which is a nice little break for DH and I. Then she is back Saturday and DH has a big date planned for us while she babysits. I think she will go back up to Seattle one more time next week for a few days as well. I hate that she might feel the need to give us space, but at the same time, having her stay with us for 3 weeks straight is a lot!!! Especially as we will be adding my sister to the mix for a few days around Christmas. Oy! I am just sooo ready to get into a normal routine with our new little family.

This has been much too long of a post, but, on the plus side, Summer is doing WONDERFULLY on regular ready to feed formula (she gets super colicky with the powders). She is also starting to fall into a nice little pattern of feeding, being awake for a while, then sleeping...and sleeping a bit longer in the nighttime. For as hard of an adjustment as I have had as a new mother, I have to be so thankful that she seems to be a pretty easy baby! Plus, now she smiles in her sleep, which is giving me hope that soon those smiles will be on purpose!

 

[ttc_lolly]

Congrats ImSoTired! are you sharing her name or shall I just put her down as 'Baby Girl' on the first page? I agree, baby blue's are very common in the first few days and it's not surprising as you're getting used to it all. BF'ing is hard to start off with too but keep at it and it does get easier my nipples started to toughen up around day 8-9 I think, just check you have her latched on correctly and use nipple cream if they are really sore

2016 I'm so happy for you & Flicka It's such a shame though that it took going private to see somebody who would help. I wonder how many other new mum's have gone through the same only to have to give up BF'ing because the NHS have been less than helpful. Such a shame

Blu, I was having a few headaches at first. I think they were down to the epi/spinal and then due to lack of sleep and I haven't been drinking enough water I don't think.

Gen, so glad you managed to have a chat with your DH that's awesome Summer is starting to fall into a routine too!

We had a bad night last night that resulted in me having a little cry on my own at 3am whilst OH tried to calm Millie down in the bedroom I really hope this is just part of a growth spurt and that she's not colicky. She's feeding plenty but after long feeds she still roots so I put her on the boob and she just fusses, pulls/pushes away and then cries and cries. It's like a vicious circle every night! I think I may have managed around 2 hours sleep all together last night and so am walking around like a zombie today. I really need to start getting myself off to bed earlier so I can get a few hours in before all hell breaks loose, but it's hard with having Amber too. Sighhh. Hopefully this will all just pass soon.

Hope everyone's well x

 

[2016]

I find if DS or DD start behaving "colicky" it's almost always because they've been awake too long or overstimulated. For the first few months they need to be asleep within 1.5 hours of waking all throughout the day.
If F gets like this I swaddle her (she hates it), move her side to side rapidly, shhhh in her ear loudly and hold her close to my body lying on her side. This seems to "shut her down" and she will often go to sleep within 5-30 mins.
Google "YouTube happiest baby on the block" for this method.

 

[ttc_lolly]

That is probably what it is then 2016, she really seems to fight sleep just by doing anything BUT sleep i.e. feed, when not really hungry and just scream! I will youtube that and give your methods a try, thank you

 

[2016]

Ive just had to shut LO down now because she was flailing about eyes wide and breathing rapidly...rooting about but not actually wanting to eat. It's as if their little bodies go into overdrive and they don't know what to do with themselves!

 

[Chloe597]

genY, glad you were able to talk to someone about your PPD. sounds like you are doing great with Summer, too!

blu, i have heard that epidurals/spinals can give headaches for a while. i didnt have that, and am headache free.

lolly, sorry you had a bad night. i havent been getting much sleep either, and can't imagine what it must be like with other kids!

can anyone share how they are coping with the night feedings and constant sleep deprivation? i feel like i am going insane. i need my sleep but i can't get it and its making me so emotional and zombie like. She goes about 3 hours from start of feed to start of feed, but the feeding process takes a good 40 minutes, and then i have to try to fall back asleep, so i get maybe 1.5 hours at a time. help?!

 

[GenYsuperlady]

I agree with 2016! I'm a total FTM but that's exactly how Summer acts when she is overtired and overstimulated but fights sleep because she always wants to know what's going on!
I take her to a dark, quiet room if I can, Shhhhh really loudly, cradle her and swing side to side. Swaddle helps a lot too! I must have heard all these tips from someone who read/saw Happiest Baby on the Block!

 

[GenYsuperlady]

Chloe -- I ended up pumping so DH could give a bottle at night...but that was at my breaking point. Could DH bring baby to you in bed and you could nurse in the side-lying position? You could practically be sleeping and he could be helping out?

2016- when Summer goes into overdrive she flails her arms and hits herself in the face. I can help but find it hilarious...

 

[2016]

Chloe...all I can suggest to cope is the old "sleep when the baby sleeps". For the first 6 weeks minimum try not achieve anything else than get enough sleep. Easier said than done with Christmas approaching. Eat dinner early and try go to bed by 8pm if you can. Lie in as late as possible and then try catch a morning nap. If you can wangle another nap in the day while baby sleeps then do that too! Rinse and repeat.
If you can get someone else to help with one of the night feeds (if you're ff that is) then do that too.

I just realised LO is about to start her first wonder week. Eeek! hope she goes gentle on me, DS was a horror during his leaps and the only "wonder" was the wonder I didn't go insane!!! Im guessing you all know about The Wonder Weeks?

 

[GenYsuperlady]

Are those the growth spurt weeks?

 

[2016]

Yeah kind of like growth spurt but more developmental leaps. Theres a fab book about it every mummy (and daddy) should read. It will save your sanity!

 

[Chloe597]

What book, 2016? I have not heard of this stage? What age does it happen at?

I have been pumping when my boobs feel like rocks so dh helps a little with feedings but not middle of the night because he works full time. Seems like LO doesn't get as full on pumped milk, tho, which seems strange.

 

[2016]

Chloe...it's this book https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/9079208043
There's an app you can get too which summarises it nicely and tells you when each stage will happen. Id still recommend the book though as its full of interesting stuff. It's not one if those parenting books that tell you you must feed/wake your baby at a certain time and generally make you feel useless. It's just fun and interesting info about the 10 major developmental leaps LOs will go through in the first 18 months, what affect the change in perception will have on them and things you can do to help them cope.

Each leap starts with a "fussy period" where LO could suddenly become "crying, cranky, clingy" and want to feed/sleep more/less often (depending on the child). DS always fed more slept less. After this time there are new skills our LOs will start to have or new mental connections they can make they would never have understood before.

Anyway, the first "leap" has a fussy period running from approximately 4.5 to 5.5 weeks. DS was 20 weeks old before I found out about this book. I then went back and compared my parenting journal to the week numbers and it was uncanny how what I thought were random switches in personality were all normal and predictable leaps.

 

[GenYsuperlady]

What is the app called?

 

[ImSoTired]

Oh lolly, lol. Baby's name is Caitlyn Isabel.

Thanks girls. I'm just so happy that what I'm feeling is normal! I feel like a failure a lot and it just breaks my heart when the baby cries because I feel like I should be able to fix everything. Bf'ing has gotten slightly easier but it's still very hard for me. I plan to continue but today Caitlyn got her first few oz of formula. I've only just began pumping also. I feel guilty but at the same time I think we need it. Neither DH or I have been sleeping. Caitlyn seems to think she is nocturnal and tends to clusterfeed at night. So the formula will hopefully keep her from clusterfeeding and keeping us up ALL night. Baby has lost nearly a lb since birth and is jaundice so I feel as though it's our best option. Baby was also born with a clicky hip which we made need to get her a harness for. Yet another reason I feel like a failed mother although it's not my fault. I cry a lot, sometimes for hours. Sometimes they are happy tears from looking at my baby and sometimes it's just the overwhelming newness of motherhood and everything being so hectic. I'm recovering well but I did have to get 1 stitch and it is still quite sore. Otherwse my body is still just quite achey. My breasts aren't overly sore but I think my milk is just really coming in. I do have swollen lymph nodes under my arms though and I've heard this is normal when milk production begins. My blood pressure has also been quite high. I also just keep worrying about everything. I worry whether she's healthy, whether she's ok, whether I'm doing all that I can. I just feel so foggy and lost and confused. I still love my baby so much but I just feel so unready or unworthy. I hope I'm not the only one who feels this.

Here are some pics of my new sweetheart