Delayed Ejaculation

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by KnitWit, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. KnitWit

    KnitWit Well-Known Member

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    Sorry if this is TMI but I'm looking for some advice. My partner suffers from delayed ejaculation which basically means he finds it difficult to ejaculate during sex. Most research says that this is completely psychological but he's had this his whole adult life. It's never been a problem before but now we're TTC it's become an issue. I try very hard not to put the pressure on him as I know this will only make matters worse but the ovulation window is so small..

    Is there anyone out there with a similar problem? Any help or advice would be great.
    I was so convinced I had symptoms this month but AF showed up so I'm a bit down in the dumps.
     
  2. DaisyBee

    DaisyBee Mom of 2

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    I dont have any ideas for you but wanted to give you :hugs: I think everyone gets down in the dumps with ttc. Its such a roller coaster & sometimes harder than we realized to get pregnant. Good luck to you and lots of baby dust! :dust: :dust:
     
  3. JemmaD

    JemmaD 3rd trimester

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    Its the other way round for me, wam bam thankyou mam 2 mins later hes sleeping lol.

    Type it in google hun you will find loads on there that will help you. keep your chin you hunny it will happen for you xxxxxx
     
  4. KnitWit

    KnitWit Well-Known Member

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    I think I've read just about every resource out there on the net. I guess I'm just looking for someone with this problem who also has a happy ending.
     
  5. JemmaD

    JemmaD 3rd trimester

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    have you asked in the other forums? you might get some help from one of the TRI'S aswell, i hope you get the answers you want its not nice feeling down when your TTC, goodluck hunny sorry i couldnt help more xxxxx
     
  6. KnitWit

    KnitWit Well-Known Member

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    TRI's? There are so many abbreviations on here I haven't learnt them all yet! Lol!
     
  7. Crailly

    Crailly Well-Known Member

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    I am not sure what "TRI'S" are either - as I am also new to all the lingo, lol.

    Anyway - my DH also has difficulty "finishing" as he puts it. I know for us we just keep trying and using a lot of foreplay/positions (sorry if TMI). I am crossing my fingers that I can pinpoint when I ovulate next month, or the month after that, and manage to get him to make a deposit on the day before, the day of, and the day after O . . . hopefully that will work.

    Good luck to us both !!
     
  8. DaisyBee

    DaisyBee Mom of 2

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    tri's are first trimester, 2nd trimester, 3rd trimester

    Good luck!
     
  9. Vestirse

    Vestirse Maker of the boobie booze

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    Well, when you say delayed ejaculation, what does bring him to ejaculation? Because I just think you'll need a lot of that!
     
  10. Redfraggle

    Redfraggle TTC since Oct 2005

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    :hi:

    Hello, my husband has this problem! Think there is only three of us on this site who have this problem. No happy ending for me yet but the other women is in 2nd tri so there is hope!

    I'm over in the LLTTC bit and have a journal there with our story.

    My husbands problem is psychological as well but in our case it only started about five years ago (and only with me, he is fine on his own). We went to the doctors about it and got referred for counselling. It did help a bit, we discovered the cause of it and he gave us loads of techniques and "homework" to do each week. I can give you more details of it if you want. It was a partial success. He can now ejeculate if pleasure him by hand or mouth but we can't seem to do it through intercourse (although he keeps insisting we are getting really close to it now - which we never were before).

    I know how fustrating it is for you and how difficult it is to stay relaxed. Can't tell you how many times I have waited for DH to fall asleep after sex and sneaked off to the bathroom for a good cry.

    Any questions at all just ask. There is fantastic support here and it is easier to be relaxed with my husband when I can come on here and rant and rave about it all to the girls in here instead of ranting to him!

    :hugs:
     
  11. KnitWit

    KnitWit Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou for sharing yours stories crailly and redfraggle. It's good to hear there is a success story out there too! At least I know it's possible! I'm not sure my bloke would want to see a councilor about this issue so I would love to hear any tips you were given. I think part of his problem is that he's been that way for so long he no longer see's an orgasm as the ultimate goal of sex. We're trying to re-train him a bit to be a more selfish lover (if that's the right term). He isn't as obsessed as I am about the whole TTC thing and I think he Is under the impression it's fairly easy to get pregnant. Probably all that school sex ed that gets drilled into you! But I know it won't be easy especially when we generally only have one successful session a month. I know if I tell him I'm ovulating it will put the pressure on and ruin my chances. So I keep it secret, seduce him and hope for the best!
    I really want this baby to be conceived naturally but have either of you resorted to using a turkey baster or similar? Hope that's not a akward question!
     
  12. broodylocket

    broodylocket Well-Known Member

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    sometimes my partner takes long during sex, think it is cause we are trying for a baby, wasnt like it before.
     
  13. Stotty

    Stotty Active Member

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    Well girls after reading these stories I thought I would add mine. My OH also has trouble finishing during intercourse but is fine by hand etc. The weird thing is we do have a child together that we had 19yrs ago when we were kids and he also fathered a daughter 13yrs ago. Now here comes the problem I think it is all in his head and so does he, maybe because I brought our son up and we split up when I was pregnant (but now getting married and very happy 19yrs on) and also his daughter has been brought up by her mother and he has just been a weekend dad if you like. I think he thinks its all going to happen again and its really frustrating for him and for me but believe me it can happen.

    We have been back together year and half and when we do have sex and he can finish he is over the moon and the orgasm is fantastic. It does help when he is totally relaxed and I have found that if I say no when he comes out and we try other methods it helps if I tell him he has to put it back in, because it will happen if he wants it to. I know how you feel though girls I also feel like having a good cry because I want it so much and I know he does and he did break his heart when he told me.

    Hope this helps it is nice to talk to someone else.

    xx:hug:
     
  14. LewoneGemin

    LewoneGemin New Member

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    My husband has the same problem and after a few months of frustration (It was killing our sex life and giving him an anxiety attack) we have started this month to do at home insemination with a syringe medicine dropper (just go to the pharmacy and ask for a 1 or 2 tsp syringe medicine dropper, they often give them for free.) It has completely taken the heat off of him as he doesn't usually have a problem if he's doing it himself. I know how incredibly hard it is to deal with but the worst thing you can do for a baby and a marriage is to create tension in the bedroom. We've only been doing this for a month so I have no idea if it's working but I'll keep you posted if it does. If it doesn't work we'll probably try artificial insemination in a clinic.
     
  15. amym

    amym Solomon's mummy

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    Hi I'm new today, google 'delayed ejaculation and ttc' and here I am! my man and I are getting married in 3 weeks and really want to start a family asap but he has delayed ejaculation.... research I have done says only 58% of men who have long term therapy reach a point where they can ejaculate during intercourse which is depressing, though we are on Relate waiting list and NHS waiting list for sex therapy.

    So I'm keen to try home insemination with a syringe, but am not sure when is best time to try that? I am on day 3 of my period today but am never sure what that means for when I am ovulating?

    Sorry to be so ignorant but am so worried about this - could live forever with 'dry' sex but not without a baby!

    Partner is hopeful it will all just magically happen so I want to make it as easy and painless for him as possible so he doesn't freak out or feel bad.

    Any updates from the other girls on this thread, or advice from ANYONE?

    Sorry for going on
     
  16. nuttynicnak

    nuttynicnak Mummy to Charlotte

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    I am not alone!

    I also have the same problem. I am still trying, but it has taken its toll on us both to the point where we had a melt down.

    Now just trying to take it easy with no pressure and lots and lots of foreplay. It is so hard. I am currently in my third month and the first two were spent with me in tears every night. It is hard to come to terms with it and my DH can manage on his own as well.

    I would welcome any advice as well please. The just try to realx bit isn't that helpful as it doesn't change anything.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. amym

    amym Solomon's mummy

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    so glad I also am not alone with this, but any success stories anyone? what happened to the girls who posted on this threat last year - does anyone know?

    good luck nicnac, maybe this year we'll get it sorted!
     
  18. amym

    amym Solomon's mummy

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  19. nuttynicnak

    nuttynicnak Mummy to Charlotte

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    I hope so. It is really stressful and the situation doesn't get any easier as the months go on. In fact it gets worse as we have something we want. x
     
  20. mum2beagain

    mum2beagain mum to 3 under 5

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    hi guys i just want to give u a sucess story my husband has this same problem he always has done however we have a 2 yr old daughter and a baby on the way he cant ejaculate at all with my help or during intercourse but on his own he is fine so i know it is not easy but when we were trying ttc our children i just laid on the bed while he knelt between my legs i would lay with my eyes closed for abit less embarrasedment for him he would pleasure himself and just as he was about to ejaculate he would go inside if u get me i would then put my legs up the wall lol give the:spermy: a helping hand and i have alway sfallen pregnant 1st month of trying hope this helps feel free to pm me if u would like a chat as i know how frustrating it can be especially if u have a man who is embarrassed by good luck and lots of :dust: to you all xx
     

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