Delayed Ejaculation

[mrs ctrlfrk]

Hi, I'm new here but came upon this discussion after googling DE like many of you. I feel so relieved to find others in the same boat. We've been married 5 years now and have been ttc for the past couple years but not very successfully. Sex has been an obvious issue for a long time but only after the first year. Before that, everything worked great. Don't know what happened and for the longest time, I thought it was me. I knew there was a 'problem' but didn't know there was an actual term until DH finally went to a urologist last spring. It took a year to get him to agree to see a doctor because he finally realized it was taking him forever. He wouldn't even masturbate...it was so frustrating month after month watching the clock tick away. (I'm 34 now.) Now he's sort of come to terms with it but still won't see a therapist like the dr. suggested. We've been doing AI for the past few months but I think now we finally got the hang of it. And now after reading all of these posts, I feel so much better about just being patient with him and supporting him through this.

So now I'm just wondering with your DHs with DE, how much semen do you actually get? I read that 2-6mL was 'normal' and he's been getting 2mL or just under. I feel like it's not enough? We still need to get him a SA but he's been shy about that for a while. I think we're going to have him try this coming week since we're in our TWW now. But I wonder if it's enough for the SA...anyone know?

Also looking for advice about IUI - if we should consider pursuing that. I turn 35 in a few months and am just nervous about my chances becoming even slimmer.

Thanks...so glad to be able to share this finally.

 

[ellie27]

Hi, I'm new here but came upon this discussion after googling DE like many of you. I feel so relieved to find others in the same boat. We've been married 5 years now and have been ttc for the past couple years but not very successfully. Sex has been an obvious issue for a long time but only after the first year. Before that, everything worked great. Don't know what happened and for the longest time, I thought it was me. I knew there was a 'problem' but didn't know there was an actual term until DH finally went to a urologist last spring. It took a year to get him to agree to see a doctor because he finally realized it was taking him forever. He wouldn't even masturbate...it was so frustrating month after month watching the clock tick away. (I'm 34 now.) Now he's sort of come to terms with it but still won't see a therapist like the dr. suggested. We've been doing AI for the past few months but I think now we finally got the hang of it. And now after reading all of these posts, I feel so much better about just being patient with him and supporting him through this.

So now I'm just wondering with your DHs with DE, how much semen do you actually get? I read that 2-6mL was 'normal' and he's been getting 2mL or just under. I feel like it's not enough? We still need to get him a SA but he's been shy about that for a while. I think we're going to have him try this coming week since we're in our TWW now. But I wonder if it's enough for the SA...anyone know?

Also looking for advice about IUI - if we should consider pursuing that. I turn 35 in a few months and am just nervous about my chances becoming even slimmer.

Thanks...so glad to be able to share this finally.

Hi there!!

We would only ever get 1ml maximum- but we would do it around 4 times round the most fertile week.

We conceived all 3 pregs this way, and all within just 3 months of starting ttc.

Good luck!

 

[mrs ctrlfrk]

Just wondering if anyone tried counseling with their DHs for delayed ejaculation and if it worked...

 

[Mr 123]

Hi there.

I notice there aren't too many fellas who post here. But I've decided enough was enough. My situation is like everyone else's here - DE. Prior to my wife and I deciding to TTC, there was no problem. However, since then, during O week, my wife would expect sex from me from day 7 through to day 17. Usually, the first 4 days are fine...I could ejaculate within her but the remaining days were the issue.

We have been trying for the last 5 months to no avail and its taking a drastic toll on both her and I. I've been hearted to hear that the AI method has been successful for some, but am wary of results as I think they differ for individual circumstances.

Can I as, with the AI, what days did you perform these? My wife is regular as clockwork (28day cycle)...we are in the process of getting a ovulation kit...

Thank you to all the ladies who have posted with their stories and good luck to the rest who are struggling through it.

 

[PG5K]

So glad to have found this thread as my husband suffers with this to.
He can only do it through masturbation so I find out when I am fertile using opks and then we inseminating 3-4 times over about 5 days.
I know he gets stressed because of the short 'window' so I do wish we could do it without me telling him but obviously he knows when I have to whip out a cup!
It's worked for us once but we sadly lost it.

I find the lesbian ttc threads very helpful and welcoming.

We are onto our 3rd cycle ttc after the mc now.

I'm always looking for inspiring stories though.

 

[DE_Guy]

Myself and my wife are currently TTC and I like others posted here this is being hampered by DE.

Firstly many thanks to all whe've posted here and given their stories and given advice where they could.

Too add my "two cents" worth, I've recently tried using a prostrate massager during sex and I've found while this hasn't completely resolved the DE issue, it has substansiously increased the frequency that I can achieve orgasm during intercourse. I recognise not evey guy might not be be comfortable (figuratively and literally) with this option, but I tought is was worth throwing out there as a possible solution to some.

We'll probably keep trying to conceive "naturally" for the moment, but i'm heartened that there are other options available, so thanks to all who've contributed.

Without trying to insult anybody, I'd just like to pick up on a bit of a trend in some of the previous posts. I've noticed that some of the posts written by females open with phrases like "my husband has this problem". While it may be a bit of symantics, I prefer to think of DE as an issue that exists within our sexual relationship, rather than a problem that one person (specifically me) has. While DE is normally rooted psycologicaly within the male partner, I've found that for example when my wife makes the effort to "spice things up" with things like sexy lingere etc! etc!! etc!!! (Insert whatever gets your man going here) this can have positive effects. When one or the other of us starts getting anxious about TTC or the whole procees becomes a bit contrived this can have negative effects.

I believe both partners can contribute to making DE less of an issue by communicating and supporting each other - by making the effort to keep the "love" in lovemaking. Posting online "my husband has this problem" online is fine - however I wouldn't advise phrasing things that way to your OH as it implies blame which won't help at all.

 

[mum2beagain]

While I agree that it may imPly blame unless you know everyone's circumstances then it's a hard one my oh has always had this issue and is certainly not to do with our relationship as he has never ejaculated with any e partner either therefore it really is an issue with him not us as a couple as nothing has ever made him able to come during intercourse thanku for the male Perspective though

 

[inpghttc]

Hello everyone...my husband does not have this issue but we have something a little bit similar and since all the other threads that I posted this in really puzzled people and no one said they were in the same boat....I thought maybe here would be the best place to post this... I met my DH around 10 years ago. Before me, my DH dated a girl who was also on the pill. When I was on the pill, I didn't care about CM and didn't ever pay attention to it, but I know that I barely had any and the pill must have dried me up because I would only be "wet" during BD for a little bit and then if we wanted to continue, I had to use lube! Now that I have been off the pill for going on 7 months, I still don't really notice anything in my underwear and not that much on the TP either, but I must get at least some EWCM because my husband notices that around O time of the month, I am wetter and "feel different" than usual. He actually says that I feel different than I did on the pill all the time, but even more so around O time. Here is my question and issue. I think because he was so used to BD'ing with "friction" most of the time, that is what he got used to and started to like. Plus, even when he takes matters into his own hands (hahaha) he doesn't use any lube. So, I had to explain to him why I am probably more wet than I used to be, why it is even worse around O time, and why it is actually a good thing. He complains about it though and said it seems weird, doesn't feel right, and it makes it harder for him to finish. He actually made me mad yesterday when he said, "I don't know how anyone ever ends up pregnant, ovulation sex is so weird!" He says that when he is able to "finish" he can't feel how much is there because it mixes in with my stuff and sometimes the orgasms aren't as good because of it...He isn't complaining about that part, we are just very open with each other and can say anything and I think he is afraid that his "stuff" isn't good enough to get me preggo during O time. Has anyone else who was on the pill a long time experienced this?? I just need to know that I am not the only one!! I am also worried that the fact that he can't finish every single time we try and even though we try to time things perfectly so that we BD during the best time to get preggo (our sex drives aren't that high so every other day BD'ing is not possible), maybe he's right about it not being good enough?? Any advice or stories like this??

 

[kk9]

Hi All,
So nice to finally find a forum like this!!! I have been looking for awhile! I will go ahead and share my story and then share some of the things I have learned on this journey (though it isn't complete).

We got married over 6 years ago and DE has been an issue on and off through much of our marriage. When we first got married I was on birth control and looking back the DE didn't seem as much of an issue. When I got off birth control we were TTA using a combination of charting and the pull out method. I think TTA without birth control made the issue worse because DH was worried about coming. I was concerned we would have a hard time getting pregnant, but DH assured me, that once we wanted to get pregnant - it would be easy to "switch back on." Unfortunately, it was not so simple. We have been TTC since August - but have only had one cycle with a successful BD session. Actually - we really stopped TTC in October because it just became too stressful. Instead we are trying to work on BD process. I found I was starting to resent him - which is really NOT a good thing. I was concerned that the stress of DE and TTC would damage our relationship. So now we are taking a little break to just work on us and the BD process.

DH has been on SSRIs(Lexapro) for the last 10 years and I think that has made the DE an issue. Erectile Dysfunction (ED) also used be an intermittent issue (this is also an SSRI side effect). ED plus DE made BDing EXTREMELY challenging and frustrating. Thankfully he got a low dose viagra and that got rid of that problem. Definitely recommend it for anyone else that is having that issue. It was a little hard on the ego - but once he got his mojo back - he was very thankful! DH has been to a urologist for the ED problem and he recommended Cabergoline. This is a drug used to treat something else but apparently can improve men and woman's ability to orgasm. DH has been on it for 3 months and so far it has not helped. However - I would recommend seeing a urologist and seeing what treatment options there are. I have heard that yohimbe bark can be very effective. I have just started him on Maca Root - which increases testosterone and is supposed to be very good for male virility - from libido, to erections, to sperm count. I will let you know if we have any success with that!

Glad to get a few practical tips. We haven't tried anything but the "old fashioned way" - so maybe we will have to try the manual stimulation mid-intercourse.

inpghttc - I know a bit about what you are talking about. A man's penis can loose sensitivity from age, masturbation, etc - so the lube reduces the sensation. This is one of the problems for people with DE. Not sure that I have any advice - but I know if we use too much lube it can be a cause of DE for my husband too.

So glad I am not the only one that slinks away to cry after bd! So sad - but so true! But you ladies (and gentleman) have truly given me hope!! Lets keep up the success stories! I will let you know how the Maca Root goes.

 

[838neen]

Hi all, was very glad to find this thread a few months ago (challenging time for both of us, dh on SSRIs long term). Have taken up the ideas on AI and on our 2nd month of TTC got a positive! Now 6 weeks and keeping fingers crossed all goes well. Not coming onto boast but know that when I was reading, wanted to find some good news stories to know it worked!

We did every 2nd day from about day 11 of my cycle (I ovulate quite late, around 18 up to the day after a positive ovulation test.

Good luck everyone!

 

[3outnumbered]

my oh has the same problem but only since he has been on his ADs, when he told the doctor we were ttc he gave us viagra, but all that means is pressure on oh to finish, the doctor says without it we can only ttc every five days which as you know is not good for ov time when every day bding counts, have read every post in this thread and am glad i found it, i am in my fertile time at the moment and am really worried that my oh is stressing as much as i am! it is difficult as he has only been on the ADs for a year, before that we concieved our other babies fine.

 

[kk9]

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to check in and tell you that DH has been taking Maca (Brand: Pure Maca - 2x a day) and it has made a serious improvement!! I highly recommend it! He has been able to finish almost every time since he started taking it (one time - he wasn't but I think I was putting too much pressure on him and we were probably BDing too often). It also has increased his libido. As I mentioned DH has been on SSRIs for about 10 years and has had this problem off and on - but recently has been worse. It seems that the Maca may be a good antidote.

No BFP yet - and we aren't able to BD every day - or even every other day- but we are making improvements - so hopefully we will be able to conceive naturally soon!

Good luck everyone!

 

[buttercream]

I realize this thread was started quite a long time ago, but since it at least still had activity in this year I hope it's okay to 'bump' the thread now.

I'm a new B&B member, and this thread is what drew me to the board. I just have to say reading everyone's stories and struggles was a HUGE help to me. My DH and I have been together three years and have struggled with DE in that time. When we decided we were ready to start a family, I wasn't sure it would ever work for us. For four months got into a daily BD routine during my ovulation window, and my DH was only able to 'finish' just once. It was starting to get stressful to for both of us and I knew that would only make it harder.

But there have been so many useful tips on this board! We haven't tried all the methods yet, but this past week we've been trying one method which seems popular, in which we start the BD, he pulls out and 'works' on himself, then enters me to finish. The first time we got this to work, I think we were both just so relieved! While I value our sex life and I want to fix things together so my DH can finish each time, or at least more often, and get as much pleasure as I do, as we're both over 30 now TTC has taken top priority over everything else. I'm happy we have alternatives to try now that alleviate some of the pressure off my DH. Here's hoping we'll have a BFP someday soon!

 

[mum2beagain]

Hey buttercream good luck my dh has never been able to finish during sex only ever through him masturbsting, however we have conceived 8 times using the method you are trying sadly we suffered 5 mc but are days away from delivering our third child so it does def work xx

 

[MrsParker]

Me and DH also have some probs in this area. trying yohimbe, will keep u posted!

 

[buttercream]

Hey buttercream good luck my dh has never been able to finish during sex only ever through him masturbsting, however we have conceived 8 times using the method you are trying sadly we suffered 5 mc but are days away from delivering our third child so it does def work xx

Stories like yours are what give me hope and made me sign up here, THANK YOU! So sorry for your mcs, but wow, days away from baby number three, you are truly blessed! I love my DH more than anything and I know he'll make a wonderful father, DE can be such a source of stress but I've made him see he's not alone in this. I'm just glad we've been able to work through this together and find alternative solutions to attempt. We just have a different sort of BD now!

 

[sweetmere]

My dh has this problem if we babydance too much, or if he gets "close" a couple of times and doesn't go, it's hard for him to go. A few nights ago we used the "get yourself close and then enter me" method.

We will see if we conceived this month. I am really, really hoping so.

 

[buttercream]

My dh has this problem if we babydance too much, or if he gets "close" a couple of times and doesn't go, it's hard for him to go. A few nights ago we used the "get yourself close and then enter me" method.

We will see if we conceived this month. I am really, really hoping so.

Ohhhh I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!! That's how we did it this cycle too. I'm a little sad because we had crazy schedules during my 'window', so we didn't get to DTD every night like I hoped. But I'm still anxiously waiting out this 2WW!

 

[Lovehope]

Just wanna share my success story. Currently having a 1yo boy. My DH has delayed ejaculation and has never been successful inside me. Worst, I have PCOS so I don't ovulate often. I went for TCM treatment & exercise regularly. Finally, We are able to conceive through the method that you guys have discussed previously.

Now I wanna try for #2 but it is even harder coz DH has difficulty to stay hard now. My PCOS problem remains so I guess we just have to try harder.

 

[dess]

hi just found this site and its good to realise others have the same problems. my beloved has had this problem for years, before i met him. We both would love children. Been trying with syringe for quite a while now as the dr suggested, but no luck yet. Also makes it more complicated as I am 39 and when i was 30 was diagnosed with bad endometriosis. Got an appointment next few weeks to go down the IVF route. It's a tricky one! Should we try a bit longer or just go for the IVF????? Good luck to everyone out there. I know being stressed about it makes things worse, but its difficult not to stress when its so important to you