Denied skin to skin contact

[gilz82]

Hi girls :wave:

My little man was born at 33w+4 and has been in the NICU for just over a week. He's managed to get off his cpap which is fantastic but he's not doing well with feeding. I can't BF so he's getting a bottle feed at 9am and 9pm but tube feeding in between. The tube feeds keep making him sick where as the bottle feeds don't because it takes him half and hour to take his milk.

Due to this we are going backwards, he's lost more weight and we seem so much further away from getting home than we at the beginning of the week.

I've only been allowed to hold Noah for skin to skin contact once for five minutes. When I raised it again today with his nurse she said no it's too tiring for him.

Now I don't really understand that at all. We top and tail him every morning so already have his clothes off so I dont see why I can't have five minutes of skin to skin with him before I re-dress him I'm finding it hard to bond with him due to us being separated and really feel that skin to skin would benefit us both.

Does anyone have any advice of how I could try to get this point across the neonatal staff so that I get to do this. I don't expect to be allowed to do it every day but I don't see how five minutes in over a week is remotely enough.

 

[AP]

Is he on any oxygen? Hmmm i dunno, im confused myself tbh why its such an issue for them, but, with his weight loss it may be one of the reasons. They get seriously tired just getting changed, honestly.

Is there any other nurses that look after Noah. It might be that the nurse is just pissy, you could do with another opinion?

 

[gilz82]

Nope no oxygen at all, he's in a little crib now just breathing room air.

He's had the same nurse in the morning for the past three days. The morning is the only time I'd consider doing it cos we already have his clothes off to top and tail him anyway. Hopefully his nurse in the morning will change over the weekend.

 

[AP]

Yeah id totally grab another nurse, or even figure out when handover is, or when the nurse is on her break , whoever takes over might be more understanding. Honestly theres a nurse like that in every unit, its not that they dont adequatley care for the LO its just they care so much they forget the important natural things to aid their growth too.

but i am pissed off for you too its important

 

[gilz82]

Thanks hon I obviously would never want to do anything to hinder Noah's recovery but I don't see how five minutes cuddled into me would be detrimental. My OH has had no skin to skin with him at all and I really think he'd benefit from it too.

 

[katy1310]

Aww, I wish I could give you some advice but we were kind of the same with Sophie. I didn't get my first cuddle till she was 3 weeks old and from then till she was about 9 weeks, cuddles were very few and far between. We had skin to skin on that very first one, and she was actually much more stable while she was out! We found that a lot depended on what nurse was on at the time - some were better at allowing it than others. I think even hospital to hospital can vary - from talking to other premmie mummies, I think our hospital really didn't encourage it!

Just noticed you're in Scotland - whereabouts are you?

xx

 

[gilz82]

I'm in Ayrshire not too far from Kilmarnock.

I understand why they need to limit cuddles etc but I think it's really difficult to bond properly when we are hardly allowed to hold him.

I think frustration is just making me even more sensitive to the whole neonatal situation.

 

[katy1310]

I'm in Ayrshire not too far from Kilmarnock.

I understand why they need to limit cuddles etc but I think it's really difficult to bond properly when we are hardly allowed to hold him.

I think frustration is just making me even more sensitive to the whole neonatal situation.

Sophie was in the Royal in Edinburgh, that's why I was asking.

It IS hard to bond properly when you're hardly allowed to hold your baby. You feel like you need someone else's permission to do everything for YOUR baby, and I really had a hard time worrying about whether Sophie would know I was her mummy.

 

[Cloberella]

I hope you get to hold him tomorrow love, I feel for you X

 

[25weeker]

I know it's hard but stand your ground and demand some kangaroo care. It has been proven to be a huge benefit to you and the baby.

Although my lo should have been born in Edinburgh she was actually born in Bristol. In Bristol they are big advocates for kangaroo care. It was actually the consultant who told the nurses to get it started when my lo was 6 days old and then he spent the next week telling my husband to have a hold as dads need to bond as well. After that we pretty much done it everyday except when she had sepsis.

When we got to edinburgh she was 33 weeks gestation and they weren't keen for holds but I pushed it. Once she was out of the incubator I didn't even ask I just lifted her. Although by that point she had been in hospital 10 weeks so was a lot more confident handling her.

I think you should speak to the nurse in charge.

I hope you get lots of cuddles soon.

Xx

 

[lozzy21]

Id just put my foot down and tell her your not asking her permission, your telling her your having 5 mins skin to skin. Its your baby not hers. Unless there is a medical reason why you can get her told.

If a mum of a 28 weeker could have skin to skin when i was in with Niamh i cant see why you cant. Its proven to benifit baby so i cant see what there problem is.

 

[AP]

Theres a thing... Is he in an incubator or a cot? Like 25 weeker i never asked permission when Alex was in a open cot, i just lifted her out

 

[gilz82]

Sb22, Noah is in an open cot now. I got a lecture for giving him a two minute cuddle yesterday afternoon once I'd done his cares. The midwife said "oh you know he's only supposed to be out the cot if you are feeding him!"

Feel like I can't win somedays.

 

[nkbapbt]

I would go to the charge nurse or ask his doctors. I am getting the impression the hospital isn't pro kangaroo care? Do they advertise that they are (pamphlets/posters up in the NICU?)?

I find this really weird..as even at 23.3 weeks..they were trying to get Lakai ready for it ASAP, it took over a month..but we got there. And they were more than happy to let me hold him for as long as I could hold my bladder (six or seven hours if I drank nothing before hand..lol).

I hope you get this figured out soon. If they are not seemingly pro kangaroo care, I would maybe take in some info about the benefits about it. And fight fight fight for it! He is YOUR baby don't let them EVER make you feel differently. Unless you are clearly hurting his health (which you clearly are not) they shouldn't have any issue with it.

 

[AP]

I cant see what difference it would make then? I agree with nic, time to start demanding things

 

[gilz82]

Thanks hon there are no posters promoting kangaroo care at all. I can't believe that I get grief for a five minute cuddle and you got to hold your baby for hours. My neonatal unit are really starting to piss me off.

As you said as long as it's not harming Noah why wouldn't my arms be the best place in the world for him to be

 

[lozzy21]

I agree, go above her and grill the doctors.

 

[AP]

Oh oh i was just reading an artcle in the Bliss magazine, and was reminded that there are factsheeys and downloadable booklets about kangaroo care - might be a good idea to go in armed with info from a charity who knows best

https://www.bliss.org.uk/publicatio...ionTitle=Download+or+order+Bliss+publications

 

[gilz82]

Oh thanks sb22 hon I'll print that out and take it in with me tonight. Here's hoping it makes a difference

 

[lozzy21]

Let us know how it goes.