It has been about 3 1/2 months since my miscarriage, and I have been so depressed lately. I try to act like nothing is bothering me, I put on a smile when i'm with my friends. Laugh and joke when I'm with family because no one knows that I lost a baby. I can't tell them because I'm scared that they will be ashamed that I got pregnant in the first place. But lately I've been saying terrible things about myself. How it was my fault that I lost my baby, that if I had just taken a pregnancy test when I thought something was off, and not had drank before knowing that I was pregnant. Is there something I could've done to stop it? Yea when I found out I panicked and got scared. Started telling myself that I wasn't ready to be a mom, that I wouldn't be able to take care of it. Is that why I lost it? I ask myself all these questions and beat myself up because of it. Did I do something to cause my baby to die? Am I a bad person because I drank when I didn't know? I can't keep these things to myself anymore. I need to know that what I'm feeling is normal. And that it will go away, I'm trying to focus on school but in the back of my mind its there. I just don't know what to do. Can someone help me?
Depressed
- Thread starter Love245
- Start date
I don't know it I can help, but I can try...First off, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost pregnancies in early May, and early July, and I still cry over the losses just out of nowhere. With the first, I blamed myself for everything. I'd had too much caffeine, I'd taken Advil for a headache, and I shouldn't have had Ibuprofen...I was letting stress get to me too much, and it had cost me my baby...It didn't matter what my husband said, I curled into a ball on the bed and cried, screamed, and hated myself for whatever I had done that was so bad that it had taken my baby from me. It's a horrible, lonely place to be because no one can convince you that it wasn't something you did. And having my doctor tell me that sometimes "these things just happen" certainly didn't help. With no clear reason for the loss, who are we going to blame but ourselves? I'm so sorry you're going through this pain but, though it doesn't seem like it now, it will get better. It won't go away completely. As I said, I still cry for my lost babies but, eventually, it won't be all you can think about. I hope this helps, a least a little, even if it's just knowing you aren't alone.
millianaire
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2010
- Messages
- 387
- Reaction score
- 0
Never feel like your alone with these questions we have all been through this, you really cant blame yourself we cant blame ourselves,its unfortunate luck for all of us, this has happened to us for a reason unbeknown to us yet. better things are waiting for you darling dont give up i sound like a proper preacher but i lost my little one two years ago i blamed myself for a year and then decided one day that actually no it wasnt my fault i live a good and healthy life my baby wasnt right for this world this time but the next one will be healthy and everything will change. The only thing that i can suggest that got my through this was support groups talking about it and never bottle up your feelings, i hate this saying but time unfortunatley is definately a healer.
always here if you need to vent xxxx stay strong xxxx
always here if you need to vent xxxx stay strong xxxx
Thanks i'm learning that talking about it is helping alot. I keep telling myself that God is trying to tell me that I'm not ready to be mom, that I still have things to accomplish before I'm meant to be a mom. Its just so hard, I love kids and its my dream to be a mom and be the mom that I didn't have. I just wanted to be there for my baby. But I know that I need to finish college and get a good job and be completely ready to welcome a baby into my life. You guys have helped me in so many ways. I can't thank you enough.
I cant say much in experience as I had a chemical that I didnt even know thats what it was at first. I am sorry for your loss! If talking about it helps then definitely talk to someone about it! Dont beat yourself up to much its not your fault, it sucks that these things happen but sometimes its out of our control.
Thanks, since finding this support website, each day is getting easier. Its just really hard. I don't want to sound like what I'm going through is worse than anyone else's because I know other people have gone through it, it just hurts so much. I keep thinking that now I would be about 3 1/2 months now, I just want to cry and sometimes when I'm alone I do. Or when I see videos on fb about people having gender reveals and stuff I just get emotional. I'm glad to know that what I'm feeling is normal. And that with time the pain will go away. I just don't want to sound selfish when I know that other women are going through or have gone through the same thing. It just hurts so bad and its hard to keep a happy face on all the time
Not sounding selfish at all!! We lost our first in 2010 and I was going crazy with no one to talk to about it until I found this amazing forum filled with supportive, strong women. I hear you on the plaguing "would haves" (I would have been 32 weeks or 15 1/2 weeks right now if either 2018 loss had made it) - I know for me it's sometimes really, really hard to see a bump while out and about shopping or something because I'm thinking about the one who would have come this Fall. Gender reveals are extremely emotional.
So go ahead and cry, and vent all you want in here! I don't know if you'll find a more supportive group of women who have been through it and are there for you.
So go ahead and cry, and vent all you want in here! I don't know if you'll find a more supportive group of women who have been through it and are there for you.
Thanks, you guys have been amazing through everything. A few friends are having gender reveals soon and I'm hoping that I can be there for them. I'm hoping that when the time comes I can. I also know that I have a support system to help through everything thats going through my mind. I can't thank you guys enough. Some days are a struggle and its really hard not to think about what my life would be like if I was still pregnant.
