Devastated over c section

[wookie3]

C section dissapointment

I had my little girl by c section on the 19th Dec. I never went into labour, I went into hospital with reduced movements and had to have a grade 2 emergency section to get her out as she wouldn't make it through inducement.

I am besotted with her. Totally in love. However, I am finding it hard coming to terms that I never had her naturally. I carried her for all that time and now feel cheated that I never got to feel contractions, never got to have a labour and experience childbirth. I don't feel like I am a real Mum as I never experienced that pain or feeling. My baby wasn't "born", she was "removed" from me and I cannot handle that fact.

I know that it was the only way that she would be here now so I am thankful for that but I just feel so low and cheated. My brother made me feel awful by saying that I had "the easy way out", although he meant it jokingly it had killed me inside. I don't feel like the other girls I know who've had babies will see me the same as them, kind of like they are almost better than me as they had a natural delivery. She was born with a knot in her cord and I was told my placenta was white, which resulted in my baby being on the 5th centile and very small for me at 6lb 8. My body failed my little girl and nearly killed her. I could not even nourish her and look after her in my womb.

I am devastated. Please can anyone offer any advice or has anyone who's had a c section felt the same?

 

[confused87com]

i completely understand how you feel. PLease dont feel upset, i remember with my son, i felt like i failed, myself and him. I felt id missed so much. it takes time to 'heal' those thoughts and i wont say that looking back my heart still sinks a little.
i thought i would feel this again, eap as my baby stopped growing again this time and i had to have a c section at 38weeks, shes 5lb 10. but perfect. I wanted this pregnancy to 'heal' last times 'wounds',. i rele wanted to push ehr out, something i will never do now. after complications from my section i wont have any more babies now.

All i can say is 'hugs', time is a great healer, the older ur little one gets the less improtant it becomes, wen my son was small i remember feeling a failure everytime someone found out i had a section, now its not asked or cared about.
Theres no 'fix', but talk to people, i bottled it up and got myself in a right state, keep busy and remember you have ur little girl safe, you cooked her for 9 months and you are not a 'failure' and no less a mum because of her exit route...something that took em a long time to realise. i think to go through a major operation to have your baby safe, and then have to recover quickly to look after her is far more than any natural birth....only people who havent had a c section and baby to look after could consider it the 'easy' way.

u r an amazing mummy, u r ur little girls world, she wont care how she came out

 

[Amberyll23]

Oh hun, you are not a failure! Please do not think that!

I had my DD by Section after 3 days of a failed induction (I had GD and HBP and other health issues that required me to be induced). They had to take her, they were concerned about her heartrate and my state (I was very exhausted from all the contractions caused by the induction drugs, lack of eating, etc.). Agreeing to the section was such a hard decision for me to make--it meant I wouldnt get to hold her first, that I would not get to have her placed on my belly right away, that I would not get to feel her coming out of me.

But all my anxieties and worries went away when I saw them place her in my DHs arms, and the look on his face as he held her while they sewed me up. I will never forget that as long as I live, it is such a precious memory for me, seeing the tears in his eyes, and our precious baby girl in his arms. I knew in that moment that I was not a failure because I did not have her naturally, that everything was right--she was beautiful, healthy and already the center of our world.

And anyone who says that a Section is the "easy way out" has no clue what they are talking about. Not to take away from recovery from natural birth, especially ladies who have tears, etc., but recovery from a Section is no picnic--it is considered major surgery, and you have lifting and other restrictions, and it is slow going for a while.

What also helped me heal mentally was breastfeeding my daughter. I felt an immediate bond with her once she was placed in my arms, and to this day, she is still very much a Momma's girl. She loves her Daddy dearly, but it is me that she runs to when I enter a room, and me whose arms she wants to fall asleep in at night. We do truly have such a precious bond.

So I guess what helped me the most in dealing with my Section was focusing on the positive events that happened around the birth and the bonding that I was able to have with her once she was in my arms. I feel like a mommy in every sense of the word, and I have a little girl who certainly knows she is mine.

I do wish you congratulations on the birth of your little princess, and best wishes for a quick recovery from your section. Also, if you are really feeling low, please do not hesitate to ask for someone to talk to. I cried for weeks for no reason after giving birth to my DD, and had a nice talk with a counselor through the hospital who helped me a lot!!

 

[BlaireUK]

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I could have written this post myself last January after the birth of my son. You describe exactly how I felt.

I can tell you that you will start to feel at peace with what happened with time. It feels so raw just now and your hormones are all over the place so everything is being exaggerated.

I still have those pangs of guilt that my body didn't do what it was designed to do but they are becoming less and less frequent.

My one regret is that I really let my feelings about my sons birth eat me up and consume my thoughts in those first 6/8-weeks. Looking back it really put a massive grey shadow over those precious months.

 

[biliboi2]

I alsofelt really really bitter after emcs. Over it now though. Hope time heals you x

 

[Banshee]

I could have written your post when I had ds1 over two years ago. I ended up with an emergency c section under general anaesthetic due to ds1's low heart rate. I cried for weeks afterwards as I was so disappointed that I hadn't 'given birth' to my son and kept thinking that he could have died etc etc. I was an emotional wreck and everytime someone said 'oh well, at least you're both ok' I wanted to punch them!
Time has been a great healer for me. I had a second emcs with ds2 due to failure to progress at induction and then reduced foetal heart rate and I gave been told that any further children will be by caesarian as my body had not healed well from the first c section so it's be too risky. In a way I still do feel like my body has failed in not being able to give birth to children naturally but I have my two gorgeous boys and I just don't care that much now.
I just hope that for you time will heal this emotional wound but for the moment you have every right to feel as you do

 

[ITS2012]

Please don't feel bad. Other mum's won't think any less of you. It was a matter of life or death. I know what most mums would choose.

I felt that way after my first Son's birth and I felt awful for feeling like that as he was very poorly when he was born. Lucky to be alive.

My 2nd child was also a section, and I felt completely devastated when I was told the number of children I could have would be limited by the number of section recommended,

Since then I have had 3 more children delivered by section and I will have my "final" section in May. I don't see it as my children being removed from me. I just think, that is the way nature intended my experience of childbirth to be. I feel cheated to as I have always wanted to try deliver myself and even now I think, maybe I could do it. But I would be a fool to even try, Life is so very precious, if for the sake of health you need to be delivered by section so be it. Who are people to judge anyway. I am sure they would appreciate whatever assistance is offered if/when a life is at stake.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It is probably just all your hormones playing games with you. You may feel down for a while but I am sure you will soon feel yourself again. If anyone thinks you have had it easy, they are wrong. C-sections can be complicated and difficult to recover from. Maybe more mentally than physically but it is not an easy way out by any means.

So come on girl, chin up. Your little one, doesn't care about how they were delivered. They need you to be positive and strong for them. Don't let this experience make you low. You have a precious little one to look after now.

Good luck, hope you feel better soon

 

[MoodasMomma]

I used to beat myself up over having a csection with my daughter. its gods will. we have our children by our sides! I was more upset about NEVER getting any milk in to breastfeed...now that was a hard thing to deal with.

 

[Dragonfly]

I had an emergency c section to, I felt ok for a bit after but as it was traumatised I started to feel like I never had a proper birth that I wanted. I know people say you dont really need c sections and that even hurts to as it was the last resort. I dont think people realise how hurtful they can be with words. It is in no way the easy way out its a harder way. I have had a natural birth after and see the c section as the harder birth emotionally and psychically. I felt a gap for a long long time to. My natural birthing friends constantly saying it could have been prevented without knowing my end of the story using statistics. Whats happened happened, no need to go over it and slam someone down over it Even comments like "least your baby is safe and here" didnt help. Yes I know he was and appreciate it. Birth also does play a part in how your child is, I ignored that one for a while as I didnt want to know. It hurt to much. I felt empty and unfulfilled for a long time till I had Alex, I thought he would end up c section so i spent a long time worrying over what may happen. I think Alex helped heal me and I know what natural birth is like to. It wont take away the c section but it helped, I know everyone cant do this I am just relaying how things made me feel.

I think some need to know not every one wants a c section and it can traumatise and hurt forever. They arnt lazy or to posh to push. Theres nothing easy about being cut open its major surgery. A woman consenting to that for her baby is brave.

 

[R_x]

I felt like this too, but now I try and think that I'm actually really lucky. Some woman can't get pregnant, they never even get to feel a baby kick or watch a bump grow

 

[Dragonfly]

I think we are all thankful of our babies and dont need reminded others cant have babies. Woman who feel this way are just meant to brush it under the carpet and hold it in for fear of offending others who cant have babies or look ungrateful. These are real feelings and shouldn't be brushed off but dealt with. A woman who feels this way is not ungrateful! Most likely comments like that will cause woman to hold in these feelings, not make them go away but let them eat at them with no help at all just guilt for feeling them.

 

[Aliop]

This is so incredibly raw for me right now I have a four week old son born via emergency c-section due to cord prolapse. I realise and thankful every day that he is alive and here and I know without the section he wouldn't be BUT I am devestated beyond belief because of the way he was born. My first two children were drug free natural births and honestly I truly felt like I 'earnt' them with every contraction and every push. I am struggling massively right now so I'll leave it at that but I hope one day I can look back and say I've made peace with what happened

 

[minties]

Firstly, I know how you feel. I had an emergency section with my son, then felt like I was forced into an elective with Sophie. I feel really cheated.

Secondly your daughter was born on the 25th percentile, whoever told you she was on the 5th was wrong. 6lbs 6oz is 2.95kg. 2.9kg is the 25th centile according to the world health organisation. Not that the 5th percentile is bad anyway! Just didn't like the thought of you thinking you did something wrong and made a tiny baby.

 

[R_x]

Seriously dragonfly?! I'm not saying she shouldnt say anything incase she upsets someone that can't have kids. I've had two sections myself one emergency which I was put to sleep for any one planned, I'll likely never have a natural birth now as would not risk it. I'm saying what has helped me, when I've felt down about it.
I never once said she is being ungrateful?!

 

[Dragonfly]

Seriously dragonfly?! I'm not saying she shouldnt say anything incase she upsets someone that can't have kids. I've had two sections myself one emergency which I was put to sleep for any one planned, I'll likely never have a natural birth now as would not risk it. I'm saying what has helped me, when I've felt down about it.
I never once said she is being ungrateful?!

I am sorry for sounding off at you. Its how comments like that make me feel. I dont mean it personally. I think I see way to many people having a go at c section mums saying either they should be grateful or never needed one. Many forget the pain we all go through as seen in this thread. Again I am sorry for having a go I have went off on one thinking of other things and sounded off you.

 

[R_x]

I probably worded my comment the wrong way I just try and take a positive out of all situations.
I agree with you about how people can be, I'm not like that though as I've been through it all myself

 

[Janers]

C section dissapointment

I had my little girl by c section on the 19th Dec. I never went into labour, I went into hospital with reduced movements and had to have a grade 2 emergency section to get her out as she wouldn't make it through inducement.

I am besotted with her. Totally in love. However, I am finding it hard coming to terms that I never had her naturally. I carried her for all that time and now feel cheated that I never got to feel contractions, never got to have a labour and experience childbirth. I don't feel like I am a real Mum as I never experienced that pain or feeling. My baby wasn't "born", she was "removed" from me and I cannot handle that fact.

I know that it was the only way that she would be here now so I am thankful for that but I just feel so low and cheated. My brother made me feel awful by saying that I had "the easy way out", although he meant it jokingly it had killed me inside. I don't feel like the other girls I know who've had babies will see me the same as them, kind of like they are almost better than me as they had a natural delivery. She was born with a knot in her cord and I was told my placenta was white, which resulted in my baby being on the 5th centile and very small for me at 6lb 8. My body failed my little girl and nearly killed her. I could not even nourish her and look after her in my womb.

I am devastated. Please can anyone offer any advice or has anyone who's had a c section felt the same?

Um I'm so surprised to read this because I could have written it. I went into the hospital with reduced fetal movements on November 21 2012, and came out with a baby. She had her umbilical cord tightly wrapped around her, she had an elevated heart rate (280bpm) and a heart murmur. I went into the hospital assuming they would hook me up and tell me everything is ok, the babies is just tired that day. Instead they rushed me to the operating room and had her out so fast my husband didn't make it in time.

I have the same feelings of failing her. Even know I do, she spent a week in the NICU so someone else was her primary caregiver for that first week. I was there all the time but had to leave for tests, when they did rounds and to sleep. It killed me.

I always wanted to breast feed, but my LO had no interest in latching and getting her nourished off her IV was very important so i started pumping and bottle feeding her, 6 weeks later we are still struggling with breastfeeding. I failed her once more.

I love my baby more then i ever imagined possible, but i cant get over the feeling that i failed her.

She was also born with a congenital birth defect, the left side of her face developed at a slower rate then her right side, she has no left ear and some dissymmetry in her face. The condition is called Goldenhar syndrome, thankfully she has a very mild case. You wouldnt be able to tell by looking at her.

You need to be be proud of yourself for going to the hospital when you did, because you saved her life. She is here because your instincts kicked in and told you something was wrong.

I may not have a lot of advice but i feel we have very similar stories if you ever wanted to talk more private message me.

 

[filipenko32]

Don't let it spoil your time with new baby hun. I am electing to have a c section as I have a ten pound baby on the way (husband and his father were ten pounders). It was out of your hands completely, it is so much more important that your baby is safe and well, my very close friend had a stillbirth 3 months ago - what she wouldn't give to be in your position now?? It was too late by the time she went in with reduced movements, they couldnt get a heart beat because there wasnt one at 38 weeks. So yes chin up and forget about it.

 

[BlaireUK]

Don't let it spoil your time with new baby hun. I am electing to have a c section as I have a ten pound baby on the way (husband and his father were ten pounders). It was out of your hands completely, it is so much more important that your baby is safe and well, my very close friend had a stillbirth 3 months ago - what she wouldn't give to be in your position now?? It was too late by the time she went in with reduced movements, they couldnt get a heart beat because there wasnt one at 38 weeks. So yes chin up and forget about it.

Please dont be offended by my views but I'm almost a year down the line from my emergency c-section but I still can't rationalise that "chin up and forget about it" approach. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful every single day that I have a happy, healthy baby boy and i'd go through it all again tomorrow to have him here but I still grieve the birth I wanted. I know there are thousands of women out there who would give up everything to be in my position. Whilst I appreciate your point (and agree that we all need to have a little perspective) I don't think it's helpful to rationalise life with death in situations like this. Especially not with new Mummy's who are in the first few hormonal and challenging months of parenthood.

 

[AlwaysPraying]

I've not read all the replies but wanted to say that c sections are hard, painful and you absolutely earned that birth. You could match up point for point a c section delivery to a "natural" delivery. One isn't easier or harder they are both a birth story. I'm 5 weeks out from my second section and I'm suffering complications and for me a vaginal birth would be so much easier. I know they have their own complications but for me both of mine were much harder and much more earned than contracting pushing and squeezing out a baby.