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- Sep 13, 2018
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Hi ladies
I’m not in a good place at the moment at all.
I feel so hopeless and so sad and I feel like my body keeps letting these babies down.
Ok so technically not babies, but a loss is a loss and even early losses hurt.
I’ve had later loss with my first baby at 10+4 weeks so I’ve been on that side of things too.
As many of you already know. We have Been trying for another baby for a year now.
We fell in April last year but that was a chemical pregnancy.
We fell again at the end of May last year and all looked so promising.
Tests progressed beautifully daily but sadly I went on to miscarry at just over 5 weeks.
I was 42 last year and the miscarriage broke my heart so very much but I felt blessed I could still fall pregnant at my age.
And we carried on trying.
Sadly all I got after that miscarriage was BFN after BFN after BFN.
Then last Saturday 4th February at 13dpo which is late for me. I usually get BFP by 10dpo when pregnant.
But 13dpo and was just waiting for AF as I had BFN at 10dpo, 11dpo, 12dpo.
I even had a smear test done at 10dpo when testing BFN.
But 13 dpo I tested and to my surprise I had faint lines on ICs and a faint but very clear BFP on CB and also Frer.
I couldn’t believe my eyes after 8 and a half months of BFNs.
That night I had some bad cramping. Nothing else. Just like with my 2 losses last year I had zero symptoms other than that cramping at 13dpo.
My ibs really flared at 11 and 12dpo so I’m guessing that’s when implantation took place.
That night I read on line that late implantation, as in after 9dpo would lead to miscarriage.
I felt crushed and so scared.
And sadly it proved true.
Tested the following day and lines were fainter.
Still there but not darker.
I know all to well how this would end after suffering 4 chemicals in 2020.
17dpo I started bleeding and by day 2 it was heavy and very clotty.
I’m now 43 years old.
This was my 10th loss in total.
I do have children already so I’m blessed but I just wanted my wee take home rainbow so so much.
I just feel so alone and so lost and so hopeless right now.
My DH wants to continue trying and I do too because I just want my rainbow so so badly.
I just want to be pregnant again with my take home rainbow.
But I fear it may never ever happen for me.
I feel like I’m too old and my eggs just are not good enough to get a sticky healthy baby.
I don’t know, maybe I should just give up.
After a year trying and 3 losses it just feels like it’s never going to happen.
I feel so desperately sad and so hopeless
I’m not in a good place at the moment at all.
I feel so hopeless and so sad and I feel like my body keeps letting these babies down.
Ok so technically not babies, but a loss is a loss and even early losses hurt.
I’ve had later loss with my first baby at 10+4 weeks so I’ve been on that side of things too.
As many of you already know. We have Been trying for another baby for a year now.
We fell in April last year but that was a chemical pregnancy.
We fell again at the end of May last year and all looked so promising.
Tests progressed beautifully daily but sadly I went on to miscarry at just over 5 weeks.
I was 42 last year and the miscarriage broke my heart so very much but I felt blessed I could still fall pregnant at my age.
And we carried on trying.
Sadly all I got after that miscarriage was BFN after BFN after BFN.
Then last Saturday 4th February at 13dpo which is late for me. I usually get BFP by 10dpo when pregnant.
But 13dpo and was just waiting for AF as I had BFN at 10dpo, 11dpo, 12dpo.
I even had a smear test done at 10dpo when testing BFN.
But 13 dpo I tested and to my surprise I had faint lines on ICs and a faint but very clear BFP on CB and also Frer.
I couldn’t believe my eyes after 8 and a half months of BFNs.
That night I had some bad cramping. Nothing else. Just like with my 2 losses last year I had zero symptoms other than that cramping at 13dpo.
My ibs really flared at 11 and 12dpo so I’m guessing that’s when implantation took place.
That night I read on line that late implantation, as in after 9dpo would lead to miscarriage.
I felt crushed and so scared.
And sadly it proved true.
Tested the following day and lines were fainter.
Still there but not darker.
I know all to well how this would end after suffering 4 chemicals in 2020.
17dpo I started bleeding and by day 2 it was heavy and very clotty.
I’m now 43 years old.
This was my 10th loss in total.
I do have children already so I’m blessed but I just wanted my wee take home rainbow so so much.
I just feel so alone and so lost and so hopeless right now.
My DH wants to continue trying and I do too because I just want my rainbow so so badly.
I just want to be pregnant again with my take home rainbow.
But I fear it may never ever happen for me.
I feel like I’m too old and my eggs just are not good enough to get a sticky healthy baby.
I don’t know, maybe I should just give up.
After a year trying and 3 losses it just feels like it’s never going to happen.
I feel so desperately sad and so hopeless
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