I ALWAYS wanted a girl. Since as long as I could remember. One baby, a girl. I can't say why but that's all I ever wanted. It took us YEARS, and IVF, to conceive. I started thinking I wouldn't be able to have any babies, yet STILL I only wanted it to be a girl if I did conceive. I knew I would love a boy just as much but I just couldn't imagine one, if that makes any sense at all. Everyone who knows me knew I wanted a girl, so I would have found it hard to act happy if it was a boy. Whenever my friends got pregnant and found out it was a girl, I was jealous, if it was a boy I thought poor you, I would be gutted (I didn't SAY that, lol). I have been completely obsessed with having a girl.
I got into a huge row with a family member who I basically broke down in front of a week before my gender scan. I found it really hard to say how I was feeling and how worried I was that this might be a boy and she shouted at me, saying I should be glad I'm pregnant, lots of people can't get pregnant, and I had IVF so I should be grateful for a baby at all, not being selfish wishing it was a girl. This got me really upset so I was glad I could talk on BnB without being called those things. Yes of course I KNEW I was lucky to be pregnant, I KNEW other people found it hard (I knew first hand what it was like to TTC for years and not get anywhere), but just because I had IVF I wasn't allowed to feel that way? My feelings weren't as valid as someone who'd gotten pregnant easily? I didn't talk to my family about how I felt after that and it was hard. I'd reached out for support and got that in return, it was the first time my family hadn't supported me or listened to how I'd felt and they basically made me feel like a selfish b**ch.
I knew I would more than likely only have one baby (because I can't afford IVF again) so I really really wanted the girl I always imagined, it's not like we could just "keep trying" for a boy, but my family didn't understand that. They said because I had trouble getting pregnant I had no right to be picky.
So yes, I desperately, desperately wanted a girl. If it had been a boy, I'd have come round to the idea, I know I would have, but I'd have mourned the girl I was hoping for and expecting.
When I had the gender scan, it was a girl. I was thrilled! Then only a few weeks later the anxiety set in, what if they were wrong? They only said they were "pretty sure and couldn't guarantee". My baby was breech so at 36 weeks I had a scan for that and got them to check again, yes, definitely a girl. She was born this year, and I have got my beautiful little girl.
I'm not ashamed (even though my family seemingly wanted me to be) of saying how much I had wanted her to be a girl, and how much I really DID NOT WANT a boy and would have been devastated if it had been a boy.
Yes, I have my girl and I know how lucky I am to even have a baby with all my fertility problems, and I know I'm especially lucky to have a girl. I'm not going to have any more babies but I hope I can still offer support to people on here because I know how you feel and I know how nice it was for me to get some support from BnB when I felt like that and my family made me feel like s**t about it xxxx
I know I will love it so much either way, but it will be hard to take at first. My family wants a girl but my dh wants a boy (he has 6 nephews, 1 neice on his side and wants to add more boys in the fam...). That makes me want a girl so bad because it seems all he cares about are his nephews and he wants our little bean to be just like them...another lil' guy to wrestle with. It could just be pregnancy hormones causing this, plus overthinking, but I still have a while until the gender scan...I guess only time will tell. 
x
