Did finding out the sex help or not?

[AngelofTroy]

I never thought I'd care about gender.. But as this pregnancy left me floored with hyperemesis for months on end we've decided this will be our last.. And the idea of never having a daughter saddens me.

We were team yellow with my son and were very happy with our decision to wait for birth for our surprise. I was never even tempted to find out the sex and I imagined I'd be the same this time... However my wish for a mother-daughter bond has me fearing gender disappointment this time, and I'm left wondering whether this time it might be better to know in advance so that I can process any disappointed feelings long before I meet a second little man.

I feel awful for this. My husband doesn't want us to find out and says he'll find out if it helps me but he thinks I will only feel happy when baby arrives anyway whatever sex they are.

I'm so torn. Did finding out the gender help you deal with any small disappointed part of you? Or do you prefer to wait and see?

 

[Bellaloo12]

Its so hard to say as i found out and got the answer i wanted..BuT.. When we went for the scan at 16 weeks hunby and i thought we saw boy parts amd part of me was like ugh another boy but i wasnt dissapointed as such (i already had 2 boys) but then when she told us we were having a girl i actually cried i didnt realise how much i wanted a girl until i fou d out we were expecting one. I did have a feeling we were having a girl and i dis the bicRbonate of soda test amd that said we were having a girl why dont you try that i know its not 100% right but might give you a little inkling as to weather you are having a girl or boy. I dont think finding out before birth will mKe any difference to how you feel bout them when there here anyway x

 

[biscuits104]

YES! This baby is our first, so we really didn't mind either way, but we had pathology done on our second miscarriage and it broke our hearts to find out it was a girl...it seemed to make the loss more real. Our first loss is still a mystery since they generally don't do testing on a first miscarriage (and I think that mystery is a blessing). Anyway, I say all that to say this. Finding out this baby was a girl made us emotional for days. I have to admit I would have been dissapointed (only a tiny bit!) if I had found out it was a boy because the loss of a daughter was so hard for us. I would recommend finding out, that way you can make your peace with it if it's a boy...and you'll have plenty of time to get excited, because you will be excited even if it is a boy!! Besides, finding out now or finding out later, it's still a surprise either way. And I really think it helps with the bonding...and in your case also preparing the sibling for a brother or sister.

 

[Qmama79]

I have a son already & this one is my last pregnancy. I was team yellow with first, but with bad first trimester & risk of losing baby I wanted to already know if this was going to be boy or girl. ALL grannies were rooting fr a girl, even my hubby & I secretly too! When test came back I found out it was a HEALTHY boy. I cried when I found out bean was healthy & had mixed feelings fr the gender (found out around 10 weeks).
Now, 20 weeks further, I've bonded more with my second little man then I've ever was able to bond with my first. Everyone has overcome their disappointment and I'm happy to have it out of the way. Not sure if I would have been disappointed at birth. Glad I've had time to come to terms with not having a mum-daughter relationship.

 

[Marumi]

This is not our last (hopefully) but we were originally hoping for a girl this time. When we found out it is a boy though I felt fine. Relief in a way. Knowing it is a boy and giving him a name helped me bond so quickly, I would not want him to be a girl now. I have a wonderful boy already, and while I would love to have a daughter one day, I love being a boys mom

Is there really no chance you could have another one? I think nothing has to be set in stone. We don't know how many we will want to have...we'll take it one at a time.

I had severe morning sickness the first time and lost lots of weight. This time I was on a different diet and had none. Can't say 100% certain it is the reason but I noticed eating lots of carby or sugary things brought on a nausea spell. Or not eating enough fat and protein. So I was able to control it.
There are lots of interesting reads about this:

https://hypergpregnancy.com/real-cause-hyperemesis-gravidarum/
https://www.mommypotamus.com/the-real-cause-of-morning-sickness/
https://stevenandersonfamily.blogspot.de/2013/11/the-cause-and-cure-of-morning-sickness.html?m=1

 

[SaraVO]

I had anxiety over not having a boy, the whole latin family carrying on the name thing. But, that was my only fear. there wasn't going to be gender disappointment. But, it did help with bonding and making the pregnancy feel that much more real.

 

[Natasha2605]

I think for me, it helps a lot with the whole bonding and being able to get excited, also for my daughters.

I had a lot of anxiety regarding gender this time round as everyone else was so hoping it would be a boy. It's definitely been the right decision for me to find out the gender each time.

 

[musicmomma]

I found out the sex with both my kids so far. My third one I have another 4 weeks til I can find out. I already have a girl and a boy so I don't really feel the need to find out with this one as much as the other 2. My husband wants to know the sex of this baby but I kinda want to be surprised. I think it was easier to find out the first two so I could prepare. After we already had a girl, of course my husband wanted a boy so we found out. I think if you have your heart set on a certain gender...I would like to find out so I would have time to prepare if I was disappointed.

 

[chelsealynnb]

It helped me a lot with DS3. From our 12 week scan, lots of people said he was a boy for sure from the nub theory, so going into my 20 week scan I already had it in my mind that I was going to hear boy.

 

[Kim T]

I have two boys and this will be our last. I found out with the last two, OH found out with the first and not the second. It was super hard not to give it away on the second, but he said he liked not knowing.

Part of me also is hoping for the mother daughter bond, and i also fear slight disappointment in finding out we will be having our third boy (i know, i know.. i should be happy either way). I think if i wait until baby is born, there won't be time for disappointment, i'll have just pushed another kid out and there will be so much love and excitement; i just won't care as long as i have a healthy baby! So we are sticking with team yellow.

 

[m0mmyCool]

I think it helps. We were hoping for a girl and this may be our last. We found out it was a boy at our anatomy u/s. I was slightly disappointed but was able to get passed it and can now look forward my baby boy.

 

[Misscalais]

Yes absolutely.
I have 3 beautiful boys and currently pregnant with a little girl. I didn't have a preference with my 1st as i wanted sons and daughters.
Then we found out with the next 3. ( i was slightly disappointed for like 5 minutes with my 2nd son and with my 3rd son felt it quite badly. But by the end of my pregnancies i was bonded and the gender no longer mattered ) sure i still felt moments of sadness not having a daughter but perfectly happy with my sweet boys. This pregnancy was unplanned so baby being a girl is just the cherry on top

 

[NZKiwi]

This is my first and I didn't have a preference either way, but I have found that since finding out the sex I have felt much more bonded and so much love for the little guy.

When thinking about future possible pregnancies, I would love a daughter, but I think if I have two boys that their bond as brothers will (hopefully) be amazing. It might help, if baby isn't the sex you were wanting, to focus on that bond between sibilings and not the lack of mother/daughter bond you will miss out on.

 

[LDC]

We're not finding out this time; we have a dd and when I was pregnant again I really wanted a boy, to have one of each as my dh wanted a boy and I thought it would make my family complete. At my 20 week scan we tried to find out what gender he was but he was feeling a little shy and hid his modesty. I only found out when I gave birth after our loss that he was a boy. It broke my heart. With this pregnancy we've decided to stay team yellow again, purely because whilst I'd still hope for a son (for the father son bond) it just doesn't matter to me.

I was also convinced dd was a boy during my first pregancy. Like convinced. I wouldn't even discuss girls names I was that sure and looking forward to having a boy, I honestly thought I'd be disappointed if it was a girl but seeing her little face after the section I was just filled with love.

I think stay team yellow - you may be disappointed with the idea of what you're having but when you see your baby It may not even cross your mind with those little eyes looking up at you

Xxx

 

[Unexpected212]

I really wanted to find out with my first so I could be prepared. With my second I found out because I REALLY wanted a girl. Not because I think girls are better than boys, my son is my world but I'd always imagined having at least one daughter and getting to experience raising both.

This time I didn't want to find out because I wasn't bothered on gender but we did because my little boy really wanted to know and so did my husband. Were having another boy.

 

[karlilay]

I had quite bad gender disappointment with my son. The whole boy thing felt alien to me, but out of both my son and daughter I have an awesome relationship with my son.
I cried a bit when they told me he was a boy, but we went off to Mothercare, and brought the cutest little romper, and it's all just fell into place from then.

I was convinced I wanted a girl so badly this time, but actually when it came to the scan I didn't mind at all. Now I know that she's a girl though it's really helped me bind, I picture what she will look like, if she will look like her sister, weather she will be a princessy girl or a tomboy. We refer to. My bump as she, and 'your little sister'. I just feel it's so much easier when you know.
That's my personal experience though

 

[ChocolateC]

I could never wait. I'm one of those need-to-know people. Personally I think you might feel the disappointment anyway, so I'd just find out and get it done with and start your shopping.
I actually wanted two girls so they could have the sister bond. But this one's a boy and although I was disappointed at first, I'm fine with it now. Btw the mother-son bond can be JUST as strong as the mother-daughter one. My brother and mom were always super close. A parent's behavior is so much more important than just biology. If one parent is not as attentive then the kids will bond with the other parent, and I've seen it go all sorts of ways, not just what you'd expect (girls bonding with dads, sons with moms, and other way around). Me and DH share parenting equally and DD loves her daddy just as much as me--in fact, she often prefers playing with him, since he comes up with more crazy stuff than I do, haha.
Temperament figures in, too. A cuddly kid might bond with a more cuddly parent, or an active kid with a more active parent.

 

[minties]

I REALLY had to know with Sophie, I had GD quite bad imagining she was a boy. It's not that I didn't like boys, I adored my son so much that I wanted him to be the only little boy in my life. It really helped me to bond with Sophie, as I had felt quite distant towards my pregnancy before that.

I'm not finding out this time.

 

[Ganton]

I think stay team yellow - you may be disappointed with the idea of what you're having but when you see your baby It may not even cross your mind with those little eyes looking up at you

Xxx

This is what I think too. We stayed team yellow with our first two but DH wanted to find out this team. The baby wasn't cooperating at the scan so we're team yellow again, and I'm pleased about that. I honestly don't know how I'd have felt if we were told at the scan that we're having our third (and final) boy. But I know for certain that as soon as my baby is in my arms and I find out what we have, it juts won't matter. I'll have my baby and that's all that matters.

 

[dimmu]

Our DD was unplanned and finding out really helped with the bonding. We'll be finding out the sex again for the same reason, but also because DD really wants a baby sister so at least we can prepare her if it is a baby brother instead.