Did finding out the sex help or not?

[Gem_Clem]

I do think it helps the bond a bit better. My first pregnancy I had the worst HG like you and I didn't bond with the bump at all, even though this sounds really awful, sometimes I wished I wasn't pregnant anymore because it was so hard to get through everyday. My mum had HG in her first pregnancy and it was a boy, and I had really strong feelings it was a boy, really wanted a boy but found out at 4D scan it was a girl, I was a bit disappointed at first, im not a girly girl, was always a tomboy and was thinking about the shops filled with pink girly things and frilly dresses which filled me with dread! lol but then realised she may be like me I actually enjoyed buying girls things and when she arrived I forgot about everything, she was perfect, she has always been my little side kick, shes strong, independant and I love her to death. She likes princesses & unicorns but she also loves dinosaurs, muck, bugs and riding her motorbike lol

This time around, we are finding out again, I don't know how I feel about it, I don't really mind this time, I would love a son, I think my husband would too, but it would feel weird to have a boy, im so used to a girl now, Kayla is only accepting a girl she said haha. This will definitely be our last one, I would never go through pregnancy again. I was thrilled last week when first trimester was over and I never need to go through one again!!

 

[Boo44]

I have done it both ways!

I didn't care gender with my first. I wanted a girl with my second so decided not to find out and wait until the birth and it worked, I did not care an ounce that he was a boy when I looked at him and fell madly in love.

This time I was scared of gender disappointment and convinced myself I would be sad as its my last. However I decided to find out and the minute they told me I felt a rush of love and excitement and he's another boy! I feel so happy and excited now, I love saying 'he' and thinking about the future. It's weird actually because I thought I might have GD?

The only way I can explain it is that until you KNOW the baby inside you, when there is still a possibility of either gender, you can hope and wish certain things. But the second you KNOW that baby inside, conceived from love and so wanted, there is just no way on earth you could be sad or not want it. You just want THAT baby that is inside you to be yours and healthy! So whether you find out now or at birth you won't be sad, you will be in love

As for the mother daughter bond, I may never have that, but to have it would mean not having the experience of my amazing sons, and I truly believe that x

 

[minties]

I've never seen this fabled 'mother daughter love' anyway, everyone I know has boys closer to their mums than daughters, including my family and OH's. My MIL has 3 boys and all of her boys live within a few minutes drive of her, and my mum is much closer to my brother than me. I know my kids are still very little, but I don't feel any closer to one than the other or imagine that Sophie will be more loving because she is a girl.

 

[CJHanson]

It helped me. We have 2 boys and when I found out this one was a girl I broke down and cried. I hadn't realized how much I truly wanted her to be a girl. O think had it been boy #3 I would have wanted that time to absorb the fact I wouldn't ever have a daughter.

 

[startingout]

With my first we stayed team yellow and to be honest I didn't have that 'OMG it's a girl (in our case)' moment as our delivery was assisted in the end due to complications and I was utterly exhausted I really didn't care whether she had been a she or a he or a puppy, I was just glad she was out and I wasn't in pain anymore.

We made the decision to find out this time for 2 reasons, one I think it was beneficial for my daughter to know in advance whether she was having a brother or sister and get used to the idea and also my husband was desperate for a boy so I wanted him to have time to deal with any disappointment he might have if number 2 turned out to be a girl also.

We found out we were having a boy at our 20 week scan and my daughter was terribly unhappy! Although I think if he was a she, she would have been upset anyway. But now she's great about it and keeps talking about how exciting it will be to have a baby brother, less toy sharing etc.

My husband was of course thrilled and I am happy he is unlikely to want another.

From my point of view I think finding out has definitely helped me 'bond' with him before he's born, we've been able to decide on a name and I think if my labour is difficult it won't affect my feelings immediately afterwards as I'll already know.

 

[BostonLover89]

I hope in the long run I will feel the same way most of you ladies do, but right now I am a little disappointed with finding out the gender. I think this is mostly because my husband was so silent and distant after we found out it is a girl, it made it less exciting for me. I know men want to have a boy and I feel that he is still excited about starting our family but the whole moment of "finding out" was really underwhelming.

 

[AngelofTroy]

We found out and it's a girl!!

 

[Gem1302]

Congratulations

 

[Olivia2]

Lovely news. Congratulations

 

[biscuits104]

I hope in the long run I will feel the same way most of you ladies do, but right now I am a little disappointed with finding out the gender. I think this is mostly because my husband was so silent and distant after we found out it is a girl, it made it less exciting for me. I know men want to have a boy and I feel that he is still excited about starting our family but the whole moment of "finding out" was really underwhelming.

This made me really sad. My husband wanted a girl just a teensy bit more than a boy because he is all about protecting our child, whereas boys get stuck with the whole father-son "gotta make you macho" thing and that's just not my husband's style. There are so many books out there on father-daughter bonds, perhaps you could give him one? I really think fathers of daughters form a special bond and I hope your husband can see that one day. In the end, it's all about having a (hopefully) healthy and happy child.

 

[staralfur]

I hope in the long run I will feel the same way most of you ladies do, but right now I am a little disappointed with finding out the gender. I think this is mostly because my husband was so silent and distant after we found out it is a girl, it made it less exciting for me. I know men want to have a boy and I feel that he is still excited about starting our family but the whole moment of "finding out" was really underwhelming.

Just wanted to pipe in and say that I experienced this with my DH as well. We were both convinced before finding out that my LO was going to be a boy and my DH had a strong preference for a boy. When we found out we were having a girl he was legitimately upset, he sort of retreated and it made me so sad for our daughter. It got better as the pregnancy went on and by the time she was born he was completely in love with the idea of having a little girl.

I think finding out before she was born helped my DH. Since he was so set on a boy I'm not sure he would have just let all of that go the moment she was born and I would much rather him have worked through that before she was here than possibly taint his first few days with her. I don't look back at the moment we found out as a magical moment but I look back at the following months, watching my husband warm up to and get excited about the idea of having a girl, very fondly.

 

[BostonLover89]

I hope in the long run I will feel the same way most of you ladies do, but right now I am a little disappointed with finding out the gender. I think this is mostly because my husband was so silent and distant after we found out it is a girl, it made it less exciting for me. I know men want to have a boy and I feel that he is still excited about starting our family but the whole moment of "finding out" was really underwhelming.

This made me really sad. My husband wanted a girl just a teensy bit more than a boy because he is all about protecting our child, whereas boys get stuck with the whole father-son "gotta make you macho" thing and that's just not my husband's style. There are so many books out there on father-daughter bonds, perhaps you could give him one? I really think fathers of daughters form a special bond and I hope your husband can see that one day. In the end, it's all about having a (hopefully) healthy and happy child.

I do hope he gets more excited about her, we only found out this Tuesday so maybe he needs time to adjust. He did tell me that knowing it's a girl brings on new parenting fears for him since he is very much a mans man and doesn't know anything about raising a daughter. Books are a good idea, thank you!!

 

[babyjan]

Was team yellow first time but not by choice and I found out gender this time. I still feel bonded to baby in the same way I did with my first! It hasn't really made a huge difference other than the obvious like referring to him as a he, knowing what to buy in terms of colour etc..

I would defo go team yellow again next time around x

 

[babyjan]

I have done it both ways!

I didn't care gender with my first. I wanted a girl with my second so decided not to find out and wait until the birth and it worked, I did not care an ounce that he was a boy when I looked at him and fell madly in love.

This time I was scared of gender disappointment and convinced myself I would be sad as its my last. However I decided to find out and the minute they told me I felt a rush of love and excitement and he's another boy! I feel so happy and excited now, I love saying 'he' and thinking about the future. It's weird actually because I thought I might have GD?

The only way I can explain it is that until you KNOW the baby inside you, when there is still a possibility of either gender, you can hope and wish certain things. But the second you KNOW that baby inside, conceived from love and so wanted, there is just no way on earth you could be sad or not want it. You just want THAT baby that is inside you to be yours and healthy! So whether you find out now or at birth you won't be sad, you will be in love

As for the mother daughter bond, I may never have that, but to have it would mean not having the experience of my amazing sons, and I truly believe that x

This so sooo sweet! I'm having my second boy and couldn't be any happier! I'm just so excited and can't wait to meet him

 

[AngelofTroy]

I'm really regretting finding out, I thought we'd be more excited but we just feel like we cheated.

 

[Ganton]

I'm really regretting finding out, I thought we'd be more excited but we just feel like we cheated.

I'm sorry to hear that you're regretting it. Are you feeling happy that you're having a girl, but wishing you'd saved that surprise for the birth now that you know? That's how I imagine I'd have felt if I'd found out I was having a girl this time. However, if it's a boy, I think knowing in advance and preparing ourselves (and everyone else) for another boy might have been good. Unfortunately, it was therefore impossible to know whether we should find out or not as that decision would depend on whether it's a girl or boy.

I'm glad the decision was taken out of our hands, and I think I can understand your feelings. However, just think of all the lovely little girl clothes you can now buy in preparation

 

[AngelofTroy]

I'm really regretting finding out, I thought we'd be more excited but we just feel like we cheated.

I'm sorry to hear that you're regretting it. Are you feeling happy that you're having a girl, but wishing you'd saved that surprise for the birth now that you know? That's how I imagine I'd have felt if I'd found out I was having a girl this time. However, if it's a boy, I think knowing in advance and preparing ourselves (and everyone else) for another boy might have been good. Unfortunately, it was therefore impossible to know whether we should find out or not as that decision would depend on whether it's a girl or boy.

I'm glad the decision was taken out of our hands, and I think I can understand your feelings. However, just think of all the lovely little girl clothes you can now buy in preparation

Yeah that's exactly it but you're right, thank you

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Aww angel I'm sorry you feel that way it's still a surprise no matter when you find out, and I'm so happy you're getting a little girl. Knowing the gender I think makes a big difference to the preparation for baby. You can look at the things you need and picture your daughter playing with/wearing them.

I found knowing the gender with Xander was the point where I was able to start to bond with him. I'm hoping the same will happen this time, because right now I can't even fathom that there'll be a baby.