Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[Allie84]

I want/wanted a girl sooooo badly! Everyone told me I'd have a girl because I'm so girly...as if that influences things haha. But I wasn't really dissapointed....I was so in love with him the day of my u/s it didn't matter to me. Plus I foresee myself having a few more so I assume I'll get a girl in the future. I'm the first to admit I'll be dissapointed if I never have a girl. I guess I just thought everyone has some amount of preference and hopes for a girl/ boy. I think it's normal.

 

[Sparkly]

I've never felt gender disappointment, but can feel for those that do. When pregnant with Ben, I was absolutely convinced that he was a boy. This was in 1993 way before gender scans were popular. I bought boy clothes and blue things If he'd have been a girl, I'm sure that I would've been upset tbh.

 

[pregoinnorge]

But I agree with Dazed that devoting an entire section to it seems a little excessive, but I guess I don't know what it feels like to be that disappointed...

We went to the osteopath yesterday and Ella finally slept for more than a few hours and seems way more content. Who know if it's just a fluke, but I'll take it

My MIL just took her for a walk in the stroller, in the rain even, so now I have an hour or so to myself for the first time in weeks. Maybe I should do something better than dink around on bnb...

 

[NatoPMT]

I think they have to dedicate a whole section to it if they have to make it private - its the fact its private that warrants the whole section rather than the topic.

Its hardly got any posts in there, and to have to join there would have to be some serious disappointment motivation to be in there. What worries me about it is as i said before, it could be damaging depending on who you are talking to in there, plus in some way, the fact its there at all might be damaging. a) because it means that you are encouraged not to discuss it openly and sensitively when it is normal, and b) because it could encourage negativity towards the subject from those who are excluded from the discussion

but then i can see why its private because it does warrant strong reactions. No right way to tackle it i think, so they have done the best they can to provide for those in that position

 

[Round2]

Ya, it seems to me that it should just be a thread, not a section.

Glad Ella got some rest Preggo. It's so nice when they give you a few hours of happiness. Enjoy your spare time.

Yay! It's Saturday.....what's everyone up to today??

Today Maddy and I are going to 'Build a Bear' for the baby. They have these stores where you can make a teddy bear and pickout clothes for them. I'm not a stuffy kinda person, but she's been begging to make one for her brother. How can I say no! I'm definately starting to see the advantages to have my kids for far apart in ages. She's so excited for this little guy - despite her previous gender disappointment issues!!

 

[NatoPMT]

We went to the osteopath yesterday and Ella finally slept for more than a few hours and seems way more content. Who know if it's just a fluke, but I'll take it

My MIL just took her for a walk in the stroller, in the rain even, so now I have an hour or so to myself for the first time in weeks. Maybe I should do something better than dink around on bnb...

wonderful news!!! thats interesting too, i took Eloise to a cranial-sacro therapist or whatever the term is (it wasnt a cranial oestopath) - it didnt help really as there wasnt much to help but because it was forceps i got it free on the NHS...however i did read a lot of success stories about helping with feeding and sleeping, have you got a series of sessions booked?

must be a massive relief - i hope that this is the start of her getting some proper sleep - has her feeding stayed the same?

so glad your MIL is helping out today. go crazy and crack open a face pack - enjoy your me time!

Rounders, I did a Hello Kitty build-a-bear for my niece and i just picked out a display model that was already made up, but my niece wasnt with me so thats not as miserable as it makes me sound, honest, it will be lovely actually going with maddy. That's so lovely that shes thinking about BabyBoyRoundy and wanting to do things for him. Lets hope shes as enthusiastic about changing his nappies.

 

[heart tree]

I'm going to catch up today. Lot's of interesting discussion and I need to add my 2 cents. But I just woke up. Need to shower and have brekkie. But I just can't contain my excitement. I think Razzers has a bfp! She posted a pic in the RMC thread!!!

 

[vickyd]

Oooooooh!~! Fingers crossed for Razzer!!!

 

[roonsma]

Raz!!!

 

[heart tree]

Loving the frank conversation about gender disappointment. I love reading about different perspectives. I really don't believe there is a right or wrong to this topic. We all come from different upbringings, different cultures, and different life experiences. These will all skew our feelings on the topic. You all know I wanted a girl. I'm not ashamed about that. I know I would have been somewhat disappointed if it were a boy. I always dreamed of having a boy and a girl. If I had had that first baby, I probably wouldn't have cared. But after so many losses and my age, I know realistically that this might be my only child. I've had fantasies about giving my daughter my clothes and teaching her how to be a strong woman. I've always connected to women and grew up in a matriarch. I talked to many of my friends who had boys but wanted girls. They all told me the same thing. They loved their boys and couldn't imagine life without them. I read a lot of stories. I was trying to prepare myself for the fact that it might be a boy. I would have been happy with a healthy boy, I know I would have. But it would have taken some adjustment. The funny thing is that the day I found out it was a girl, I cried because I felt like I was mourning the loss of a son. It took me completely by surprise. I realized in that moment how much I'd also love a boy.

I think there is a lot of shame that comes with this topic. And I think there is pressure for women who have had losses to just be happy for whatever they get. But the brain and heart aren't so simple. I agree with Nato that because of the difficulty of the topic, they made it private. That's the only reason it got a whole section. For the privacy aspect, not the topic itself. There have been threads about this in the second tri forum. It's an interesting read if you want to see what some of the women talk about regarding the topic.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Hiya girls.

Sorry I've not come back to finish my post, lol! I ended up back in hospital, having more contractions, home now and on even stricter bed rest. Don't think it'll be long before milos here though!

The gender topic really upsets me, im all for people having their own opinions but I think it's so sad when people want a certain sex. I have only brothers and boy cousins, I'm the only girl among 22 boys, poppy was the next girl to be born after me, I felt such huge pressure to have a girl, I knew if she was a he then she wouldnt have been so special! I now feel this with milo, I know my family think oh it's just another boy! Really really angers me! X

 

[heart tree]

Oh Sassy, I'm sorry to hear about the contractions! How many are you having? How close together are they? I'll go peek at your journal in case you put details there. I hope you are ok!

 

[vickyd]

Sass hang in there girl!!!

22 boys???? How many cousins do you have???? Super fertile family!!!

 

[Sassy_TTC]

They've stopped now, was every 6-8 minutes, had injection again to stop them and then another for baby's lungs incase he comes early.x

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Sorry I've counted 1st and 2nd cousins, I have 1 boy cousin alone that has 5 boys, another had 4, everyone's desperate for girls!x

 

[heart tree]

Wow Sassers, that's scary. I'm glad they are taking good care of you. Milo has every chance at being healthy when he's born, even if he arrives in the next few days. I know it's not ideal, but he's a good size now and has developed enough. I hope for your sake he hangs in there for at least another week.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Thanks hearty, me too. I know he'd be fine if he was born now but it's still not ideal and the hospital will carry on stopping things until 37 weeks! X

 

[NatoPMT]

Oh sass!!!

These injections are fantastic, hoping they help Milo stays put as long as possible.

Hearty, was very interesting that, despite thinking you wanted a girl, you had to feel the loss of the son you thought you were having. I was so happy to be having a girl, but Id gotten myself into this state of mind where i was convinced i was having a boy, and how he would need all this love and when Eloise was a girl i had to say goodbye to a boy who never was.

 

[heart tree]

That's sounds like what happened with me too Nato. Funny how the mind works.

I agree with Nato, Sassy, these meds are fantastic. I've seen story after story on TV where these mess really did wonders at keeping the baby in place. I think the key is going to be the bed rest. I know how hard it is. I imagine it's really hard with Poppy. But keep reminding yourself that it's only for a couple of weeks at most. You can do it!

 

[hoping:)]

I think the gender discussion is very interesting as well. I felt the exact same way as Dazed but thinking about it now I know that if Penny was a boy I would have been a little disappointed but I would have loved my baby with all of my heart regardless of what gender. I actually convinced myself that she was a boy so that I could get used to the idea but I secretly hoped for a girl. I even picked out a boy name- Jayce Bryan (after my dad). Tim has always wanted a little girl and had her name picked out before we even started our crazy TTC journey. I wanted a girl so that I could have a chance to get the mother-daughter bond I have always dreamed of. Currently, we are 99% happy with just having one child but if she had been a boy I know I would have wanted to try again for a girl. I’m still cheering on all of our girls still trying for their rainbow babies!

Sassy- I can’t believe you were the only girl and surrounded by 22 boys! I hope Milo decides to hang in there a little longer!

Raz- Congrats

AFM- my baby turned 6 months old yesterday Most days I still can't believe that she is real. Looking a her sweet little face makes my whole journey worth it and I would have done it again in a heart beat if it meant that i would get her. We had a 6 month photo shoot for her yesterday.... I will post pictures in a couple weeks when we get them back I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!