Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[Megg33k]

Megg

I was wondering what you had done with that room. I can only imagine how hard it must be, even if you thought you were ready to do it.

What are your plans for the room now?

I want to dedicate its use to set and writing and stuff. I'd like to use it to nurture the things that have made me happy where TTC failed to do so. I want it to be all about the things I love and obsessed over, an escape. Still, packing up all things "baby" is harder than I thought. I was so ready to see it change, but packing everything away was sort of heartbreaking. I feel stupid for thinking it wouldn't bother me. I got halfway done and just had to walk away.

 

[heart tree]

I wouldn't call you stupid. You have been able to move away from TTC and find a new focus. It seems to me that your mind hasn't been TTC focused for a while now. The fact that you have been able to move away from it is a sign that you are healing from the pain it brought. You might have felt that you were more healed than you thought. At some point that room needed to be a functioning room and not a reminder of the past. The fact that you were able to attempt to tackle the room says that you have healed enough to address it. But be easy on yourself. You are bound to have deep feelings come to the surface with all of the reminders. Especially when you are dismantling things. It's one thing to look at the nursery set up. It's another to take it down and put it away with no baby in sight. It's sad. No matter how much you've healed. It forces you to grieve your losses again. And I imagine it forces you to take stock in you future, which didn't work out as you planned. The good news is you can always reassemble the room if the time arises.

I think your plan for the room is perfect. A little sanctuary for you to be creative and express your unique self. I can't think of a better thing to do with the room. Take it slow. This isn't a race to finish. Can Kevin or friends help? It might make it a little easier.

 

[Megg33k]

I wouldn't call you stupid. You have been able to move away from TTC and find a new focus. It seems to me that your mind hasn't been TTC focused for a while now. The fact that you have been able to move away from it is a sign that you are healing from the pain it brought. You might have felt that you were more healed than you thought. At some point that room needed to be a functioning room and not a reminder of the past. The fact that you were able to attempt to tackle the room says that you have healed enough to address it. But be easy on yourself. You are bound to have deep feelings come to the surface with all of the reminders. Especially when you are dismantling things. It's one thing to look at the nursery set up. It's another to take it down and put it away with no baby in sight. It's sad. No matter how much you've healed. It forces you to grieve your losses again. And I imagine it forces you to take stock in you future, which didn't work out as you planned. The good news is you can always reassemble the room if the time arises.

I think your plan for the room is perfect. A little sanctuary for you to be creative and express your unique self. I can't think of a better thing to do with the room. Take it slow. This isn't a race to finish. Can Kevin or friends help? It might make it a little easier.

I keep telling myself that. Thank you!

I could have other people do it, but I feel like I need to do it myself. I've never been one to shy away from facing anything, and this won't be the thing that breaks me. I found myself thinking how it would be smart to actually get rid of the stuff instead of just boxing it up, but I can't. I like to believe I've given up on motherhood, but then I get slapped in the face with those feelings that tell me I must not have really given it up as much as I like to think I have.

I'll try to go easy on myself. I just don't like struggling with things I thought were behind me. Thanks again though... really... it helps to hear you say it.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Oh megg I'm so sorry hun, can't imagine how hard that's been for you, big hugs sweetie.xx

 

[pregoinnorge]

Big hugs, Megg.

 

[vickyd]

Megg i can imagine how hard this is for you. I wasnt aware that you were giving up on motherhood, i just assumed you were taking a break....

 

[Sugarlove2]

Megg.

I've just found out my doggy Henry has a tumour. I'm so upset. Juts noticed a lump the other day, so they took a sample. The Vet rang today to say that it has to be removed on Wednesday, then they will know more. I'm absolutely gutted, I adore him and he's only 6.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Oh sugar I'm so sorry, your poor doggy, I hope it's nothing serious and he'll be fighting fit once it's been removed.xxx

 

[roonsma]

I'm sorry about your Nursery Megg It must have been tough on you. It's good that you're going to put the room to good use

I'm sorry about Henry Sugar Maybe it won't be as bad as you're expecting though. Fingers crossed

 

[vickyd]

Oh sugar!!!! Lets pray its not a bad tumor...

 

[pregoinnorge]

I'm sorry Sugar Hopefully you caught it early and it's not serious.

 

[heart tree]

Megg, like Vicky, I didn't realize you had given up on motherhood. I too thought you were taking a break. I know this won't break you, but damn, it's a tough thing to face. Just box it up for now. You clearly aren't ready to get rid of it yet. Don't push yourself further than you are ready to go.

Sugar I'm so sorry to hear about Henry! I'm going to think lots of healthy thoughts for him. I hope it's benign. Good luck on Wednesday.

 

[Megg33k]

Megg.

I've just found out my doggy Henry has a tumour. I'm so upset. Juts noticed a lump the other day, so they took a sample. The Vet rang today to say that it has to be removed on Wednesday, then they will know more. I'm absolutely gutted, I adore him and he's only 6.

Oh no! I'm so sorry! I hope it turns out to be nothing bad!

Megg i can imagine how hard this is for you. I wasnt aware that you were giving up on motherhood, i just assumed you were taking a break....

Megg, like Vicky, I didn't realize you had given up on motherhood. I too thought you were taking a break. I know this won't break you, but damn, it's a tough thing to face. Just box it up for now. You clearly aren't ready to get rid of it yet. Don't push yourself further than you are ready to go.

Sugar I'm so sorry to hear about Henry! I'm going to think lots of healthy thoughts for him. I hope it's benign. Good luck on Wednesday.

That's difficult... I'm not saying I'm definitely giving up forever, but I can't say 100% that I'm NOT giving up forever either. I'm giving it up for an indefinite amount of time, which could be the rest of my life. I don't know. I have no faith left that it would ever work out for me if I did go back to trying, so it feels silly to really plan motherhood into my future. And, I'm really enjoying the life I'm living at the moment. I like being able to go and do as I please, staying out late and sleeping in, absorbing myself in my books and ignoring the world, etc. Seeing how much my friend struggles to get things accomplished and how she has to plan everything she does around her baby's schedule... It's just not all that appealing from the outside perspective. I'd happily do it... I'd change everything for the chance to be a mom. But, if it's not possible (or at least not likely), I can appreciate how much easier my life is because of it. I can look at the path I was unable to travel and realize the difficulties it presents compared to the road I'm on. If I want to go to a midnight movie preview with my friend (who manages a cinema) and then hang out at his house until 4am, I can. Then, I can sleep until noon the next day with no one to answer to and without feeling bad about it. My life is my own, and that's sort of beautiful. These are the thoughts and feelings that I really believed were a sign I was okay with giving up and deconstructing the nursery... I truly believe everything I've typed... but it was STILL harder to see it all coming down than I ever expected. I'm okay now. And, I'll get it done eventually... just maybe not today (Mother's Day seems like a shit day to take down a nursery).

BTW, Happy Mother's Day, girls!

 

[Dazed]

Megg

 

[Jaymes]

Oh Megg Mothers Day was probably a really hard day to try to do that. You deffinantly deserve a sanctuary to be creative in. You are such a beautiful human, I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

 

[Allie84]

Megg; I'm like the others and just thought you were taking a break or maybe just taking it easy like NTNP. I hope it's okay tosay, but I really do believe you're just putting the stuff away for later. I know you can't see yourself as a mom for now, but the future is wide open. So much can change. And of course it's going to be hard putting the nursery stuff away for now...no matter how good your plans are for the room. And I think your plans for the room are great.

Oh, Sugar, I'm so sorry! Prayers for Henry. Hopefully it's benign. Thinking of you all.

Sassy, yay to Poppy walking! How exciting!!!

Hearty, I love your stroller. Really cute! Will she go in that from birth or is there a travel system it goes with?

 

[heart tree]

Allie, it actually reclines almost completely and there is an insert I'm buying called the Snuzzler that will keep her snug. But there is an attachment I can buy that will allow you to attach most car seats. I might get that too.

Any news on the CBT?

 

[Megg33k]

Oh Megg Mothers Day was probably a really hard day to try to do that. You deffinantly deserve a sanctuary to be creative in. You are such a beautiful human, I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

Honestly, I didn't think about it being Mother's Day until later. It didn't factor in. I was oblivious to the date when I started. I'm really glad I didn't remember earlier. That would have sucked. lol

Thank you so much! You're pretty wonderful yourself!

Megg; I'm like the others and just thought you were taking a break or maybe just taking it easy like NTNP. I hope it's okay tosay, but I really do believe you're just putting the stuff away for later. I know you can't see yourself as a mom for now, but the future is wide open. So much can change. And of course it's going to be hard putting the nursery stuff away for now...no matter how good your plans are for the room. And I think your plans for the room are great.

Oh, Sugar, I'm so sorry! Prayers for Henry. Hopefully it's benign. Thinking of you all.

Sassy, yay to Poppy walking! How exciting!!!

Hearty, I love your stroller. Really cute! Will she go in that from birth or is there a travel system it goes with?

It's fine to say, honey. I don't ever count anything out. I can't see the future. I'm just trying to come to terms with the future I can picture for now. If it changes later, I'm more than open to that. I do sort of hope you're right, I just don't count on it, ya know?

 

[Allie84]

Hearty, I'm starting CBT on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it. I think I need it...I can't sleep because as usual Alistair's alarm went off (I'm starting to think it's because he sleeps in weird positions in corners of the crib mattress). But I still can't shake the worry it gives me in a rational way. I'm looking forward to learning some good techniques! Anyways, I'm sure it's different in a more moderate climate like California, but we REALLY make use of car seat attachment feature to our stroller. It's so easy to get him from the car to the strolelr and into wherever we're going quickly. It was also useful when Alistair was really young and slept whenever he was in his carseat. We didn't have to wake him up for a sroller transfer to go to the mall or go for a walk or whatever. The Snuzzler sounds cool as well.

Megg, time is still on your side, for one thing...it'd be a different story if you were 45. I feel like my life always changes dramatically maybe every 5 years...and I'm in a different stage, feeling completely different, doing something completely different. I'm 28 and I'm still wondering what I'm "going to do when I go grow up," though, so I may not know what I'm doing haha. In 5 years I'll have a kid in school, and won't be the mom of a baby (well, who knows) and my life will be nothing like it is now, probably. It's 1 am and I'm not making much sense. Ha!

 

[Megg33k]

Hearty, I'm starting CBT on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it. I think I need it...I can't sleep because as usual Alistair's alarm went off (I'm starting to think it's because he sleeps in weird positions in corners of the crib mattress). But I still can't shake the worry it gives me in a rational way. I'm looking forward to learning some good techniques! Anyways, I'm sure it's different in a more moderate climate like California, but we REALLY make use of car seat attachment feature to our stroller. It's so easy to get him from the car to the strolelr and into wherever we're going quickly. It was also useful when Alistair was really young and slept whenever he was in his carseat. We didn't have to wake him up for a sroller transfer to go to the mall or go for a walk or whatever. The Snuzzler sounds cool as well.

Megg, time is still on your side, for one thing...it'd be a different story if you were 45. I feel like my life always changes dramatically maybe every 5 years...and I'm in a different stage, feeling completely different, doing something completely different. I'm 28 and I'm still wondering what I'm "going to do when I go grow up," though, so I may not know what I'm doing haha. In 5 years I'll have a kid in school, and won't be the mom of a baby (well, who knows) and my life will be nothing like it is now, probably. It's 1 am and I'm not making much sense. Ha!

You're making just enough sense. Things do change. They change drastically. The only thing that stays the same is the life's propensity for change!

Good luck and hope you start getting more sleep!