Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[hoping:)]

Cesca- I completely agree with what all the girls have said and couldn’t say it any better. Huge hugs to you and just know we are here for you! It may seem like you have a mountain to climb but even baby steps will get you there. You’ve been through a lot so try to be kind to yourself.

vGibs- that is definitely the worst way for AF to show her face. FX for next month!

Mel- I really want to get Penny into swim lessons as well! She is such a little water bug and does her own version of the ‘doggy paddle’ and likes to kick on her back. I hope you both have a blast swimming tomorrow!

Nato- lol at getting a glimpse into your future! I’m glad you are feeling better and back to normal. I just emailed my coordinator to get more info. They know that I am Native American. It’s in my profile. You wouldn’t imaging the hoops you have to jump through to get this far. I’ve been through a psych eval, 5 vials of blood, urine sample, background check (they even requested my DMV reports!), medical history and was screened in person. I guess if it were me I would want the person carrying my baby to go through this and more! You can never be too careful.

Lucy-haha. Tim said the same thing about me during pregnancy. Good for you getting some rest and falling asleep on the sofa. Your parent’s vacation sounds full of adventure! Have you told them yet? I know you are really close with them. Your weekend sounds lovely!

Amanda- good luck with the move to the crib! Tim and I love having our bed to our selves but there is still the odd night when Penny wiggles her way in between us. How horrible about the little girl. So heartbreaking.

I hope all the Disco pregnant ladies don’t go to wacko during round two! I’m sure its hard and the worry seems to never end.

It sure was the night for sleepless babies! Penny was up at 4am. Even after a bottle she was crawling around the bed whining, throwing her self all over poor Tim and trying to sit on his head. I’m exhausted! I sure don’t miss the new born stage when this was the norm. Sassy, I’m in awe that you can even function after the night you had!


AFM:
Our weekend plans include chores, projects, a birthday party and Tim and I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage on the 6th! Tuesday, Tim and I will begin our juice and raw foods cleanse to get rid of all the toxins we have built up and get our bodies back on the right path. We succumbed to all the delicious treats over the holidays and need to get back into gear! Anyone want to join us?

 

[msarkozi]

Happy early Anniversay hoping I wish I could join you on the cleanse, but I will in the future!

 

[hoping:)]

I guess most of the women on here wouldn't be able to do the cleanse since almost all of you are pregnant!!! I'm still reeling from how many BFPs there have been

 

[vickyd]

CONGRATS LUCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Isnt it funny how everyone seems to be getting preggo so easy the second time around???? Its like we are a bunch of totally different women!!!!

Cesca, your story is like a photocopy of mine. Along with the bf guilt, career guilt i also have the "i wasnt concious the time she was born" guilt and the "it took me 12 hours after the c-section to ask to see her guilt" oh and the "i didnt spend all day at the NICU ward guilt" I am riddled with guilt! I also have found bonding has not come easily and most of the time i struggle being a mom. I have come to realise that im not as maternal as most moms. I actually really enjoy being at work, and weekends i find draining and yes ill admit it sometimes boring. All these feeling have made me constantly worried that Hero will die, as im not deserving of her. So why am i going to ttc again??? Maybe this time around ill get it right...who knows???

I cant remember what else i read, im a bit zonked out as i had a freaky accident at work which left me completely covered in asphalt. Me and the big boss and the Sales manager. It sounds scary but actually we were pissing ourselves laughing. We were black all over apart from around our eyes after we took our glasses off. Seriously!!!! I managed to get most of it off my hair using olive oil but now i have a serious greasy hair issue!!!

 

[VGibs]

Oh my gosh Vicky! Did you get burned at all? I heard that asphalt can burn your skin! I hope your ok.

 

[NatoPMT]

Cesca, your story is like a photocopy of mine. Along with the bf guilt, career guilt i also have the "i wasnt concious the time she was born" guilt and the "it took me 12 hours after the c-section to ask to see her guilt" oh and the "i didnt spend all day at the NICU ward guilt" I am riddled with guilt! I also have found bonding has not come easily and most of the time i struggle being a mom. I have come to realise that im not as maternal as most moms. I actually really enjoy being at work, and weekends i find draining and yes ill admit it sometimes boring. All these feeling have made me constantly worried that Hero will die, as im not deserving of her. So why am i going to ttc again??? Maybe this time around ill get it right...who knows???

for someone with Catholic guilt, i am surprisingly guilt free concerning Eloise, even though i felt guilty for not bfing at the time. I think the bonding, for me, has been completely down to Eloise. I remember not feeling bonded with her until she got really 'easy' to look after at 3 months.

I think if i had a tricky baby i would be in trouble...looking at Sassy's night time horrified me. Hero was poorly, and i know that would leave me in the same position as you - Eloise is chilled out, easily entertained, sits still etc - even an energetic baby might send me over the edge. Im only happy because Eloise is an angel.

I worry that Eloise will die because i dont deserve her too, but because im a bad person not because im a bad mother, so I found a way round that.

My biggest fear is that this new baby will be ill - but another fear, if im really honest is that i am going to mess up my family by having a 2nd baby i cant cope with - and i wont know until it happens. When i read Hopings letter for surrogacy and it said they are the perfect threesome, i was filled with the fear that my perfect threesome is about to be blown apart. What if i mess the baby's head up, Eloise's and ruin my marriage.

I was scared i wouldnt be able ot cope with Weezie, and i can, but i dont find it massively easy but i am able to pretend i do because it almost could be. If i have a spanner put in that, my genuine, but not necessarily all that stable happiness might disappear and i might mess everything up for everyone.

 

[NatoPMT]

ps forgot to laugh at the tarmac face. hahaha

 

[VGibs]

I think everyone is voicing a concern that so many people feel, but never have the guts to actually say (type). I was very lucky and was able to BF both my kids and have felt very connected to them both. I find now as Aurora has just turned 10, I am getting more distant. I have a harder time relating to her and I fear not that she will die, but more like she will make bad choices and somehow ruin her life. I write letters to her constantly but have a very hard time expressing in words to her face how I am feeling. I imagine it also has something to do with having to be bother her mother and father for a very long time. Even though Ian has been my partner for the past 4 years she still doesn't trust him completely and is very distant with him because she has a fear that every man will leave her like her father did.

 

[VGibs]

ps forgot to laugh at the tarmac face. hahaha

Yup...you might be a bad person LOL I'm kidding! Your fab!

 

[Sparkly]

I think my body wants to join you on the cleanse Hoping, given the amount of projectile vomiting it's been doing today

Sips of water are the way forward....

The fears for our children never go, the worries just change as they grow. My DS is 20 yo this May and lives at Uni most of the time and I still worry about him everyday!

That sounds awful about the asphalt Vic...how the hell did that happen? Just the thought of the smell makes me wanna vom!!!

 

[NatoPMT]

Luce youre making me jealous with the snow stories - I have already forced John to agree to a lapland trip in a few years for us to go on a sleigh etc at christmas

I will defo have the whooping cough jab, think its at 28 weeks, or 23 or somert, the immunity needs to last after birth. I had cramping this time and with weezie, that bean could well be settling in and causing you some grief at the same time. Lets hope all these little beans stay put.

Hearty, very very sad news.

Hoping, ah ok, i did think that. They mustve checked that then if they wanted an asian surrogate so they must just like the look of you.

Gibs: sorry to hear that...do you give A the letters or just write them to get it off your chest?

 

[vickyd]

Gibs thankfully it was asphalt emulsion (mixed with water) and not heated so i was lucky!

i find i connect with teenagers much better. My bosses kids trust me with everything and everytime i meet an adolesent i click with them immediately. Im 100% sure that when hero gets a bit older we will bond completely.

nato I wonder if all this anxiety we have has to do with our age? It seems that all the women i know who had babies before 30 dont tend to overanalyse so much. They go more with the flow and arent so hard on themselves. Also i beleive that if you get it right with the first you can only continue being such a good mom with your second, even better. You will have less stress and more experience. Also if your relationship survived the first baby, how much damage could the second do?????? Im terrified of having another, im sure (and I have alot to base this fear on) that ill fail miserably but i want to be selfless and give Hero a sibling.

 

[vickyd]

Oh my god Sparkly how did i miss the twins news??????????????????????????????


So happy for you!!!!!!

Asphalt emulsions are surprisingly oderless....Very sticky though!!!!

 

[LucyJ]

Its really interesting ready everyones worrieds/fears and how they felt. I think its natural as mums to have these fears and ours maybe worse because of what we've been through. I am scared of lossing Benjamin that somehow he'll be taken away from me I think these fears have lessened as Im not as paranoid about everything but I know they are still there. I worry about what it will be like with two will I cope but I guess its the fears of the unknown.

I was very lucky as I was able to bf Benjamin. I still feel guilt over how he was born I still feel that it was my fault that he had to be delivered early he should of had longer inside to get bigger and stronger it was my placenta that failed him he didnt choose to come when he did if that makes sense. I really felt like I'd let him down. I wish I could of had a natural birth and still find it hard when I hear people talk about giving birth. I dont think it helped after having how dismissive people were inculding my hv and someone I know who told me I had it easy having a c-section it wasnt by any means.

Vicky that sounds awful although the image in my head of you all covered is pretty funny hope you are alright.

Hoping I havent told my mum and dad yet I didnt want to do it via email there home tomorrow so will tell them then. Theres no way I could keep it from my mum and she would just know. Steve is so exicted and wants to tell everyone but Ive said not yet he'll probably tell his mum and dad at the weekend but no one else well thats the plan.

 

[LucyJ]

Everytime I get an email from my mum Im like wow each day theres something new and exciting although she did say they are exhausted and may need a holiday to recover from their hoilday. They've been star gazaing today seen shooting stars, satalites, the milky way, a lot of the consalations. They are going on a snow mobile ride to have dinner somewhere and just hoping they see the northen lights today as they havent seen them yet. If not Im sure my mum will be pursading my dad to go again.

I wasnt sure when you had it. I will have it I remember watching a programme about whooping cough when Benjamin was tiny about 4 weeks old and they had a couple on who had lost their 5 weeks old to whooping cough it scared the crap out of me I remember holding him and crying.

Whats everyone up to tonight steves gone out to see his dad so Im tucked up in bed with a stash of snacks and the tv on

 

[Sparkly]

Oh my god Sparkly how did i miss the twins news??????????????????????????????


So happy for you!!!!!!

Asphalt emulsions are surprisingly oderless....Very sticky though!!!!

I dunno....I posted big scan pics

I've had a night in hospital this week due to a big bleed, but I was scanned again yesterday and they are both doing well, prefect size for dates with thumping heartbeats......they are super sticky stubborn disco twins

 

[NatoPMT]

nato I wonder if all this anxiety we have has to do with our age? It seems that all the women i know who had babies before 30 dont tend to overanalyse so much. They go more with the flow and arent so hard on themselves.

I would have been a TERRIBLE mother before the age of 32, and after the age of 32 i was aware enough to realise i needed to wait for the right time, and then the right time didnt come for another 5 years and nearly missed out. I wouldnt have been hard on myself but i would have made some awful, damaging mistakes. The problems i had then have evolved and turned inside out and back to front and are now my anxieties of today.

Also i beleive that if you get it right with the first you can only continue being such a good mom with your second, even better. You will have less stress and more experience.

youd hope so, but if i have a tricky baby, colic, or anything thats not the easiest baby in the world, im really not so sure. Eloise really was easy. I might surprise myself, but i saw glimpses of what it would be like when shes ill etc, and i dont know if i'll cope.

Also if your relationship survived the first baby, how much damage could the second do?????? Im terrified of having another, im sure (and I have alot to base this fear on) that ill fail miserably but i want to be selfless and give Hero a sibling.

A colic baby is enough to ruin any relationship from what ive seen! I can totally understand why youd feel like that. But Hero has had a lot of health problems ... your experience would have been totally different with a full term baby.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Having Zach put a massive strain on our marriage, we both thought there was no way we'd have another 'problem' baby yet he was alot worse than pops! Looking back I'm not sure how we got through it, things haven't been the same since!

 

[msarkozi]

Sass, do you think it's because of how close in age they are together? That maybe in a year it will be a total different story?

Kash had colic, and I am always worried that the next one will have it as well...but you never know until it happens unfortunately. The sleep thing during the night is what worries me the most.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

I think it was easier on that they were so close together, poppy is more self sufficient now but alot alot more demanding!