Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[Sassy_TTC]

Girls, I'm leaving b&b and I'm not sure when/if ill ever be back. You lot will always be so special to me, we all went through some of the worst times if our lives together and I will never forget the support you all showed me.

I wish you all nothing but good things, take care.xx

 

[prgirl_cesca]

What's happened sassy???

 

[vickyd]

Allie of course i would be offended!!! I would recall my offer of her being the godmother the same second! What is wrong with people.... The godparents should be people you trust and can rely on 100%, not to mention they should be absolutely 100% in love with your child...

Nato i have no experience with ectopic but i think Hearty's advice is spot on. Im sure you can go and have a couple of hcg tests privately. You need to rule out 100% the chance of ectopic. I wonder if with chemicals its normal to bleed...I asked two friends lastr night who have had chemicals and they said that it was just like a normal period and the only way they knew it was a chemical was they took a home pregnancy test and after a few days had bloods done and they showed no sign of pregnancy. They werent even referred for a scan after.

Sassy i saw that you also left fb? Are you ok? Id hate to loose contact with you completely after all we have been through....Can we have your email at least?

 

[NatoPMT]

Sassy, I'm feeling a bit worried about you, I dont feel that you have had the support you deserve off us recently. When I say 'us', that might just be my guilt about not offering you enough support. I didnt offer up much when you mentioned Danny because i didnt know enough about it and didnt want to ask questions that had already been discussed, Ive missed so much. I should have been more explicit about that, but i also realise you feeling you need to leave will have lots of reasons behind it.

If you think that leaving BnB and fb will help you, then you have to do whats best for you, but I hope that doesnt leave you in any way cut off, and that you have the support from family and friends and the medium to express how youre feeling. Have you considered all the options as to your feelings at the mo? as well as how youre feeling about your marriage and feeling so exhausted from sleeplessness, could there be anything hormonal going on?

Please pop back and let us know how you are. And if you need us, we will be here xx

 

[LucyJ]

Sassy are you ok? Like Vicky I would hate to loose contact with you

Allie I would be offended I cant believe that he defriended you for putting too many photos on thats ridiculous and surely he'd want to see photos of how your little boy is doing. Your bff has no right to be upset you were just finding out what was going on and you need people you can 100% rely on and will put Alistair first and love him

Nato hun how are you doing?

 

[Sassy_TTC]

I've just been fighting my feelings for so long, I'm drowning and I can't continue to feel so desparately unhappy. I have nothing positive to say to anyone and all I do us talk about my problems on here and not my children!

Having children does not save an awful marriage it just makes it 1000x harder to walk away! My kids are the only thing keeping me going!

I've told danny. I've seen my dr and I've started taking anti depressants and sleeping tablets (short term)! I didn't want it to come to this but I cannot feel this hurt and pain any longer.

I just need to get away from everything until my head is in a more "normal" place!

Thanks girls.x

 

[VGibs]

Oh Sass....I know just how you are feeling. I had crazy PND after I had MeMe and it seems to make everything a hundred times worse then you want them to be. I'd rather you have somewhere to come and discuss your problems then not. You need to let it out. I can't speak for the other girls but I don't mind listening to anyone's problems.

 

[vickyd]

Sass I dont think anyone here minds you talking about your non-baby related problems! I think we had this discussion earlier on when it was said that we are a group of friends talking about everything rather than a ttc forum. Obviously if you need a break its totally understandable but know we are always here for you.

 

[Dazed]

Sorry you are leaving Sass, but good luck.

 

[Sugarlove2]

Sassy I'm so sorry you're feeling crap at the moment. I totally agree with Vicky, you can come on here and talk about anything if it helps. Hope you start feeling better on your meds soon. Has the Doctor mentioned the possibility of any counselling for you too?

Allie, I can't believe your friends! I'd be furious and very hurt. I would seriously reconsider having them in your will, they sound like very selfish people. Has Alex not get any family he could ask on his side?

Nato, how are you feeling? Hope you managed to get a good night's sleep

 

[NatoPMT]

Sass, please dont go if thats the main reason. We may have all come together over pregnancy loss, but thats only the reason we came together, not the reason we still post. We are now a group of friends who can talk about anything, I not only dont mind stuff about non baby topics, i actually enjoy talking about other stuff. I feel terrible that you feel that way. I understand if you dont want to talk about it, but i dont feel good if you feel you cant talk about it. I understand if you feel you need some space, but dont feel good if you feel you have to have it.

Hearty is a trained counsellor. Im a half trained counsellor, whats hurting people is what we do / want to do for a living. Every other discoer is a damned good listener with damned good advice. I dont think youve had as much support as youve possibly you needed recently but I would like to change that - thats our bad not yours.

If you want to talk about why your marriage feels so bad, or how you're feeling this pain and hurt, then i for one would feel honoured to listen.

Im really glad you have talked to the dr and spoken to Danny. I hope things get better very very soon, and i hope you stay x

 

[NatoPMT]

Thanks for asking Luce, Vic & Ash

Its almost harder this time, last time the mmc was so physically brutal that it provided a bit of a distraction from what was happening. This time i have nothing to be traumatised about so the only thing i have to think about is what I've lost.

Im feeling extremely confident its not ectopic. My symptoms are entirely gone, im still bleeding slightly but boobs are completely normal. I am going to do a test when i can get to the chemist, but im certain that Ive miscarried fully.

Im doing ok but woke up this morning and then remembered, and had that horrible sinking feeling. Im getting anxious about something happening to weasel, and i feel ive deprived her of the chance to experience being a big sister. I know this is illogical, but im worried my reservations about having another stopped this baby growing, like the bean felt rejected.

Allie - your friend is out of order. What skin is it off their nose if you post pics of your baby? You're not spamming, so what the hell is that passive aggressive defriending all about? I could understand if you were expressing views that were controversial for eg, that can warrant a defriending, but posting the odd photo of your baby, on a page about your life is completely acceptable. Why is that so offensive to him? And why the hell didnt she tell him to pull his socks up, rather than giving you a casual explanation of what he thought so important as to cut you off? If you talk to them, i wouldnt focus on whether you do or do not post too much (you dont) i would ask why they didnt talk to you about it, or why they felt your posting was worth putting your friendship at risk.

 

[vickyd]

Nato i totally get your anxiety of something happening to weasel. I just went through a month of severe anxiety that her flu was actually some cancer! I was so convinced that i was actually googling how to deal with the loss of a child. I also feel like my selfishness of working in a fucking CHEMICAL lab will cause her harm and am experiencing tremendous guilt. Im actually convinced that i shouldnt have another baby as im sure i have poisened all my eggs. I think you need to come to term with this loss and then pick yourself up and try again. You are strong and focused and i think you aredoing a fabulous job at parenting.

 

[LucyJ]

Sassy I second what the girls have said always happy to listen to you. We have all become friends and happy to listen to whatever anyone needs to talk about whether it be baby related or not. Im so sorry you are in so much pain. I understand if you feel you need to step away but if you want/need the support we are here. You can talk to us.

Nato I wish I could say something that would make things better for you. After a mc a lot of what we feel and think is illogica/irrational but its how you feel and expressing it is good you need to let it out. I will say you are a great mum Eloise is lucky to have you. You've not deprived her this isnt your fault its tragic and heartbraking and i so wish you werent going through it. Your fears of something happening to weasy is natural after what you've been through. I know I still worry about Benjamin if I were to lose him I try to blocks those thoughts if I can. You are a strong wonderful person you will come through this and we are all here to support you.

 

[NatoPMT]

Nato i totally get your anxiety of something happening to weasel. I just went through a month of severe anxiety that her flu was actually some cancer! I was so convinced that i was actually googling how to deal with the loss of a child. I also feel like my selfishness of working in a fucking CHEMICAL lab will cause her harm and am experiencing tremendous guilt. Im actually convinced that i shouldnt have another baby as im sure i have poisened all my eggs. I think you need to come to term with this loss and then pick yourself up and try again. You are strong and focused and i think you aredoing a fabulous job at parenting.

If thats the case, then every single ex smoker should have the same guilt Vic - if youve ever smoked a cig, then you have ingested toxins, and everyone who lives in a city breathing in hydrocarbons, or eaten non organic food and pesticides. I can see why its right under your nose, but we've all poisoned our babies if eggs are vulnerable like that...I'm pretty sure that eggs arent affected that way though, i am sure i have read up on this and as the eggs are already there when you are born, they arent subject to uptake during cell division as they would be if they were sperm being produced at will.

I do know that men who are decorators and exposed to paint on a daily basis are at risk of damaging sperm, but i dont think eggs are.

Hero's health problems are going to have an effect on you, its no wonder youre anxious. It might be displacement though Vic, I know you have mentioned you have guilt about how hardcore she is and you needing to get her out of the house to run off energy and other stuff, maybe your anxieties are partly due to other stuff that you are burying?

i do feel like a good mummy, I know she adores me. I just wish I had been able to do that for this one. I will try again, despite worrying about it now meaning that my eggs are overcooked and Ive reached a point where they wont be healthy enough to be successful

 

[Sparkly]

Nato - I'm sorry that you're going through this You are healthy and obviously fertile you have not deprived your daughter of being a big sister, I'm sure your time will come.

Allie - I would be offended if I were you, you have every right to be. I believe asking someone to be a godparent to my precious child an honour for them, he should not be bored of seeing pics of him for goodness sake, he should love them. I can't get enough off seeing my 3 godchildren on FB pics

Sassy - I'm sorry I haven't been in your journal for a bit, I will catch-up with you. I'm not sure what's happened to drive you to leave and I'm really sorry that you are doing I class you as one of my good friends on here I know you have talked about you and Danny having troubles for months, we're all here for you if you need us to be honey.

Lucy - Did you manage to get to the doctors? How are you doing?

 

[NatoPMT]

I know I still worry about Benjamin if I were to lose him I try to blocks those thoughts if I can. You are a strong wonderful person you will come through this and we are all here to support you.

thank you x

I think I manage to block the thoughts out usually like you do, but when youre vulnerable as in pregnancy, or after mc, it makes you more vulnerable to the anxiety taking hold over this stuff

But talking about it has helped so thanks girls.

Sparkly - i do hope so. How are you today? Still delirious with relief? What a great place to be!! I hope you can relax and enjoy it

 

[Sparkly]

Nato - Honestly I find pregnancy impossible to relax about these days, I think it may be the case for quite a few of us discoers, we've all been through way too much shit My next scan in on Monday and I always dread them!

 

[Round2]

Nato, I hate hearing that you feel like you've 'deprived' Eloise of being a sister. She has no idea what it's like to be a sister, so she will never feel deprived. I am an only child and can only dream to have had a family like what you and John can provide for her. She is a very lucky child and will have a wonderful childhood with or without a sibling. I missed that you had reservations about this pregnancy. Is that because you don't feel ready for another child?

Sassy, like the other's said...no subjects are off limits. We're a group of friends here to help. Take some time if you need to, but please let us know how you are doing.

Allie, I'm sorry, but this person sounds like they are in high school and not qualified to be a god parent. The whole situation sounds ridiculous, there's no way I would want them to be responsible for my child. I'm sorry you have limited choices, I'm the same way. I hope you can find someone more suitable. Oh and you so don't post alot of pics...I know lots of people who do and you are not one of them (nobody on here).

 

[Round2]

Nato - Honestly I find pregnancy impossible to relax about these days, I think it may be the case for quite a few of us discoers, we've all been through way too much shit My next scan in on Monday and I always dread them!

I felt that way even at the u/s 2 days before I gave birth. It does get easier though, you'll never look forward to them, but the negative thoughts lessen before each scan as you progress.