Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[yogi77]

Lately my addiction has been in the pregnancy test section. I can't stop looking at all of those positive tests!

thats funny, I've been back there looking at tests lately too...I stayed away from there for a while because it was too hard, but i seem ok with going to have a look again now. Gives me something to look at while I'm waiting to pee on my own sticks

feeds the addiction i guess

 

[heart tree]

Yeah, I couldn't go there for a long while, but now that I'm back in the game, I'm hoping they are contagious.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Lol Amanda, that's not as bad then! Can we pretend it was off the floor, makes for a more funny story.xxxx

 

[prgirl_cesca]

I managed to get upduffed with the worst cold ever having awful Monica & Chandler ill person sex....so us disco girls do need funny conception stories!!

 

[dawny690]

xxxx

 

[dawny690]

But why do I torture myself and look at tests later in the day way past time limit and see if result has changed, I did this tonight with the test i did with fmu and I see a faint 2nd line but it must be an evap xxxx

 

[Megg33k]

Megg I don't think that's mean at all, it's understandable and if she is aware of your situation why the frick is she even bringing it up with you..... I don't undertand some people's lack of awareness of what others are going through and how difficult this is for you. If it were me I would text back and say something along the lines of 'lot on my plate at the mo', not sure if I'm up for baby talk'.... or 'can I get back to you when I'm in a less stressful place, need to concentrate on myself for a bit'.... Megg you are so lovely, be a bit selfish hun and think of you.... you need all your energy and focus for the stimming (thanks for explaining), there will be plenty of time when you have your BFP to help others. bless you.

Thank you! It means a lot to me to know that its not totally "wrong" for me to need a little time to myself on this topic! It feels good to hear that I'm not being a total bitch.

Sugar, I’m glad to hear you are feeling better. The due date is a very hard day. It sounds like you have a good man who will clean up his act for your baby too. So, you want to know about my dinner, eh? Well remember, I’m normally a healthy eater, but on Thanksgiving, I can’t be bothered. First I brined my turkey overnight in a salt and sugar water mix with maple syrup and bay leaves. It leaves the bird extremely moist. I roasted my big turkey and basted it with a butter and white wine sauce. This sauce ends up making the gravy taste delicious. I made mashed potatoes and sautéed julienned carrots in butter and dill. I made a bread stuffing with apples, onions, celery and lots of herbs like sage, rosemary, marjoram, etc. I also made dinner rolls from scratch. Someone else brought a salad and roasted brussel sprouts. My step-mother made a cranberry chutney and forgot to bring it. Luckily I had some cranberry sauce in a can that worked just fine. And for dessert we had a pumpkin cheesecake, apple pie and gingerbread cupcakes…all homemade. We had a lot of wine too! YUM!

Nato, well done from not testing! Your chart looks beautiful by the way and so do your husband’s numbers. I know exactly what you mean about class. I don’t miss my graduate program at all. It’s less like class and more like several years of intense therapy. I got so tired of constantly processing everything for several hours a day…for 3 years! I can’t imagine anyone not liking you. They are idiots.

Jenny it sounds like CD 1 to me too. How do you feel about her showing?

Jesus Megg, 3 needles? Good lord woman! I’m not envious. Oh and I agree with Mone, you should text back what she said. You can’t always be there for other people. It isn’t possible. Sometimes you need to take a step back and say, “hey, I care about you, but I’m dealing with my own stuff right now and don’t have a clear head on my shoulders for anyone else right now.” Make it about you and less about her and she’ll understand.

Mone, it sounds like you need some m ore time. I’m glad Martin is supporting you on that. You know, I’ve always found myself to be somewhat anxious in general but I certainly have felt it more since my losses. Especially the talking to people part. I hate going to parties where I will meet new people. For me, (after much processing!) I’ve realized I feel like all I have to talk about is ttc and my mcs. And I dread the question “do you have kids?” So I’d rather just stay home than have to face all of that. Anxiety can be it’s own thing, but it can also be a symptom of depression. Depression comes in a wide range, from feeling down in the dumps to feeling suicidal. It has many levels in between. I know I’ve been experiencing some depression since my mcs and my diagnosis. I’ve been working on it by talking to you all, exercising and trying to find small joys in life. It’s important to address it if you feel like that might be going on for you too.

Ok, are you all ready to laugh at me? Get this. Since we couldn’t do the deed yesterday, I asked Tim if he would put his liquid gold into a soft cup for me later that night. We do this from time to time as sometimes its just easier. Well he wakes me up at 4am with it. I get my pre-seed in and then I proceed to knock over the damn soft cup and all of the stuff spills out!!! Damn it! So then I take a needless syringe I have and suck it all up and put it back into the cup. I couldn’t get it all though. I know it takes only one sperm, but still! I was so mad. And then I couldn’t get back to sleep. And then I had to temp 2 hours later. So now my temp isn’t right either and I don’t know if I ov’d yesterday or will today. The worst part is that since Tim did it so late in the cup, I’m not sure he’ll be up for BD’ing today, nor do I think his sperm will be replenished enough. If I get pregnant on this cycle, it will be a freaking miracle. I have to just laugh at the comedy of errors at this point.

That and the fact that our kitchen sink decided to break yesterday and gush water from the pipes every time we used it. Not very good timing given we had more dirty dishes yesterday than any other time of the year! C’est la vie!

Yes, 3! I'm worried tomorrow will go the same way now! I'm not envious either!

I really hope you conceive your forever baby this month... That story would be one to span decades!

Hey ladies...

So i read back on all your posts, im sorry if i forget anyone but bear with me im only just starting to bounce back from a horrific week!

Megg, woohoo for starting the stimming!! If we lived in the same city i could give you all the needles you need for free as i have an endless supply in the lab!

Amy both your places are sooo lush! The new place is awesome, so much space!!! Im so envious seeing that i live smack downtown Athens in a building built circa 1950 in quite a small flat boo! By the way im sooo curious as to how much it cost....If i were to buy my cave of a flat it would set me back 300.000 euro...

Hearty glad that the meal went well without any baby talk! Your meal sounds yummyy!! I dont really care for turkey as i find it very dry but i guess i need to try your turkey before i condemn this meat! Im pretty sure the fact that you BD a day before and managed to get some spermies in on ovulation day will give you a good chance this month...

Mone, i agree with Hearty that you need more time. I also found that after my losses simple things like going to the supermarket filled me with anxiety. I was also scared at work that id break down with the slightest cause. This wasnt actually far from the truth as i found that i got stressed much easier than i usually do and did end up quite alot in the loo bawling my eyes out...

As for me, im really tired...i havent slept more than 3 hours since our friend died....I really hope that tonight i sleep well and dont have any bad dreams. Alex has impressed me this week. he makes sure to spend at least 4 hours a day at our friend's wife and specifically with her sons. Alex as ive probably told you guys was never really baby crazy and to be honest ive never seen him take much interest in our friends kids in general. He really surprised me.

I really hope you get some good sleep, honey! I also wish I could pop over and pick up some needles! LOL

Hi Ladies,

Hearty glad your dinner went well with no constant babble of pregnancy, so glad you wrote that email! Also had to laugh at your story from this morning but I'm sure you've got a good supply in there already!!

Allie sorry about your parents! Very exciting about your cousin though!

Nato so good to hear from you, my future bump buddy. CD 10 and you haven't tested yet?!?!? Way to go you! Can't wait to hear your result from this afternoons test. Your chart looks very perfect, FX for you!

Sugar, glad you're feeling better today

Megg sorry your shot sucked this morning, I was cringing while reading you describing the process. Exciting times for you though!!

Mone that is cool about being headhunted, what is it you do? You should definitely take all the time you need though, you will know when the time is right for you.

Vicky hope you get some sleep soon

Hello and big hugs to everyone else!

I'm frustrated with my temp today because I woke up very early this morning when DH left for work and couldn't fall back asleep so my temp is way off and today was the day I was hoping for a spike to confirm O. Soooo frustrating, now I have no idea what to do with my chart for today's entry. I haven't been doing any OPK's this month so I've just been going off CM. I also haven't even felt any Ov pains, which leads me to believe that it was all in my head the other months that I was doing OPK's.

Charting, despite being quite useful, is SO frustrating some days! Sorry, hun!

you better get lucky for me this month sugar, husband is defo going to australia. On the upside it means i can get drunk and fall over on NYE. Not feeling hopeful this time, my wanton, out of control optimism has finally failed me. Glad youre feeling better, is Mal getting tested again? Is IUI an option, i remember megg saying they sorted out the swimmers into a good pile and gave them a turbo boost - sorry if ive missed this but have you worked out his functional count? i worked John's here:

https://www.babymed.com/tools/sperm-calculator

ps what was the weird test?

Megg it sounds to me that you should tell her you arent up to it if she really wants to talk to you. Appearing to be mean is something we withhold our own needs to avoid - or so i keep getting told in class every thursday. Being softly straight with her is less confusing for her than you withholding i think.

Hi Money - how you doing. Well done on the headhunt. I would be apprehensive too, youve had a godawful year and im not surprised if you feel a bit insular and detached from the rest of the world after wrapping yourself up and away while you get through this. It happens to me a lot because i isolate myself a lot. I think this time you were already at home and not being forced to function the way you usually do, so i dont think its surprising. You say M doesnt want you to go back to work yet - what do you want to do? Maybe negotiating a later start date for January might be possible? Bloody class is doing my bloody head actually in.

Yes triphasic is good, but i had the same message last month - my averages are the same as my last 2 months so not reading into it. If my temps stay high for another 2 days, that would be unusual for me <ffgeek>

pmsl at hearty dangling recipes in front of sugars nose

yes shes an idiot, cant say why cos that would be breaking confidentiality and all that, but shes a knob. I have been practising what to say to her tomorrow but i just cant be bothered at the moment, i want a quiet life for a couple of classes as its too heavy for it to be every other day - its playing on my mind and stopping me sleeping and i need my sleep. I agree that all that is in my head is TTC and mc too, i cant be arsed making small talk about new peoples jobs and stuff on meeting them.

Oops and oh dear and hahah at butterfingers all at the same time. Total arses!! If sassy can get knocked up without a full, er, cup worth, you can too.

My chart looked good this time last month too - my averages are about the same (that said, i did get a bfp for 1 day last month so mebbes i should be more optimistic)

Hi Jenny, welcome back to the witch

Hi Vic, good to see ya petal. Im sure your mind will be racing with trying to understand whats happened, i hope you get some proper rest very soon. Alex sounds like he is being a massive help to the family - thats so lovely

Hi YogiBumpBuddy - your temp today might be the pre-ov drop? if you got a + today, wont you likely ov in the 12-36 hours after the +? Lets hope for the rise tomorrow. I will be keeping my beady eye on you

just got to the last post and seen hearty has pointed the immaculate conception finger of comparison at sassy too. sassy is our poster girl

I think I like this class you're in! That makes good sense! Thank you!

But why do I torture myself and look at tests later in the day way past time limit and see if result has changed, I did this tonight with the test i did with fmu and I see a faint 2nd line but it must be an evap xxxx

Just toss them and forget about them, hun! Only heartache comes from going back later.


AFM... About the girl that text me about the pregnancy... First thing this morning, I got a text saying that she REALLY needs to talk to me because she's losing the baby and now she's even more scared. Now, I NEVER diminish a loss... EVER. But, she found out 2-3 days ago, was already regretting it, and NOW she's freaking out more? She said she test BFP 8 days before AF was due. So she's still 5-6 days prior to a missed period. I don't know what has led her to believe that she's losing it. I didn't even have the emotional energy to respond. I feel kind of bad about ignoring it... but this isn't someone who ever checks in on me unless she needs me. I don't know... I'm just having a hard time of it right now... especially with my 2nd EDD looming tomorrow!

 

[heart tree]

Dawny, I'm so sorry honey. Throw those tests away after the time limit is up. Throw them far, far away so you can't dig them out of the rubbish. Oh, I hate it when these tests mess with our heads!

Megg, you are doing the right thing. Remember what I said to Vicky about boundaries and not picking up the phone? If this girl is the type to always take without giving, she's not the kind of person you can be around right now. Especially with tomorrow looming and all that you are going through. She must have other people in her life she can lean on.

Tim can't stop laughing at me and my "spill." I can't get him to BD today though! If I don't get knocked up this cycle, I'm going to lay down the Hearty law. No eating until we BD. BD always comes before anything else. And no more 4 am cups full that I can spill. The very latest will be midnight. So there.

 

[Megg33k]

I hope she does have someone else to lean on. I need positive energy right now... and this isn't helping fill the "positive energy bank," ya know? Oh well... Boundaries are important. Maybe ignoring it is the best thing I can do. I don't think I have the ability to say what I want to say in a nice way.

 

[Megg33k]

Quick opinion poll: Tomorrow, being my 2nd EDD and my 1st day of stims... I want to buy something to pay tribute to my angels, but also to usher in a new, welcoming era for my forever baby. Its a very "one chapter ends as another begins" day. I don't want to make a MAJOR purchase... but I want something meaningful. Any ideas? I want something somewhat utilitarian... not like a plaque or something "in memoriam" exactly. But something that will be near and dear to me... like a gift from my lost little ones to my future little one.

P.S. I have a hard time wording things like this, because I believe that my baby will always have the same soul. I feel like I'm only trying to create a healthy body for him/her to possess within our world. So, less of a memorial and more of an "I miss you, hurry back" type of thing. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a total nutter!

 

[Allie84]

Hey girlies!

Megg, I say ignore ignore ignore that girl. As for your memorial gift...I totally get what you're saying about your forever baby, but my fried brain has no ideas. Are you thinking along the lines of something you will give your baby? A blanket or something? Oh, I dunno. Are you familiar with willow tree figurines? Maybe one of those representing your angels. Oh, and "ouch!" at your needles. I wish you better luck tomorrow. It's all very exciting though. Thinking of you on you EDD

Oh, Hearty, what a story! Whatever works...and it does only take the one. That's why I always tell myselbecause I have the issue of everything always falling out and I have no patience to lay around after . I was thinking of you yesterday, and am so please to hear your Thanksgiving went well. Oh, your dinner sounds divine. We had a wonderful tasting meal as well, turkey and all the trimmings, cooked by Alex. I baked the pumpkin pie.

Sugar, I'm glad today went better, I was thinking of you.

Vicky, , I've been thinking of you, too. I hope you manage to get a good night's sleep soon. It sounds like Alex has been a gem, and that family is really lucky to have you guys.

Hey Nato, . Sorry about the far too early BFN. Yogi, stop encouraging her (like I'm one to talk)! Your chart does look good. It sounds like a busy and quite stressful week you've had. Hopefully you have a fun weekend planned. Oh, and here's the winter wonderland photo I promised you (attached). The storm is gone, so it's not quite as cool, but this is the aftermath.

Yogi, I know what you mean about charting frustration. I'm glad you got that pos OPK to take away any doubt about ov time! It sounds like you've BDed enough, so FX! Charting can be so annoying...I shouldn't have bothered this week because I've been sleeping until weird times, like 10 am one day and 5 am today for Black Friday shopping! My chart is so off.

Hi Lucy, Mone, Cesca, Sassy, Jenny, Dawny, Jaymes, Mel, Amy, CJ and everyone else.

I appreciate your thoughtfulness about my day and my mom. Hearty, you asked if her bipolar affected me a lot growing up....and it didn't really. It wasn't until about 3 years ago it manifested in a big way. It's actually why my parents moved up here from Colorado, to be close to her family when my mom was having a hard time. Well, I followed suit last year because I love and care for my parents so much and wanted to help my mom. After a pretty decent 20 some years, her bipolar has been bad off and on the past few years and it's also been one health problem (e.g. cholesterol) after another for her... I really feel for my parents. But I also feel for me and Alex and my dad because life has been so shit this year for us all. I'm hoping for a much better 2011.

I am so exhausted. Off to bed with me...we were up at 5 am for the sales today, and then I babysat, but I needed my BnB fix before bed. Yogi and Hearty, I also love looking at the pregnancy test gallery!

Quick CBFM question....it's CD8 and it still hasn't asked me for a stick, have I done something wrong? I reset it by pressing the m button as I did last cycle.

 

[Megg33k]

Hey girlies!

Megg, I say ignore ignore ignore that girl. As for your memorial gift...I totally get what you're saying about your forever baby, but my fried brain has no ideas. Are you thinking along the lines of something you will give your baby? A blanket or something? Oh, I dunno. Are you familiar with willow tree figurines? Maybe one of those representing your angels. Oh, and "ouch!" at your needles. I wish you better luck tomorrow. It's all very exciting though. Thinking of you on you EDD

Oh, Hearty, what a story! Whatever works...and it does only take the one. That's why I always tell myselbecause I have the issue of everything always falling out and I have no patience to lay around after . I was thinking of you yesterday, and am so please to hear your Thanksgiving went well. Oh, your dinner sounds divine. We had a wonderful tasting meal as well, turkey and all the trimmings, cooked by Alex. I baked the pumpkin pie.

Sugar, I'm glad today went better, I was thinking of you.

Vicky, , I've been thinking of you, too. I hope you manage to get a good night's sleep soon. It sounds like Alex has been a gem, and that family is really lucky to have you guys.

Hey Nato, . Sorry about the far too early BFN. Yogi, stop encouraging her (like I'm one to talk)! Your chart does look good. It sounds like a busy and quite stressful week you've had. Hopefully you have a fun weekend planned. Oh, and here's the winter wonderland photo I promised you (attached). The storm is gone, so it's not quite as cool, but this is the aftermath.

Yogi, I know what you mean about charting frustration. I'm glad you got that pos OPK to take away any doubt about ov time! It sounds like you've BDed enough, so FX! Charting can be so annoying...I shouldn't have bothered this week because I've been sleeping until weird times, like 10 am one day and 5 am today for Black Friday shopping! My chart is so off.

Hi Mone, Cesca, Sassy, Jenny, Dawny, Jaymes, Mel, Amy, CJ and everyone else.

I appreciate your thoughtfulness about my day and my mom. Hearty, you asked if her bipolar affected me a lot growing up....and it didn't really. It wasn't until about 3 years ago it manifested in a big way. It's actually why my parents moved up here from Colorado, to be close to her family when my mom was having a hard time. Well, I followed suit last year because I love and care for my parents so much and wanted to help my mom. After a pretty decent 20 some years, her bipolar has been bad off and on the past few years and it's also been one health problem (e.g. cholesterol) after another for her... I really feel for my parents. But I also feel for me and Alex and my dad because life has been so shit this year for us all. I'm hoping for a much better 2011.

I am so exhausted. Off to bed with me...we were up at 5 am for the sales today, and then I babysat, but I needed my BnB fix before bed. Yogi and Hearty, I also love looking at the pregnancy test gallery!

Quick CBFM question....it's CD8 and it still hasn't asked me for a stick, have I done something wrong? I reset it by pressing the m button as I did last cycle.

Yes, I was thinking along the lines of something I would give my baby. Maybe a particularly nice blanket or something. I have too many knick-knacks in there already our I would totally be on board with the willow tree angel. I think they're gorgeous. It was a great idea. I also quite like the idea of it having something you do with safety or security. Even something sort of "protective" of sorts. I obviously don't know what I want! Lol

That's a tough situation with your parents. It's a very hard thing to deal with. And it's lovely that you moved to support your mom, but it's also important that you find time away from the drama too. I wish I had better advice for you, but really I'm just concerned with you making sure that you're taking care of yourself whilst taking care of so many others. You sound like a self-sacrificer. I'm one too. But a wise woman once told me that if I give too much, I'll find that one day there is nothing left of me to give. In other words, take care of yourself or you won't be any good to anyone, iykwim?

 

[Megg33k]

Oh! About the CBFM... Its learning your cycle, so it will ask you for sticks later in order to minimize the number it requires to catch your peak!

 

[NatoPMT]

Ive gotta go to another class now and get emotionally battered so i dont have time to reply properly

just wanted to give dawny a hug - i wish i could say it might be lower concentration wee or something, but as is happened to me the last 3 months running, im afraid for you that it is bfn and evap - its completely devastating to see that happen after the excitement of thinking this might be it. x

great pic allie!!! thats what i wanted

ps my temp is still high but need at least another day of high before i get excited x

 

[Megg33k]

Another day of high temps will be awesome, Nato!

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Sounds exciting Nato, I will keep my fingers crossed for you.xxxx

 

[jenny25]

urgh first af is uttery weird not impressed by it at all

 

[dawny690]

the witch is on her way xxxx

 

[Megg33k]

I'm totally sick of the witch! Day 6!

 

[heart tree]

Oh my, I wake up to all sorts of ho bag complaints. I'm sorry Jenny, Dawny and Meggles. She just sucks so bad!!! I wish guys got her too so they knew what we go through. Uugghh.

Nato, your chart looks amazing chick. I know, I know, your chart always looks amazing. So we won't get prematurely excited in the Disco thread (but secretly we will). Good luck getting beat up today. I hope you hit them back with "I" statements, and owning your own feelings, and boundary setting. Ahhh therapist talk, isn't it fun?

Allie, love the picture. I grew up with snowy winters but now living in the Bay Area, the only winter weather we get is rain. And boy is it raining right now. I kind of love it. I miss the New England seasons, so any shift in a season makes me happy. Yes, Megg is right about your CBFM. It will most likely ask you on CD 9 for your first stick, given you Ov'd fairly late. If you Ov'd on CD 14, it would ask for the sticks on CD 6. As for your family, that's a lot of responsibility you've taken on. There's only so much you are required to do for your parents. Of course you want to help them both, but remember, this is their relationship and their roller coaster. They chose to be with each other which includes good times and awful ones. Bipolar is no fun though and if she isn't taking meds, it can be impossible to deal with sometimes. I hope they are seeking out professional help.

Megg, I love the idea of a blanket. I made one for my friend's baby a while back. Her child is 3 now and still uses it as her number one blanket. It makes me feel so good! I'm attaching a few pictures of it. If you ever wanted one like this, I'd totally make one for you. You could pick out your own fleece and send it to me and I'd sew it. Food for thought. Thinking of you today. Hope all goes well with stimming and the EDD.

Well, I managed to get in a session with Tim last night, old fashioned style. No cups. No spillage! But, to be honest, I think I already ovulated. Oh well, better to try than not try. One more temp will confirm that I ov'd on CD 16 which is a miracle for me. I had a talk with Tim last night and told him if I don't get pregnant this cycle, then I'll be Ov'ing again on Christmas. I told him he needed to make BD'ing more of a priority next cycle. He agreed. Luckily we don't do a big Christmas celebration, so we can really focus on baby making. In some ways it would be poetic as I had my first 2 mcs around that time. Anyhoo, I hope I don't even have to think about next cycle.