Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[Allie84]

I agree with everyone else, Sugar. The ony prob with tomorrow maybe ending up CD1 is that your CDs 2 and 3 will fall on the weekend! Hopefully they can still do bloods then. ETA: Nevermind today's only Wednesday...wishful thinking for the weekend!

Dazed, I went to my cousin's baby shower and it didn't bother me at all, but showers in general don't bother me. I agree you should go for family!

Hearty, boo at work interfering with BnB. I feel that's the case with me every day. I sneak on here at times when there's downtime and I'm at my desk, but lately pesky teenagers keep coming up to read over my shoulder!

Actually, speaking of pesky teenagers, they are germ factories and I think they are getting me sick! Many of them have been coughing on me for days-the stduents I work with have behavioral disorders and often little grasp of manners- and I feel like crap all of a sudden. I can tell I'm coming down with something. Grr at this happening during the 2ww...I wonder if being sick affects chances of conception during the 2ww? I bet it does.

 

[Megg33k]

Thanks, Jenny! I hope you're right! Now, go get your man!

I agree with everyone else, Sugar. You should wait for flow.

You aren't the first to say 2 girls and 1 boy, Mel. But, I know logically that I won't realistically have triplets. I'll be lucky to even get 1 baby out of this. Its going to be hard to know that I'll probably lose 2 of them before they even get a chance... but I'll cherish whatever of them I get to keep so very much.

 

[yogi77]

at Yogi still POAS. I guess I will be the same, as an addict is always an addict. How are you feeling today?

I'm feeling pretty good thanks! I feel a little ill sometimes until I eat something but I thought it was too early for that so it's probably all in my head!! I am more tired though and still have weird sensations in my boobs that I'm not used to!

Megg your chances are so good right now with your fertilized eggs growing and growing!!! I know that you will get at least one healthy baby, maybe 2!

Allie and Lucy good luck in your 2ww!

 

[Megg33k]

I so hope you all are right. I just see so many people fail with just as good of odds. I feel positive about it though, and that scares me. Every time I feel good about something, I seem to get bad news. So, I'm trying to keep worrying! LOL

 

[heart tree]

HA HA Megg, keep on worrying so that you can only get good news! I love it!

I'm feeling a bit blue today. I know I didn't catch the egg and it occurred to me today that even if I do, I still have a greater chance than most to have another mc. So time feels like it is ticking more quickly for me. I may have to go through many more mcs in order to get my baby. This isn't just something in my head, this is fact as told by 2 specialists. I need to get pregnant quickly in case I lose it, so I can get pregnant quickly again. I'm not feeling confident that will happen. I did everything in my toolkit to get pregnant this cycle and it still didn't work.

I decided to look into IUI as an option and realized that we live far enough away from the clinic that Tim wouldn't be able to generate his sample at home and drive it over to them. He'd have to leave work, go to the clinic and do it there. He already gets so stuck in his head about this stuff. When he had to do a SA, he made me leave the house and take a walk. When he gives it to me in a cup, he waits until I'm asleep! I really don't know if he could do it at a clinic. Damn, damn, damn.

I know AF is on her way. Everything makes me want to cry. To top it off, I just found out another friend is pregnant. Boo-hoo! Pity party for me.

 

[Megg33k]

Could you guys maybe get a room near the clinic and do the collection condom like we've done? Would it make him feel more comfortable? My OH was VERY uncomfy in the office... plus it was sad to think of our babies being made with him alone with a cup. But, maybe he could get out of his head a bit that way? It was totally worth it for us to know that he was comfortable and we were able to mostly enjoy the process.

Keep in mind, the chance of conceiving on any given cycle with everything perfect is still only 25%, at best. Its hard to remember that sometimes.

 

[msarkozi]

When I first found out those odds at the start of the year, I was like you gotta be kidding me!! Only 25%. It makes you wonder how anyone conceives at all with those odds. The important thing is, you never give up! Just like anything else in life, if we fail, we try again until we succeed. As exhausting and hopeless as it feels at times, you always have friends to lean on

 

[Megg33k]

Just like the fortune I got the other day... Something about so many people failing because they gave up too soon!

 

[msarkozi]

exactly Megg! I mean, there are some things that you can give up on (like refusing to learn to drive a standard, or sports, or things like that ), but the important things, we should never give up on. They mean way too much to us

 

[Dazed]

Sorry your feeling that way Hearty you can rant away to me if you want. As you can remember I felt that way a few days ago. Are you going to see that specialist in FL?

 

[Allie84]

Very Oprah-esque up in here. I like it. Thanks for the reminder, girls, as sometimes it's hard to keep that perspective.

 

[heart tree]

Thanks Dazed. I do remember your rant and I appreciate you giving me the space to do the same. I just feel shocked sometimes that this is my life. I'm 36 and have no children. It's really the only thing I ever really wanted in life. I'm so scared and I'm really fucking angry at my uterus. God I was thinking today that I would be better off with no tubes than to have this condition I have. At least IVF would be a viable option. None of my options can get around my faulty uterus.

I haven't gotten in touch with the Florida doctor yet. I honestly was hoping I would be pregnant and wouldn't have to. I tried getting my medical records the other day and it was a huge pain. It is going to take me a while to get them together and send to him. But thanks for reminding me. I really should try to contact his office and at least get an address where I can send the records to. Then I can deal with getting them.

I think my pregnant boss is getting to me more than I want to admit. I know I need to keep chasing this dream and be hopeful but tonight I just can't rally to feel any hope. Fucking BFNs. Fucking AF. FUCKING uterus!!!

 

[Allie84]

Hearty. Allow yourself to feel how you need to feel. I don't have any words of wisdom...I would suggest retail therapy to stave off the blow of AF as I know you appreciate the emotional benefits of shopping, and maybe a night out, away from thinking of babies...but really, I think it's okay to wallow for a bit. I also find productivity makes me feel amazing, so maybe you'll feel better after contacting the Florida doctor. Lastly, and completely randomly, Alex was just asking me who I was writing to and I explained "Hearty." He then had me explain your nickname, which I did, and he said well, everyone could have started calling her "Spruce" as she has "tree" in her name. LOL, what a weirdo.

 

[heart tree]

Thanks Allie. Your Spruce story had me chuckle. Please people, don't start calling me Spruce!!!

Well after a good cry and scream in my car after going to the gym, and then coming home to Tim and getting a big hug, I feel better. I even finished Megg's blanket. I added a little heart as requested.

Here it is…
https://i1234.photobucket.com/albums/ff419/ahartrey/eab58e1e.jpg
https://i1234.photobucket.com/albums/ff419/ahartrey/b0886202.jpg
https://i1234.photobucket.com/albums/ff419/ahartrey/0339052b.jpg

 

[pregoinnorge]

good morning everyone.

Hearty, your post made me cry. Vent all that you need to. You're so talented at supporting all of us and I just hope you can keep fighting for your dream and don't give up. It's such a strange world we live in where we're told if we work hard enough we can achieve our dreams. So we do that and we work hard at school, jobs, relationships, and sure enough usually things usually just work out somehow. We live in times where a person can dictate his/her own life, future, success, etc. But when it comes to biology, this just isn't always the case. And it freaking sucks. It's so unfair. I have everything crossed that all of us will be able to continue "working hard" to get the families we so desperately want.

Your quilt is AMAZING and you did this so incredibly fast! I love the the little heart! It is so incredibly touching how close the disco girls have gotten along this journey. Of course it's sad that tragedy had to bring everyone together, but still. It's the one thing that actually makes me happy about this whole situation we're in.

I'm off to the doctor. I really don't understand what's going on with my useless body at the moment. I have constant bright red spotting and only slight cramps, but nothing like I had before. Even when I had my loss at 5 weeks I was in incredibly pain with contractions and everything. Once I went from spotting brown to getting cramps, the worst of it was over in a few hours. Now it's just dragging on and on. WTF.

It seems that everyone around me has been so optimistic with stories about women who bled through their whole pregnancies and everything was fine. Everyone said, don't worry. Well how the fuck can we not worry when we've already suffered a loss? And when the symptoms start out exactly as before? This last week has been a rollercoaster of emotions ranging from despair to anger, hope to withdrawal, and everything in between. One second I am googling these rare conditions that could possibly lead to bleeding and the next second I am looking at adoption. What's weird about this loss is that so far I have only cried for about 5 min. Do we just become numb?

OK sorry for my downer post. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? Whatever.

 

[heart tree]

Amy I hope you get some answers or at least a referral from your doctor. You need to know what's going on with that body of yours. Numb? You said it. It is a defense mechanism. I've been there. I think it is the only way to cope until you know whether it is over or not. How can you cry when you don't know 100% what you are crying about? Of course the bleeding will worry you. Even women who bled throughout their successful pregnancies worried, I guarantee it. You have every right to worry. You have every right to feel and not feel all of those emotions. I wish I could lend some insight about what's going on with the bleeding. I will hope for the best, whatever that means.

Do we become stronger from the things that don't kill us? That's still up for debate in my mind. That being said, I do think these moments help to shape who we are. We can find meaning in these times if we try. I'll get back to you on that when I'm in a better head space.

Please let us know how it goes at the doctors. xoxo

 

[vickyd]

Hearty it sucks...it really does.....I wish i knew how to talk to you like you do and make it better but im crap at words, which is why i usually just break things. I think you should hurry up and see that specialist. Any advise he may give will be useful babes.

Amy good luck at the docs, and yes we do become numb. I think its the only way we carry on. Please let us know as soon as you know whats going on.

Love you

 

[Megg33k]

Oh, Amanda! Its gorgeous! I gasped and then cried!!! Thank you so much! OMG! I'm SO excited!

I'll have to catch up properly tomorrow. I'm totally beat right now, and I hurt in so many places... sore boobs from progesterone and hcg, sore ovaries from egg retrieval, and sore ass from progesterone shots! I need sleeeeeeeeep!

 

[pregoinnorge]

well I just got back from stupid appointment. She didn't even examine me. It wasn't all bad though, because she ordered me a scan at the hospital this afternoon so I can finally get some closure.
She didn't seem worried at all and thinks that my lack of pain is a good sign. We'll see.

I asked her about testing and she told me that standard Norwegian practice is that you must have three confirmed losses, which I guess I expected.

 

[grandbleu]

Pregoinnorge - Glad you got your scan...I've been thinking about you! Silly doctor what's the point of having an appt if you don't get an exam...she might have well have just called you and told you she booked your scan. FXed for good and reassuring news this PM during your scan.

It's the same in France...3 losses before you can get testing (unless you want to pay out of pocket). It's kind of frustrating because one was hard enough...I can't imagine forcing women to go through more of that pain emotionally and physically before they are allowed to get answers (I really think there is a bit of gender discrimination here but don't want to get into a big debate) At least we have each other for support.