Hi, this is being written by my husband who is a law graduate specialised in Family law and Child law and did legal advice work for a while.
You dont have to do anything that you dont want to, even a judge cant make you do something you dont want to but he/she can always hold you in contempt of court.
Generally the courts prefer for couples to work out the details of contact themselves its called the principal of non intervention and the last thing they want to do is start dishing out court orders against people will. Generally they will agree that as the primary carer you are the best person to decide what is in the best interests of your child and this is the key, whatever you decide must be best for the child not you and not dad.
Mediation is the big new thing and if you and the father cant sit down and hammer out an agreement between you, you can refer yourselves to mediation outside of the court system.
To force you to agree to contact overnight called staying contact the father would have to apply to court, there is no legal aid so he would have to pay an upfront court fee of...... £180 last time I did one. Then solicitors costs on top of that, but family judges prefer to hear direct from the parents so solicitors can be a bit of a waste of time in the initial stages.
Also remind your ex that going to court will also mean a review by the court of any maintenance agreement to make sure its adequate.
If you do end up in the court, more probably in judges chambers ( a big office with just you your ex and the judge where the conversation is taped) the judge will most likely ask the Children and Family Court Advisory Service CAFCAS to carry out an investigation and report and they will make appropriate recommendations. This nothing to be afraid of as you can always tell the judge if you disagree with the report and he has to take that into account.
Personally i would be recommend to a client in your position not to agree to staying contact and offer two single days per week of not longer than 8 hours to be reviewed when the child is 4 yrs old where you might consider alternate weekends. Let your ex pick the days but dont agree to back to back days. It is for your ex to demonstrate he is serious about contact and not just going to dump the child with other members of his family.
If he starts being shitty (sorry) then end all contact until he comes back to the table in a reasonable frame of mind. Remember you have all the cards, you need to use them responsibley but dont be walked over.
**** And if you do get him to agree a contact schedule as Ive described make the price of it that he agrees to you having a residence order for the child in your favour.****
If things start to fall apart and you get lost in your negotiations get down to your Local Citizens Advice Bureau.
Hope this helps and good luck. Pm me if you need anything else xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
keyboard is a little messed up so apologies for bad grammar