Do you ever doubt whether OH's ready?

[Amygdala]

I assume most ladies here feel ready to be a mum and I know quite a lot of your are waiting for OH to decide he's ready.
But do you ever think that he's right and he's really not ready yet? Do you ever wonder whether he'd rise to the challenge and develop paternal feelings when the time comes? Do you ever think he might never "want" a child but merely decide to give in to you at some point? Just some thoughts that are going through my head at the moment and I'm wondering whether I'm alone with them?

 

[lozzy21]

I know my OH isent ready yet, yet i know if i got pregnant now he would make a fantastic dad. If we waited for them to be compleatly ready we would never have kids.

 

[MrsRoughton]

my oh never held a baby was gonna stay single and never have any kids until we meet anyways! and when i got pg i think he panicked loads but as soon as Holly was born he was the bestest dad in the whole world! he changes bums and looks after her when i work nights! and you can see the love in him it shines out of him how proud he is! and you know what Holly's first proper word was......... yup Daddy!!!!

 

[Amygdala]

my oh never held a baby was gonna stay single and never have any kids until we meet anyways! and when i got pg i think he panicked loads but as soon as Holly was born he was the bestest dad in the whole world! he changes bums and looks after her when i work nights! and you can see the love in him it shines out of him how proud he is! and you know what Holly's first proper word was......... yup Daddy!!!!

Aw, how sweet! Glad it turned out well for you as well, despite being a surprise!

I know my OH isent ready yet, yet i know if i got pregnant now he would make a fantastic dad.

That's my question really: Do you ever doubt that? Do you ever think maybe he wouldn't be as interested in his child as you'd wish? Do you ever wonder whether he'd cope with nappies and later on with LOs behaviour, know how to react when they're being naughty etc? It's a bit hard to say what I mean. I don't mean "being ready" as in deciding to want to do it but as in could do it well if the situation arose...

If we waited for them to be compleatly ready we would never have kids.

I don't know about that one. I know men who were really keen on becoming dads before they did. And I wouldn't want to push OH into anything, even if I knew (or thought) that he'd "grow into it". I'd want him to want any LOs as much as I do.

 

[mum2morgan]

We got preggie when i was 15, hubby was 16. It was a shock and neither of us was ready. But, he kissed my bump every night, was there rubbing my back through 16 hours of labour, looked after the bubs after so i could sleep (found them both asleep in the rocking chair in the morning )
Now - he's the tickle monster, he sets up activitys to do with the girls and looks forward too - and enjoys them.
It was little ones first day at nursery yesterday - and he even shed a tear bless him.
Tonight, he will play his usual bedtime game with them - making them into a sandwhich with the help of the bed and duvet - and pretend to munch them all up.
He also disciplines them fairly and helps with practial things round the house.

So, my answer is you can never tell until the babys here. lol.

 

[EstelSeren]

I'm lucky, I know that my OH will make an amazing dad. I just have to look at him with kids. OK, the kids are quite often scared or nervous of him as he's so tall but he knows exactly how to act around children, it's lovely!! I know as well that he's just as broody as I am and we're just waiting for the right time financially (for me to have a job too) and to be married as I'd be 6 months gone on my wedding day if I was to fall pregnant now, which isn't ideal. Our wedding just gives us a time frame really!! We're both emotionally ready now!!

Beca :wave:

 

[555ann555]

I waited, and waited, and waited until my DH was totally ready, which he finally decided on his 38th birthday 14 1/2 years after we got together!!!


Unfortunately it took almost 2 years before I fell pregnant so he'll be 40 and I'll be 32 when the baby finally arrives, but I couldn't bare the idea of getting pregnant without his feeling equally involved.

I had so many people over the years tell me that guys are never ready until they actually have that baby in their arms.

Telling me that I should just "accidentally" get pregnant

For all that I was tired of waiting, I'm still glad that I did.

 

[apple_20]

Argh OH are very confusing we got pregnant accidently I was on BC! that ended in a mc and my OH said it made him realise he wanted a baby (as it did me) now he is giving me mixed signals one minute he doesn't bother with condoms the next he's telling me I have to go buy them... i dont think he even knows himself tbh.

 

[PeanutBean]

DH is three and a half years younger than me and I was ready years before he was. I was probably ready for a baby about when we got married and that was 2 years before we TTC. In the early days I might wonder how he would be as a dad and how old I'd be before he was ready but the end it just sort of happened overnight. He just said lets have a baby so we did! He is the most amazing dad and husband that anyone could have so I guess it was worth the wait!

 

[Beltane]

When I met my husband, I already had a child and he did as well. One of the things that atrracted me to him was seeing him with his son and my son. He was natural. The whole WTT has not been him.. it's been me. He is ready at the drop of a hat. I just wanted some time to recover from my last baby before having another. I'm still 8 pounds away from my pre-pregancy weight so I wanted to lose that before TTC. Mum2Morgan said it perfectly. Until they are here, you can't really tell. A baby changes everything!

 

[PnutProtector]

I'm lucky, I know that my OH will make an amazing dad. I just have to look at him with kids. OK, the kids are quite often scared or nervous of him as he's so tall but he knows exactly how to act around children, it's lovely!! I know as well that he's just as broody as I am and we're just waiting for the right time financially (for me to have a job too) and to be married as I'd be 6 months gone on my wedding day if I was to fall pregnant now, which isn't ideal. Our wedding just gives us a time frame really!! We're both emotionally ready now!!

Beca :wave:

Same for me. My OH is 7 years older than me and he's super broody. He doesn't want to be too old when our children go off to college that we can't enjoy ourselves later. He's fabulous with kids too! I can't wait to see him get excited about buy baby bits for our own little bean.
My wedding is a little over 7 months away and I've already ordered my gown and I'd love to actually fit into it, so no babies yet. Although if I fell PG a few months before the wedding I wouldn't be bothered.

 

[lozzy21]

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I know my OH isent ready yet, yet i know if i got pregnant now he would make a fantastic dad.

That's my question really: Do you ever doubt that? Do you ever think maybe he wouldn't be as interested in his child as you'd wish? Do you ever wonder whether he'd cope with nappies and later on with LOs behaviour, know how to react when they're being naughty etc? It's a bit hard to say what I mean. I don't mean "being ready" as in deciding to want to do it but as in could do it well if the situation arose...

If we waited for them to be compleatly ready we would never have kids.

I don't know about that one. I know men who were really keen on becoming dads before they did. And I wouldn't want to push OH into anything, even if I knew (or thought) that he'd "grow into it". I'd want him to want any LOs as much as I do.

I dont doubt that he will make a good dad, he will need some guidance on how to deal with bad behaviour and how to do the practical side of taking care but i dont doubt that he would do it. He wont hold a baby untill they can hold there head up because hes scared hes going to hurt them but he held my brother from being newborn, might have something to do with the fact that he was 11lb.4 born. Hes great with my brother and Zara's little boy and his sister.

Men dont have that urge like we do to have children. Some thing maybe to do with the animal instincs in us to keep the population going.

OH has just read what iv put over my shoulder, he said thanks for having the confidance in him to be able to do it cos he dosent think he can. Hes just being a fanny though. He wasent brough up around kids or babys, never babysat so has never had to do any of the practical side of looking after kids untill he met me, hehehehe but when hes had to hes changed my brothers nappys and helped himw ith his dinner.

 

[amylk87]

I know that my OH is ready now, but we're still waiting for other reasons. x

 

[impatient1]

Sometimes I doubt that my OH will ever be ready to have another baby again. I want to have another baby so badly and he doesn't think the time is right and that he is ready yet so we are waiting (impatiently on my behalf). I've tried to tell him that nothing is ever going to be perfect and that there wont ever be a perfect time to do it but I think most of the problem is that he hasn't gotten over the loss of our little angel and it's different for him. Where I want so desperately to try again he wants to hold off. Hoping that he comes around soon, I am not so secretly hoping that we can begin ttc again in January (4 months) (6 1/2 months from losing our little angel and my D&C).

 

[morri]

It is the other way round for me too, but thats only because my OH is older than me and even had kids in a marriage before.

 

[lovehearts]

i always wonder if the OH will have the strong feelings that i do about having a baby. We have set a date for May 2010 but i think this is mainly my wanting rather that him being ready. I know as soon as we do have a baby he will be the best father in the world, but like others have said i think it will take it actually happening for him to realise that he is so ready, just like me

 

[impatient1]

I wish men could feel the way we do just for one week. I wish my OH could understand how much of an overwhelming feeling it is, how it is all that we think about and the only thing that we want more than anything. They just don't seem to understand.

 

[Kacie]

I have often thought about this and always think that hubby will just fall into the roll of dad and be the best dad ever (and enjoy it). Even now I still think that but he is so stubborn that he will never ever admit to ever wanting a baby. He has told me we need to wait another year and the wedding is keeping my mind off of it.. but I can't help thinking he will never turn around and actually say "yes. let's start ttc" So I'm gonna be WTT forever

I would never trick him into having a baby but is it wrong to secretly wish that I am one of the 0.01% that fall pregnant on birth control?

 

[impatient1]

i know that oh will be a good dad its just making him realise there is no right time and no is just fine of a time rather that 15 years from now, i know it wont be that long... but it feels like it will right now.

 

[lozzy21]

I have often thought about this and always think that hubby will just fall into the roll of dad and be the best dad ever (and enjoy it). Even now I still think that but he is so stubborn that he will never ever admit to ever wanting a baby. He has told me we need to wait another year and the wedding is keeping my mind off of it.. but I can't help thinking he will never turn around and actually say "yes. let's start ttc" So I'm gonna be WTT forever

I would never trick him into having a baby but is it wrong to secretly wish that I am one of the 0.01% that fall pregnant on birth control?

No no at all! i secretly hope that im one of the 0.01% that the comdom breaks for.