Do you have a deadline..

[fluffyblue]

Hi girls

Instead of beating myself up each month ive set a goal/deadline.

Ive been doing some NLP training recently re goals etc and decided that instead of living month to month im gonna set a deadline

So (and as if myticker doesnt give it away lol) I have decided that if I dont get a BFP by 10th January 2012 - I am gonna give up. I will be 40 and hubby will be 44 and we will be too old. Im gonna give up and buy a caravan instead lol, well maybe a villa in Spain

Just wondered if any of you had a deadline on your TTC.

Ive been trying for nearly 3 years now albeit probably about 28 months if you take out the time off with losses which is about 8 months. I have been charting, temping etc for about 12 months now xx

 

[africaqueen]

i say "never say never" ;-) my previous boss got pregnant aged 46 after ttc for 10yrs and she had "gave up" and now has a gorgeous lil son of 3yrs old

Im 29 and have ttc for 5yrs and i will never give up. I knw the end result is worth every minute of my heartache xxx

 

[truly_blessed]

don't say that fluffs, I'm 40 and only just started trying for #1. I hope to god 40 isn't too old or I'm well and truly buggered.

 

[whyme]

I m with you truly - turned 40 in November - one ds(3 yr old),1 mmc,feb -hoping to start TTC again this month.

 

[mintypeas]

i was 41 yesterday and lost my little one 4th feb and trying again im even more determined than before!! x sylvia x

 

[KatyKat]

Tough question! Right now I'm of the opinion that I will never give up, I want this so badly.

However, If I get to 40 and am still trying and/or have had further mc's I don't know how I'd feel - we've been ttc for 2 years now, and I'd be lying if I said there hadn't been an emotional toll on us.

I'm just hoping we dont ever come to the point where we have to make the decision as to whether to continue or not.

 

[KittyKatBabe]

Hey Fluffy, that is such a good question. I have had a bit of time out from TTC following my 2 losses last year and tbh this was something which has come into my head recently depends on what happens when we start to try. But I think I am thinking about setting a deadline as such. Just not got to an actual decision point yet. I think the next 6 months of actual trying will help me think this one through x x

 

[Lindyloo]

I've not set a deadline but OH has.. when I am 38 which is 3 years. the reason for this is that he is 50 now so 53 when we stop trying which I think is fair but it does make me feel a little under pressure but I am also working on the possibility of maybe fitting 2 into that 3 year period lol

x

 

[zero7]

I'm with the ladies who say 'never say never' ! I started ttc one month before my 41st birthday. I have had a mc and an ectopic since then and I have just found out that my remaining tube is most likely blocked BUT I am still hopeful that they were wrong with that diagnosis and I am also looking into IVF!! I have just turned 43 but still not giving up!

xx

 

[hb1]

I haven't got a "it's then or never" deadline but I really want to be pg by July as that is my would've been due date.

hx

 

[puppymom32]

Even though I havent set a deadline I do have in my head that adventually I will have to stop trying. I have been trying for almost 13 years all together. My DH and I have talked about adoption at some point and when I feel like we have tried enough then we will go that route.

 

[FBbaby]

Hi Fluffy, it's nice to hear from you. I think you bring up a really good point. ltttc is really tough and does put your life on hold in many ways. We do it because we believe that the end product is worth the fight, but sometimes is it really?

I think many factors will make people feel differently, the main one being whether you already have children. I think no matter how much you want another child, when you have already experienced the utter happiness of being a mum, I think it is a little bit easier to accept to move on. Then there is age, the affect of the stress of ttc on the family, finances etc...

One of my friend ttc for over 10 years (male factor) desperate for a baby. She had two ivf, one which was successful and ended up in a m/c soon afterwards. She suffered from depression for quite some time, thankfully her marriage was always strong. Anyway, she said the only regret she had was not having give up sooner. She said she started to live again the day they decided that it was over. She now is happier than she has ever been and make the best of what she has, freedom and money.

The thing is, you have to some extend be ready to stop, either as a result of exhaustion, or utter determination. I'll be 40 in November and we have male factor. We've decided to go for icsi this summer, yet every month, I can't forget about it because I did manage to get pg once, I know it is possible, even it massively against the odds. I don't know how long this might go on, but I am a very stubborn person who always hang on to the odd chance!

Good luck Fluffy, I hope you get your sticky bean before your 40th. I have to say that I am dreading mine coming. At 30, I was a mum for the first time and that made me feel brilliant turning 30. If I could be pregnant for my next bday, I know I will feel 10 years younger than if I'm not, but in the end, it is only a number and my body won't care!

 

[whyme]

Just wanted to say 40 is not old! If you read all the statistics the fact I even got pregnant in the first place, would appear to be some sort of miracle! - ThankfullyI had no probs, getting pregnant on both occasions, sadly last ended in MMC in February. I am more determined to produce that sibling for DS! Yes I am already a mum to DS-just turned three, which has and continues to be an amazing experience. Losing last baby to MMC was devastating, yes I have a child, I am lucky, but that little one was a little person in his/her own right, my little boy's brother/sister. I very much hope to have another baby, just taking things as they come. Setting a deadline is very personal, but for me, I would say more pressure -I certainly don't feel "past it" at forty.

 

[fluffyblue]

Hey im certainly not saying 40 is old, my brother had his first at 40 and my sis in law just had third at 40 so no i certainly dont consider it old and if people have took this personally then I sincerely apologise, all I am saying is that I have been trying for 3 years, I have had 5 miscarriages and I feel that I cant continue like this forever - I have put my life on hold for each time it to tumble down and destroy me and I keep rebuilding it again. There comes a time when it becomes a personal choice and I just feel that my 40th birthday is a milestone for me.

As a family we have many plans, to change our car, move house, daughter moves to secondary school etc and these are all centred around having a baby and have been placed on hold for 3 years so I just feel that this date is a target for me.

Sorry if anyone felt offended by my comments on being 40 etc but it wasnt meant as a "past it jibe" it was just meant as a target end date for me thats all !

 

[fluffyblue]

Hi Fluffy, it's nice to hear from you. I think you bring up a really good point. ltttc is really tough and does put your life on hold in many ways. We do it because we believe that the end product is worth the fight, but sometimes is it really?

I think many factors will make people feel differently, the main one being whether you already have children. I think no matter how much you want another child, when you have already experienced the utter happiness of being a mum, I think it is a little bit easier to accept to move on. Then there is age, the affect of the stress of ttc on the family, finances etc...

One of my friend ttc for over 10 years (male factor) desperate for a baby. She had two ivf, one which was successful and ended up in a m/c soon afterwards. She suffered from depression for quite some time, thankfully her marriage was always strong. Anyway, she said the only regret she had was not having give up sooner. She said she started to live again the day they decided that it was over. She now is happier than she has ever been and make the best of what she has, freedom and money.

The thing is, you have to some extend be ready to stop, either as a result of exhaustion, or utter determination. I'll be 40 in November and we have male factor. We've decided to go for icsi this summer, yet every month, I can't forget about it because I did manage to get pg once, I know it is possible, even it massively against the odds. I don't know how long this might go on, but I am a very stubborn person who always hang on to the odd chance!

Good luck Fluffy, I hope you get your sticky bean before your 40th. I have to say that I am dreading mine coming. At 30, I was a mum for the first time and that made me feel brilliant turning 30. If I could be pregnant for my next bday, I know I will feel 10 years younger than if I'm not, but in the end, it is only a number and my body won't care!

Thanks FB I think you have summed it up brilliantly in your third paragraph.

Im lucky I can conceive naturally but unlucky i cant progress a pregnancy at the moment. Will I ever be able to, I dont know, it is worth the risk for me but after 5 miscarriages it hurts very badly.

I was 21 when I had Ben and 29 when I had Laura and didnt even think I would ever have a problem, but thats just it, I have two perfect children and have experienced being a mum and noel has being a dad, but we cant keep setting ourselves up for this fall.

Fortunately FB I have the same train of thought, ive been pregnant 8 times so I know I can do it again, its just that "one more time thought" xx