Do you smack LOs hand/bum?

[nikkip75]

Id like to think that I will never lay a finger on Bethanie.

See I see that comment 'lay my finger on' as harsh in a way that would harm which is the kind of summing up I hoped to miss.

TBH (in general this is none directed now) I aimed my thread for people who do using a tap of the bum or hand or think that yes they probbaly will because many say they got the *odd* tap when they were little and will use this method if its right at the time.

I didn't want to end up explaining myself to people who are not at the stage of wondering if the odd one is a good thing or not - babies too young etc with things like when I decided we may use the naughty step - we decided ages ago we would but would like to do so when we can explain why shes there that doesn't mean I know best or have it all planned out if that was the case I'd not have put this question up for Mums its applies to who have been there & done that with pros cons because I never thought I'd even like to tap her hand but I realise being a Mum isn't all fairy land adventures.[/QUOTE]


sorry another thing id like to say is that your right it isnt all fairy land adventures, we do have to do what we think is nessecary to raise our children to grow up into good responsible adults and if a tap on the hand or bum works then its not going to do your little one any long term harm. she probably wont even remember it when shes older, i know my mum an dad give me a smack (and i mean a smack not just a tap)but i can never remember one single incident! so it hasnt scarred me for life!

things will work out for you, sometimes i think im going crazy with my kids! but they are good kids.

just you all wait until your lovely little darlings turn into teenages, they turn into mumbling, knuckle draggers before your very eyes! the terrible 2s seem like a walk in the park!!!!

 

[Pyrrhic]

If I'm totally honest, part of the reason why I would never smack/tap is I'd be afraid I'd do it in anger and go too far. My parents would thrash me because they lost control of their temper. I frequently wet myself up until I was 12 as I'd be beaten if I got up to the toilet at night, or disturbed them by going to the toilet (even if I didn't flush). Getting thrashed was used as a threat and a scare tactic. I am far too scared that if I go down that road, even a little bit, I might lose control one day like my parents did.

 

[Anababe]

Caeden is 16months and if he is doing something that could potentially put him in danger i have tapped his hand. He is getting to the naughty stage now where he is laughing at me when i say no and pushing his luck with what he's allowed and not allowed to do to see how far he can go. I usually say no, remove him from the situation a couple of times, try to distract him.. but, if he continues to go back to whatever he was doing i do smack his hand. I dont think there is anything wrong with this. I dont do it to mark him, and yes he does cry afterwards but 'most' of the time he will stop whatever he was doing and soon calms down

I only do it as a last resort but if its needed then its more of a shock tactic than a punishment and it works

xx

 

[tinytoes]

i was smacked if I was reeeeally naughty. Big red hadn prints on my bum.
And I was warned to stop my behaviour before I was smacked, but I pushed the boundaries. But I turned out OK. I didnt have any deep issues about it.
But it was horrid. And I remember feeling very sad. I dont want my LO to feel that sad. I guess a tap could easily become a smack.

I'm personally going to try and ignore my LO when he's naughty.

 

[TashaAndBump]

i was smacked if I was reeeeally naughty. Big red hadn prints on my bum.
And I was warned to stop my behaviour before I was smacked, but I pushed the boundaries. But I turned out OK. I didnt have any deep issues about it.
But it was horrid. And I remember feeling very sad. I dont want my LO to feel that sad. I guess a tap could easily become a smack.

I'm personally going to try and ignore my LO when he's naughty.

I know that feeling! When I was little, my mum wasn't abusive far from it but when I was really naughty or annoying (nagging) she would wappop me one and I'd end up with a big red hand mark somwhere... it was horrible I felt soooooo sad and disapointed, and full of hate, estrangement too Not a nice feeling.

I have seen a friend of mine do this to her little girl too, not regularly or anything like that only once... Her little girl (3) smacked her hard and her instinct reaction was to smack back and so her little girl ended up with a big red hand print on her thigh and wouldn't stop crying for hours.... It was horrible to see.

I, too would be afraid that I would cross that line if I smacked Anna. I never want her to fear me or to feel like that ever. She should always feel safe. I won't tap, not even gently, because I don't think it would work for us, and I'd be afraid of going over that very fine line between a controlled tap and an angry smack.

 

[Hoping]

I had always thought I would use a tap on the bum, but only when REALLY necessary (e.g. when the child has done something dangerous like run off towards the road). I had thought using it as a short shock would make sure they understood how serious the matter was. However, now I have my little man, I cannot imagine ever doing it! But, he is still a little angel - it may change when he gets older! I think I would try and avoid it at all costs though, because I would worry that it would tell him that to do that to other people is an OK thing.
Brave thread though - respect!!!

 

[Helen]

Hi

Just thought I'd chip in my thoughts on the subject. Wobbles, I think you are heading into what is quite a difficult age (being a few months ahead of you I speak with experience! )

In the last few months we have been tapping hands when everything else has been exhausted but TBH it has absolutely no effect. They just laugh at us. I really couldn't hit any harder without feeling totally dreadful when all I'm hoping for is a short, sharp shock to get them to stop whatever it is. Tapping a bare leg definitely has the desired effect but there's never a bare leg about when Tom is sinking his teeth into yet another biting victim.

My mother had (and still has) a killer look which I have been trying to copy along with stern voice and cross face. I must be totally crap at it because they just think it's hysterical!

In the last couple of weeks I've started a naughty spot. I don't have a particular spot and a place in another room wouldn't work when I need to keep my eyes on both of them at once. I warn them that if they don't stop that they will go on the naughty spot and if they carry on I lump them over to the wall and stand them there. I've been getting them to face the wall (might seem a bit harsh to some I guess) but it's to make them feel as though they are not part of the room whereas if they face inwards the other one usually comes over to play.

It's a bit difficult to get them to stay in one spot for too long so I usually stand nearby pretending I'm not looking. I think Caitlin will be too young for this yet (hence the difficult age comment). I'm not timing them as a few seconds (probably up to 30) is usually long enough for the point to kick in. They usually cry and will sign sorry when asked. We have a hug and all is forgotten really quickly.

I'm feeling a lot happier about this than the smacking as I feel it is having more effect. Wobbles, I really don't know what to suggest for Caitlin because I don't think we got it right at that age.

As for tantrums I ignore them as much as possible. I know it's only going to get worse and we've not had anything too horrendous in public yet.

 

[Stef]

Its the things that are dangerous like wires or expensive shouldn't touch things like pushing the Wii out the back of the unit onto hard floor, pushing and slapping the TV screen, thinking laptops are to play with, wanting to play at the bottom of the stairs etc you can only move and protect so much and there has to be a line for every child and them to accept no not just plod along thinking its ok I'll go do it again in a second.

This is Olivia all over. I tell her no several times and then move her, when I move her she goes into hysteric screaming, temper tantrums, I must admit im at the end of my thether with her naughy behaviour at the moment. I have had to tap the top of Olivias hands a few times. As you, I also love my girl very much and want her to have the best of everything but im not prepared for her to get her own way all the time & have me wrapped around her finger. I'm the adult she's the child. When I have had to tap top of Olivia's hand its never hard, i would never hurt my child before any one starts to poke in with P & Qs

Im firm with Olivia, I dont shout at her, I just use a stern voice. I cant stand these people who shout & scream at there kids. For expample when I was walking through the town this morning some woman grabbed her child so hard by the arm and shouted and screamed that every one in the street looked round and i think thats disgusting.

x

 

[1st_baby]

I have tapped max;s hand a few times but only when im feeding him and he is hitting the spoon and sending food every where , I tell him NO firmly and he laughs at me so I wait a few more times and tap his hand and say no ..not hard at all but it shocks him and works for now ..

as hes crawling now he touches things he knows he shouldn't so he may get a tiny tap if hes touching the cords or the dogs toys ..once he fully understands what no means he will be getting a naughty corner ..

 

[missjess]

I'm a firm believer in time-out. I don't believe hitting/tapping/smacking is a good option. As some of the girls mention, I think that the child will then used this form of discipline on his friends and on you when he isn't happy about something. When Josh does something bad he gets told off, he understands no very well and he knows if he touch something he isn't allowed he will be taken away from it.

 

[Linzi]

I dont really know. I personally don't have a problem with a 'tap' (I know thats all you're reffering to, nothing more) but Im not sure that I could do it myself for him just being naughty. If he did something dangerous, like if he ran into the road or something, Id probably just do it instinctively, but not sure if I could for just being naughty. I dont have anything against it, just not sure if its the way Id like to do things. But who knows, we're nowhere near that stage yet and he's good as gold most of the time anyway!

Time out worked for me and my brother, neither of us ever got a tap on the bum or anything like that.

xxx

 

[wantababybump]

IMO a tap on the hand or bum is not abuse. I dont have children yet but when I do, I will give a tap on the hand or bum when they are getting into trouble (pulling cords etc stuff that could harm them). Of course I will try other methods first but my mom did it to my brother and I with ornaments etc that were laying around and like my mom said it never hurt us just scared us a bit because she would always pair it with a firm and loud "NO touching" etc. I have turned out perfectly fine and honestly feel her doing this has helped with my upbringing as my mom was never one to have to put things up out of reach or box things up until the kids were older. My parents never actually hit us hard enough to hurt us or leave marks but did tap us on the hands and bum. IMO (and I dont want to be grilled about this) I feel that most children these days (at least where I grew up) never got the discipline they needed even if it was just a tap on the bum or hand and now majority of them are into drugs, pregnant or abusing alcohol all the time and have nasty attitudes...oh I could go on. They are terrible and most now are under the age of 14 and as early as 9, not saying that any of your children will end up like that because its all in parenting styles I just feel that more children are "Free" these days and are allowed away with way too much.

 

[nightkd]

Having seen my step-mum 'tapping' my bro's hand/bum, him laughing and hitting her back....don't really see it working somehow. I remember my mum smacking me hard on the bum a few times, don't remember what I did, just remember her screaming at me and hitting me. The feeling of fear and sadness....meh. I'm scarred, maybe not from the smacking, but from my mum!!!!

I wouldn't judge someone for doing it, if it works and it's literally a tap, to tell them what they're doing is bad, rather than to intentionally hurt them... I just don't know that it would work for me. I'd try something like naughty step etc first. I mean, if a tap on the hand/bum worked and nothing else did, I still might do it once in a while. I'd rather my child learns not to push me before it comes to that.... (though I know it's difficult sometimes).

x

 

[WTTMommy]

In my opinion, tapping on the child's bum or hand is getting physical. We can acknowledge that's it's not a 'serious' form of physical punishment, but it is indeed physical. We can tell the difference, but the child cannot. One question to ask yourself is, who's to say your child won't use that form of punishment on other individuals? I believe this also distracts a child from dealing with their behavior effectively. I just think there are more positive ways to teach your child not to do something, even if the tap is a soft one.

 

[Sweetie]

Just had a read thru and wanted to say thanks, much to think about here

 

[marley2580]

IMO (and I dont want to be grilled about this) I feel that most children these days (at least where I grew up) never got the discipline they needed even if it was just a tap on the bum or hand and now majority of them are into drugs, pregnant or abusing alcohol all the time and have nasty attitudes...oh I could go on. They are terrible and most now are under the age of 14 and as early as 9, not saying that any of your children will end up like that because its all in parenting styles I just feel that more children are "Free" these days and are allowed away with way too much.

See I agree, yet disagree with this lol. I think that a lot of these children have never been given firm and clear boundaries, BUT the majority of kids that I've seen doing this are often the ones that get smacked. The problem is that the parents think that smacking is the only form of discipline, so they don't understand the need for boundaries, warnings and other sanctions before reaching the point of a smack.

None of us were smacked as children, and I don't believe in smacking, but that's my personal opinion. Kaya is starting to throw bigger tantrums, including throwing things etc, but I recognise that a lot of the time it's because she's tired and I simply ignore her, she soon stops when there's no reaction.

 

[wantababybump]

IMO (and I dont want to be grilled about this) I feel that most children these days (at least where I grew up) never got the discipline they needed even if it was just a tap on the bum or hand and now majority of them are into drugs, pregnant or abusing alcohol all the time and have nasty attitudes...oh I could go on. They are terrible and most now are under the age of 14 and as early as 9, not saying that any of your children will end up like that because its all in parenting styles I just feel that more children are "Free" these days and are allowed away with way too much.

See I agree, yet disagree with this lol. I think that a lot of these children have never been given firm and clear boundaries, BUT the majority of kids that I've seen doing this are often the ones that get smacked. The problem is that the parents think that smacking is the only form of discipline, so they don't understand the need for boundaries, warnings and other sanctions before reaching the point of a smack.

None of us were smacked as children, and I don't believe in smacking, but that's my personal opinion. Kaya is starting to throw bigger tantrums, including throwing things etc, but I recognise that a lot of the time it's because she's tired and I simply ignore her, she soon stops when there's no reaction.

Im not saying smacking is okay. I dont believe it is Im just saying a light tap on the hand with a firm no always worked for my mom. Of course she always tried other things first such as time out etc and this was only if we were into something that could hurt us like plugs or ornaments that could break. My brother was very mischievious as a kid and had done many things like sticking forks into plug ins and sticking his leg into a dryer that was still going (it was broken so would still work when opened) and broke his leg along with cutting eletrical cords. So I mean a light tap sometimes is needed when all else fails. Smacking IMO is tottally different than a tap. I tottally agree with ignoring the child when it comes to some things like tantrums and believe they should be in a safe spot where they can throw their tantrum without harming themselves. Like I said, I dont have children yet, so my opinion might tottally change when I have my own.