Do you smack LOs hand/bum?

[TashaAndBump]

My parents (with me) always let the threat of a spanking be enough to scare me into submission so to speak. They never actually hit me, but the idea that they would was enough to get me to stop.

As for little kids? I don't know exactly if I would spank. But then again, I am not there yet with Claire so I can't say for certain. I'm not entirely sure how well "Time Outs" would work with a 12 month old. Maybe I'm naieve, but do they really have the capacity to dwell on what they did, why they shouldn't and to not do it again? It's a hard stage for kids I imagine, all their needs have been catered to up to this point, so it's not surprising that they're used to kicking up a fuss to get what they want. However, a screaming 4 month old is cuter (?) than a screaming 2 year old.

I've known of parents who have restrained their children instead of hitting them, until they calm down. I'm no authority though, and I definitely don't claim to be!

With the time out, the way we use it - it's not for them to 'dwell', they just know that when they are naughty they get put in time out (which they don't like because it separates them from the group) and they do learn that association, and don't do it again. Not becuase they sit there and think, "I was very naughty and see now I mustn't do that because it hurts mummy" or whatever, but because they learn that when they do x y or z they immediately go in time out, and don't get attention for it. That is enough to stop them repeating in future. But that is just the way I do it... and my family do it, it's not necessarly the 'right' way, but it does work for us

 

[Tilly]

Id like to think that I will never lay a finger on Bethanie. I've been so majorly stressed and really shouted in her face 1-2 times, but I feel terrible for even doing that! I don't think a tap on the hand or a smack is going to help, in my opinion thats only teaching her that it's normal behaviour and if I hit her, she would think it was ok to hit me back.
For punishment, I tell her off lightly, the next time.. I give her a warning, then if she carries on I sit her on the naughty step and explain why she is there. I always make her apologise afterwards and this seems to help a lot.
I think that punishing them with things is a lot more effective (toys etc).

It's hard to say what you'll be like in a few years time though. Im not judging anyone for slapping, but I would feel terrible myself! My mum used to give us the odd smack, and it never did us any harm. Theres a fine line, so if you do smack.. I think you have to be careful not to cross it.

 

[ryder]

Not offeneded at all hun I find many of your posts interesting just want to keep the thread none firey because people fall out

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You think interesting... some think just plain bitchy not that it bothers me.

 

[Jo]

Hmmm great thread Wobbs
I think the tapping bum/leg/hand all depends on the child as well, not just the parent

For example I can only remeber tapping Emilys bum a handful of times, it was usually just the voice that could get her attention and think Oh oh, she would then stop what she was doing straight away and say" sorry mummy" so sweet

Jack on the other hand is a whole different story, he shouts, screams, throws things etc....as he is older he now gets sent to his room or is sat on the step in "time out"
I started using Time out for Jack when he was around 18 months old and it did kind of work ( i even bought a mat from Ikea to take out and about with me, you should have seen the looks in the super market if he was having a meltdowm .

Jack does get tapped and did at the same age as Caitlin, that was mainly for pissing about with the sky box/TV or the PC, If he does them things now or is fighting with Em he may get a smacked bum and sent to bedroom.

I don't think that children that get smacked/tapped do copycat again it all depends on the child

I Think the main thing though is not to give cuddle very soon afterwards although it is hard and as mums we are big softie eh Wobbs?

 

[TashaAndBump]

The reason why im a little against the opinion of the bum tapping was in an example of someone..

Dont be offended, Im only putting this example for food for thought... as I have considered and thought about it too when I think of how im going to discipline my kids.

The couple we know who does bum tapping (spanking... whatever), has kids who are 16 months and almost 3 years old now... which in itself is a hard job with 2 kids so young. They dont take bum tapping seriously though... Its been done a few times to them and it is a joke to the kids now. And they are so young to be like that... Like I said they just run up to their parents when they do something they dont like and slap their bum and say no mummy, no daddy!

And these kids DO NOT listen.

However, you never know... That method may very well work for other people, and you though.

I remember as a kid I used to get sent to the corner... my parents had a yard stick that sat in the corner with me and ?I was told that if I moved before they got me, I would get spanked with the yard stick... for some reason it worked lol. I remember a few times standing in that corner counting the flowers on our wallpaper lol.

That's what has put me off of smacking as well. I have only ever seen bad examples of it; the angry, frustrated mum in the super market, trying to get her shopping done and the kid is constantly messing around and moaning, "Mum I want this, I want this I want it I want it I want it I WANT IT I WWAAAAAAANNNTTTT ITTTTT!!!" And finally she snaps, grabs the child by the arm gets in the kids face, slaps him on the arm leaving a red pimply hand mark and yells, "Well you can't have it so stop whinging!!"

My sisters best mate who had a baby Anna's age would constantly smack him... whenever he did anything 'wrong' but it was so inconsistent, he didn't know what he was doing wrong or why he was being smacked or where his next smack was coming from. It wasn't that she smacked hard, just that she did it in such a way that I couldn't see what the baby was possibly going to learn from that. Just seemed like random smacks to me

The final example I'll give is my sister in law, smacks her child who is now three. She never tells him what he did wrong, though and isn't consistent with her punishment. Sometimes she makes him sit at the table, other times it's okay for him to eat nothing but chocolate and run around the house naked if he doesn't want clothes on, but other times it's "If you won't get dressed you'll get a smack!" or "Do you want my boot up your arse?! Then come and sit at the table!" the poor kid doesn't know what's right or wrong because sometimes it's fine for him to do things and others he gets smacked or threatened with a smack.

I'm by no means saying EVERYONE who smacks smacks like this of course they don't some people use it really well, and it works well for them...

But I have only ever seen it negatively - and all of those kids were badly behaved so it can't work well for them at all! They don't listen to their mum or anyone for that matter they won't even respond when you ask them a simple question.

The other thing is, if smacking is their only form of punishment, how do people who are not the parent enforce order and rules? I know I wouldn't feel comfortable smacking someone else's child - I wouldn't even smack my own! So.... How does anyone else (a teacher, childminder, family baby sitter, grandparent etc) discipline your child or get a positive reaction and good behaviour from them? I don't know because nobody in my family smacks so I don't really know how it works... I hope nobody is offended by this post - that is not meant to be the case at all - I am just sharing my personal experiences and I know others will vary.

 

[Tilly]

*goes to buy a rug*

You know I always wonder where to put Bethanie when she has a tantrum in public!

 

[Jo]

I can so see what you are saying there Tasha
If there is no consistancy then to me it is just the mum losing her rag for no reason
Any form of punishment as got to be consistant other wise you are bolloxed

The children in your examples will most likely be little hellions at school children also need to learn respect and that has got to be taught from around 2 1/2-3 yrs

For all his faults Jack is a star at school so i must be doing something right

 

[TashaAndBump]

*goes to buy a rug*

You know I always wonder where to put Bethanie when she has a tantrum in public!

Hahah with the boys (brother and nephew) it is always, "Behave yourself or you will go straight to time out when you get in!" that is usually enough to get them to stop what it is they are doing. Having said that, they aren't really naughty all that often so it's not usually a problem when out and about

 

[TashaAndBump]

I can so see what you are saying there Tasha
If there is no consistancy then to me it is just the mum losing her rag for no reason
Any form of punishment as got to be consistant other wise you are bolloxed

The children in your examples will most likely be little hellions at school children also need to learn respect and that has got to be taught from around 2 1/2-3 yrs

For all his faults Jack is a star at school so i must be doing something right

Aww well done Jack - and well done you!

 

[Jo]

*goes to buy a rug*

You know I always wonder where to put Bethanie when she has a tantrum in public!

99p bath mat from Ikea
https://www.ikea.com/PIAimages/54719_PE159454_S3.jpgseems to have gone up to 1.95 now lol

 

[Pyrrhic]

I won't tap/smack Niamh. Not because I think there is anything wrong with it, but my parents took it way too far the other way and properly thrashed me a lot. Most days I'd be beaten, and it has totally turned me off any sort of physical punishment.

That said, although I plan to discipline with warnings, time outs and sacrifices (taking toys away) you never know how you might feel in the future, or how your child will act, or how they will need disciplined.

 

[Jo]

I can so see what you are saying there Tasha
If there is no consistancy then to me it is just the mum losing her rag for no reason
Any form of punishment as got to be consistant other wise you are bolloxed

The children in your examples will most likely be little hellions at school children also need to learn respect and that has got to be taught from around 2 1/2-3 yrs

For all his faults Jack is a star at school so i must be doing something right

Aww well done Jack - and well done you!

Aww thanks Tasha, I need to hear that some days

 

[TashaAndBump]

I can so see what you are saying there Tasha
If there is no consistancy then to me it is just the mum losing her rag for no reason
Any form of punishment as got to be consistant other wise you are bolloxed

The children in your examples will most likely be little hellions at school children also need to learn respect and that has got to be taught from around 2 1/2-3 yrs

For all his faults Jack is a star at school so i must be doing something right

Aww well done Jack - and well done you!

Aww thanks Tasha, I need to hear that some days

Aw well you should be proud! Your child is a reflection of the way you raise them I'm sure he is a right star, so like you said - you must be doing it right

 

[v2007]

I did tap Mollies hand when she was younger, i can count on 1 hand how many times i tapped/slapped her bum, and she really had to have crossed the line.

The old 1 2 3 method wrks and time out but she is now 9 and i have no other option but to ground her and remove the beloved Wii and DVD player from her room.

I honestly cant remember the last time she got a tapped bum, but if tapping your childs hand works and they understand why they have been told off then why not.

V xxx

 

[Tilly]

If I say 1 2 3 to Bethanie she just replies 4 5 6, so I think that one will have to wait a while lmao.

 

[TashaAndBump]

If I say 1 2 3 to Bethanie she just replies 4 5 6, so I think that one will have to wait a while lmao.

How cute! Very clever, too

 

[babe2ooo]

i would say that i would never smack jacks bum but i would tap his hand but i would do that as a very last resort, i would say no a couple of times and then give a time out if he still was being naughty then i might tap him hand but i would do it yet, not until i thought he was old enough to understand, i know kids copy you but if u give them a tap for being naughty i dont think i could see them doing it to you, u teach them the difference.

 

[babe2ooo]

oh and when i say i would tap his hand i mean a little tap like when some one goes for food and u tap there hand away i see no problem with that, i cant see them getting damaged by it and i would only do it until they were a few yrs old once he was older he would just go 2 his room,

and i would only do it as a last resort like if i was at the end of my tether

 

[Erised]

Obviously I'm not speaking from experience with my own children, as I don't have any. But I know how I was raised.

With me personally, the shouting would scare me enough to stop. My brother however, was a right nightmare. If mum shouted, he'd shout back. If she tapped him he'd just laugh right in here face. In the end what she found worked was that when he started throwing a tantrum after she'd shouted at him, she'd sit down with him on her lap and hold him down by wrapping her arms around him so he couldn't move at all. She'd do so until he had calmed down, which could often take up to 15 minutes. It honestly was the only thing that would work on him, restrict his movement completely.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. I just hope I'll have children like me =P

 

[xXDonnaXx]

I will tap Lexie when she's older if she's done wrong. And tell her no.