Do you smack LOs hand/bum?

[charlotteb24]

I think with dicipline and children it really is down to the parents how they go about it providing its not detrimental to a childs development (i.e. too much physical violence etc as that would be awful!!)

At the moment, i can only go on the ways in which my OH and I dicipline his 2 children as our child is still tucked up safe in my tummy! He has a 5 and a 15 year old. 1 thing we have learnt is it has to be consistant, i.e. what mummy does at home with the boys, we have to do when they are over with us, otherwise you get conflicts of interest and the boys play one off against the other!
Charlie hit "terrible 2's" late and was 3 when his behaviour got bad. He used to throw himself on the floor and throw a fit if you asked him anything. Best thing to do with him was to just all leave the room and leave him to get on with it. The lack of interest and attention drew it out of him very quickly!
At nearly 6 its now a lack of listening to what we are asking him to do if we have told him not to do it. Normally what works if he's been asked not to do something is to warn him if he does it again he will be sat in his room. Obviously he normally does try and push it (what little boy doesn't?) so he gets firmly told to go and sit in his bedroom and we will leave him to reflect on his bed for 5/10 mins and then go and talk to him calmly.

We have smacked him a few times and we don't use it as the main form of punishment as we use it for the sheer shock and humiliation factor and it has to have been something REALLY dangerous or bad for him to have had his bum smacked. Think the last time was for running out of the play park and nearly onto a busy road when he knows hes not allowed past the gate and had been told numerous occasions! was the only way to show him how naughty it was because time out didn't work, too many distractions.

With tiny toddlers i think time out would work but in a much more basic form, i.e tell them no, remove them from the situation. They go back, tell them no, pick them up and put them in their cot for 5 mins. Thats what i plan to try, the theory seems good but we shall see when the time comes i guess!

Good luck to everyone with their techniques i think its all perserverance! xxxxxxx

 

[Rachiebaby24]

never done me any harm though i do think my mum went overboard sometimes...having said that.....by the age 7 upwards...she never needed to smack us as just knowing what would come if we didnt behave was enough and we only got smacks for really serious things....

 

[Rachiebaby24]

and i have to add that it was a last resort...we did get warnings and put in our room before the last resort of getting smacked

 

[passengerrach]

i got smacked as a child if i was naughty and its never done me any harm and i personally think now kids are a lot naughtier and more disrespectfull nowadays because they arent worried about punishment any more

 

[Wobbles]

Id like to think that I will never lay a finger on Bethanie.

See I see that comment 'lay my finger on' as harsh in a way that would harm which is the kind of summing up I hoped to miss.

TBH (in general this is none directed now) I aimed my thread for people who do using a tap of the bum or hand or think that yes they probbaly will because many say they got the *odd* tap when they were little and will use this method if its right at the time.

I didn't want to end up explaining myself to people who are not at the stage of wondering if the odd one is a good thing or not - babies too young etc with things like when I decided we may use the naughty step - we decided ages ago we would but would like to do so when we can explain why shes there that doesn't mean I know best or have it all planned out if that was the case I'd not have put this question up for Mums its applies to who have been there & done that with pros cons because I never thought I'd even like to tap her hand but I realise being a Mum isn't all fairy land adventures.

 

[Wobbles]

Pressed post reply to early! Was suppose to add:

My Caitlin is very much a good child but she has got to 'that stage' ...we have never been strict on her EVER and would NEVER harm her maybe we've been too soft on her because we KNOW we have been but she does not listen and theres no way any child does not go through those stages however I do imagine LOs tempers vary from child to child.

I seen smacking in a bad light as the child and I know that THAT WAY is not the way I talk of in this thread. I need to be in control of me and the line between me and my child that was once way over stepped by people in my childhood. I'd walk away before I did that to my babies.

My Auntie said to me "I never smacked my kids I was always feared of not stopping" < thats because her father beat them all with slippers and belts and there was no line! Then she followed it with ..."I regret not giving them the odd smacked bum because of that". See that scared me because of reasons Ive already mentioned even spoke to SC about it few days later because it put me on edge but why am I fearing myself tapping her hand when I know I would never do any of that to her.

 

[coz]

i think i will try not too really i think you dont have to tap them to give them discipline i will probly try time out and be firm with him when hes naughty xx

 

[Lil_Baby_Boo]

I will tap Noah's hand on occassions when he is doing something dangerous ie - playing with plug sockets!! I do tell him no a couple of times first and use the 1...2....3 method and move him away but it that doesn't work I will tap his hand!

If he's being naughty as in touching things he knows he shouldn't or throwing his toys etc I tell him 'Noah don't do XYZ, play nice with it / don't touch etc' if he doesn't listen I do the 1...2...3 and if still not listening I move him to 'the naughty corner' although he maybe a little young I want to try and get him in to the habbit of knowing where it is and what its for! If he's throwing toys etc I'll take whatever he is trowing off him!

I was smacked, not much at all and never by my dad! My mum slapped my legs a few times or the back of my hands and it never done me any harm. But I personally don't really like smacking legs & marking. I've seen family members going a bit too far when smacking (when its purposely hurting the child) and have intervened (sp) it seemed the family member was taking their frustration out on the child!

I only smack noahs bum playfully.

 

[hypnorm]

With Ewan now, it is enough for OHs tone of voice to make him cry! we did use 1,2,3 hand / bum tapping but he started to turn and hit grandma or me back.
so we use time out on the stairs, for 3 mins, we only have to say 'stairs' now and he says 'i;ll be a good boy; mainly to get out of sitting on the stairs!

will do the same with this one too.

 

[Wobbles]

How old was he when you started the stairs/time out Hypnorm?

 

[hypnorm]

he was just coming up to 3. i think before that he was too young to understand to stay in one place, now we can kind of explain things now.

 

[ColtonsMom]

With tiny toddlers i think time out would work but in a much more basic form, i.e tell them no, remove them from the situation. They go back, tell them no, pick them up and put them in their cot for 5 mins. Thats what i plan to try, the theory seems good but we shall see when the time comes i guess!

Good luck to everyone with their techniques i think its all perserverance! xxxxxxx

This is something I could never do because IMO when you send a child to time out you shouldn't send them to their room or put them in their cot because it will teach them that thats a "bad" place, or a place they go when they are in trouble. I want Coltons room to be his place where he can go to play or get away from everyone if he chooses, I dont want it to be a "your in trouble" place. Same with his bed, I want it to be a relaxing place for him, not a "trouble" place. IMO time out places should be the "naughty step" like alot of people use, or a corner, or rug the is set in a corner or along the wall. And this is one of the problems you run into when getting a young child to stay in that place, especially since it's not a closed in place. And one of the reasons its not really an option to use on young children, although IMO after 2 years old time out should be used. I plan on using it for Colton when he reaches that age.

I think discipline depends alot on the child, every child is different. Sitting in time out will work wonders for one child but another child it wont work for. Just like smacking your childs butt, one it will work for, another will laugh at you.

Tapping Coltons butt now works as a shock factor, when he is biting me and I tell him "no, stop." and he doesn't. A (not hard) tap on the butt makes him stop and then I tell him "NO, you are hurting mommy!" in a stern voice. When he stops biting me when I tell him to and then I say thats he's hurting me he cries, even without the tap. So, I do know 100% thats its my stern voice that is the punishment, not so much the tap: the tap is a shock factor so that the biting stops. I never tap his bum unless he is hurting me or someone else and I only do it if he hasn't stopped what he was doing to me/someone.
As he gets older, I plan to use time out. Once he outgrows time out I will take things away (game stations, no television, etc). Because you normally have to take into account that they will outgrow one type of discipline. Just because time out works when the are 2-6+, that doesn't mean its going to work when they are 12-13 and up. As I do believe, that although tapping his butt now works to get him to quit biting, when he is two+ I dont think just a tap on his butt is going to work as he will just laugh or yell at me. And I really dont want to spank his butt, so thats when you move on to time out, or taking away his favorite things.

 

[Newt]

I have tapped Oscars hand once, when he was after the plug sockets. I tryed all things first, I told him no, I removed him from the situation, distracted him but as soon as he could he was crawling for them. I told him no and gave him a tap, it did shock him but now when I tell him not to touch them he stops, looks to see if I am kidding or serious, when he sees I am not joking he leaves them.
I may not make a habit of it but in the same situation I would do it again. It wasn't hard, but he knew I was not playing.

 

[FsMummy]

a lot of ppl dont understand what i do with faith but i think it works. if she does anything that warrants a slapped hand she always always cries (she vary rarely gets this punishment and she never gets marks) so what i do is after ive tapped her hand and she stars crying i pick her up and give her a cuddle and explain to her why she has been punished and ask her if she understands what she done wrong. i know ppl say u shouldnt pick them up after telling them off but ive found this really works as she doesnt feel like shes being punished then pushed away and ignored but she understands what she has done wrong. does that make sense. i hate it when people smack really hard and you can see it really hurt the child. once faith slapped my neice round the face for no reason at all and really hurt her so i slapped her leg and told her no but i smacked her harder than i intended to (mustve misjudged how close she was to me) and she really cried and i felt so bad i nearly cried i dont agree with hitting children hard enough to cause them pain, surely the child will end up fearing you?

 

[Tilly]

Id like to think that I will never lay a finger on Bethanie.

See I see that comment 'lay my finger on' as harsh in a way that would harm which is the kind of summing up I hoped to miss.

Don't read into how I phrased it too much, it just means that id like to hope I will never hit Bethanie.. but I don't think we can say for definite what will happen in the future. As you saw me say myself, my mum hit us every so often and it never did me any harm. Im not saying that if you touch your kids, you're a bad mum or whatever you took it as.

 

[charlotteb24]

With tiny toddlers i think time out would work but in a much more basic form, i.e tell them no, remove them from the situation. They go back, tell them no, pick them up and put them in their cot for 5 mins. Thats what i plan to try, the theory seems good but we shall see when the time comes i guess!

Good luck to everyone with their techniques i think its all perserverance! xxxxxxx

This is something I could never do because IMO when you send a child to time out you shouldn't send them to their room or put them in their cot because it will teach them that thats a "bad" place, or a place they go when they are in trouble. I want Coltons room to be his place where he can go to play or get away from everyone if he chooses, I dont want it to be a "your in trouble" place. Same with his bed, I want it to be a relaxing place for him, not a "trouble" place.

Thats very true and thats something i hadn't really thought about to be honest. However in our expereinces with my partners other 2 boys, sending them to their rooms when they have done something wrong works. They don't see their rooms as a negative place to be either because of it, they just see it that their freedom has been temporarily decreased.
We have a playpen for when LO is a bit older and if and when time out is needed i would confine them to there for 5 or so minutes and ignore them to show them that it was wrong. When i say ignore i don't mean neglect, obviously it would be a safe environment to leave them in to think/tantrum it out.
Its what we plan to try, however until baby has arrived its really neither here nor there! lol! like you said hun, every child is different and will respond to punishment in different ways. It really will depend on what works when the time happens. It's really just my initial thoughts based on whats worked with my step sons in the past. xxx

 

[BlackBerry25]

Since I am just a new mom I have not done this before but from the way I was raised I WILL be giving him a little smack/tap on the bum if he gets a little moody. It did me good and put things in perspective when I was bad or misbehaving.....I do it to my pets too.... Not to compare raising children to raising pets but I think it is effective as long as it is not taken too far.

I am the same way. I got little spankings and I have never resented my parents for it. So I know I will if she is especially bratty.

 

[JennTheMomma]

Nope.

 

[nikkip75]

i think its really hard when they are little because i personally think its totally normal for 2/3year olds to have tantrums etc, its just part of there development, but i have tapped my kids on the bum/hand.

it can work in certain situtations at a certain age but when they start getting a bit bigger then my oldest just laughed at me! i can honestly i could probably count on 1 hand how many times ive tapped daisy on the hand. it just made her hysterical!!! even the smallest tap! and a good telling of usually works, daddys always telling her off so she just laughs at him(hes a moaning minnie!) but when i do it she know i mean buisness!

we have started using the naughty step and it seems to be working although shes only been on it 3 times yet!! lol

i always find distraction is the best thing to do, in the middle of a tantrum just say oh look at that doggy outside going for a walk with his mum (or whatever you can see outside lol, a bird in the tree or something)

oh the joys of motherhood hey!

 

[reallytinyamy]

I've not read all this thread yet, but I intend to tap hand as a shock tactic almost, my parents did it with me and I only ever did things once