Do you think CC/CIO is wrong?

[AppleBlossom]

I wasn't referring specifically to you sjminimac. But just a general viewpoint that I have seen about CC/CIO. Those ARE the kinds of words that get thrown about, maybe not by everyone but more often than not. To say that using CC/CIO is equal to child abuse is disgusting on many levels, not to mention it is completely disrespectful to anyone who is or has been subject to actual child abuse. Again, not necessarily aiming this at anyone on here, just to the people who freely use these words to describe CC/CIO parents in some bid to make out that they're perfect sat up on their pedastals.

 

[sjminimac]

I wasn't referring specifically to you sjminimac. But just a general viewpoint that I have seen about CC/CIO. Those ARE the kinds of words that get thrown about, maybe not by everyone but more often than not. To say that using CC/CIO is equal to child abuse is disgusting on many levels, not to mention it is completely disrespectful to anyone who is or has been subject to actual child abuse. Again, not necessarily aiming this at anyone on here, just to the people who freely use these words to describe CC/CIO parents in some bid to make out that they're perfect sat up on their pedastals.

I know you weren't referring to me, i just wanted to make it clear that it's not my opinion as i really don't want to be grouped in with people who do think that

 

[littlestar85]

I wasn't referring specifically to you sjminimac. But just a general viewpoint that I have seen about CC/CIO. Those ARE the kinds of words that get thrown about, maybe not by everyone but more often than not. To say that using CC/CIO is equal to child abuse is disgusting on many levels, not to mention it is completely disrespectful to anyone who is or has been subject to actual child abuse. Again, not necessarily aiming this at anyone on here, just to the people who freely use these words to describe CC/CIO parents in some bid to make out that they're perfect sat up on their pedastals.

I do agree with that, I would never call it abuse or use words like disgusting. I know that some people feel they had no choice but to use CIO/CC so I would never want to make someone personally feel bad or under attack. No matter what my views are on the subject I don't think that people who use it are awful people who are intentionally hurting their children.

No I don't think it's right, but my belief is that they either don't see it the way I do or they haven't read the things I've read or they don't believe in the things that people like myself may have read or they are confident it is right for them and their child. I would never tell someone flat out "I'm right you're wrong." I may believe I'm right (I'd be a weak person if I didn't) but I wouldn't force that on people. I will give my opinion when asked and explain it when I feel it's necessary or under attack and I'll point people in the direction to get information on the subject, but I won't sit up on a pedestal thinking I'm perfect and that other parents are intentionally doing something awful.

 

[sjminimac]

I wasn't referring specifically to you sjminimac. But just a general viewpoint that I have seen about CC/CIO. Those ARE the kinds of words that get thrown about, maybe not by everyone but more often than not. To say that using CC/CIO is equal to child abuse is disgusting on many levels, not to mention it is completely disrespectful to anyone who is or has been subject to actual child abuse. Again, not necessarily aiming this at anyone on here, just to the people who freely use these words to describe CC/CIO parents in some bid to make out that they're perfect sat up on their pedastals.

I do agree with that, I would never call it abuse or use words like disgusting. I know that some people feel they had no choice but to use CIO/CC so I would never want to make someone personally feel bad or under attack. No matter what my views are on the subject I don't think that people who use it are awful people who are intentionally hurting their children.

No I don't think it's right, but my belief is that they either don't see it the way I do or they haven't read the things I've read or they don't believe in the things that people like myself may have read or they are confident it is right for them and their child. I would never tell someone flat out "I'm right you're wrong." I may believe I'm right (I'd be a weak person if I didn't) but I wouldn't force that on people. I will give my opinion when asked and explain it when I feel it's necessary or under attack and I'll point people in the direction to get information on the subject, but I won't sit up on a pedestal thinking I'm perfect and that other parents are intentionally doing something awful.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Thanks, I'm glad you agree

That is my main bugbear. I don't give two hoots if people don't agree with something I do. I get it all the time. People don't like that I formula fed, that Grace was in a FF car seat at 9 months, that I weaned her myself, the list goes on. I don't mind because I have done a pretty good job as a single mother raising her to be a very intelligent, happy and healthy child. I wouldn't go back and change any of my decisions. BUT when people start getting personal (such as the abuse comparison to CC/CIO or the rat poison comparison to formula that I have seen) I will defend myself. Not because I feel guilty so I'm trying to make myself feel better by arguing my case. But because there is no need for a grown adult to personally attack another's parenting techniques. Fine if they disagree, but shooting off downright nastiness is unnecessary and very immature.

 

[sjminimac]

formula is rat poison??? Jesus

 

[littlestar85]

formula is rat poison??? Jesus

That's ridiculous

 

[sjminimac]

formula is rat poison??? Jesus

That's ridiculous

Comments like the rat poison one are the sort of mindless, stupid, ridiculous, dangerous comments that give bf mummies a bad name. Whoever said that seriously ought to be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Wow.

 

[KittyVentura]

You mean it's NOT rat poison? Damn! I moved Fin from actual rat poison to formula because it worked out cheaper. I was wondering why he continued to thrive xxx

 

[KatieB]

Not sure if it's the same comment I'm thinking of from when I was in third trimester but I remember some over-opinionated ****** referring to formula as poison and funnily enough she is now formula feeding! There will always be people like this, me, I just try and ignore them as what is the point in retaliating to that kind of mentality? They will always think they are right and continue with their blinkered lives x

SJ - it must be very rewarding being a bf peer support worker, I wish I'd had a bit more support from midwifes. I combine feed and feel lucky to be able to do that. I've had some lovely support from both ff and bf mummies on this forum x

 

[Pixelle]

If people who use CC/CIO think they're doing the right thing then why do they feel the need to be so defensive?

I'll tell you why. Because something they do/have done with their child is being referred to as wrong, cruel, neglectful, even abusive. I daresay that if somebody said those things about something YOU did, whatever that may be, you would damn right defend yourself even if you know you were in the right.

Oh, you changed my words
I said the majority of people do not call it child abuse etc. You will always get people at the extreme end of things. There's no need to be so defensive with EVERYONE though. Just because someone doesn't do it themselves or doesn't agree with it for their LO, it doesn't mean they think it's abuse etc.

 

[sjminimac]

Not sure if it's the same comment I'm thinking of from when I was in third trimester but I remember some over-opinionated ****** referring to formula as poison and funnily enough she is now formula feeding! There will always be people like this, me, I just try and ignore them as what is the point in retaliating to that kind of mentality? They will always think they are right and continue with their blinkered lives x

SJ - it must be very rewarding being a bf peer support worker, I wish I'd had a bit more support from midwifes. I combine feed and feel lucky to be able to do that. I've had some lovely support from both ff and bf mummies on this forum x

thank you, it is very rewarding, particularly as i'd have possibly given up without the help and kind words of a peer supporter, i just wanted to pass it on if that makes sense xx

 

[KatieB]

[/QUOTE] thank you, it is very rewarding, particularly as i'd have possibly given up without the help and kind words of a peer supporter, i just wanted to pass it on if that makes sense xx[/QUOTE]

Yes, it makes perfect sense and it's a lovely thing to do I don't think people realise how hard it can be bf for some people and it's such an emotive topic xx

 

[Reedy]

as well as the rat poison comment I also saw someone compare Formula to slim fast

 

[Reedy]

Oh & a genuine question - those that mentioned cortisal being released into their brain because of being left to cry, what about those babies (like F) who had/have colic?? I would rock Finley for hours & because of colic he would scream no matter how much I cuddled him.

Also F never wanted cuddling when he was a baby either, he would push me away which broke my heart, I felt he didnt love me
He's still not a cuddly child, he'll only want mummy cuddles if he's sleepy, poorly or he's hurt himself x

 

[smokey]

The problem I find with the research and articles published about chemical releases in the brian while being left to cry is they are generaly mostly refering to if a child was to be left t cry all night and day type of situation, those actualy being neglected and such and those living in childhomes such as the ones you find in devoloping or war torn countries where there just isnt realy enough people to care for them and they spend most of their time stuck in a cot rocking back and forth NOT always babies of adverage everyday families where the child is crying for a few minutes or having an off grizzly night.

Can we just clarify a few things as somtimes I get the impression some people that dont choose to cc/cio or dont like it (its your own choice if you dont like it) seem to think those that do just sit there listening to a baby cry without it effecting us or dont go in to check on them and just generaly ignore it and let them get on with it.
I cant speak for everyone but for me thats not the case.
1. we dont just plonk them in their cot everytime they start crying to deal with it.
2 if they are crying/grizzling I dont just ignore it, I go in without him seeing me to check its not because hes hurt or got himself stuck.
3 I know the differance in my own child between his crys, I know when its a case of stubburness and being cranky and a genuine "im scared, hurt, hungry, stuck, in pain, need you" sort of cry and if it gets to any of the later believe me im straight in there to hold and deal with him.
4 if he wakes during the night crying its for a reason so I deal with straight away, cc/cio is generaly only realy with going down to bed in the first place, we dont just ignore them if they cry out during the night.
5 the choice to cc/cio is not taken lightly, its not a whim of "oh thats what we are goign to do tonight" its normaly a last resort and often a desperate one.
6 dont ever think the sound of our baby crying doesnt bother or upset us because it does, its just that some of us have got to the point where we have to deal with it in a different way and 9/10 everyone baby included is better for it in the long run compared to what it was like before with a battle every bedtime or nap time.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

The problem I find with the research and articles published about chemical releases in the brian while being left to cry is they are generaly mostly refering to if a child was to be left t cry all night and day type of situation, those actualy being neglected and such and those living in childhomes such as the ones you find in devoloping or war torn countries where there just isnt realy enough people to care for them and they spend most of their time stuck in a cot rocking back and forth NOT always babies of adverage everyday families where the child is crying for a few minutes or having an off grizzly night.

Can we just clarify a few things as somtimes I get the impression some people that dont choose to cc/cio or dont like it (its your own choice if you dont like it) seem to think those that do just sit there listening to a baby cry without it effecting us or dont go in to check on them and just generaly ignore it and let them get on with it.
I cant speak for everyone but for me thats not the case.
1. we dont just plonk them in their cot everytime they start crying to deal with it.
2 if they are crying/grizzling I dont just ignore it, I go in without him seeing me to check its not because hes hurt or got himself stuck.
3 I know the differance in my own child between his crys, I know when its a case of stubburness and being cranky and a genuine "im scared, hurt, hungry, stuck, in pain, need you" sort of cry and if it gets to any of the later believe me im straight in there to hold and deal with him.
4 if he wakes during the night crying its for a reason so I deal with straight away, cc/cio is generaly only realy with going down to bed in the first place, we dont just ignore them if they cry out during the night.
5 the choice to cc/cio is not taken lightly, its not a whim of "oh thats what we are goign to do tonight" its normaly a last resort and often a desperate one.
6 dont ever think the sound of our baby crying doesnt bother or upset us because it does, its just that some of us have got to the point where we have to deal with it in a different way and 9/10 everyone baby included is better for it in the long run compared to what it was like before with a battle every bedtime or nap time.

x

 

[Reedy]

The problem I find with the research and articles published about chemical releases in the brian while being left to cry is they are generaly mostly refering to if a child was to be left t cry all night and day type of situation, those actualy being neglected and such and those living in childhomes such as the ones you find in devoloping or war torn countries where there just isnt realy enough people to care for them and they spend most of their time stuck in a cot rocking back and forth NOT always babies of adverage everyday families where the child is crying for a few minutes or having an off grizzly night.

Can we just clarify a few things as somtimes I get the impression some people that dont choose to cc/cio or dont like it (its your own choice if you dont like it) seem to think those that do just sit there listening to a baby cry without it effecting us or dont go in to check on them and just generaly ignore it and let them get on with it.
I cant speak for everyone but for me thats not the case.
1. we dont just plonk them in their cot everytime they start crying to deal with it.
2 if they are crying/grizzling I dont just ignore it, I go in without him seeing me to check its not because hes hurt or got himself stuck.
3 I know the differance in my own child between his crys, I know when its a case of stubburness and being cranky and a genuine "im scared, hurt, hungry, stuck, in pain, need you" sort of cry and if it gets to any of the later believe me im straight in there to hold and deal with him.
4 if he wakes during the night crying its for a reason so I deal with straight away, cc/cio is generaly only realy with going down to bed in the first place, we dont just ignore them if they cry out during the night.
5 the choice to cc/cio is not taken lightly, its not a whim of "oh thats what we are goign to do tonight" its normaly a last resort and often a desperate one.
6 dont ever think the sound of our baby crying doesnt bother or upset us because it does, its just that some of us have got to the point where we have to deal with it in a different way and 9/10 everyone baby included is better for it in the long run compared to what it was like before with a battle every bedtime or nap time.

Couldnt agree more x
Those 2 nights it took us I sobbed, I didnt do it because I dont care, I did it because I do care because I wanted him to have a good nights sleep instead of waking up crying 30 times during the night & being so grumpy & tired when he woke up in the morning x
I am a better mum for doing what I did because I'm more awake, alert & energetic & happier which means I can play with my little boy & go out & do nice things instead of nodding off on the sofa & snapping at him when he's whinging because he's tired but only have 20 minute naps (he now has between 1.5 & 2 hours)
Finley is a happier child because of what I did, he has a decent 11-12 hours sleep during the night & a good 2 hour nap during the day, he laughs, plays with his toys & cuddles me, kisses me & tickles me he's certainly not emotionally deprived.

 

[Laura2919]

going back to the topic at hand, i don't like CIO i think it's desperately sad. CC is not for me or Charlie, it just wouldn't work so i won't put either of us through it. I'm not going to judge or turn against people who do. Your babies, your parenting choices.

Sad? Lol. must give you a bad neck all that looking down on people..

Anyway back to the conversation.. Its ok for people who dont work and are SAHM's to wait until their child is ready to self settle but in reality many parents work and they need other solutions, just because you have a different outlook and you have a different way of life doesnt mean that what we choose to do is wrong

And whoever said its abuse is a tool. Sorry to say. Lol.

Excuse me? I think it's you who needs to wind their neck in a little bit. If you'd care to read through my previous posts on this thread you will see i'm not judgemental when it comes to this. Yes i think it's sad but i don't look down on people who use it. My very best friend used cio on both of her children. She knows how i feel about it so we just don't talk about it. It's not a deal breaker. So now who's the judgemental one?

Its desperately sad is not a way to describe something that your not judgemental about.

 

[Laura2919]

After a LOT of reading and research I believe that my natural instincts on the matter are right... CIO/CC is wrong. I know a lot of people don't like to hear that and I know there's probably no point explaining it further as it always turns into bickering, but I really and truly believe that babies cry for a reason and to ignore that is a) unnatural and b) leads to later problems.

> I think wanting to be cuddled is just important a need as needing feeding, burping, changing etc.

This thread asked for opinions, that's my opinion.

https://www.incultureparent.com/2010/12/why-african-babies-dont-cry/

So do I. They get cuddles through the day, I spend as much time as I can with my children, they get a lot of love from me. When its bedtime its bedtim and if you wish to be controlled by your child so be it. Im able to leave my children with my parents if I need to and I dont need to worry that they are going to be a nightmare for them, wanting to be picked up and cuddled all the time or getting everything they want. I agree that its important but I also think its important that boundaries are set, if my children thought they would get what they wanted cos its important they wouldnt give up until they got it so I decided to nip it in the bud earlier and save myself all this when they are throwing a tantrum in the middle of sainsburys because I wont buy them a giant peppa pig (just an example) lol. If thats the life you want good for you but its not the life I want for my children, I want independant children, that know that they can acheive things without needing me by their side 100% of the time. Not saying what your doing is wrong but I am their mother and this is what I choose for them, you are your childrens mother and you choose what you choose for them.

If you're not saying that what mothers like myself are doing is wrong why do you need to be so patronising and assume we have controlling nightmare children who rule our lives? It's not like that at all. I don't know a single Attachment Parenting style parent with a controlling, nightmare, clingy child. If you look at cultures where babies are carried 24/7, co-sleep and breastfeed until they self wean those children grow up to be incredibly strong and independent with a great sense of compassion, community and discipline.

It's one thing giving into a child's every whim and a complete other thing responding to their needs in a way that has been natural to humans for thousands of years. I agree that boundaries should be set and I don't see how giving a child all the comfort they need is the same as your example about giving into them asking for things in shops. That's a whole other parenting issue. Like I said, my parents never sleep trained me but I was well raised and knew not to ask for things and to be grateful for what I had. I knew my parents were always there when I needed them and would always comfort me but I knew not to push certain boundaries.

I'm not telling you your children will have problems or that your parenting will cause you problems so there's not really a need for you to tell parents like me that us and our children will have problems due to the way they are raised. You are completely contradicting saying "Not saying what your doing is wrong but I am their mother and this is what I choose for them, you are your childrens mother and you choose what you choose for them" by doing that.

Take my post however you want to take it but I havent said anyones childrens will have problems. Im simply stating that just because I CC/CIO doesnt mean MY children will have problems.