Do you think CC/CIO is wrong?

[AppleBlossom]

Stardust, I know what you mean. You put things in your sig that you want people to read and go "good for her" so by putting you're anti cio/cc is basically like asking people to pat you on the back for not believing in such dreadful practices. Doesn't bother me like, but it would be different if someone put anti *whatever else*

 

[stardust599]

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

Lol, the signatures make me laugh too. Do we really need every aspect of a person's parenting shoved in our faces? I don't get it. I don't put -

"Controlled Crying, Traditional Weaning, Disposable Nappy Wearing, BF+FORMULA Feeding, Pushchair Using, Stay-At-Home, (Horrible) Mother to a very happy little baby

Can you imagine!! xx

Well thats a little bit patronising. Equally i don't need to know you're a young mummy but i don't make snide comments about it

Why would you make snide comments about it when it reveals nothing about me or my parenting styles? It's completely different - I'm not trying to come across as this perfect, amazing better than you mother. It's just a statement saying that 1. I am young and 2. I'm proud of my daughter. You may judge and make your snide comments in your head but I bet you wouldn't presume I'm in a long-term relationship, I have my own house and my own car, I have a well paying job in local government, I did exceptionally well at school, I don't drink and my baby was planned??

Anyway I don't find the signatures offensive or anything, they just make me laugh.

Completely off-topic now...

ah well, you see, that's just another example of assumptions/prejudgements...i wasn't insinuating that by being a young mum you wouldn't be all of the things you described - my comment was referring to the fact that your post was the opposite of 'perfect mothers shoving parenting styles in other peoples faces' whereas your 'proud young mummy' sig is the opposite to me, a proud 30 year old mummy. Peoples parenting styles aren't important to you, your age isn't relevant to me.

I think I'm kind of getting it now, apologies if I'm wrong.

But by putting that stuff in your sig I'm thinking that that's the kind of mothers you want to talk to?? You want to speak to people with similar parenting styles to yours?

Whereas I don't care about parenting styles and I'll talk to any parent. If I was to do a sig it would have to say -

I've breastfed and formula fed - I won't judge you either way
I was going to do BLW but weaned early under medical supervision for severe reflux so I have nothing against either option
I've co-slept and cuddled/rocked my baby to sleep but I "sleep-trained" at 7months and now my baby sleeps all night in her own bed
I will rear-face my baby for as long as I can but I don't think that makes me a better parent than you
I use a parent-facing pushchair but my baby prefers to be forward facing so that she can sleep in peace
I carry my baby everywhere with me but sometimes she likes to play on her own. I have a sling but she hates to be restrained.
My baby wears disposable nappies because I'm too disorganised to wash cloth nappies.

I don't think I'd fit it all in

 

[stardust599]

P.S. I'm not actually that young, 21 in a month. My Mummy friends are all in their late 20s or early 30s xx

 

[littlestar85]

Well either way, like I said, I don't agree with co-sleeping. I think it's extremely risky and I couldn't put my child at risk like that. But again, each to their own. People disagreeing with CIO/CC doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's when people get all high and mighty about it, using words like "wrong" and "cruel" that it annoys me. I may think that about co-sleeping but I don't throw words like that about, iykwim? That's what I was trying to get at anyway

And I think that's fair enough that that's your opinion. If this was a debate about co-sleeping I wouldn't be offended if you said you thought it was wrong or dangerous or cruel, that's your opinion and if you feel not co-sleeping is safer then I would respect you for doing what you feel is safe for your LO.

I would of course quote stats like 'in countries where everyone co-sleeps the rate of SIDS is so low they don't have a name for it... and that over-laying is so rare it's less common than cot related accidents... and that there is research in co-sleeping books which state that co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS by 50%..." ... having said that, if you didn't agree with any of that I wouldn't mind and wouldn't be offended no matter how rude someone might be about it as I am confident in my choices. Even if someone called me a terrible mother for co-sleeping, I wouldn't care, I don't let the opnions of strangers on the internet bother me. I think that people getting upset and defensive when their choices are questioned just shows a lack of confidence in the choices they've made.

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

Ooh, people are not going to like this but what the heck. When I see sigs like that I just think they are building a rod for their own back trying to get baby out of their bed in the future lol.

^^ Not so in the majority of cases. Either way, even if it is a rod for their backs that's their choice. Maybe they don't want to get the baby out of their bed, maybe they enjoy sleeping next to their children.

Lol, the signatures make me laugh too. Do we really need every aspect of a person's parenting shoved in our faces? I don't get it. I don't put -

"Controlled Crying, Traditional Weaning, Disposable Nappy Wearing, BF+FORMULA Feeding, Pushchair Using, Stay-At-Home, (Horrible) Mother to a very happy little baby

Can you imagine!! xx

I just think that people are passionate about certain parenting styles and aspects and are proud of the way that they do things. It can also be helpful to see how other mothers do things at a glance so you can easily pinpoint someone that follows a similar parenting style and choose to go to them for advice or to talk etc.

Some people do, in fact, have sigs that say almost exactly what you have put and declare that they use 'sposies and FF etc. Blinkies too.

Personally I think it's great that people are so passionate about being a parent that they choose to share their methods with others. It makes me smile... even if the thing being raved about goes against my own personal approaches lol

xx

Exactly what Kitty Ventura said in bold.

x

 

[sjminimac]

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

Lol, the signatures make me laugh too. Do we really need every aspect of a person's parenting shoved in our faces? I don't get it. I don't put -

"Controlled Crying, Traditional Weaning, Disposable Nappy Wearing, BF+FORMULA Feeding, Pushchair Using, Stay-At-Home, (Horrible) Mother to a very happy little baby

Can you imagine!! xx

Well thats a little bit patronising. Equally i don't need to know you're a young mummy but i don't make snide comments about it

Why would you make snide comments about it when it reveals nothing about me or my parenting styles? It's completely different - I'm not trying to come across as this perfect, amazing better than you mother. It's just a statement saying that 1. I am young and 2. I'm proud of my daughter. You may judge and make your snide comments in your head but I bet you wouldn't presume I'm in a long-term relationship, I have my own house and my own car, I have a well paying job in local government, I did exceptionally well at school, I don't drink and my baby was planned??

Anyway I don't find the signatures offensive or anything, they just make me laugh.

Completely off-topic now...

ah well, you see, that's just another example of assumptions/prejudgements...i wasn't insinuating that by being a young mum you wouldn't be all of the things you described - my comment was referring to the fact that your post was the opposite of 'perfect mothers shoving parenting styles in other peoples faces' whereas your 'proud young mummy' sig is the opposite to me, a proud 30 year old mummy. Peoples parenting styles aren't important to you, your age isn't relevant to me.

I think I'm kind of getting it now, apologies if I'm wrong.

But by putting that stuff in your sig I'm thinking that that's the kind of mothers you want to talk to?? You want to speak to people with similar parenting styles to yours?

Whereas I don't care about parenting styles and I'll talk to any parent. If I was to do a sig it would have to say -

I've breastfed and formula fed - I won't judge you either way
I was going to do BLW but weaned early under medical supervision for severe reflux so I have nothing against either option
I've co-slept and cuddled/rocked my baby to sleep but I "sleep-trained" at 7months and now my baby sleeps all night in her own bed
I will rear-face my baby for as long as I can but I don't think that makes me a better parent than you
I use a parent-facing pushchair but my baby prefers to be forward facing so that she can sleep in peace
I carry my baby everywhere with me but sometimes she likes to play on her own. I have a sling but she hates to be restrained.
My baby wears disposable nappies because I'm too disorganised to wash cloth nappies.

I don't think I'd fit it all in

no no no, i don't just want to speak to people like me, how dull my life would be if i did in fact i couldn't think of anything worse! That stuff is on my signature because its what i'm passionate about, and i've been a member of this forum for a long time so have had people read my sig and pm me to ask for advice on certain things. Again referring back to your sig you're a proud young mummy. Well i'm proud of the things in my sig too. I'm not perfect and don't profess to be.

 

[AppleBlossom]

I just want to add this. I know it's no wholly relevant so I apologise. Like I have said before, I don't care if people think CIO is wrong or not. Nobody parents exactly the same way because all our children are different. What works for one will not work for another. However, it is comments like this that rile me: (taken from a comment on the anti-cio community group on facebook regarding an article)

"It's disappointing to see people being passive about what is, essentially, neglect and abuse. Sure, very few people are aware it's that but that doesn't change the fact that it is and being passive only makes matters worse. CIO advocates will absolutely take that as an excuse and say "I'm only doing my best" yadda yadda as though it means something. It doesn't, it's a cop out and ignorance is no excuse"

I think it's disgusting that a grown woman can insinuate that a parent using CIO/CC is abusing her child. I see stories about child abuse almost every day. Children who have been beaten, thrown down stairs, even killed. THAT is child abuse. I'm sorry, but sleep training is in no way comparable and anybody that thinks it is should just go and piss off back to their own perfect lives because they have no right to judge. Yes, many people don't like it and that's up to them. But neglect and abuse are not words that should be thrown around like that and anybody that does use them so freely should be ashamed of themselves

 

[KittyVentura]

It's when people get all high and mighty about it, using words like "wrong" and "cruel" that it annoys me. I may think that about co-sleeping but I don't throw words like that about, iykwim? That's what I was trying to get at anyway

This is just the thing. There are certain topics that the majority of BnB members are passionate about and share similar views on. It seems to make people feel it is ok to disregard the very basic of social skills and to word things in a way that is offensive.

I see a worrying increase in the response "I shouldn't have to word things in a way so that people don't get offended" and "It's just my opinion". Well actually, yes you SHOULD word things in a way so as to not to cause offence. It's common decency. Rudeness and causing upset with careless wording is never ok, even if you know that loads of people will agree with you and even "like" your post because you've spoken what they dare not to.

Bahhhhhh lol xxx

 

[KittyVentura]

No no no, i don't just want to speak to people like me, how dull my life would be if i did in fact i couldn't think of anything worse! That stuff is on my signature because its what i'm passionate about, and i've been a member of this forum for a long time so have had people read my sig and pm me to ask for advice on certain things. Again referring back to your sig you're a proud young mummy. Well i'm proud of the things in my sig too. I'm not perfect and don't profess to be.

For what it's worth, I don't parent exactly as SJ does but she's one of the best friends I've made on here. xxxxxxx

 

[sjminimac]

No no no, i don't just want to speak to people like me, how dull my life would be if i did in fact i couldn't think of anything worse! That stuff is on my signature because its what i'm passionate about, and i've been a member of this forum for a long time so have had people read my sig and pm me to ask for advice on certain things. Again referring back to your sig you're a proud young mummy. Well i'm proud of the things in my sig too. I'm not perfect and don't profess to be.

For what it's worth, I don't parent exactly as SJ does but she's one of the best friends I've made on here. xxxxxxx

Thank you Jemma, of course the feeling is mutual xx

 

[jojo_b]

Errrrrm don't forget meeee! Humph

I always thought I'd CC or CIO if necessary (and I accept that I'm just one mummy of one baby - I'd never be so arrogant as to presume I knew all the ins and outs of situations that might mean someone would find it necessary to use these methods). As it happens, Fin is a total non-crier, and when he does cry, it sets my nerves on edge! I couldn't bear to let him cry himself to sleep. It just makes me sad. Having said that, I'm speaking from the perspective that I know if he's crying he will either be stuck, too hot or want more milk. I have absolute sympathy for the poor parents who have babies that are not so easy to settle. I would never dream of putting them down for using whatever method they need to survive as a family unit.

What I really hate is the martyrdom that some parents have. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture - that is no good for any member of the family. If I was in a situation where I had exhausted every other resource, I very much doubt I'd be dismissing any form of sleep training!

 

[KittyVentura]

Errrrrm don't forget meeee! Humph

I love you too tw@tbag xxxx

 

[jojo_b]

Thanks vaggie face x x x

 

[littlestar85]

It's when people get all high and mighty about it, using words like "wrong" and "cruel" that it annoys me. I may think that about co-sleeping but I don't throw words like that about, iykwim? That's what I was trying to get at anyway

This is just the thing. There are certain topics that the majority of BnB members are passionate about and share similar views on. It seems to make people feel it is ok to disregard the very basic of social skills and to word things in a way that is offensive.

I see a worrying increase in the response "I shouldn't have to word things in a way so that people don't get offended" and "It's just my opinion". Well actually, yes you SHOULD word things in a way so as to not to cause offence. It's common decency. Rudeness and causing upset with careless wording is never ok, even if you know that loads of people will agree with you and even "like" your post because you've spoken what they dare not to.

Bahhhhhh lol xxx

I agree that people shouldn't be rude or offensive and should tread carefully to a certain extent, but I also think that it's important for people to be honest and share opinions as it can be helpful i.e all sides are represented therefore people can learn from each other.

I've learnt a lot from BnB because of people's honesty and frankness on various issues.

Plus... This IS the debate section... People will always be more outspoken in here.

 

[angel2010]

Saying "that's just my opinion" is not an excuse to be rude though. If someone wrote a "what do you think of this outfit?" thread and I felt that in that particular outfit that maybe she looked a little too sexy, iykwim, I would never write "I think you look like a whore, that's just my opinion". I think we should all practice consideration for others no matter what part of the forum we are in.

 

[littlestar85]

Saying "that's just my opinion" is not an excuse to be rude though. If someone wrote a "what do you think of this outfit?" thread and I felt that in that particular outfit that maybe she looked a little too sexy, iykwim, I would never write "I think you look like a whore, that's just my opinion". I think we should all practice consideration for others no matter what part of the forum we are in.

LOL! Obviously there's opinionated and there's just plain rude and the latter never gets anyone anywhere. Like I said, being rude is unecessary, but I think that as adults we should be able to express our honest opinions without being derogatory or insulting - opinionated should be ok really as no one HAS to take your opinion on board, rude shouldn't be ok as even if you don't take the rudeness on board it can still hurt some people.

 

[Nibblenic]

CAn I ask though to those who are 'not sleep training' When are you going to teach your child to self settle?
Or are you going to let them because a teenager/adult who cannot get off to sleep themselves?

I have a 27 year old friend who was never sleep trained and cannot self settle as an adult. Always needs someone in bed with her and has to fall asleep with the tv on. She feels very strongly that her mother should have sleep trained her.

I personally as a infant on a HV advice did CIO my mum apparently co-sleeped as i was a terrible sleep she did whatever worked/was easiest at the time. I do not remeber crying for 3-4 hours straight in my own room. Which apparently was so bad the neigbours complained. I have a brilliant bond with my mum and can happily self settle as an adult.

So I would like to know as some on you still have very younf children what your future plans are fo getting them to be able to go to sleep without them needing you

 

[littlestar85]

Nibblenic my plan is just to let my LO learn in his own time. He already can self settle quite often, he does prefer to breastfeed to sleep most of the time though, so I just read his cues and go with what he wants.

I know a few people who have co-slept and not sleep trained and all their LOs chose to or were happy to leave the family bed between the ages of 1.5 and just under 5, so I'm not worried. The problems of co-sleeping/un-sleep trained children not wanting to sleep alone come when they are forced into it before they are ready - then they'll resist it till the cows come home. If you follow their lead and don't rush them, they'll learn in their own time.

 

[diz]

I have a 22 month old and a I'm due to give birth in 4 months. My son has always been a terrible sleeper.... I really feel that that I have tried everything the softly, softly approach has to offer but he still wakes at least once a night and needs to be resettled back to sleep (which takes about an hour off and on) I work full time and I'm exhausted.. I can't bear to think what it will be like when I have to breast feed a baby every 2-3 hours during the night and then in-between that Noah is still waking up. So on Sunday night I decided enough was enough. This is the third night of CIO.

 

[littlestar85]

Oh and my parents never sleep trained me and I've never had a problem self settling.

 

[KatieB]

My mum never left us to cry and I sleep fabulously but on the other hand my older sister never slept and my mum went to docs when she was 1 year about it as she was so exhausted. He gave her something to help her sleep (this was 1975 ), needless to say she didn't use it. My sister didn't cry she just craved attention all night every night. My mum left her once as she was so upset and frustrated, she went back in room and my sister was rattling the bars of the cot crying and gulping for air she was so upset and this was after a few mins, my mum was so upset she never did it again. Anyway, my sis does not sleep well at all. So two babies, neither sleep trained but one sleeps, one doesn't! I think it totally depends on the personality of the baby. Me and OH are going to have to start trying PUPD or something as Louis is getting no sleep and is very grumpy and overtired all the time. I feel like I'm failing him as he can't get a decent night's sleep and it seems to be getting worse I think ultimately every parent has to decide what's best for their child, I've heard that PUPD doesn't always work on some babies as it just makes them more frustrated and I bet this is the case for me, ha ha x